Any [wayward spouses] that don't beg and plead to stay??

[oldshirt]

In reading stories here on LS it seems like the most common scenario is the WS gets caught somehow and they then beg and plead to remain in the marriage.

 

The other somewhat common scenario is the WS announces to the BS that they are unhappy in the marriage and are seeking to separate. Many of those initially claim to "need space" and then it is discovered that there is a 3rd party. And there are a few that come right out that there is an AP that they want to be with.

 

My question is, are there ever any WS's that get caught and busted on DDay, but really don't beg and plead to stay and don't promise to dump the AP and don't agree to any terms or conditions or threats by the BS.

 

In other words, are there ever any WS's that don't deny the A but don't make any promises to end it and don't beg and plead with the BS to stay? Are there ever any WS's that just basically tell the BS to either deal with it or do whatever they gotta do, but otherwise remain recalcitrant and make no attempts to appease the BS or end the A or anything?

[MJJean]

Me.

 

I didn't exactly hide my affairs. ExH sometimes turned a blind eye and sometimes raged and cried and threatened, yadda yadda. I just kinda went about my life.

[dreamingoftigers]

My husband.

 

I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone though.

 

But I did eventually boot his arse out the house. I don't think he was realized I was remotely serious until then.

 

In fact he said "why are you acting like this? It's not like our marriage is in crisis or anything?"

 

I was as appalled as I was baffled.

[Pete2304]

No they don't all beg forgiveness. I've rambled on enough on here about what's happened to me so I won't go into details again. What's maybe hurt me the most though is that not only has my wife been caught out with ten years of lies and utterly abhorrent behaviour, she hasn't even cared enough to just say sorry. It wouldn't have fixed my broken heart but it would have been something. I think to cheat (especially long term), takes a special kind of selfish and unfortunately some people just have that in them.

[Arieswoman]

Yup, my exH was one of those.

 

On DD I told him that he had to stop seeing her now.

 

He said words to the effect of " I don't want it to end, I love her". So I smacked him in the mouth a few times to see if it might change his mind, but it didn't.

 

I moved out of our bedroom into the spare room that night and never spoke to him until the divorce papers arrived. He got them the next week, asking him to leave. He complained about how "nasty" I was being to him !

 

I said that he'd lied to me for months and f***ed another women in our bed and I was the one who was being nasty ?!

 

He just couldn't see it.

 

He stormed out of the house saying " I won't let you divorce me !"

I said "Just watch me "

 

I think a lot of his reaction was because he was no longer in control of the situation, and he didn't like it.

 

He moved out in a month, then stalled all the way through the divorce action, using delaying tactics. They both eventually signed the divorce papers (I think she was pushing for that ) and I got it finalised in 5 months.

 

He dragged his feet over the house sale and wouldn't co-operate with splitting the contents. So much for wanting to set up house with the woman of his dreams

 

In the end I got my solicitor to write to him saying that if he didn't collect his stuff it would be disposed of. He finally came and got it including a stack of mail.

 

I never could understand this behaviour from someone who I thought was an intelligent guy

 

I never got any apology or plausable explanation.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yup, my exH was one of those.

 

On DD I told him that he had to stop seeing her now.

 

He said words to the effect of " I don't want it to end, I love her". So I smacked him in the mouth a few times to see if it might change his mind, but it didn't.

 

I moved out of our bedroom into the spare room that night and never spoke to him until the divorce papers arrived. He got them the next week, asking him to leave. He complained about how "nasty" I was being to him !

 

I said that he'd lied to me for months and f***ed another women in our bed and I was the one who was being nasty ?!

 

He just couldn't see it.

 

He stormed out of the house saying " I won't let you divorce me !"

I said "Just watch me "

 

I think a lot of his reaction was because he was no longer in control of the situation, and he didn't like it.

 

He moved out in a month, then stalled all the way through the divorce action, using delaying tactics. They both eventually signed the divorce papers (I think she was pushing for that ) and I got it finalised in 5 months.

 

He dragged his feet over the house sale and wouldn't co-operate with splitting the contents. So much for wanting to set up house with the woman of his dreams

 

In the end I got my solicitor to write to him saying that if he didn't collect his stuff it would be disposed of. He finally came and got it including a stack of mail.

 

I never could understand this behaviour from someone who I thought was an intelligent guy

 

I never got any apology or plausable explanation.

Apparently that's pretty typical when a WS is shown the door and handed divorce papers.

 

They really expect the BS to take care of everything and just take their crap. Because IME the BS usually took care of everything and took their crap. Why would this be any different?

 

One time during an argument my husband screamed "that's it I want a divorce."

 

And he was NOT happy about my reaction. I said, "Fine, go get one then. You know my stance on our marriage and I'm not going to go and get one, so if you go get the kit, I will split the cost with you 50-50."

 

He was pretty pissed and hurt about that. That I would even just tell him to go and do it then. Why the heck would I want to stay married to someone that wants a divorce? Why would I waste my time?

 

I think it was just an argument tactic and it failed miserably.

[Mr. Lucky]

My question is, are there ever any WS's that get caught and busted on DDay, but really don't beg and plead to stay and don't promise to dump the AP and don't agree to any terms or conditions or threats by the BS.

 

In other words, are there ever any WS's that don't deny the A but don't make any promises to end it and don't beg and plead with the BS to stay? Are there ever any WS's that just basically tell the BS to either deal with it or do whatever they gotta do, but otherwise remain recalcitrant and make no attempts to appease the BS or end the A or anything?

 

My xWS actually said to me "I need to know now if you're going to get over this", guess I was supposed to hold the rug up AND sweep everything under it. Being young, dumb and uninformed and with a child at home, I actually tried to reconcile. Since I was the only one trying, things quickly fell apart as I got incrementally smarter.

 

If only Loveshack was around back then...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Got it]

My husband did not beg and plead. When dday hit he went home and answered her questions about the affair. He had been discussing divorce prior to it. He was sorry she was hurt but did not want to reconcile. He was quite flabbergasted by her response since she had had an affair herself.

[cocorico]

In reading stories here on LS it seems like the most common scenario is the WS gets caught somehow and they then beg and plead to remain in the marriage.

 

The other somewhat common scenario is the WS announces to the BS that they are unhappy in the marriage and are seeking to separate. Many of those initially claim to "need space" and then it is discovered that there is a 3rd party. And there are a few that come right out that there is an AP that they want to be with.

 

My question is, are there ever any WS's that get caught and busted on DDay, but really don't beg and plead to stay and don't promise to dump the AP and don't agree to any terms or conditions or threats by the BS.

 

In other words, are there ever any WS's that don't deny the A but don't make any promises to end it and don't beg and plead with the BS to stay? Are there ever any WS's that just basically tell the BS to either deal with it or do whatever they gotta do, but otherwise remain recalcitrant and make no attempts to appease the BS or end the A or anything?

 

I know several IRL. In a couple of cases the BS did the begging and pleading, and in a couple of others, the BS did try to put conditions etc in place but the WS shrugged them off and the BS grew tired of being the only one to compromise and eventually left. In the others, the BS basically told the WS to keep it discrete and just got on with it.