djb Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 We "celebrated" our second anniversary last month. A month before that I'd walked into our bedroom and for some reason, picked up her mobile phone and seen a text message from her manager saying he loved her. the first week after I found out she insisted it was just hugs and kisses, the second week she confessed it was an affair, the third week she'd told me that while she'd been to London with friends she'd gone out clubbing and snogged two blokes, then been to Brighton a couple weeks later and ended up in some blokes hotel room who'd picked her up at the bar, apparently "nothing" went on but don't really know what to believe. I didn't think we were going all that bad, okay she'd been a little colder since Christmas but I just thought it was winter, or a rough patch, she was stressed out about work (??). the day after i found out neither of us went to work and we spent the day aimlessly walking in parks, by the river, etc etc. I told her if the marriage meant anything she'd quit her job, (she is now working somewhere else), and not have anything to do with him (a married 40 yr old *^& head who doesn't have her new number). We've been to counselling etc and seem to get on most the time. Sex it very strange at the moment, she's suddenly horny all the time when before we had sex twice a month maybe? i'd only been with one girl before my wife and so feel really inexperienced. she's admitted sex with him was better but says we're now better (whatever). Anyway, my boss has been great, but work's really quiet at the moment. i'm depressed at the best of times and think about suicide normally two to three times a week, now it's every hour. do i love her? yes. have we walked the path of "repententance and forgiveness"? i think we have. i just don't enjoy being around her anymore. the memory of the last few months and imagining the details of what went on, what this $%&^£ knows about me/us if they got so emotionally intimate, just hurts so much. i don't really want to stay in this relationship anymore. i suppose i just want to know whether one day (preferably soon) I'll feel differently about all this and so makes it worth "sticking at it", or whether to call it quits because this'll just always be there. another thing that adds to it. I live in the UK for no other reason than her. My family are 6000 miles away, I hate the weather, the lack of space, lack of beaches etc etc so all this adds to my resentful pot that I feel every now and again. my wife's really suffocating me at the moment too... every other word is "i love you..." <wait for my response> or "you're so good at...." <lie lie lie> or holding my hand and clasping onto my arm everywhere we go. God her mother worships the floor I walk on and spent 3 hours crying with me in the car when my wife had told her. I know I'm not perfect and don't do things right all the time, but I can't be that bad if her own mother loves me so much. none of my family knows why our marriage is "RoCkY" at the moment, i just don't think it would help at the moment, i suppose as a result i just feel isolated in all this. some days are better than others, we manage to laugh, go for a walk, kiss in the park, make love. other days (seem to be in majority) are spent in superficial verbosity, with silences lasting ages and she just gets cross with me for being down "all the time". at the moment all i want is to be a million miles away, surfing would be nice. did i go on for that long already!?!? sorry... thank good we don't have kids.
Author djb Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 just some more details to add to this pot: - the only reason she stayed with me was because he wouldn't leave his wife - we never really fight, i think i've raised my voice to my wife four or five times in the last two years of marriage. i guess it doesn't mean we always "get on" but generally it seems easy? - i want out, but am unsure as to whether to act on the emotions i'm experiencing at present.
Woggle Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Leave her. She cheated and that should be an automatic dealbreaker. My wife cheated on me and I divorced her and never looked back.
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Tell this other guy's wife what he was doing. She also deserves to know about this disgusting act of adultry.
harleygirl92156 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 How is hurting the OM's wife going to help his marriage or him? Go to marriage counseling. Make SURE you have done everything you can to save your marriage. After you are SURE you have done all you can, if you still feel the way you do now, then leave her, but not until you are SURE that is what you want. Trust me you will know.
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 "How is hurting the OM's wife going to help his marriage or him? " I am not interested in helping him. I am more interested in helping her. Being in the dark about this is much worse then knowing the truth.
harleygirl92156 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 How is hurting her that way going to help her? The OM's marriage is none of his business, only his marriage is. The only reason to tell the wife would be to make himself feel better, ie revenge. That is not a good reason. If she is suppose to know God will see to it that she finds out. He should not tell her, their marriage is not his concern and it may backfire and the other man may come running back to his wife to cry on her shoulder about the mean thing her husband did to him, the two will then turn against him and if the OM doesn't have his wife to go back to he will be free to pursue his wife and you know what could happen then. The best thing is for him to concentrate on HIS own marriage and no one elses.
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 "The only reason to tell the wife would be to make himself feel better, ie revenge." No, the reason to tell her would be that it is the right thing to do and to make sure she is not further decieved in the future. It might end up being the best thing for thier marriage and cause him to reform. Another benefit of telling the OW is she will keep tabs on him so that you have someone working for you on her end. "If she is suppose to know God will see to it that she finds out." And God works through people and maybe you are that person.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 at the moment all i want is to be a million miles away, surfing would be nice. You can be. All you have to do is pack your stuff, and leave. Mail her the divorce papers, and then move on with your life. It sounds so simple and really it is. All that is holding you back is your own guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty for, and no reason to feel obligated. You just have to shut down part of your heart and let it go cold so that you can get up the self preservation you need that will allow you to walk away with a clear conscious. If it will help the process for you, tell the necessary family members what is going on and that you cannot live the rest of your life with your W under the circumstances. The damage is done, cannot be undone and you have to leave to find a real shot at life. i suppose i just want to know whether one day (preferably soon) I'll feel differently about all this and so makes it worth "sticking at it", or whether to call it quits because this'll just always be there. With time you may. You have to be willing and able to, though. You will never reach the point where the damage will be completely undone. There will always be scars. I expect that, paired with the fact that you really hate where you live will make recovery and healing difficult. You are at a crossroads. Stay: and you have a great chance at sadness and pain. Leave: and you have a great chance at healing and finding a new happiness elsewhere.
harleygirl92156 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Well, we don't agree, so the only thing he can do is what he feels is right for him. It is an interesting world and people are interesting as we all have our own opinions and the right to express them to others. The person they are being expressed to can take what they want and use it how they wish to hopefully make their life better. God Bless
jmargel Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Decisions usually made on emotions are decisions that are usually wish they were taken back. I think you really need to find out WHY she had the affairs and why she has disrespected you. Until you know that, then you really don't know if it's going to happen again. You don't trust her, trust is something very precious and in situations like these, it takes a very long time to establish that trust back again. She smashed the foundation of your marriage up pretty good (kinda like a house, it's what a marriage stands on). Can it be repaired? Sure. Will it take work on both of your parts? You bet. This is where TRUE love comes into play here. You are going to have days of loving her and then hating her. Your mood can change from very happy to sad just by watching a movie that involves infedelity. Your depression is something a doctor needs to look at right away. Make an appointment today. That is contributing to this problem as well. Read my link in my signature, I'm sure it will at least make you think some. Has she told you the only reason she is with you is because the OM didnt leave his wife for her? Why would she tell you the sex was better w/ this OM? Did you ask? Has she been doing everything you've wanted since you found out about this? Not only did she have the affair but she lied to you when you found out. So you have two areas where your vows were violated. I imagine you probably think everything in the past you two had and will have is now tainted. It's totally your decision on whether to stay in this marriage or leave, however my suggestion would be to at least try Marriage counseling before making that decision. It will help you both tremendously! In the meantime talk to her as much as you can, there is just no 'one' talk in regards to something like this. Only ask for details if you feel you can handle it (right now though I don't think you can). How long ago did you find out? In the mean time start doing things for yourself and when you find yourself angry at each other step away for a few mins then come back. You two haven't discussed on WHY this has happened. Take a hard look at yourself as well on what you have been doing wrong in this marriage. Remember back and think if your wife has mentioned anything to you regarding this.
Author djb Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 i've thought about letting the OM's (what is OM may i ask?! old man? obnoxious moffit) wife know, but I don't think it would benefit anyone. she doesn't know anything, i've asked the "OM" (sounds like some spy game or something). Yep called the fool up and crapped on this bloke old enough to be my old man earning twice as much as me. Jeezzz i've never heard anyone sound so pathetic. He started rambling on this crap about my wife crying and it just sort of happened. Please, first time he met her he said she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. "Oh, no one's ever said that to me." <eye lid flutter>. What the hell have I been telling you every day for the last four years. It's a crazy position... Love, hate, anger, a sense of surrealism over the situation, bitterness, frustration. I want to be married. I enjoy coming home to a wife, taking her on holidays, exploring ruined castles, old villages, safari, beaches. It wouldn't mean anything without someone to share it with. I enjoyed being committed, open, honest. My wife's just never been open or honest. Makes it feel like what we had was just a lie. A nice little display to please her mom and dad, friends and family, showing what a good girl she is. The people closest to me tell me I should stick it out, keep trying. I just don't know if i can forget. Bleeding hell it's made me a pathetic self obsessed jerk off.
Author djb Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Has she told you the only reason she is with you is because the OM didn't leave his wife for her? yes. initially she didn't want the whole thing to blow up. her folks would've freaked, her work colleagues disowned her, and a couple of friends she'd tried telling were already falling out with her. She had no where to go. She "says" now she's staying because she wants the marriage to work, and loves me, yadda, yadda. Why would she tell you the sex was better w/ this OM? Did you ask? no, i could see it in her eyes. when i asked, it was because he went oral on her, an area we'd never explored. now she wants it from me, but it's one sided. Like I said, we only really had sex a couple of times a month. I tried talking about it, saying she should never feel pressured, and always (3x a week?) give her massages, kiss, etc without leading to anything. I just assumed she wasn't interested in sex and didn't want to push anything on her. Has she been doing everything you've wanted since you found out about this? She quit her job straight away. I said if she contacted him again it was over (he lives 70 miles away and doesn't work at the same office so perfectly reasonable) but she continued through that week. Something she confessed to a few weeks later. She says that was the last time she's been in touch in any form with him. I asked her to tell her folks. She's an ace lier, especially with them, but I can't bluff or lie about anything. would be a terrible poker player! She's told them. I haven't really asked for anything else apart from her being open. How long ago did you find out? i found out on the 25th April something was going on (caught her out on the phone), then the following week it was an affair, then a few weeks later that she'd been out clubbing with other guys and ended up in the hotel room of one before a work friend barged in and dragged her out. (thanks K') The why's of it happening. She's always been really flirtatious around guys. It's just a side to her I've never seen. She's the sort that would walk into a bar with a group of friends, meet some bloke and have a snog. It's completely foreign to conservative old me. She kissed some bloke at work (disconnected from all this) two days before we got married because we'd (us two and our families) had had a fall out. She said life was boring. But I'd just taken her to Italy which she says she enjoyed. We were planning on traveling around Canada. I think she does soaks up flattery, and no matter what we had at home, it would have happened. She admits she has a problem and I'm trying to talk through stuff, but I've just run out of energy. again I know I sound like a selfish, self-righteous, stuck up old twit but i still don't know what I could've done differently that would have caused her to think, "hang on, perhaps this could be detrimental to my marriage."
harleygirl92156 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 You couldn't have done anything differently that would have stopped her. She did this because something inside HER is missing, not because of you. IT IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT YOUR FAULT!!! It was a poor choice she made. We are human, we make mistakes. She needs to go to counseling, look deep inside herself and discover why she acts this way when she knows it is wrong. You need to take care of yourself, maybe work on your sexual hang ups, and work to see if the marriage is able to be saved. It is way too soon to make that decision right now. Give it some time. From someone who knows, I found out my husband cheated on me six months ago and recently the pain became something I could tolerate. It gets a little better and easier every day. I am still with him, things are up and down, but we are both working on oursselves and working on the marriage together. I have hope. I will make sure before I do ANYTHING!!!! So should you!!
Author djb Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 i thought when you became a grand parent you were no longer able to have sexual relations? seriously though, sorry to hear that... it's just so confusing. why else would you put up a notice for a sea of people to gaze at that you've never met before? it's trying to come to some sense in this disgrace. on the one hand you feel guilty that surely you could've done things differently. if i'd been the "perfect husband" then she surely wouldn't have done this. then comes the rage. when i found out i put my hand through our bathroom mirror and ended up trudging myself off to the A&E ward at the local hospital, which is where, ironically, she's just got a job. she was scared i was going to hurt her. it hurt me she thinks i'd ever hurt her like that. then comes the revenge, wanting to get even. i wanted to go out and pick up a some pretty girl just to show her how it feels, and that two can play. then i thought the only thing that'll happen is me lowering myself to the mistakes i despise so much. then the love. how could i live without her. hang on, how can i live with her!? and so the list spirals down off the page into an endless void, with only time, it seems, as its apparent bottom. just guess at the moment i'm exploring Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety
Woggle Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I know you like being married but why her? You can get a better woman who won't cheat on you.
sammi_jay Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I admire you so much for stayin with her and trying to make your marriage work when she actually admitted to cheating and not just the once. My boyf left me because he refuses to believe i didnt cheat on him with a male friend so hearing your story has made me realise he never really loved me. You clearly love your wife very much however, as she admitted to the cheating your never going to be able to trust her again. If you had a gut feeling and she didnt admit to anything then you may have doubted her fidelity a little but prob carried on as you were. If i knew i had been cheated on I couldnt stay with that person, and want nothing more to do with them, if i had reason to think i was cheated on but no 100% proof, i would be more cautious in my relationship but carry on until either i realised it was my insecurity or until i found proof/partner admitted it. I think if you feel the way you do then your marriage will never be the same, as much as you want to trust her again, you will never be able to. She did it more than once to you, i really dont believe someone like that can change. Having an affair i guess is one thing and admitting it was a mistake, but she has done much more than that. I think its best to leave before the relationship tears you even more apart than you already are.
tipper12 Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 At a Christmas party last year my wife's bosses son and my wife were kidding around on the dance floor getting very flirtacious. I got pissed off at it, but nothing came of it. Nothing happened in the months that followed ,however her and him became friends at work..she's 40, he's 21. She knows it pissed me off and that I don't like the guy. In April, while with her o he called her on her cell phone which annoyed me. From that point on I started checking her cell phone bill. There was nothing major, however the picture she had on the cell phone for when he called was a picture they took at work of his hand on her rear end. This picture was supposedly taken as a joke and supposedly a couple of the other girls at work had the same picture taken. what bothers me is the total lack of respect I feel she has showed for me. I don't think anything has happened. She tells me its ridiculous that I would even think she would be with a 21 year old, especially one she has known since she was born. The problem is that everytime this guys name pops up, I get upset. It's nagging me. Should I be that concerned about this, or am I just being stupid and overlyconcerned? She thinks its ridiculous that i havent forgotten it and that i still have a problem with it. any opinions?
Bryanp Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 To Tipper, You need your own thread. By the way, if the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be so understanding. She is disrespecting you. Don't kid yourself. Having a 21 year old lusting for her is a huge turn on to her. It certainly could lead to an affair. She is showing some of the signs.
jmargel Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by djb i thought when you became a grand parent you were no longer able to have sexual relations? seriously though, sorry to hear that... it's just so confusing. why else would you put up a notice for a sea of people to gaze at that you've never met before? it's trying to come to some sense in this disgrace. on the one hand you feel guilty that surely you could've done things differently. if i'd been the "perfect husband" then she surely wouldn't have done this. then comes the rage. when i found out i put my hand through our bathroom mirror and ended up trudging myself off to the A&E ward at the local hospital, which is where, ironically, she's just got a job. she was scared i was going to hurt her. it hurt me she thinks i'd ever hurt her like that. then comes the revenge, wanting to get even. i wanted to go out and pick up a some pretty girl just to show her how it feels, and that two can play. then i thought the only thing that'll happen is me lowering myself to the mistakes i despise so much. then the love. how could i live without her. hang on, how can i live with her!? and so the list spirals down off the page into an endless void, with only time, it seems, as its apparent bottom. just guess at the moment i'm exploring How are things going for you now? Personally it sounds like she has problems with initmacy, although that is NO excuse for what she's done to you. Marriage counseling and probably psychological help for her is needed. You could give her the world and that won't be enough. Don't try to buy her way by taking her on trips, etc.. She has to be with you because she WANTS to be with you for WHO you are. No one can be the perfect husband, just like no woman can be the perfect wife. We are human. Don't blame yourself for what she's done. This is HER responsibility. If she were to have married someone else she would be doing the same thing to him. She really hasn't faced any consequences for her actions. Personally I would give her the ultamatium of either seeking counseling or leaving the marriage. Everyone deserves to be in a marriage where they should have no fear of the other spouse cheating or backstabbing them.
Author djb Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 just typed out a long reply and it got lost!?!?!?! bleeding internet. maybe another time.
sylviaguardian Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 djb, I have not been posting here for a while but felt compelled to post as I have been in your position and to some extent still am. The wonderful thing about this site is that you will get a range of opinions, however that can be very confusing and at the end of the day, only you know what you want. It sounds like you still have some feelings for your wife despite her moronic behaviour. I would most agree with JMargel's advice - there is always a chance that you can turn things around - but only if you BOTH want to. At the moment you are incredibly hurt and angry and you have every right to be. However, it is the worst possible time to make a decision. The best piece of advice I ever got on this site was from LadyJane: she said to forget making any decisions and take your time. The ball is in your court now. Give yourself a time limit, say six months, and tell yourself that you will make a decision then. This was hard for me because I am a person who likes decisive action and I found it hard to live with the ambiguity, however that is life. It's not all black and white, while it's nice for some people to think that it is. At the moment you are probably still so angry with your wife that you can't bear to be near her. That is OK. Allow yourself to feel the anger but find ways of coping with it - go for a run, scream in your car, Thumbing my way used to chop wood I remember! Don't do anything you might regret later. Retain your own dignity. On the subject of lying, all cheaters lie. The two go hand in hand. You will not find a single person on here who has cheated who admitted all the details without the other person dragging bits out of them. Protecting themselves and their relationship has become a way of life. You are lucky. Your wife admitted her affair in the first 3 weeks. It took me 9 months to get the truth out of my husband, something he is deeply ashamed about now. The important thing to remember is that although what your wife did is without a doubt low, she did not do it to hurt you. Her affair was about HER not you. This is something it has taken me a long time to learn. There is a lot a stuff bandied about on the site about the marriage not meeting needs etc and while I realise that this is partly true, people have affair because for some reason THEY need them. If your wife says she was bored, perhaps she never committed herself to the marriage enough to get something out of it? As for feeling suicidal, I have been there. No one person's actions should be enough to make you feel like that. It seems that a lot of your self-esteem was tied up in the marriage. Many people on this site will recommend marriage counselling. We went to a couple of counsellors but it was the wrong time for me. How could I work on the marriage when some days I just felt like telling him to *uk off out of my life? It has taken me a long time to have any acceptance of the situation or to even think about it without wanting to a) kill someone b)kill myself. How did I do it? I went to a counsellor on my own to talk through my feelings. I was in floods of tears almost everytime I went. Going gave me a safe outlet to explore my options but I also learned a lot about myself and how my self-esteem was always dependent upon other people. I worked on it and learned to like myself more and to see the affair as something separate to me. The result is that now I am in the position where I realise that the affair has more to do with my husband's weaknesses than anything else. He was not happy in himself, the affair made him feel temporarily happy and it became like a drug that he kept going back for. He is starting to see that if he had put in more effort into the things that he already had that he would have been happier. This all makes it sound like I am guilt-free and perfect. Am I guilt-free? Yes, the affair was his choice regardless of what was happening. Am I perfect? No. There are areas that I am working on too. The second best piece of advice that someone gave me was fix yourself first, then your marriage. You are probably still in shock, your world has been blown apart. Look after yourself. Find friends or family who you can get support and decent advice from. Make sure you eat, try to exercise, be nice to yourself. Lots of people think about revenge but it won't help you at the moment. Neither will telling the OM's (other man's) wife. OK, do it if you must but be clear about the reasons why you are doing it. It will not change your situation. I have never told the OW's husband although I've been extremely tempted at times. As time goes on, the OW has assumed less and less importance for me. I am just not interested in what happens to her. Seeing that affairs happen not because two people are irrestibly attractive to one another helped. The reason why affairs start is usually because two needy people get together and the thing grows wheels. That took a lot of the power away from the OW when I realised that. The most powerful thing for me was the realisation that out of the OW, my husband and me, I was actually the person who had most of idea of who I was and where I was going. I can see now that my husband and the OW were lost. Keep posting here djb. You won't believe it but the pain does lessen with time and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to speed up that process. I would recommend individual counselling (IC) and I would recommend that your wife go to another counsellor. My husband started going mainly because I asked him to. I wasn't happy with his lack of analysis of the situation and I wanted him to show me that he was serious about changing. It took a while but I have seen a change in him for the better. I guess the upshot of my situation is that it has taken me a year to get to this point, but I am ready to give my marriage a second chance. It will never go back to the way it was but that's ok. It was a good marriage but one that was vulnerable. I am hoping that my 'new' marriage will be invulnerable. I am optimistic. If it doesn't work out, that's ok too. I will leave and I will leave with no regrets because i will know that we gave it a good shot. Wishing you the best of luck. I remember the pain only too clearly. Take each day at a time. Sylvia
Author djb Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 Sylvia (and others), Thanks for your words. I'll try posting this again. It's been three months since I found out. Some days it feels as though it were yesterday, others that maybe it was all a bad dream. Sylvia really echoed what how my life had been playing out the last month or so. I realised I was too emotional to make any concrete decision that was based on any reason, so I waited. The emotions toned down after a while and left me looking for an excuse to get out. Each stage in my life I've gotten fed up and wait for the next stage to come along. Change is something I find a little stressful, but thrive on. At junior high I couldn't wait to get to senior, from senior all I wanted was to get into University. Studying became boring and after graduating I wanted to leave home and start a career. Each place left me with a kick of something different and new, but soon became stale. The next new thing would then be sought out and pursued. I realised that this bomb shell was just going to be an excuse to get a new high on changing everything in my life. I'm bored of my little picket fenced house, my wife, my job... happiness must be out there somewhere else. This really pushed me away from my wife over the last few weeks. I grew cold, not really wanting to carry on, not caring about what happened, just that I wanted to move on. She had a go at me one day and I thought it was an ideal time. I packed my things and got to the front door. I was barricaded in. The only way I'd leave is to physical move her, and probably harm her in the process. It hit me that night as we slept in separate beds. "I'm at the brink now, the next chapter beckons..." That long night gave me the chance to look back and realise I can't do that because I'm just running away again. I made a decision to stay, to work it through. I'm blogging if you're interested ( http://mentallyforsaken.blogspot.com ) and on there I posted a letter I sent to my wife at work. That weekend we went up to the church where we got married, and inside the 500 year old building memories flooded back of the day we'd said our vows. We prayed, read the verses that were spoken that day and renewed the vows that were in tatters. She wants it to work, and if you could measure this "wanting" on a scale, you'd probably find her desire to remain stronger than mine. She's started to expose the real young lady to her folks, rather than the sweet image trying to get her approval. She's in a new job working with mostly women rather than entirely men (hopefully the odds work more in my favour this time). She knows I don't trust her at all, and appears to be go to efforts to make herself transparent. She doesn't mind if I'm quiet and down, and lets me talk if I want to, but more importantly for me, lets the silence occupy our space if that's what I need. Contentment is something I've always struggled with. It's why I live 6,000 miles from my family, didn't marry my first love, and change jobs every few years. When trying to look at this personality, it surprises me somewhat that I'm not the one who'd had the fling.
jmargel Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Djb, I still recommend marriage counseling it's something you would both benefit from. Although there is no excuse on what she did, there is usually a reason why it's happened. Going to counseling will bring that out. You have nothing to lose by bringing in a counselor to help approach this at a different angle.
Author djb Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 Thanks for your concern, through the month of May and into June we attended 6 sessions of counselling with our pastor and his wife. We stopped as he immigrated to Italy. (!!!) Anyway he's back in town this week so may give him a call. The reason it happened is because it's the pattern she's in. She's always had a string of guys at hand, and never since the age of 16 been without a boyfriend for more than a week, and never been in a relationship for more than 2 months. She's generally flirtacious around guys she's attracted to, so when a middle-aged "i've made it" sort arrives with his $100k+ salary and high managerial position, swooning and trying to get into bed with anything in the 20's and blonde, my Mrs was the perfect project. I'm not sure about continuing counselling from here or not.
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