noname Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 my advice to you is to re-read over all your posts. you will see that you already have your answer. i know that a lot of people would tell you to seek counseling and try to save your relationship and marriage. but what you have is not just a marriage, the relationship has flown out the window... Originally posted by djb the first week after I found out she insisted it was just hugs and kisses, the second week she confessed it was an affair, the third week she'd told me that while she'd been to London with friends she'd gone out clubbing and snogged two blokes, then been to Brighton a couple weeks later and ended up in some blokes hotel room who'd picked her up at the bar, apparently "nothing" went on but don't really know what to believe. besides the fact that she couldn't even wait for two years before she decided to start giving out what she pledged to you is a loud enough wake up call for you to realize that she doesn't respect you. but you have to be in denial right now not to think that this is pattern behavior. you will cross this road again. next time, she may be a little better at covering her tracks, but forgive her now and she'll expect you will be able to forgive her again. We've been to counselling etc and seem to get on most the time. Sex it very strange at the moment, she's suddenly horny all the time when before we had sex twice a month maybe? i'd only been with one girl before my wife and so feel really inexperienced. she's admitted sex with him was better but says we're now better (whatever). of course she is going to be pouring on the sex. she is at a disadvantage and has to get on your good side. it would be safe to expect that when the smoke clears. you be right back on your old schedule. Anyway, my boss has been great, but work's really quiet at the moment. i'm depressed at the best of times and think about suicide normally two to three times a week, now it's every hour. come on people! i understand that trying to save someone's marriage is important , but when someone wants to kill themself every hour, i see that as a clear sign that they need to remove the problem. do i love her? yes. that is abundantly apparent. and in a way i admire your tenacity. but some things we are better off loving from a distance... have we walked the path of "repententance and forgiveness"? i think we have. i just don't enjoy being around her anymore. the memory of the last few months and imagining the details of what went on, what this $%&^£ knows about me/us if they got so emotionally intimate, just hurts so much. i don't really want to stay in this relationship anymore. there is no way you have walked that path. everyone of your posts scream that you have not. and what is more is you admit you don't want to be around her. listen to your heart and not your conscience. i suppose i just want to know whether one day (preferably soon) I'll feel differently about all this and so makes it worth "sticking at it", or whether to call it quits because this'll just always be there. oh yeah. you'll feel differently and sometimes better at given times. but it''lll always come back to haunt you. my wife's really suffocating me at the moment too... every other word is "i love you..." <wait for my response> or "you're so good at...." <lie lie lie> or holding my hand and clasping onto my arm everywhere we go. same drill as the frequency of sex. she has to woo you back into security at the moment all i want is to be a million miles away, surfing would be nice. i pray that you go. if you cannot decide whether or not to leave her when you are so close in proximity to her. get the hell out for a while. take a long vacation (without her of course), go see your family, surf. just do whatever you need to make you see your future... i read your other comments and all of them seem to scream that although you hope that it can work out, you still seem to want out. period. the decision is yours but you better go with your gut man. i would hate to see you in deeper waters two years from now. i think that you are a very strong person to endure what you are going through. strength is a trait that is hard to come by and you should give yourself credit. but often times our strength blinds us to the point where we do stupid things. it is aparent that you want to save your marriage and your relationship. more power to you. the problem is that you can save one or the other independantly or both of them together. you may put all of your energy into saving your marriage when your relationship has a bleek future. good luck with both. but i'll say it again. if you are entertaining any thoughts of hurting yourself, then you are in a place where you should not be. take good care...
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