pheonixrisen Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) Hi ...so my h affair 4 years ago is come to bite him in the ass ...she is back and now has several upgrades to her self ...psyco stalker being one of them . A bit of background from 4 years ago We suffered huge loss during the financial crisis of 2009 that put all levels of our life In major crisis mode ...2 years on after this ... I caught my h 18 months affair 4 years ago .....prior to d- day had no clue he was in an affair ..his behaviour never changed towards me through out his affair .. I asked him to leave on discovery he fought hard to stay always maintained it was more business related (which is true )and said he was up against a wall and made bad choices that got bigger than him ...we went through hell before we made a turn around and were in successful reconciliation On the day I found out ..he cut all ties with ow immediately and dissappeared changed his number etc... Since then we had a baby ..opened a new business together which to our surprise took off immediately and became a local sensation ..through her community she found out the business belongs to my h and got his number called him ..and broke down him disappearing caused a huge upheaval in her life and that business crashed and she was in all kind of trouble and needed his help to get her out of that mess(she has been in this mess all of those years since he dissappered...and has been tracking him and me down ever since ) My h came home and told me ....said he did wrong to me but did not want to leave anyone in that mess that he wanted to do right ..and also she very well could harm our business ..if it became a news what he did 4 years ago So I made it clear to him that all communication will be through lawyers we will get her cleared of this mess but he is not to have any other contact with her ..he agreed to all ...and thus started various degree of hell since then . On our part the lawyers are handling it but warned us to use kid gloves with her ..ow on her part has not talked about clearing her mess since then ..but instead made it very clear to my h wants him still in love with him etc... My h has been very open me and my daughter are always on his phone and he receives all kind of msgs day and night from her ..from I love you to can't sleep love emojis etc ...during one of those msgs I msged back and asked if it's sitting in her head he is married and has a child and what was she trying to achieve by these msgs ...once she realised I have his phone she turned her psyco behaviour up a notch ..her msgs are overly dramatic and I think it's more for my benefit than anything else it's more like to my beautiful and hardworking my love my one and only rest and I will kiss you like crazy etc like putting him on some high up pedestal like he is the God... Many a times we got into arguments for this sometimes bad because the games being played by ow put me in a question mark ....I believed he was encouraging it but he maintained that as promised he has had no contact and he is letting lawyers handled it ..the only time he called her was right in front of me ...when one of her msg read cannot wait to see you I am going to kiss you all over ...when that msg came in I had his phone ..I showed him he flipped called her and called he names said he wants to do right by her but if she thought his family was the cost of it she was wrong Through it all I did not say one word ...that stopped her all of 2 days and she started again ...but she went up a notch my h had a meeting business related I think she arranged it coz after the meeting he came home and she sent a picture of him to him while he was talking to someone on phone at the place where meeting was arranged ...saying he looked cute and who he was talking too if not her ... That day I told him it was preferable he left coz she has gone to stalker level and I am concerned for my baby ..he was devastated ...instead we came up for now with another plan till we clear her mess I made her believe we are not together that I have every msg /call etc recorded and I will not do anything but the day this affects my child in anyway him or her I will file a case of infidelity and harassment that in my city carries a sentence of 3 to 5 years Since then all dramatic msgs have stopped it's been 4 weeks she still msgs a couple of love emojis to my h and called him but he never ans but all dramatic msgs and stalker behaviour has stopped . We are still in process to clear her completely then she needs to sign a agreement with our lawyers that my h is cleared of his part in the mess till then we need to handle this quietly so it does not affect our business in news Thankyou for reading ..just needed to share Edited October 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed language Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Why haven't you and your husband gone to the police about her harassment? If she's not really dangerous and is only doing this to wreak havoc in your lives then a stern talking to by law enforcement will probably shut her down fast. If she is dangerous then it's definitely important that she be reported to the police so that there is official documentation of this crazy behaviour. Either way this needs to be reported to the police. Also how sure are you that this affair ended 4yrs ago and was never restarted? Not trying to be negative about your reconciliation but if it were me I'd be doing some digging to make sure there truly was zero contact between them for those 4yrs. Just seems weird that she would wait this long before going psycho. I would think most OW would be the most mentally unstable right when the affair ends, not years later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 Thankyou for your reply 4 years no contact ..I checked everything all of those 4 years ..he had dissappered and changed his number /friends from that circle everything she did not know where he was we knew where she was all of those years and also that she was looking for him asking people around .she also came by to a company I owned however it was a month too late as I had already sold it . She only found him now ..through word of mouth as a lot of people from thier community is in business with us Cannot actually go to police ...as infidelity carries a sentence with all the proof I have as I documented it will put both of them in for 3 to 5 years plus if i want to file civil later to report her would also be indirectly reporting my h ..I would need to give the whole story or she would ....after I mention infidelity my husband would not be spared either as soon as the words are out they both would be arrested immediately no bail I cannot do that he is the father of my child and to deprive my daughter of her father for those year is not something I am willing to do .whether in past or present the country has very strict laws about infidelity...I cannot open Pandora box without the other story coming out this is why our lawyers adviced us to use kid gloves ...I think it's also the reason she has not reported him for the mess created in her life to say that she would need to give the other part of story which would land both of them in a lot of trouble Besides this my h really would have no reason to have an affair unless he wants to lose me ...I made very clear to him if he wants a divorce I will give him one no issues and will also give him 50/50 custody of our child ..... at this point in my life my priority only lies with our child and her wellbeing as long as he is a good father things is good between us irrespective of the fact whether he is in this marriage or not... Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) Thankyou for your reply <snip> You Are manipulating him to stay with you so he is not staying out of love but out of fear of losing your "frienfship" and being a lone dad parttime and it doesnt spound like he loves you because if he could have her and not lose his Family he would,(not much love for her either..maybe..) what a mess everybody is in, sorry if i judge wrongly but thats what i sence from it:(poor him poor you poor woman:(Hope everybody finds peace and love, best wishes:o Edited October 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) You Are manipulating him to stay with you so he is not staying out of love but out of fear of losing your "frienfship" and being a lone dad parttime and it doesnt spound like he loves you because if he could have her and not lose his Family he would,(not much love for her either..maybe..) what a mess everybody is in, sorry if i judge wrongly but thats what i sence from it:(poor him poor you poor woman:(Hope everybody finds peace and love, best wishes:o Manupulating him to stay with me ! You should probably go back and read ... He is fighting to stay alll of those time that i did ask him to leave and actually kicked him out a couple of times too if he did want to be with her he could have at dday when there was no child involved 4 years ago but he fought even then to stay ... Well since he keeps saying i love you and you are the only woman i want to be with your point about he does not love me is mute here And if ever he did want to be with her i would hand him the divorce on a platter with cherries on top ... Either your level of understanding is below the normal std or you are just an ow deluding yourself that a married man is staying because he is helpless ...he is a big boy and knows where the door of the house is Edited October 3, 2016 by pheonixrisen 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 you are very right only you know your situation:cool: but why doesnt he block her? (if on a phone is that not possible?) seems he still want her? how does that make you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 sorry end of discussion for me..its your life i will stay out of it and mind my own problems;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 (edited) sorry end of discussion for me..its your life i will stay out of it and mind my own problems;) Once again (and since you are taking the time to come on my thread ) read my post and you will understand exactly why we cannot block her ...she could then do a number of things that could be quite problematic for our current company that we have a lot invested in ..once she is cleared of her mess and we have a signed document that my husband is cleared from any obligation towards the business that put her in a bad mess then she could simg what ever she wants from roof top it all becomes heresay and my h is not connected until then we will be handling her with kidgloves ..so blocking her would beat the purpose And besides all this she is really not waking up to her situation she is stuck in this country with out a job freelancing to make end meet pushing 40 ....but focused on my h instead of getting herself out of this Edited October 3, 2016 by pheonixrisen Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 back in town;) ohh i see:cool: but hey bytheway whats wrong with freelancing;) sound kind of inspiring:) sorry for changing subject bye and good luck with all:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 back in town;) ohh i see:cool: but hey bytheway whats wrong with freelancing;) sound kind of inspiring:) sorry for changing subject bye and good luck with all:cool: Its fine with the off topic .freelancing would be inspiring if it involved something awesome ...it does not... goodluck to you as well . Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Manupulating him to stay with me ! You should probably go back and read ... He is fighting to stay alll of those time that i did ask him to leave and actually kicked him out a couple of times too if he did want to be with her he could have at dday when there was no child involved 4 years ago but he fought even then to stay ... Well since he keeps saying i love you and you are the only woman i want to be with your point about he does not love me is mute here And if ever he did want to be with her i would hand him the divorce on a platter with cherries on top ... Either your level of understanding is below the normal std or you are just an ow deluding yourself that a married man is staying because he is helpless ...he is a big boy and knows where the door of the house is Phoenixrisen (LOVE that name!) I think I really see where you're at. I've ended a kind of similar M "recently". It's INCREDIBLE that YOU GUYS feel responsible AT ALL for HER failed business / financial messes. Now if there was a CHILD borne from the Affair, then THAT would be a VERY different reason for widening the BOUNDARIES of your M to care or provide for the child. It MUST be complicated for you to engage lawyers over this matter. GET THIS SIDE DONE ASAP. IF THIS side of things goes on and on and on then it could be a continuing tidal wave onto your M and destroy it. Sure handle her with "kid gloves" LEGALLY. SHE SHOULD NOT be contacting your WH in any ways outside of communicating via lawyers. PR I WOULD SEEK individual legal advice myself on this for you and your baby. Separate the finances as much as possible now. Are you in the stages of OFFERING OW A SETTLEMENT? I can't believe the nightmares Affairs cost a M. But for YOU TO BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE for your HUSBAND'S AFFAIR has got to be the most unbelievable injustice thrown upon you. What a stupid man. Push for the legal side to be done. Asap. This is the only way you have validation to pursue other avenues of law enforcement against her as a stalker. ie IF OW PERSISTS WITH HARRASSMENT after Settlement. Surely OW KNOWS that for you to go to the police lands them both with records? Minimum? Some OW / BW commit suicide after As. I know of a case here...such injustice. The WH gets to walk away. Keep strong PR. I doubt you're there! Just saying as a warning of the ripple effect of As at times. ExWH could easily be behind bars here. I'm holding this too. I don't have the compassion for him that you have for your WH. I wouldn't ever take my children to jail to see him. THE PHONE issue could be dealt with somehow. New numbers with a business isn't? Blocking her? Do think about installing surveillance cameras around and in your home. You may have a real "bunny boiler" here. Best wishes Lion Heart Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Unless your husband did some shady ***** when he was in business with her, there was absolutely no reason to help her at all. And if he did do some shady ***** with her, professionally, then you have yet another reason to throw him out for real. I mean, if he did do something shady that he is now responsible for clearing up, then he's got no honor personally or professionally and isn't exactly the kind of man you want to keep around anyways. BTW, where do you live that infidelity is actually criminally prosecuted? I haven't heard of a case in many years here in the US and not for lack of BS's trying, believe me. The courts simply don't care anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 4, 2016 Author Share Posted October 4, 2016 Phoenixrisen (LOVE that name!) I think I really see where you're at. I've ended a kind of similar M "recently". It's INCREDIBLE that YOU GUYS feel responsible AT ALL for HER failed business / financial messes. Now if there was a CHILD borne from the Affair, then THAT would be a VERY different reason for widening the BOUNDARIES of your M to care or provide for the child. It MUST be complicated for you to engage lawyers over this matter. GET THIS SIDE DONE ASAP. IF THIS side of things goes on and on and on then it could be a continuing tidal wave onto your M and destroy it. Sure handle her with "kid gloves" LEGALLY. SHE SHOULD NOT be contacting your WH in any ways outside of communicating via lawyers. PR I WOULD SEEK individual legal advice myself on this for you and your baby. Separate the finances as much as possible now. Are you in the stages of OFFERING OW A SETTLEMENT? I can't believe the nightmares Affairs cost a M. But for YOU TO BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE for your HUSBAND'S AFFAIR has got to be the most unbelievable injustice thrown upon you. What a stupid man. Push for the legal side to be done. Asap. This is the only way you have validation to pursue other avenues of law enforcement against her as a stalker. ie IF OW PERSISTS WITH HARRASSMENT after Settlement. Surely OW KNOWS that for you to go to the police lands them both with records? Minimum? Some OW / BW commit suicide after As. I know of a case here...such injustice. The WH gets to walk away. Keep strong PR. I doubt you're there! Just saying as a warning of the ripple effect of As at times. ExWH could easily be behind bars here. I'm holding this too. I don't have the compassion for him that you have for your WH. I wouldn't ever take my children to jail to see him. THE PHONE issue could be dealt with somehow. New numbers with a business isn't? Blocking her? Do think about installing surveillance cameras around and in your home. You may have a real "bunny boiler" here. Best wishes Lion Heart Thankyou for your reply Not her business its his business that's how it all started his &her documents all over it...he left without a word on the day I found out ...the business collapsed they all went after her ...it's not a shady deal more of the matter that because she has no knowledge how too take it forward the business developed debt over 4 year she is financially zero to pay any of it ...because of it her life is at a stand still she cannot pay she cannot leave the country I do not feel responsible or sorry for her or him she knew what she was getting into.. ...but there is more to life than this my current business/xompany is doing very good by God's grace and it'd pretty much out there in the city I live any bad publicity about this now would affect and cause a dent I could just as easily walk to the nearest Police stn and file a case which according to my lawyers they could push for 5 years for her but that would include him as well ...I cannot do this to him or my child ...I would rather he leave than that . I have no intention of jumping of the cliff after my h You mentioned suicide ...I do not have any such thoughts or tendency I am not that kind of a person ...I love my life and most importantly my child nothing or no one is imp to me than her wellbeing and safety and seeing her grow . He does not take any msg or calls from her ..but changing the number could cause a problem now as he dissappeared once on her ..the difference between before and now is she had no idea where he dissappered too could not find him but now she knows where our office is ...she could flip and put both of them in a problem coz my h said she is that stupid who does not think and has always been reckless(same for my h too )..for eg she knows of the laws of our country but openly msgs him all that she msged until the day I msged I may file a case for infidelity & harassment I don't think it crossed her mind that I could be documenting the whole thing ....she is just that reckless Our lawyers advised the same and said to wait till all is cleared before changing numbers . But the situation is certainly bizarre at the very least sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel but he and our baby have such an amazing relationship I could not do this to either of them . Link to post Share on other sites
Author pheonixrisen Posted October 4, 2016 Author Share Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) Unless your husband did some shady ***** when he was in business with her, there was absolutely no reason to help her at all. And if he did do some shady ***** with her, professionally, then you have yet another reason to throw him out for real. I mean, if he did do something shady that he is now responsible for clearing up, then he's got no honor personally or professionally and isn't exactly the kind of man you want to keep around anyways. BTW, where do you live that infidelity is actually criminally prosecuted? I haven't heard of a case in many years here in the US and not for lack of BS's trying, believe me. The courts simply don't care anymore. Dubai Not only infidelity is criminally prosecuted ...having sex outside marriage is criminally prosecuted ...if caught After serving the sentence then you are deported back to your country of origin Edited October 4, 2016 by pheonixrisen Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Dubai Not only infidelity is criminally prosecuted ...having sex outside marriage is criminally prosecuted ...if caught After serving the sentence then you are deported back to your country of origin So you really have no choice and must get this cleared up. That is a difficult spot to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
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