The Next Step

[Mr Cage]

Hit the reset button, start from scratch.

 

My life feels like it's on pause right now... typically, I don't like to talk about my life, situation past and present. I don't use social media, don't have a you tube channel etc etc. My online footprint is minimal. So writing this today is a step in a completely different direction for me.

 

First of all, I'm completely on my own in life, no family to speak of, no partner and very little In friendships. I know, alarm bells right? But bare with me.

 

It's already taken far longer than necessary to write this much, I'm just being careful how I put myself across. I'm by no means desperate or a weird antisocial guy.. in fact I'm the opposite. Spite my current situation, I'm actually happier now than I have been in a long time. I've recently separated from a relationship (mutual) have recently returned to the UK from New Zealand and finally following the things that are important to me in life. I work during the week as a HGV driver and volunteer/play paintball on Saturdays with the occasional snowboard session here and there (still learning). I'm an outdoors enthusiast and planning several trips next year. I keep active, which is just as well since my work involves long period of sitting/driving... not good for my figure and I have put on more weight recently than I'm comfortable with. I'm not fat... yet! Don't intend to allow myself to inflate any further.

 

I've pretty much figured out what I want to do with my life and have a pretty good idea how to achieve my goals. First, as previously mentioned, I'm planning trips for next year, I have a small bucket list of things to do here in the UK before I take my next step. The next step is to live and work in Australia. Always wanted to visit and I hear there is plenty of work available for a trucker. After that, I would like to return to New Zealand and hopefully run my own holiday park. Pretty big dream when it comes to cost and the fact I have nobody to turn to for advice and guidance, that being said, I feel it's more than achievable. I'm pretty good at getting things done when it comes down to it. I have my childhood to thank for that, I've had to learn quickly and have been independent since I was 16.

 

So why am I here? I have a plan, I'm happy, I'm outgoing and keep active.. all good right?

 

Actually no. You see recently I've been feeling like there is something missing. I get up, goto work come home, take a shower and prep for the next day and repeate. Come weekends I volunteer fill my spare time with things I enjoy doing. The problem is, who do I share this with?! I have an overwhelming urge to find a pen pal, someone to talk to about pretty much everything without the usual social anxiety of needing to impress or seduce, you know what I'm getting at here. Best case scenario, I'm looking for a partner in crime, for adventure, travel, company. I'm not looking for romance but I won't turn my nose away if the opportunity arises but it's not high on my agenda right now.

 

This has turned into a pretty long post already so I'll leave it at that for now. Feel free to ask questions, chat... or ignore this thread entirely.

[preraph]

Go follow that dream. And then worry about finding someone. You need to know that you can be lonely and unheard even in relationships. You can feel like no one appreciates you and like it's just one more thing you have to do in a day once you have a family. You've got to deal with any social anxiety you mentioned because yes people will expect you to deal directly with them if they are going to want any type of relationship with you. So go get those skills. Then go to follow your dream. Good luck.

[thisishard]

It's hard sometimes, you have to accept that you are you no matter what and this life that you are living is only going to be lived in your body, your shoes so no matter what you do, you can't escape it.

 

Sometimes we escape with our minds. Our fantasies. Distractions. Sometimes we feel anxiety (which means you are not who you want to be and torn between who you are, all aspects of anxiety (some can't admit they are bigger and better). You know the thing that hit me is you can run, run and run but there isn't anywhere to run to. This is it. It is a matter of talking to your brain, understanding your brain and working yourself through it and faith means you have something it'll be worth it. It's hard working on yourself. Not having anyone. But life is exactly as it should be and you can't force yourself into another place. You are where you are and to be in that place, you will move on to the next place naturally! don't force it..

Edited October 3, 2016 by thisishard

[Midnight_Madness]

Hi,

 

First of all I would like to say you are impeccably well spoken and praise you on your grammar.

 

Your life sounds interesting and somewhat inspiring in regards to dedication. I hope you do make the journey to Australia, I absolutely love living here. And from what I have heard we have quite a few trucking jobs available. The scenery is quite nice too if that is something of interest.

 

I think that seeking companionship is a normal human trait. I hope you find a good pen pal, I could be one if you'd like but I'm not sure I'd be any good as I'm not always so fast to reply.

 

Best of luck in the future ?.