My friend?

[Miky]

Well, I guess being a friend isnt always the easiest thing in the world, and I know that one shouldnt expect things from friends but always be there. Yet, my friend, is really getting on my nerves. I know her life isnt as simple as mine, yet I am really getting tired of just giving. Its a relationship that comes down to her life, her adventures her affairs and all I do is listen and offer advice and myself. I am just so sick of being her shoulder to lean on. It seems that everything is about her, doing her favors, and its just worn me out. When somehting new comes in her life, she forgets the enture world , including her child, and i guess what Im trying to say, is that Im not getting anything out of it.If it was a phase, I would understand, but its been this way for 4 years now and I just dont know how to go about it anymore. I ve distanced myslef, but now shes wondering why? What should I do?

[TomJ]

There's a reason you are her "shoulder to lean on." After four years I'm sure she trust you and is used to confiding in you. What has she done to get on your nerves?

 

It just sounds like you should be each other's shoulders to lean on. Have you ever confided in her? After all these years of leaning on you she's bound to listen and try to return the favor.

[Miky]

Thanks, Bute theres really no room in her life except for things that involve her. I know she trusts me, but it would be great if only once she asked me something other than about herself and her problems. Yu know " sth like " how are you ? " Thanks though

[namder]

Unfortunately, she sounds like she is one of these people you meet in life. I know someone similar, and really these people just drain your positive energy. I don`t know if you believe in this energy thing, but it exists and being with this friend of yours just depletes your energy.

 

People like this are referred to as toxic people and if you keep company with them they will certainly drain you.

 

These toxic people can include people who are:

 

*Whingers - always moaning, think the world owes them.

 

*Manipulators - people who twist others around there little finger, to get what they want.

 

*Parasites - people who cling to others, profess their neediness and pretend to be helpless so others will feel sorry for them and give them some of their own energy.

 

*Narcissists - people who are so vain and egotistical that they fall in love with their own reflection. They need you to give them an endless supply of praise and admiration

 

to compensate for their hidden feelings of inadequacy.

 

*Pessimists - People who continually see the bottle as half empty.

 

The list goes on, but I hope you get the idea

 

Its a sad way to think of some people, but they are there and should be given a wide berth.

 

You should have positive people around you, they are the ones who give you energy, by encouraging you, emphathizing with you, comforting you, affirming your efforts and praising your small victories. You are one of these people and to remain this way you should keep your distance from these toxic people, like your friend...

 

Its kind of sad, but remember you are not responsible for everyone`s happiness. Your own should be the most important.

 

At the end of the day you said yourself you are not getting anything positive out of this friendship, just the opposite, you are feeling drained with her. I say forget her (for now anyway). She may wake up to herself someday. But some people never do, they just go round and round. You have feelings too and a friend who does not know this is not a friend. Put yourself first and go forward. You`ll had 4 years with this whinger, anymore and you`re likely to end up just as bad.