When another woman is attracted to your husband?

[Handwritten]

My husband and I are married for 5yrs and have a 3yo son. My husband is a touring musician and I travel with him whenever I can. He was a few months drug free when we met, he dealt with a very bad addict, From what he has told me and what others have said he should be dead but he believes he was given a 2nd chance and realised what that when he met me. He and I have a very intense relationship, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. There is a girl that tours with one of the support bands with my H that he classes as a friend and I'll be straight up.. I cant stand her.

 

 

I have heard her at parties telling people that my H is amazing and that she has a serious crush on him, She has also said to me that she hopes I realise how lucky I am and - Jokingly -.. that she'd snap him up if she could. I've said this to him and he said it kills him that I don't have faith or trust in him but I cant help it, He also laughs, says I'm adorable and I've nothing to worrying about, He tells me our son and I are his anchor and we keep him together but I love him so much I'm terrified of losing him. Its her and how vocal she is about her attraction to him and lack of respect to me that really pisses me off but it is causing fights between us because he wont take my concern seriously. I know it probably sounds immature but it really bothers me?. Any advice guys?

[Whoknew30]

You're husband is a musician...times her by thousands. Musicians get hit on & chased after left & right...I understand this girl is traveling around so she's more of a "threat" but your husband is right, you either trust him or you don't. There will always be a "her" in his line of work. Unless he'll quit, you have to just trust.

 

Good luck

[BettyDraper]

You can't stop other women from being attracted to your husband. However, your husband should be standing up for you to that woman. It's up to him to set boundaries when someone is disrespecting you and your marriage.

 

Whoknew30 made an excellent point about your husband being a musician. Men who are in the public eye in any capacity will have far more women throwing themselves at them. This is one reason I wouldn't date a musician, politician, actor etc.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Two options. You can either trust him or not. Really that is all you can do. If it weren't this woman, it would be a different one. The only thing different about this woman vs others swooning over your husband is she is very vocal about everything. There are probably thousands of other girls who feel the same way as she does. So this is the life you have chosen to live marrying a musician.

 

Couple of options. Except the fact that your Husband is now and will probably always be sought after by other women. Learn to deal with it in a healthy manner that will keep you close to him. Or don't except it. Constantly question him and your relationship and bring your own insecurities upon your relationship and drive yourself further from him. Seems like an easy choice to me.

 

Just because he has girls swooning over him doesn't mean he will ever cheat. Regardless of what some of the jaded women on this site will tell you.

 

Just be open and honest. You can be protective, it's quite sexy and let's us know you still care deeply. But there is a fine line between protective and insecure. Make sure you are on the right side of that. Rock his world in bed. Tell him "this is why you're mine!" While doing it I might add. Sexy as hell! Sounds like he knows what he has with you and your kid is special, and he doesn't take that lightly.

 

We all get a little insecure at times. So with that, he can help by giving more of his time to you while you're feeling insecure. But it has to stop on your end at some point. Otherwise you become something you are not, and not the person he fell head over heels with in the first place. Which leads to him no longer caring because nothing he says or does will change your mind on the subject. Which would cause him to check out on you. And rightfully so I might add. Nobody needs that stress from their spouses when they aren't doing anything wrong by them. This will lead to resentment.

 

Next time the woman says something to you about your husband. Confidently say "he chose me because I'm the best woman for him!" With a smile. No need to be mean or anything, but point out the truth. He did choose you. You and your son keep him grounded and he seems very thankful to have you. He probably isnt taking this seriously because he doesn't give a damn about the other woman. So he doesn't see the threat at all because he's made up his mind already on the subject.

 

Good luck.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Any advice guys?

 

 

This is going to seem/sound/read corny, but my advice is...

 

 

Go to YouTube and watch this Journey video:

 

 

 

 

... and then just, er, well, Don't Stop Believin'... (until you are given clear reason to be concerned)

 

 

But if you ever stop believin', do NOT do so to Arnel Pineda, as he is a really cheap knock-off

[Fair]

This woman is trying to break up your marriage. She's being vocal about her attraction because she's trying to spark his interest. Your husband should not be defending this woman, but setting clear boundaries. Instead of doing that, he's being dismissive and disrespectful of your feelings even while cloaking it in honey.

 

People always want to tell women they're pathologically jealous and hysterical and to get over it but that's bull****. If your instincts are talking... LISTEN.

Edited October 4, 2016 by Fair

[sandylee1]

She's not being very respectful of your marriage and I'm sure any married woman wouldn't like to be in your position.

 

Your husband has reassured you about his love and commitment to you, so this woman can look elsewhere for a man.

 

It would be great if your husband could pleasantly tell her your the only one he has eyes for, but that's something that he shouldn't be told to do. He should think of doing it himself.

[Handwritten]

Thanks guys.

 

It's just irritating me that he's not taking my concerns seriously, just laughing claiming he has absolutely no interest but she doesn't seem to be bothered by that when she's falling all over him even when I am there. I know it's insecurity but this bothers me!

[BluesPower]

I was an touring musician and you need to keep an eye on that.

 

I am not saying that he is lying, but you know what goes on. Maybe he is concentrating on his recovery and focusing on you and your family.

 

But you know how this stuff can happen, it is so easy. Why any women want to be married to us when we are touring is a mystery to me.

 

You need to be around as much as you can if you can, and you need to have the serious TALK with him that if that happens, it is a huge problem.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Thanks guys.

 

It's just irritating me that he's not taking my concerns seriously, just laughing claiming he has absolutely no interest but she doesn't seem to be bothered by that when she's falling all over him even when I am there. I know it's insecurity but this bothers me!

 

So he told her he has no interest? I'm not sure what else he can do to her if that is the case. He can't control her actions.

[stillafool]

Your husband has done all he can do to deter her. Maybe you should have a little talk with her?

[elaine567]

 

People always want to tell women they're pathologically jealous and hysterical and to get over it but that's bull****. If your instincts are talking... LISTEN.

 

Agreed.

 

Handwritten,, your gut is screaming here.

This is an accident waiting to happen, if it hasn't already happened...

 

He is disrespecting you by laughing at your concerns, whilst Miss Fluffy Knickers is all over him like a rash - that is a tad narcissistic on his part.

I get that he needs to work with her and that he will not want to rock too many boats, but he needs to have the decency to tell her to lay off and to stop fawning all over him at least when you are there.

She is staking her claim on him, and he likes it, you cannot do anything if he is going to take her side over yours and laugh when you get upset.

 

I am sorry but I guess this is not going to end well.

You either accept that as a touring musician he is going to be susceptible to such temptations and you turn a blind eye, or you end up leaving him to it and go find someone else.

 

It is no coincidence that those in the public eye tend to have unstable relationships, with affairs and cheating, drugs and alcohol and a steady stream of new wives, gfs and partners - this is the world you signed up for.

[cocorico]

My H is also in a profession where nubile women are constantly throwing themselves at him. I trust him. I would not be with him if I did not.

 

You cannot keep your H hermetically sealed. If he wanted someone else, he'd find someone. Either you trust him, or you allow this to eat you up and try to border patrol your M. If he's really committed to you and the M, you have nothing to worry about. If he's not, no amount of worry is going to protect your M.

[BetheButterfly]

There is a girl that tours with one of the support bands with my H that he classes as a friend and I'll be straight up.. I cant stand her.

 

 

I have heard her at parties telling people that my H is amazing and that she has a serious crush on him, She has also said to me that she hopes I realise how lucky I am and - Jokingly -.. that she'd snap him up if she could. I've said this to him and he said it kills him that I don't have faith or trust in him but I cant help it, He also laughs, says I'm adorable and I've nothing to worrying about, He tells me our son and I are his anchor and we keep him together but I love him so much I'm terrified of losing him. Its her and how vocal she is about her attraction to him and lack of respect to me that really pisses me off but it is causing fights between us because he wont take my concern seriously. I know it probably sounds immature but it really bothers me?. Any advice guys?

 

That would be very annoying. I would probably feel the same if my hubby were like that. (My hubby's not a musician though, and he works with other guys in a tough job not many women do.)

 

My advice is to be confident and not let it get to you. You knew before you married him that he's a musician, yeah? You knew that musicians have girls hitting on them all the time, yeah?

 

You can choose to trust him and be confident, or distrust him and be miserable. It's hard to trust, but I personally think it's worth it, unless you see or hear something that shows you without a doubt that he is being unfaithful. Accusing someone of unfaithfulness is a harsh accusation that shouldn't be made lightly, and shouldn't be made just because some girl is flirting with him. He can't help what other people do; he is just responsible for his own reaction.

 

Has he given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness to you? Or, is it just her behavior that is tearing your confidence apart?

[BettyDraper]

Thanks guys.

 

It's just irritating me that he's not taking my concerns seriously, just laughing claiming he has absolutely no interest but she doesn't seem to be bothered by that when she's falling all over him even when I am there. I know it's insecurity but this bothers me!

 

I don't think you're being insecure because your husband is not handling this the right way.

 

He should be more mindful of your concerns instead of laughing them off.

[Fair]

So he told her he has no interest? I'm not sure what else he can do to her if that is the case. He can't control her actions.

 

He can tell her to keep her hands to herself. He can make it clear that she is to respect his wife and his marriage... puh.lease... no woman should be expected to settle for this ****.

 

If it was a reverse situation, and it was the wife who had men pawing her up in front of her husband while she laughed and condescended to tell her husband he was being "a silly little thing" ... do you know who would be understanding about that? No-one, that's who. This thread would be filled with a chorus of "dump her."

 

It's so disheartening to see women always questioning themselves as to whether or not they deserve respect!! But, that's our societal conditioning...

Edited October 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[oldshirt]

 

If it was a reverse situation, and it was the wife who had men pawing her up in front of her husband while she laughed and condescended to tell her husband he was being "a silly little thing" ... do you know who would be understanding about that? No-one, that's who. This thread would be filled with a chorus of "dump her."

 

...

 

I think a guy would be expected to punch the other dude's lights out (at least conceptually if not literally)

 

I think there comes a point where a nasty catfight is in order here too. A handful of her hair in your hand with a corresponding bald spot on her head may be enough for her to see the light here.

 

She doesn't have any respect or recognize any boundaries now, but maybe after a trip to the dentist and to the hairdresser to cover up the bald spot she will.

 

then it will time to address the seriousness of it with your husband as well. Perhaps if he is enlisted to help find her teeth on the floor or if he needs to bail you out of jail or sit with you in ER while you tend to your wounds as well, then he may take it seriously.

Edited October 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[oldshirt]

But the one thing I think you need to address the most is your mentality that you "can't live without him."

 

That is bullcrap. Yes you can live without him,

 

But if you actually feel like you can't, then you need to figure out what you would need to do to be able to live well without and start doing those things.

 

One should never be so dependent on someone else that they feel they can't live without them. Sure, your life may be nicer with them in it, but no one should ever feel that their life is not complete without the other.

 

There are 3.5 billion men in the world, do you really expect to believe that you must have this one and only this one to live a good life?

 

You see there are two things at play here -

 

- one is neither this OW or your H are taking your feelings and boundaries seriously. That's a problem and that is a problem with him as well.

A good pounding may or may not make both of them stand up and take notice that mean business. If it does, then problem solved. If it doesn't, then it means that your marriage really isn't all that sound to begin with.

 

- the other issue is your insecurity. If you feel that he is your whole life and that you can't go on without him. That means that you have not developed your own life enough. With you in that state, then even if this particular gal takes a hike, there will simply be more behind her to fill her shoes and you will go through this again and again and again until you yourself are just a pile of formless, shapeless blob on the floor.

 

Here's the thing though - both of these concepts work hand in hand. If you don't have a life of your own and are reliant on him to provide your self-worth, then he is free to wipe his shoes on you however he sees fit and he will be able to screw all these women without fear of consequences because you are his doormat.

 

So like I said, even if she moves on to other things, there will just be more women just like her to take her place and it goes on and on.

 

But, if you have a life of your own and your own sense of direction and worth and value and you stand up for yourself and your boundaries and do not accept bad treatment from people, then they will respect you and will respect your boundaries.

 

In the worse case scenario, if you have your own standards and your own self-worth and your own life worth living, even they do continue to mistreat and disrespect you, you just simply walk away and step into your own life without them and leave them behind.

 

Sometimes the only times people respect you and treat you with the proper deference and decorum is when they know that you will live perfectly well without them.

 

If you really are all that to him that he says you are, then if you are able to just shake your head and walk away from him if he screws up, then he will be a million times less likely to screw up.

 

In the end, this really is about you and not about some dude on a stage and some groupie. He's gonna have groupies and admirers . Even guys that work in the store room at the auto parts store have chicks that want to be with them. This isn't just about one woman. this is about your insecurity and your sense of self worth and self respect and about how they are treating you and your marriage.

Edited October 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sandylee1]

I don't know if it's just the way men handle things, but I know if I were in his position ....... I'd be very clear to the guy, in front of my husband to reassure him ... that:

 

- I'm not interested

- That his behaviour is disrespectful to my husband

- And that he needs to knock it off otherwise we won't

have a good working relationship.

 

I had a this guy trying to get me to break up with my now husband, when we were dating. Pretty much saying he was better for me and a few other things about my husband ..... even though it wasn't said in front of my husband, I put the guy straight and told him I didn't appreciate the comments he was making about my BF.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

He can tell her to keep her hands to herself. He can make it clear that she is to respect his wife and his marriage... puh.lease... no woman should be expected to settle for this ****.

 

If it was a reverse situation, and it was the wife who had men pawing her up in front of her husband while she laughed and condescended to tell her husband he was being "a silly little thing" ... do you know who would be understanding about that? No-one, that's who. This thread would be filled with a chorus of "dump her."

 

It's so disheartening to see women always questioning themselves as to whether or not they deserve respect!! But, that's our societal conditioning...

 

I don't think that is true for a second. If I married a musician who was female and some roadies were always commenting on her... Well that is kind of expected. In fact it would me me feel good about myself knowing she chose to be with me. I certainly wouldn't start fights over it and be all insecure about it. When she told the person or people she doesn't like them like that and she assured me I have nothing to worry about.

 

You see, trust is a beautiful thing. OP's husband has never given her a reason to not trust him. He was an addict, and has kicked that habit. Hasn't gone back to substance abuse ever in their marriage is what it sounds like. He seems like a trustworthy guy. The girl fawning over him knows he doesnt like her. He can't control her actions any more then me from over here.

 

Why does he laugh off his wife's concerns? Maybe that is how he deals with stress idk. But I know it would stress me out if my wife was starting fights with me when I wasn't doing a damn thing wrong. If my wife said "look she likes you and is making all these remarks" and I pointed out I already told her I'm happily married and I don't want anything to do with her. And my wife still got mad at me and started fights with me because of someone else's actions. Well I would do more then laugh it off I can tell you that. I would be pretty damn pissed off about it.

 

From my eyes, this is OP's insecurities and jealousy creating this mess. He has done all he can do.

Edited October 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ja123]

Just because he has girls swooning over him doesn't mean he will ever cheat. Regardless of what some of the jaded [people] on this site will tell you.

 

This ^ ^

 

 

 

 

I knew a touring musician and he had lots of opportunities, but he never cheated on his wife.

[ja123]

But the one thing I think you need to address the most is your mentality that you "can't live without him."

 

That is bullcrap. Yes you can live without him,

 

 

 

OP, really think about this. ^ ^

 

 

If you and make the mental shift, then you'll have greater confidence and self-esteem which will lead to inner freedom.

 

 

You'll also have a tougher skin, regardless of what happens.

[xxoo]

The other woman is never the problem.

 

The husband is the problem. He can put up boundaries if he wants to do so. Unless he's a spineless weakling, which I'm assuming he is not.

[BluesPower]

I really have to disagree on some of this. You see everyone, most especially the younger people, think that trust is such powerful, wonderful thing.

 

And, you know that it is, until it is not. Now, this OP has a situation, and I don't know if she is on the road with him, where this chick has the hot's for him. He is not respecting the wife's opinion and concerns. And he is not, as far as we can tell, putting proper boundaries with this woman.

 

Here is the deal, the husband is a former heroin addict, a touring musician, and lets be real, he has done a lot worse than have a ONS while on the road.

 

She is right to be concerned, and she is right to speak to him about it. And, really if he was not in this environment, it would still be an issue.

 

If people don't guard their relationships proactively, bad things can happen.

 

Is anyone getting me? Or, is that just too old fashioned?

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

The other woman is never the problem.

 

The husband is the problem. He can put up boundaries if he wants to do so. Unless he's a spineless weakling, which I'm assuming he is not.

 

OK so the OP's husband according to her has said he doesn't like her like that. Made it clear. What do you want him to do at this point? How do you propose he controls some bimbos action and words? Do tell!