For all the dudes online who are just looking for nookie

[AMJ]

Okay, spill it. I want to hear it all.

 

I'm meeting too many of you lately and I need answers.

 

First of all, why are you going through all of the trouble of online dating just to have sex with random people? That's what bars are for. It doesn't get much simpler than going out on Friday night, buying some drinks, dancing awkwardly with a woman who's also had some drinks, and then going home to have sex.

That is the old fashioned way of no strings attached.

With OLD, you need to take photos, upload those photos, write a stupid profile, make it sound clever. Go through the torture of messaging women and trying to win them over, all heaps and heaps of effort in comparison to the old-fashioned way.

 

Ten years ago, before smart phones, OLD was only for people who were very serious about dating. That's precisely because it takes a lot of effort to meet someone that way. It still takes a lot of effort. Now even moreso because we have people who all want different things and it's not easy to figure out who wants what.

 

So, I'd like men to answer and explain why they think OLD is a great way to meet women for FB or FWB or random hookups etc, do you not think it's way too much effort just to get laid? That's question #1.

 

Question #2 is for men who are using OLD for random hookups, how do women respond when you tell them from the get-go that that is your intention?

 

Question #3- in your experience, how many women online are either looking for primarily, or just accepting of- casual sex?

[Arieswoman]

I'd also be interested to have an answer to this.

 

When I did OLD years ago there were some genuine guys using it, but from what I read that seems to have changed....

[dichotomy]

Interesting - I found a number of women were the same way on OLD.

 

I would go on a date 1-3 and get jumped by the gal - I was like "what the ? wait - do you like me and want to be my GF or is this what you do on all your dates ?" I was told by more than one gal that I was not sexually aggressive enough - too old fashioned.

 

So why are you being so sexist?

 

Some (some) Women like FB and FWB's and casual sex dating as well as men. There is a wider variety (and not in their backyard) of men available on OLD and other Apps then in neighborhood bars

 

 

But I do think its the wild west on those dating sites - and difficult to find someone who shares your views and goals. However as a man I empathize with you. If I had to do it all over again - I would do OLD differently.

Edited October 4, 2016 by dichotomy

[thefooloftheyear]

I know nothing about OLD....

 

But just judging from what I am hearing, they are probably guys that tried legitimately and failed, and are now just trolling the women on there, probably because some women have ridiculous expectations for what they want and can't deliver themselves...Please ladies, no bottle throwing, just what I am hearing...

 

And if in the process they find a taker, so be it??

 

I dunno...*shrug*

 

I agree with the OP's evaluation, otherwise...If you just want sex, it's probably not the best way to go about it...There are certainly way easier ways to approach it..

 

TFY

[Woggle]

There are sites that are geared towards casual hook ups so they should use them. Going out to a bar and approaching women in public can be a minefield these days so I understand why they don't go that route but there are plenty of options online that don't involve going on serious dating sites.

[GunslingerRoland]

Bars aren't exactly filled with a lot of 30+ people. If I was single and looking for a hookup I would definitely use online dating for it.

[Toodaloo]

I find this really irritating.

 

Do I sleep with guys fairly quickly? Yes. If they get to date three then its because I really enjoy being with them and want to rip their y fronts off. I might not sleep with them until date four but its unlikely to go past that.

 

Fact is very few even make it to first date. Probably 1 in about 75/ 80.

 

Fact is out of that very small minority again very few get to second date.

 

Again even fewer get to third...

 

So I am guessing that out of what? around 200 men probably 1 gets laid on date three and that makes me a slapper? Oh perlease. Give me a break.

 

Its not that I want to randomly "hook up" or have loads of casual sex. Its that I want to have sex with a person that I see a potential future with and I like sex! I am not going to be prissy about it or stick a padlock on my pants because of what others may perceive of me!

 

If a guy thinks that I am a slapper because I am having sex with him after a few dates then really that is his issue not mine. He will be booted from my bed rather rapidly... Because that is a bad match for me.

 

I like sex. I enjoy lots of sex. I feel that I need lots of sex in my life in order for me to be happy within a relationship. So if they can't handle that in the early stages of dating then they sure as heck are not going to be able to handle it after 5 years of my "needs"!!! Better to weed out the ones who can't cope early!

[road]

Going out to a bar and approaching women in public can be a minefield these days

 

 

 

 

I am married and not looking for any side action. In my youth there was no internet or let alone dating sites.

 

 

It was a mine field back then as well.

 

 

In general most men would rather latch on to a steady GF and get steady sex.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Because most men can not pick up a different attractive woman every Saturday night for sex.

 

 

Now to all the men not with a steady woman because they are between relationships, or those that have problems getting a woman, and with women controlling the supply it is hard for most men to meet a woman out on a Saturday night.

 

 

It is easier and quicker to try to meet woman online. Every woman that a man finds attractive she is just a click away from being a potential GF.

 

 

Now compare that to being out, seeing an attractive woman, approaching her and you get look of oh god what does this loser want and she tells you to get lost. Or the ones that feel the same but have no problem letting them buy you a drink or two until they can pull in someone they view as better than you.

 

 

No woman has to find me attractive and because she lets me buy her a drink she is not obligated to do anything in return.

 

 

So nothing has changed except now the internet is just another tool/way to meet women.

 

 

Men will not get laid more, though the internet will let them avoid the "oh god what does this loser want" look in person, get to approach a lot more women, not waste financial resources on drinks.

 

 

But ladies men want to get laid. Even before men know about sex little boys, 4-6 yo's get crushes on milfs. They just get drawn. When they become aware of erections and sex they want to get laid. As adults they want to get laid.

 

 

Seeing an attractive women they want to do them as well just because they are attractive. However because a married man finds a woman sexually attractive does not mean he wants to cheat. He is getting laid home with his wife.

[AMJ]

I'd also be interested to have an answer to this.

 

When I did OLD years ago there were some genuine guys using it, but from what I read that seems to have changed....

 

Well I didn't really get an answer. lol. 160 views and a few replies, but no one really answered my specific questions. Oh well.

[carhill]

So, I'd like men to answer and explain why they think OLD is a great way to meet women for FB or FWB or random hookups etc, do you not think it's way too much effort just to get laid? That's question #1.

One expenditure of effort, and not a big one, just while sitting around doing nothing else, can reach hundreds to thousands of potential hookups.

 

Question #2 is for men who are using OLD for random hookups, how do women respond when you tell them from the get-go that that is your intention?

Pass

 

Question #3- in your experience, how many women online are either looking for primarily, or just accepting of- casual sex?

Casual sex always loomed, even back before OLD became more prevalent 20 years ago. I had more dating troubles not being interested in casual sex, at least according to some very blunt comments I received along the way, both before and after OLD began. However, OLD more easily allowed me to reach a wider audience and some women in that audience were more compatible in the sexual style sense.

 

If I lived in a big city and could easily and cheaply meet women for casual sex IRL, presuming I was interested in that, that would be my preference. OLD is more disconnected and transitory and catalog-ish but is efficient for those of us who would otherwise invest a lot of time and money meeting people IRL.

 

To answer another question earlier in the OP, OLD is IMO a blanket term used to cover all kinds of online connections, from romance to dating to random sexual encounters to BDSM to legally and morally questionable interactions. Those deep into OLD probably know all the subsets and appropriate venues for each.

 

My experience in life has been that each person sees 'dating' in their own unique way. Sometimes people match up and whatever their perceptions are fit together and something happens, maybe for a moment or awhile or a lifetime. Everyone is different.

[OneLov]

I've never tried OLD (I know, why am I answering this question?) but I am a male. Maybe my thoughts may be of some value.

 

Question #1. IMO, it would be more effort. But I think the trade-off is less direct rejection. It's more personal being rejected face-to-face. Being the sex that's culturally expected to do the courting, rejection is an issue most guys will have to deal with.

 

Question #2. If I were a guy looking for that, I'd like to think I'd use a website/service that caters to hook-ups or NSA encounters.

 

Question #3. Not sure, I'd imagine relatively very few. I heard there's like a 1:5 or 1:6 women-to-men ratio on Ashley Madison. Even fewer are ones I would find attractive. Yuck. I'm not going to be disrespectful, I'll leave it at that.

[Toodaloo]

I am married and not looking for any side action. In my youth there was no internet or let alone dating sites.

 

It was a mine field back then as well.

 

In general most men would rather latch on to a steady GF and get steady sex.

 

Why?

 

Because most men can not pick up a different attractive woman every Saturday night for sex.

 

Now to all the men not with a steady woman because they are between relationships, or those that have problems getting a woman, and with women controlling the supply it is hard for most men to meet a woman out on a Saturday night.

 

It is easier and quicker to try to meet woman online. Every woman that a man finds attractive she is just a click away from being a potential GF.

 

Now compare that to being out, seeing an attractive woman, approaching her and you get look of oh god what does this loser want and she tells you to get lost. Or the ones that feel the same but have no problem letting them buy you a drink or two until they can pull in someone they view as better than you.

 

No woman has to find me attractive and because she lets me buy her a drink she is not obligated to do anything in return.

 

So nothing has changed except now the internet is just another tool/way to meet women.

 

Men will not get laid more, though the internet will let them avoid the "oh god what does this loser want" look in person, get to approach a lot more women, not waste financial resources on drinks.

 

But ladies men want to get laid. Even before men know about sex little boys, 4-6 yo's get crushes on milfs. They just get drawn. When they become aware of erections and sex they want to get laid. As adults they want to get laid.

 

Seeing an attractive women they want to do them as well just because they are attractive. However because a married man finds a woman sexually attractive does not mean he wants to cheat. He is getting laid home with his wife.

 

Finally some bog standard common sense with out the dramas and fairy tale dreams... Just good old fashioned simple truth...

[AMJ]

Interesting - I found a number of women were the same way on OLD.

 

I would go on a date 1-3 and get jumped by the gal - I was like "what the ? wait - do you like me and want to be my GF or is this what you do on all your dates ?" I was told by more than one gal that I was not sexually aggressive enough - too old fashioned.

 

So why are you being so sexist?

 

Some (some) Women like FB and FWB's and casual sex dating as well as men. There is a wider variety (and not in their backyard) of men available on OLD and other Apps then in neighborhood bars

 

 

But I do think its the wild west on those dating sites - and difficult to find someone who shares your views and goals. However as a man I empathize with you. If I had to do it all over again - I would do OLD differently.

 

Yeah but are you sure that those women weren't just trying to escalate the relationship through sex?

 

I'm talking about- fine, won't be sexist- PEOPLE who are literally just online to find casual relationships. And who make that clear either on the first date or before you meet.

 

So, how many women did you meet online who said "I"m not looking for anything serious"? Sure I know women are online looking for casual sex, I'm asking men to say how many, in their experience?

[Sunkissedpatio]

I'm not a duded but I can answer that with confidence, because it's easy to strike out online, it's not so easy to strike out in person at a bar.

[AMJ]

Bars aren't exactly filled with a lot of 30+ people. If I was single and looking for a hookup I would definitely use online dating for it.

 

Around here they are. People of all ages, really. That's one thing that's nice about CA, we don't expect anyone to act a certain way based on your age. You can still have fun after 25

[OneLov]

I'm not a duded but I can answer that with confidence, because it's easy to strike out online, it's not so easy to strike out in person at a bar.

 

I'm dude, and I agree. I believe the primary motive is to temper feelings of rejection.

Edited October 4, 2016 by OneLov

[AMJ]

I find this really irritating.

 

Do I sleep with guys fairly quickly? Yes. If they get to date three then its because I really enjoy being with them and want to rip their y fronts off. I might not sleep with them until date four but its unlikely to go past that.

 

Fact is very few even make it to first date. Probably 1 in about 75/ 80.

 

Fact is out of that very small minority again very few get to second date.

 

Again even fewer get to third...

 

So I am guessing that out of what? around 200 men probably 1 gets laid on date three and that makes me a slapper? Oh perlease. Give me a break.

 

Its not that I want to randomly "hook up" or have loads of casual sex. Its that I want to have sex with a person that I see a potential future with and I like sex! I am not going to be prissy about it or stick a padlock on my pants because of what others may perceive of me!

 

If a guy thinks that I am a slapper because I am having sex with him after a few dates then really that is his issue not mine. He will be booted from my bed rather rapidly... Because that is a bad match for me.

 

I like sex. I enjoy lots of sex. I feel that I need lots of sex in my life in order for me to be happy within a relationship. So if they can't handle that in the early stages of dating then they sure as heck are not going to be able to handle it after 5 years of my "needs"!!! Better to weed out the ones who can't cope early!

 

I didn't really mean for this post to insult anyone, Toodaloo.

 

I'm curious about people's experiences looking specifically for casual sex in online dating apps. If men find that lots of women are looking for something casual?

 

I'm not asking about- how early on in dating or whatever people have sex.

 

My question is about guys who say right from the start- I'm not interested in anything serious as opposed to guys who are interested in dating someone.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I have thought the exact same thing.

 

It's gotten so out of hand anymore that I have been known to pass along the name of some of the sex/hookup/cyber sites I used to frequent where they would be better off getting exactly what they want with little to no effort on their part and where they could be as upfront and open and blatant about what they want without having to play a bunch of childish games.

 

Then again, some of these men enjoy the chase and the challenge of taking down a legit OLD dater.

 

And for the record, it does go both ways although I think the male demographic far out numbers that of women looking for NSA sex.

[AMJ]

I'm dude, and I agree. I believe the primary motive is to temper feelings of rejection.

 

But I'd imagine that they'd get rejected so much more often online! I'm waiting for a guy to pop in and tell me that's not the case, that there are loads of women online who are looking for nothing more than hooking up.

 

Because, back to the pussy power comment- it's true, women do hold all the power in this scenario. So for us, traditionally we aren't used to doing much work at all to find dates or sex. So for us, going online in itself is like a blow to our ego, which is WHY so many women online have higher standards than they do in real life.

 

So this latest guy for example, that I matched with. I didn't even think he was that attractive, he looks like a nice boring guy. If I do decide to sleep with him, he will actually be the least attractive guy I've ever slept with. But we say hello and right away he's like, "well, just want to let you know that I'm not looking for anything serious, so if you're okay with that? Don't get me wrong, you're really attractive, but just need to be honest." In my experience, only extremely good looking men could ever get away with this, so it makes me wonder how other women respond to him.

[OneLov]

But I'd imagine that they'd get rejected so much more often online! I'm waiting for a guy to pop in and tell me that's not the case, that there are loads of women online who are looking for nothing more than hooking up.

 

Because, back to the pussy power comment- it's true, women do hold all the power in this scenario. So for us, traditionally we aren't used to doing much work at all to find dates or sex. So for us, going online in itself is like a blow to our ego, which is WHY so many women online have higher standards than they do in real life.

 

So this latest guy for example, that I matched with. I didn't even think he was that attractive, he looks like a nice boring guy. If I do decide to sleep with him, he will actually be the least attractive guy I've ever slept with. But we say hello and right away he's like, "well, just want to let you know that I'm not looking for anything serious, so if you're okay with that? Don't get me wrong, you're really attractive, but just need to be honest." In my experience, only extremely good looking men could ever get away with this, so it makes me wonder how other women respond to him.

 

 

It's the same psychology as a troll. Those people would never say the things the say online to someone's face. But they can hide behind a layer of anonymity and only present who you want them to see.

 

With OLD, a person can hide behind photoshop and a fictional narrative of themselves. In the club, they only have the lighting and their off-beat shoulder roll. So if a person is rejected online, it's not even really them a lot of the time. If it's in person, you can't hide the fact the rejection is based on much more personal criteria.

[Toodaloo]

I didn't really mean for this post to insult anyone, Toodaloo.

 

I'm curious about people's experiences looking specifically for casual sex in online dating apps. If men find that lots of women are looking for something casual?

 

I'm not asking about- how early on in dating or whatever people have sex.

 

My question is about guys who say right from the start- I'm not interested in anything serious as opposed to guys who are interested in dating someone.

 

Why on earth would they bother to date you if they were not attracted enough to you to want to have sex with you??? I am not insulted, just fed up with this notion that vaginas should be held to ransom or something for fear of appearing to look like a slapper. Sex is not a commodity that we should be with holding or throwing out there. It is an act shared between two consenting adults and should be enjoyed and given as such. Not with held because he left the toilet seat up. Not given out as some sort of prize for reaching date number whatever. Heck since when did vaginas become the same as a pot of sweets that you win if you guess the number correctly at the local village fete??? That we should wait X dates or Y weeks before we drop our drawers least we be "used" for sex.

 

Here is a simple tip regardless of whether you want short or long term or just someone for the night.

 

Don't sleep with a guy unless you want to sleep with that guy! If you think you will regret it then just don't do it!

 

There are many guys out there who don't want anything "serious" but have been with the same woman happily for decades! Because they just want a relationship and are not bothered about finding "the one". Heck their girlfriends post on here all the time - "I am with this great guy but he will not propose... what should I do? I am so sure he loves me and all that..."

 

And yes after just over 2 months of no sex I am gagging. My vagina is complaining of a complete lack of attention and I am gagging for someone to touch and hold and explore and enjoy not just getting that cheap thrill of a penis inside my vagina... That is what Ann Summers toys are for.

 

Does it mean I am going to jump into bed with any old guy? No - If it did I could have upped my "number" by at least 20 in the past 2 weeks alone.

 

the guys who say they are not looking for anything serious at the start fall into one of two categories.

1. They just want to sleep about. Thats it. They just want sex but can't be bothered to pay for it or they have developed a serious case of RSI now...

2. These guys want to get married and all that jazz but they just want to take it slow and get to know someone and double check that they are the right match together and it will last before they go jumping the gun. They do not want to spend their lives watching Eastenders. they want to make sure that they will have a quality of life after the ball and chain are clamped on.

[AMJ]

It's the same psychology as a troll. Those people would never say the things the say online to someone's face. But they can hide behind a layer of anonymity and only present who you want them to see.

 

With OLD, a person can hide behind photoshop and a fictional narrative of themselves. In the club, they only have the lighting and their off-beat shoulder roll. So if a person is rejected online, it's not even really them a lot of the time. If it's in person, you can't hide the fact the rejection is based on much more personal criteria.

 

I just think it's a ridiculous strategy all around. When a guy says right away that he's not looking for anything serious, I hear- "I just want sex" which means he's a stranger, asking me to have sex with him. It's actually rude and disrespectful.

 

With this last guy I was thinking, well aren't YOU presumptuous! What makes you think I even want to sleep with you? Based on these three dumb photos and your about me which says " I'm an easygoing guy, I like sports and the beach. Ask me anything, I'm an open book".

[AMJ]

Why on earth would they bother to date you if they were not attracted enough to you to want to have sex with you??? I am not insulted, just fed up with this notion that vaginas should be held to ransom or something for fear of appearing to look like a slapper. Sex is not a commodity that we should be with holding or throwing out there. It is an act shared between two consenting adults and should be enjoyed and given as such. Not with held because he left the toilet seat up. Not given out as some sort of prize for reaching date number whatever. Heck since when did vaginas become the same as a pot of sweets that you win if you guess the number correctly at the local village fete??? That we should wait X dates or Y weeks before we drop our drawers least we be "used" for sex.

 

Here is a simple tip regardless of whether you want short or long term or just someone for the night.

 

Don't sleep with a guy unless you want to sleep with that guy! If you think you will regret it then just don't do it!

 

There are many guys out there who don't want anything "serious" but have been with the same woman happily for decades! Because they just want a relationship and are not bothered about finding "the one". Heck their girlfriends post on here all the time - "I am with this great guy but he will not propose... what should I do? I am so sure he loves me and all that..."

 

And yes after just over 2 months of no sex I am gagging. My vagina is complaining of a complete lack of attention and I am gagging for someone to touch and hold and explore and enjoy not just getting that cheap thrill of a penis inside my vagina... That is what Ann Summers toys are for.

 

Does it mean I am going to jump into bed with any old guy? No - If it did I could have upped my "number" by at least 20 in the past 2 weeks alone.

 

the guys who say they are not looking for anything serious at the start fall into one of two categories.

1. They just want to sleep about. Thats it. They just want sex but can't be bothered to pay for it or they have developed a serious case of RSI now...

2. These guys want to get married and all that jazz but they just want to take it slow and get to know someone and double check that they are the right match together and it will last before they go jumping the gun. They do not want to spend their lives watching Eastenders. they want to make sure that they will have a quality of life after the ball and chain are clamped on.

 

 

Toods, I completely agree with all of this.

 

I'm talking about guys who don't want to date. They just want to get laid.

And they make that very clear. They will say so on date #1 or beforehand.

 

I will say I do appreciate that honesty, much moreso before we meet in person. When I hear that on the date it's pretty frustrating, I already feel like my time and energy has been wasted.

[Kamille]

A few of my friends and I are on-line dating. I seem to meet relationship minded guys while they seem to meet nookie minded guys. I have met hookup minded guys and simply walked away. My friends have stayed, trying to convince these guys to be into them.

 

I get the impression that this is a story as old as dating itself: men and women make up their minds really quickly about whether their dates are BF/GF or FWB material. If you want a relationship, don't waste your time on those who see you as only a good candidate for a casual thing.

 

I also think that there is something of a gendered double-standard in this. My friends are much quicker with the sexual innuendos than I am. I think this explains why men first situate my friends as potential FWB - and that, afterwards, these friends have to upward battle to be considered GF material.

[thefooloftheyear]

I just think it's a ridiculous strategy all around. When a guy says right away that he's not looking for anything serious, I hear- "I just want sex" which means he's a stranger, asking me to have sex with him. It's actually rude and disrespectful.

 

.

 

I dunno...

 

Would you rather he blow smoke up your behind and lead you along, tell you that you are wonderful send you sweet texts, then after he's done with you, disappear and on to the next one???

 

I'm being serious...

 

Because I would think it would be better for anyone(man or woman) to just know the deal up front...At least then you can make a qualified judgement call..

 

TFY