For all the dudes online who are just looking for nookie

[dichotomy]

Yeah but are you sure that those women weren't just trying to escalate the relationship through sex?

 

I'm talking about- fine, won't be sexist- PEOPLE who are literally just online to find casual relationships. And who make that clear either on the first date or before you meet.

 

So, how many women did you meet online who said "I"m not looking for anything serious"? Sure I know women are online looking for casual sex, I'm asking men to say how many, in their experience?

 

 

A few women were just looking for fun - sex was sex. they were fine if it was mostly sex - or was a FWB and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that if thats a shared view.

 

Some were on a bender to prove something or fix some hurt after a marriage or bad LTR.

 

Some felt that sex was expected early and freaky in the dating and relationship world so they just put out to continue to see someone (I guess further the relationship).

 

Some viewed sex as a way to get to know someone better... as one said "I find some men change after it happens and I dont like what I see then"....

 

My point I guess is that I dont see women being all that different then men in their sexual interests or practices. I see variation among men and women in their goals on OLD.

 

At the time I was in OLD I was a bit old fashioned and had also been out of dating for 15 years. Back then If I had sex with someone - I felt it generally meant we saw a medium to long term relationship happening we were going to try (try) to be an exclusive LTR afterwards. 3 dates was not enough to me to know that.. Not that I did not have a few drunken one night stands back in the day - but those were generally party meetups.

 

Many women I met had other guys they were "dating" (FWB's or FB's) at the same time. Fine but I was clueless as to how OLD worked. I know now.

 

Man or women I think its just about making your preferences, practices, and intent and views known early and dont assume anything.

Edited October 4, 2016 by dichotomy

[Gloria25]

Yeah but are you sure that those women weren't just trying to escalate the relationship through sex?

 

I'm talking about- fine, won't be sexist- PEOPLE who are literally just online to find casual relationships. And who make that clear either on the first date or before you meet.

 

So, how many women did you meet online who said "I"m not looking for anything serious"? Sure I know women are online looking for casual sex, I'm asking men to say how many, in their experience?

 

***pfft***

 

Nah, those women are probably trying to trick all those horny guys into giving them a few bucks through by manipulations.

 

To me it's simple, go on Craigslist, Ashley Madison, Tinder, PoF. ..leave the "dating" sites for people who wanna "date"...

 

Eh, but like enigma said, in this twisted world now a days "dating" probably means "hook-up" to illiterate people

[SwordofFlame]

So, I'd like men to answer and explain why they think OLD is a great way to meet women for FB or FWB or random hookups etc, do you not think it's way too much effort just to get laid? That's question #1.

 

It's a lot easier to approach women online than in person at a bar or club...

[carhill]

I experienced it both ways..... locally, it was far easier to meet ostensibly single women online than IRL and far more cost efficient. However, irrespective of location change costs, when I was in an environment where it was easy to walk out my door and meet single women, in fact be surrounded by them, going through the motions of OLD was a complete waste of time since the target audience was in play right in front of me. Sure, rejections occurred in both environments; however, being of a generation where we were socialized with in-your-face rejection, that school of hard knocks graduated most of us with the tools to deal with it.

 

IME, nookie was real common. It was normal. I guess that's why they called it the sexual revolution. Back before AIDS but after Roe v Wade is was even less protected and more free and spontaneous, though more limited in scope due to less information and instant communication. There were fewer people to meet than with OLD. Also, perhaps in line with the title of the thread, any particular lady would experience far fewer observances of guys looking for nookie, only those who hit on her sexually IRL. The thoughts and desires of the billions would be opaque. OLD has made them more transparent and observable.

[AMJ]

I dunno...

 

Would you rather he blow smoke up your behind and lead you along, tell you that you are wonderful send you sweet texts, then after he's done with you, disappear and on to the next one???

 

I'm being serious...

 

Because I would think it would be better for anyone(man or woman) to just know the deal up front...At least then you can make a qualified judgement call..

 

TFY

 

No I'd rather not meet him at all. As in, I think he should be on a hookup, casual sex site. If I wanted to use OLD for sex, which I don't, that's where I'd go.

[AMJ]

A few women were just looking for fun - sex was sex. they were fine if it was mostly sex - or was a FWB and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that if thats a shared view.

 

Some were on a bender to prove something or fix some hurt after a marriage or bad LTR.

 

Some felt that sex was expected early and freaky in the dating and relationship world so they just put out to continue to see someone (I guess further the relationship).

 

Some viewed sex as a way to get to know someone better... as one said "I find some men change after it happens and I dont like what I see then"....

 

My point I guess is that I dont see women being all that different then men in their sexual interests or practices. I see variation among men and women in their goals on OLD.

 

At the time I was in OLD I was a bit old fashioned and had also been out of dating for 15 years. Back then If I had sex with someone - I felt it generally meant we saw a medium to long term relationship happening we were going to try (try) to be an exclusive LTR afterwards. 3 dates was not enough to me to know that.. Not that I did not have a few drunken one night stands back in the day - but those were generally party meetups.

 

Many women I met had other guys they were "dating" (FWB's or FB's) at the same time. Fine but I was clueless as to how OLD worked. I know now.

 

Man or women I think its just about making your preferences, practices, and intent and views known early and dont assume anything.

 

 

I think it's changed a LOT in the past 15 years though. Back then there was only one or two dating sites, right? Now there are dozens. And back then, you were sitting at your desktop computer logged in to your account, which meant you were 100% devoted to spending time on that website to talk to women.

 

Now with apps that show you- this is how many hot people are within 3 miles of you right now, you're able to swipe left and right, and message away all while going about your regular life, which means that it's more accessible, all of it. So I don't think anyone takes it as seriously.

[xxoo]

I just think it's a ridiculous strategy all around. When a guy says right away that he's not looking for anything serious, I hear- "I just want sex" which means he's a stranger, asking me to have sex with him. It's actually rude and disrespectful.

 

With this last guy I was thinking, well aren't YOU presumptuous! What makes you think I even want to sleep with you? Based on these three dumb photos and your about me which says " I'm an easygoing guy, I like sports and the beach. Ask me anything, I'm an open book".

 

He's just fishing. Make one profile (bait), send a zillion copy/paste emails (throw the line), wait for a bite.

 

It's probably as fun as fishing, too. Plus, sometimes you catch a fish! And there's always the one that got away....

[AMJ]

He's just fishing. Make one profile (bait), send a zillion copy/paste emails (throw the line), wait for a bite.

 

It's probably as fun as fishing, too. Plus, sometimes you catch a fish! And there's always the one that got away....

 

But there wasn't even a line this time! Really! It was like, Hi what are your weekend plans? yada yada, by the way, I'm not looking for anything serious. Are you okay with that? I mean, at least prostitutes get paid. sheesh.

 

I would normally not give this guy a second thought, but it's not just this one guy. Lots of guys are doing this lately.

 

And I think that they must be successful on some level otherwise they'd stop. But I don't know a single woman who would go online and respond positively to a guy who approached them like this. I mean, maybe if he had spent some time or energy trying to win her over first, be charming. Or if he was ungodly exceptionally attractive.

 

So I'm wondering who these women are, who say- sure, I've never even met you, you're not even that attractive, and you've done literally nothing to win me over other than say Hello, but let's have sex!

Edited October 4, 2016 by AMJ

[xxoo]

I would normally not give this guy a second thought, but it's not just this one guy. Lots of guys are doing this lately.

 

And I think that they must be successful on some level otherwise they'd stop. But I don't know a single woman who would go online and respond positively to a guy who approached them like this. I mean, maybe if he had spent some time or energy trying to win her over first, be charming. Or if he was ungodly exceptionally attractive.

 

So I'm wondering who these women are, who say- sure, I've never even met you, you're not even that attractive, and you've done literally nothing to win me over other than say Hello, but let's have sex!

 

I can't imagine doing so, but yes, I think it happens. Isn't that how Tinder started, pretty much?

 

And it doesn't surprise me that a guy would at least try this method, over, for example, doing nothing. He can send those emails in his underwear, covered in potato chips. It's little effort, zero risk. Why wouldn't he? (well, except for risk of disease, unwanted pregnancy, bunny boilers, etc)

[OneLov]

But there wasn't even a line this time! Really! It was like, Hi what are your weekend plans? yada yada, by the way, I'm not looking for anything serious. Are you okay with that? I mean, at least prostitutes get paid. sheesh.

 

I would normally not give this guy a second thought, but it's not just this one guy. Lots of guys are doing this lately.

 

And I think that they must be successful on some level otherwise they'd stop. But I don't know a single woman who would go online and respond positively to a guy who approached them like this. I mean, maybe if he had spent some time or energy trying to win her over first, be charming. Or if he was ungodly exceptionally attractive.

 

So I'm wondering who these women are, who say- sure, I've never even met you, you're not even that attractive, and you've done literally nothing to win me over other than say Hello, but let's have sex!

 

That's what I mean, there's a layer of ambiguity that tempers rejection. If you called him out on it, he'd say something like, "that's not what I meant. I only wanted to have lunch. Jeez, get over yourself." Even though if you said, yes, he'd probably expect more than lunch.

 

Men and women do the same thing with flirting. It's purposefully passive and full of innuendo, so one can side-step rejection if the flirting wasn't reciprocated. People, will always say, "I wasn't flirting; I was just being nice." Meanwhile, if the other person did not reject the flirtatious exchange. It would definitely be owned as flirting.

 

The less direct behavior/communication. The easier it is to play-off your own bruised ego.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Here's another consideration:

 

Just like what was discovered when the hackers leaked all the info of Ashley Madison, all those sex-only and hook-up sites are 40% fake profiles of women and pros, 50% men and the rest is maybe real women looking.

 

Men have a much higher tendency to look for "craigslist-style" hook-ups over women. I think women are less prone to go online and say "let's hook up, meet me in half an hour." Guys have no issue doing that.

 

Tinder seems like it might be the safest bet for finding women who are more open top sex after a first meet. With OLD there are real women behind those profiles they aren't catfishing profiles to get guys to sign up so guys will say whatever they have to go get what they want.

[Gloria25]

But there wasn't even a line this time! Really! It was like, Hi what are your weekend plans? yada yada, by the way, I'm not looking for anything serious. Are you okay with that? I mean, at least prostitutes get paid. sheesh.

 

I would normally not give this guy a second thought, but it's not just this one guy. Lots of guys are doing this lately.

 

And I think that they must be successful on some level otherwise they'd stop. But I don't know a single woman who would go online and respond positively to a guy who approached them like this. I mean, maybe if he had spent some time or energy trying to win her over first, be charming. Or if he was ungodly exceptionally attractive.

 

So I'm wondering who these women are, who say- sure, I've never even met you, you're not even that attractive, and you've done literally nothing to win me over other than say Hello, but let's have sex!

 

I think these guys continue to use dating sites for attempts at hooking up cuz they're so gullible that after a few attempts by manipulators on the site, they think all women come on there to immediately hook up when fact is, they just ran across some tricks who quickly "pretended" like they were into hooking up so they could tap into the guy's wallet.

[Imajerk17]

Okay, spill it. I want to hear it all.

 

I'm meeting too many of you lately and I need answers.

 

First of all, why are you going through all of the trouble of online dating just to have sex with random people? That's what bars are for. It doesn't get much simpler than going out on Friday night, buying some drinks, dancing awkwardly with a woman who's also had some drinks, and then going home to have sex.

That is the old fashioned way of no strings attached.

With OLD, you need to take photos, upload those photos, write a stupid profile, make it sound clever. Go through the torture of messaging women and trying to win them over, all heaps and heaps of effort in comparison to the old-fashioned way.

 

Ten years ago, before smart phones, OLD was only for people who were very serious about dating. That's precisely because it takes a lot of effort to meet someone that way. It still takes a lot of effort. Now even moreso because we have people who all want different things and it's not easy to figure out who wants what.

 

So, I'd like men to answer and explain why they think OLD is a great way to meet women for FB or FWB or random hookups etc, do you not think it's way too much effort just to get laid? That's question #1.

 

Question #2 is for men who are using OLD for random hookups, how do women respond when you tell them from the get-go that that is your intention?

 

Question #3- in your experience, how many women online are either looking for primarily, or just accepting of- casual sex?

 

 

Interesting questions AMJ, but I do think you got a few things incorrect about things on our gender's end. Anyway, a few (uncensored un-PC) thoughts on this.

 

#1. I definitely don't think meeting women you are attracted to in a bar is any easier, at least for most guys. I DO think it is a lot more fun to go out, see that woman you are really attracted to, go over and talk to her, and then spend the whole evening/night together. But the reality is that you have to go out and go to many a place where the male/female ratio is like 70/30 and the one or two girls you are attracted to aren't interested back. Lots of legwork. I haven't even mentioned the money you'd spend in drinks and perhaps parking.

 

Oh, and many attractive single women have their guards up in bars due to so many clumsy and horny dudes fueled by Liquid Courage. So the buzzed attractive woman dancing by herself (who isn't desperate) just waiting for a bloke to come up isn't that common. (Surely you knew this already right? Your sentence that I bolded struck me as a bit puzzling.)

 

With OLD you have to come up with a good profile just maybe once, there are many attractive women just a few swipes away, and writing good messages isn't that hard. Furthermore you can get an idea of what they are like--education, profession, lifestyle--before you bother investing any energy. Many guys can get themselves a date lined up for the weekend via OLD without putting in much more effort than it takes to order a pizza.

 

#2. I think the way you are interpreting "I'm not looking for anything serious" is NOT what it actually means when we say it. It doesn't just mean "I want NSA sex". It could mean "The last few women I met wanted an insta-relationship and I want to take my time first", "Just because we feel chemistry and get physical on the first date I don't want this to imply that you're my girlfriend yet" to "I just got over a breakup and I am putting myself out there again" (there are plenty of WOMEN who are in similar situations). That said, when we guys do meet someone who truly blows us away, we tend to forget really fast about how we "aren't looking for anything serious" and we want to make this woman our girlfriend.

 

#3. My experience on Match and POF has been that quite a few women (not all, but quite a few) who feel chemistry, will be willing for something physical happening on the first date, pretty much regardless of stated relationship goals. On that note, "I'm not looking for a hookup" tends to mean nothing. So many guys tend to expect sex to happen fairly early on. That said, it's your prerogative to take your time. If we think we could really like you, we will wait.

 

When a guy tells you he isn't looking for anything serious, you might do better to find out where he is really at. He may mention a breakup, wanting to take some time to get to know someone, ect. Keep in mind that pretty much ALL romantic relationships start out "casual", and that many of us decide to become serious with someone only if that person truly blows us away. Many of us aren't going to settle down with the next decent person we meet, no matter what we put down as our relationship goals.

Edited October 4, 2016 by Imajerk17

[dichotomy]

I think it's changed a LOT in the past 15 years though. Back then there was only one or two dating sites, right? Now there are dozens. And back then, you were sitting at your desktop computer logged in to your account, which meant you were 100% devoted to spending time on that website to talk to women.

 

Now with apps that show you- this is how many hot people are within 3 miles of you right now, you're able to swipe left and right, and message away all while going about your regular life, which means that it's more accessible, all of it. So I don't think anyone takes it as seriously.

 

 

These are the ones I think were around 15 years ago

 

Match

Yahoo

Eharmony

 

I was not exactly happy with OLD then - I can only imagine how it is now with the mobile apps. Kid these days !

[Weezy1973]

Generally if most of the guys you're picking through OLD it likely has more to do with what you're attracted to then it does with anything else. The example you cited is such a great one. A minimal effort profile and that's someone you picked to talk to.

 

Relationship oriented guys are going to put more effort into their profiles and will likely talk about their values and actually say in their profiles that they're looking for a relationship. But you might not be attracted to those guys.

[katiegrl]

 

I just think it's a ridiculous strategy all around. When a guy says right away that he's not looking for anything serious, I hear- "I just want sex" which means he's a stranger, asking me to have sex with him. It's actually rude and disrespectful.

 

 

Funny cause when a man says that to me, I DON'T automatically assume he is "just" looking for sex.

 

I have said this before but NO ONE knows what they want with the particular person they just met until they have spent some time with that person getting to know them (and having sex with them).

 

Frankly, I DON'T know if I want anything serious either when I first meet someone!

 

If we click and feel a good vibe from each other, how about we just date for awhile, and see where it leads! Which of course includes sex.

 

And if/when a man says that to me, I appreciate his forthrightness and ask "well what are you looking for?"

 

And he usually says exactly what I am thinking -- let's date for a while and see where this goes. Which is exactly how I feel too!

 

This is my attitude and I have NEVER, not once, had a man "just" want to have sex with me (and nothing more).

 

In fact when I met my ex, he was just a few months out of a RL and as such, not looking for anything "serious."

 

But yet asked me on second date to be exclusive! This is after having sex the first night we met!

 

We were together SIX years.

 

 

I get the impression that this is a story as old as dating itself: men and women make up their minds really quickly about whether their dates are BF/GF or FWB material. If you want a relationship, don't waste your time on those who see you as only a good candidate for a casual thing.

 

 

I completely agree.

Edited October 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

That's what I mean, there's a layer of ambiguity that tempers rejection. If you called him out on it, he'd say something like, "that's not what I meant. I only wanted to have lunch. Jeez, get over yourself." Even though if you said, yes, he'd probably expect more than lunch.

 

Men and women do the same thing with flirting. It's purposefully passive and full of innuendo, so one can side-step rejection if the flirting wasn't reciprocated. People, will always say, "I wasn't flirting; I was just being nice." Meanwhile, if the other person did not reject the flirtatious exchange. It would definitely be owned as flirting.

 

The less direct behavior/communication. The easier it is to play-off your own bruised ego.

 

There's no innuendo in my example. It went down like this:

 

him-"Hi there, nice to meet you, what are you up to this weekend?"

me- explained weekend plans

him-I will be honest, I'm not looking for anything serious. So if you are okay with that.

me- why not?

him- I work too much and do not have the time and mental patience for it. Don't get me wrong, you are very attractive, I just don't have the time for more.

me- i told him his priorities are backwards and asked "what DO you want to do?"

him- lol. if you want to grab dinner and then get physical after, if you're feeling it, who knows what might happen. If we like each other, who knows? What do you think? I promise I am not bad to talk to and not bad in bed.

me- just being asked out that way in itself is a huge turnoff. sorry.

 

There's no gray area, he wants to have sex and that's about all.

 

Although, now that I turned him down he's backstopping and saying that he'd be open to a relationship at some point.

[Popsicle]

I'm pretty sure it's easier for men to meet women online than in person.

 

I also think that there are men on there who want a relationship. It's just that the guys who just want sex are more shameless.

[Popsicle]

There's no innuendo in my example. It went down like this:

 

him-"Hi there, nice to meet you, what are you up to this weekend?"

me- explained weekend plans

him-I will be honest, I'm not looking for anything serious. So if you are okay with that.

me- why not?

him- I work too much and do not have the time and mental patience for it. Don't get me wrong, you are very attractive, I just don't have the time for more.

me- i told him his priorities are backwards and asked "what DO you want to do?"

him- lol. if you want to grab dinner and then get physical after, if you're feeling it, who knows what might happen. If we like each other, who knows? What do you think? I promise I am not bad to talk to and not bad in bed.

me- just being asked out that way in itself is a huge turnoff. sorry.

 

There's no gray area, he wants to have sex and that's about all.

 

Although, now that I turned him down he's backstopping and saying that he'd be open to a relationship at some point.

 

Guys like that do this. Your conversation with him should have stopped at the bolded. You respond with "Oh. I'm not okay with that so we're probably not a good match. Good luck with your search. Bye.", and don't speak to him again (even if he continues to message you). I've done this before myself.

[xxoo]

 

Although, now that I turned him down he's backstopping and saying that he'd be open to a relationship at some point.

 

Just trying to keep the fish on the line long enough to reel it in.

 

It's one thing for a person to put "not looking for anything serious" in their profile. But the way he said it, when trying to set up a date, communicated "hook up only". To ask why was just delaying the inevitable.

[Imajerk17]

There's no innuendo in my example. It went down like this:

 

him-"Hi there, nice to meet you, what are you up to this weekend?"

me- explained weekend plans

him-I will be honest, I'm not looking for anything serious. So if you are okay with that.

me- why not?

him- I work too much and do not have the time and mental patience for it. Don't get me wrong, you are very attractive, I just don't have the time for more.

me- i told him his priorities are backwards and asked "what DO you want to do?"

him- lol. if you want to grab dinner and then get physical after, if you're feeling it, who knows what might happen. If we like each other, who knows? What do you think? I promise I am not bad to talk to and not bad in bed.

me- just being asked out that way in itself is a huge turnoff. sorry.

 

There's no gray area, he wants to have sex and that's about all.

 

Although, now that I turned him down he's backstopping and saying that he'd be open to a relationship at some point.

 

Gotcha. I think I understand better what is happening.

 

My take: At the end of the day, it is *in-person chemistry* that matters. In OLD a guy only has to be attractive enough to get a date, it's really his in-person charisma (which doesn't have much to do with how good his profile and emails look on Match) that determines whether or not getting physical will happen.

 

So to address your question--maybe this guy sparks chemistry with women in person really easily? It is in the realm of possibilities, even if his profile and emails are only OK.

 

But yeah, what I said before....Bars are an easy way for WOMEN to get sex, for guys it is harder--harder than OLD, for the reasons I mentioned in my previous post.

 

(ETA: What was his profile like? I remember you writing somewhere that you preferred men with shorter profiles, which may actually be a problem for you. It may explain some things. If the guy in this thread had a shorter profile, it may mean less effort put into it, which is more likely he is looking for something casual. The correlation isn't 100% by any means, but a more relationship-oriented guy probably would put more thought into it, thinking that this may be what draws in his future wife.)

Edited October 5, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Popsicle]

I find that people who want to date or have a relationship think that dating sites are for dating or finding a relationship, but people who want to hook up, think that dating sites are just for hooking up. So people think whatever they want to think.

 

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if there are dudes on the sex sites who are looking for a relationship!

[katiegrl]

 

him-"Hi there, nice to meet you, what are you up to this weekend?"

me- explained weekend plans

him-I will be honest, I'm not looking for anything serious. So if you are okay with that.

me- why not?

him- I work too much and do not have the time and mental patience for it. Don't get me wrong, you are very attractive, I just don't have the time for more.

me- i told him his priorities are backwards and asked "what DO you want to do?"

him- lol. if you want to grab dinner and then get physical after, if you're feeling it, who knows what might happen. If we like each other, who knows? What do you think? I promise I am not bad to talk to and not bad in bed.

me- just being asked out that way in itself is a huge turnoff. sorry.

 

 

AMJ, jmo but I have learned (through experience plus having five brothers helps) that you just gotta let some of the stuff guys say early on roll off.

 

I have found that some guys will toss out a line like that, just to see how you will respond, to gauge your reaction.

 

I dunno maybe he has had negative experiences with women who have wanted a "relationship" too soon and/or gotten all clingy and suffocating early on so he feels he needs to say it.

 

My response would have been to chuckle, and say "yeah I'm not looking for anything serious either." Which would actually be the truth at that point in time.

 

Or like I said before "well, okay what are you looking for then?" With a smile.

 

Like I am not really taking him seriously at all! And him saying that did not bother me in the least (which would also be the truth).

 

IF I am concerned that he "only" wants sex (via his actions during the night), then I simply DON'T have sex with him! I am in control of that.

 

To respond with "your priorities are backwards," that's just displaying some major "attitude" IMO.

 

Who are you to say HIS priorities are backwards?

 

Backwards to YOU but maybe but not to him.

 

He has a more laid back attitude, like let's date and see where this goes.

 

As Toodaloo said, IF you don't want sex, then DON'T have it!

 

But don't presume to know what his priorities are or what he wants.

 

He probably doesn't really know what he wants on the first date, which is OKAY.

 

Like I said, I don't either.

 

So try and relax and give some of these guys a break. Don't cop an attitude and presume to know what they want (just sex). Wrong attitude IMHO.

 

If he says stuff like that, toss it back. Have fun with it. There is a lot of testing and gauging of reactions in these early dates.

 

Learn to have fun with it and not take it so seriously.

 

That's always been my attitude anyway, which has always worked very very well for me.

Edited October 5, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

Interesting questions AMJ, but I do think you got a few things incorrect about things on our gender's end. Anyway, a few (uncensored un-PC) thoughts on this.

 

When a guy tells you he isn't looking for anything serious, you might do better to find out where he is really at. He may mention a breakup, wanting to take some time to get to know someone, ect. Keep in mind that pretty much ALL romantic relationships start out "casual", and that many of us decide to become serious with someone only if that person truly blows us away. Many of us aren't going to settle down with the next decent person we meet, no matter what we put down as our relationship goals.

 

This paragraph I'm still thinking about. But everything else-

 

So to your #1 answer, if a guy doesn't care who he goes home with, as long as he finds someone, I'm pretty sure he will be successful. OLD I guess allows men to be more selective, but I still think it is much more effort for men and women than meeting someone in person.

Writing good messages, is that hard though. I think it's really hard to maintain interest long enough to plan a date with most people, honestly. Emailing is devoid of all the stuff that causes attraction to build. It's the worst.

 

To your #2- All I can say is how frustrating. What I know is, when someone says "I'm not looking for anything serious" it's probably in my best interest to take them at their word. If I were talking to guys who were 25 I'd understand, but these are all men in their mid 30s who I assume already know what they want out of life. I don't really have time or patience to sit around and try to help Nate, yes his name is Nate, help Nate come to terms with what exact definition of a relationship he wants. I'm pretty sure based on my conversation with him that he doesn't want a relationship. And I'm really way beyond the time in my life when I have the energy or desire to spend on men who have such a difficult time defining the time they spend with me.

 

I suppose there are women out there who are nut jobs and cling to any man because they are really needy, insecure, feel like they need a relationship to breathe, whatever. So maybe men like Nate are terrified of women like this and say things like, "I'm not looking for anything serious". And maybe you're right, when the right one comes along he will commit. I don't even know if I want him to commit to me, but he's already telling me it's not going to happen before we've even met? It's just an odd, even rude thing to do. Presumptuous.

 

And to your #3- that was the answer I was searching for. I do think there are a ton of women who hookup with men from OLD right away. I don't think, however, that women advertise that often. For all the obvious reasons. Double standards about sexuality mainly.

[Imajerk17]

This paragraph I'm still thinking about. But everything else-

 

So to your #1 answer, if a guy doesn't care who he goes home with, as long as he finds someone, I'm pretty sure he will be successful. OLD I guess allows men to be more selective, but I still think it is much more effort for men and women than meeting someone in person.

Writing good messages, is that hard though. I think it's really hard to maintain interest long enough to plan a date with most people, honestly. Emailing is devoid of all the stuff that causes attraction to build. It's the worst.

 

To your #2- All I can say is how frustrating. What I know is, when someone says "I'm not looking for anything serious" it's probably in my best interest to take them at their word. If I were talking to guys who were 25 I'd understand, but these are all men in their mid 30s who I assume already know what they want out of life. I don't really have time or patience to sit around and try to help Nate, yes his name is Nate, help Nate come to terms with what exact definition of a relationship he wants. I'm pretty sure based on my conversation with him that he doesn't want a relationship. And I'm really way beyond the time in my life when I have the energy or desire to spend on men who have such a difficult time defining the time they spend with me.

 

I suppose there are women out there who are nut jobs and cling to any man because they are really needy, insecure, feel like they need a relationship to breathe, whatever. So maybe men like Nate are terrified of women like this and say things like, "I'm not looking for anything serious". And maybe you're right, when the right one comes along he will commit. I don't even know if I want him to commit to me, but he's already telling me it's not going to happen before we've even met? It's just an odd, even rude thing to do. Presumptuous.

 

And to your #3- that was the answer I was searching for. I do think there are a ton of women who hookup with men from OLD right away. I don't think, however, that women advertise that often. For all the obvious reasons. Double standards about sexuality mainly.

 

As you should move on. Not wasting any more time and energy on Nate (and guys like him) is a smart move on your part.

 

However, what I am curious about is--which guys do you decide to write back? That could be a big part of things too. As mentioned before, the more relationship-oriented guys tend to have longer, more thought-out profiles.