For all the dudes online who are just looking for nookie

[AMJ]

 

Do I detect a touch of sarcasm here ?

 

Ha...well yes and no, actually...because I've had my suspicions that most women probably do have sex on first OLDs otherwise so many men that I meet wouldn't seem to expect it- as in they are actually irritated and kinda pissed off when it doesn't happen. It's not like women ever admit to this, right? So I wanted to hear it from the source.

 

I mean a while back this other guy sent me a full frontal nude photo. I swear I did not ask for this. It actually just came out of nowhere, and he's like, "Okay, your turn!" And I was overly irritated for probably several reasons that day, and probably just had a bad date the night before or something, and kind of let him have it. Because at that point, who cares anyway.

 

But it was weird, he was really, really surprised that I'd be offended, and apologized. And then a few months later he sent me this video of him driving to work (? yep, weird). I showed this to my friend who pointed out he probably just wanted me to know he drives a BMW, which is the last thing I actually care about. But anyway, he was pretty persistent about meeting me, and it's things like that that I just do not understand. He was also a really good looking guy, and should not at all have a difficult time meeting women. Clearly I wasn't interested in sending him naked photos or whatever so he should have given up but then he tried to start like, a do-over and hope that I'd just forget that I've already seen him completely naked.

 

But like jerk said, I shouldn't give any of that so much thought.

[Toodaloo]

If I have to ride out any more waves, I'll be drowning in a tsunami.

 

It does feel that way sometimes.

 

Don't worry. The waters calm down soon enough and you can go from there.

 

And remember just because a person expects it... Doesn't mean they are going to get it...

 

I expect to go on great dates with fun and happy guys... Doesn't always happen!!!

 

You sound tired of it. So take a break and reboot you batteries (and faith!!!). Sometimes we have to step back in order to move forward.

[xxoo]

Yeah, every one of them. Keep in mind, I never push for sex with a new girl. I don't send penis pics, I don't ask a girl if they wanna get laid, nothing of the sort. All I do is invite a girl back to my place around date 2, and then let things go with the flow. Every girl I met online ended up in sex by date 3 or 4 at the latest, all but the one girl who turned me down for a date 2 because I am not religious. Also worth noting that almost all of those women had something in their profile how they aren't looking for hook ups and the like.

 

Finding casual sex is easy for women, period. If you don't look like a troll, you could just ask random dudes if they wanna go back to your place, and most of them will take you up on it.

 

How many women a guy has to message is gonna vary on the guy. I have a friend who, over the course of about 2 years, had sex with pretty much every average looking girl on POF in our town. He didn't even have to send many messages, they messaged him.

 

Is sex after 3 or 4 dates a hook up?

[Justanaverageguy]

Every single one?? Wow. That explains it then! No wonder.

So, finding casual sex in person is easier for women than men, and finding it online is easier for men because women online are more desperate.

I really didn't think that was the case. What with all these guys on here who say it's so difficult just to get women to reply to their messages, I was thinking, how many do they have to message and then go on dates with to get laid? But it sounds like pretty much everyone, except for me apparently, has sex on the first date. Good to know.

 

 

Most of the girls I meet online really aren't desperate at all - its just an easy way to meet people. They use it for the same reason guys do. Allows you to meet and screen people in a comfortable easy way before meeting in person.

 

What women are looking for when they meet is completely variable just like in real life. I wouldn't say I notice any difference between girls from OLD and girls in real life. Most women these days are pretty comfortable with sex. Most no longer use it as a "bargaining tool" to get into a relationship. Sex happens when it feels right. I can honestly say that with both OLD and in person dates in the last 10 years I've never dated a girl longer then 4 dates without having sex. Some of these became long term relationships - some FWB - some flings.

 

The issue you have simply seems to be that Men and Women don't all have the exact to the letter expectation and intentions that you do. This is life - some people men and women have sex just for fun. Your at a stage of your life where you really want a relationship so that's what you are looking for.

 

Live and let live - if the guy says he just wants sex. Respect and accept that. No need for histrionics. Just say thankyou and move onto the next. There are plenty of guys on there that aren't just looking for straight sex

[xxoo]

It is if it never goes anywhere else. Wouldn't you agree?

 

No, not if she thought it was going somewhere.

[Justanaverageguy]

I mean a while back this other guy sent me a full frontal nude photo. I swear I did not ask for this. It actually just came out of nowhere, and he's like, "Okay, your turn!" And I was overly irritated for probably several reasons that day, and probably just had a bad date the night before or something, and kind of let him have it. Because at that point, who cares anyway.

 

But it was weird, he was really, really surprised that I'd be offended, and apologized.

 

Same happens for guys too. I met a girl at a bar a few months back. We texted during the week and I randomly got an unprompted breakfast video of her having some explicit fun with a zucchini. Nearly choked on my cornflakes She was a Dr working in cancer research who had a bit of a wild side. From my personal experience a lot of girls love sending nudes more then guys do. I mean hell just look at instagram. Its just most guys are down with getting them from girls - where as a a decent portion of women aren't down with getting them from guys - especially not unprompted. Also some guys aren't the best at reading a girls expectations .....

Edited October 6, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[Toodaloo]

A guy can't help what women think. I would never lie about my intentions. Like I said, I don't even push for sex, if it happens, it happens.

 

A woman should not just have sex with a guy assuming he wants something more meaningful with her, just to get upset if he does not.

 

This is where being clear with your intentions is so important.

 

If men are doing this then I would be pretty ****ed off with them. Because my intention is to continue to get to know them and continue having sex with them as well! They wouldn't have got past date 2 if I didn't have that intention!

 

Attitudes like this really make me just want to slit my wrists and be done with it all.

 

I do not regret having sex with any of the men I have had sex with but I have to say this has really put me off even bothering to try to get to know them. Sod sex I am off to get a lelo.

[AMJ]

Is sex after 3 or 4 dates a hook up?

 

It's only a hook up if both people know it's not going anywhere else. Otherwise that's called dating.

[AMJ]

A guy can't help what women think. I would never lie about my intentions. Like I said, I don't even push for sex, if it happens, it happens.

 

A woman should not just have sex with a guy assuming he wants something more meaningful with her, just to get upset if he does not.

 

That's true but, if one person already knows it's not going anywhere, they owe it to the other person to say so before sex happens. That's just being decent.

Especially if you can tell that sex means something significant to the other person.

[AMJ]

Same happens for guys too. I met a girl at a bar a few months back. We texted during the week and I randomly got an unprompted breakfast video of her having some explicit fun with a zucchini. Nearly choked on my cornflakes She was a Dr working in cancer research who had a bit of a wild side. From my personal experience a lot of girls love sending nudes more then guys do. I mean hell just look at instagram. Its just most guys are down with getting them from girls - where as a a decent portion of women aren't down with getting them from guys - especially not unprompted. Also some guys aren't the best at reading a girls expectations .....

 

If I were an instagram flasher type, my profile pictures would likely be equally scandalous. If I had half naked photos of myself, I'd expect guys to treat me that way. But I don't.

 

And I'm guessing that you had a more in-depth interaction with Dr. zucchini since you met her in person, than I had with complete stranger from a dating app. It's not like that came out of nowhere- you'd been texting all week.

 

Anyway, I guarantee you, and I'd happily bet every dollar I own, that this happens to women much much more often than it happens to men. You have one example, I can give you countless examples. I have to delete photos from my phone all the time because while I'm not a mother, I'm a devoted auntie and those kids know how to work phones like experts by age 2. One of my nieces memorized my passcode just by watching me enter it one time.

[katiegrl]

That's true but, if one person already knows it's not going anywhere, they owe it to the other person to say so before sex happens. That's just being decent.

Especially if you can tell that sex means something significant to the other person.

 

After only one or two dates?

 

A little early to know for sure where it's going, don't you think?

 

Sex or no sex.

 

And let's face it, sex changes things.

 

Hell, often times it's the *woman* who doesn't want to continue dating the guy after sex! That happened to me after having sex with guy I dated in February. And we had like 7 dates!

 

If you are not comfortable with that type of uncertainty, then don't have early sex!

 

There are never any guarantees when it comes to sex and dating.

 

It is all a huge risk.

Edited October 6, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

 

The issue you have simply seems to be that Men and Women don't all have the exact to the letter expectation and intentions that you do. This is life - some people men and women have sex just for fun. Your at a stage of your life where you really want a relationship so that's what you are looking for.

 

Live and let live - if the guy says he just wants sex. Respect and accept that. No need for histrionics. Just say thankyou and move onto the next. There are plenty of guys on there that aren't just looking for straight sex

 

A guy propositions me for sex like a hooker, and I should "respect that and say thank you"? HA! Yes, thank you random man, for choosing me, I feel so special.

 

I don't think I'm getting hysterical or whatever. Yes, it is really frustrating to be treated disrespectfully time and time again. It is really frustrating when people don't have common sense or decency.

 

It's fine that people enjoy casual sex. If I wanted that, I'd market myself that way.

[AMJ]

After only one or two dates?

 

A little early to know for sure where it's going, don't you think?

 

Sex or no sex.

 

And let's face it, sex changes things.

 

Hell, often times it's the *woman* who doesn't want to continue dating the guy after sex! That happened to me after having sex with guy I dated in February. And we had like 7 dates!

 

If you are not comfortable with that type of uncertainty, then don't have early sex!

 

There are never any guarantees when it comes to sex and dating.

 

It is all a huge risk.

 

I agree- that's why I said, if one person already knows it's not going anywhere.

That's being deceptive. I mean, I'd never do that to someone.

[katiegrl]

I agree- that's why I said, if one person already knows it's not going anywhere.

That's being deceptive. I mean, I'd never do that to someone.

 

I wouldn't either AMJ.

 

And yeah, if they know FOR SURE they don't want it to go anywhere, then okay he/she should tell the other person that....

 

But like enigma (and jerk, among others) said, often times people just don't know that early on and/or change their minds.

 

The guy/girl who at first only wanted casual or FWB, could end up really liking the other person and want to pursue a relationship.

 

Or, a guy/girl who at first thought they wanted a relationship with someone could change their mind and only want FWB.

 

It is just impossible to know for sure that early on ... so it is best to not make any promises of "where it's going" or "not going". Until you have dated awhile and had a chance to get to know each other.

 

I say, relax and enjoy the process! Lower the expectations.

 

Allow things to progress (or not progress) gradually and naturally.

 

Don't have sex until YOU comfortable and ready.

 

But still, no guarantees, ever.

Edited October 6, 2016 by katiegrl

[Toodaloo]

That's true but, if one person already knows it's not going anywhere, they owe it to the other person to say so before sex happens. That's just being decent.

Especially if you can tell that sex means something significant to the other person.

 

This is so true. And to do anything else is just really poor behaviour and really out of order.

 

AMJ you are doing better than me... I had to get a 14 yr old to help me delete all the penis pictures off of my phone. Was an absolute nightmare, completely uncalled for and not one of the guys who sent me those pictures got another date or sex! they did get laughed at a lot though... By me, the 14 yr old, my mother, the guys at work... basically anyone who would look at my phone or try to assist with deleting them all. Again. That was a wave... I have about 2 months of pictures of willies and it was not pretty...

[GorillaTheater]

I had to get a 14 yr old to help me delete all the penis pictures off of my phone.

 

 

 

 

I'm pretty sure that makes you a perv. At least by proxy or something.

[AMJ]

This is so true. And to do anything else is just really poor behaviour and really out of order.

 

AMJ you are doing better than me... I had to get a 14 yr old to help me delete all the penis pictures off of my phone. Was an absolute nightmare, completely uncalled for and not one of the guys who sent me those pictures got another date or sex! they did get laughed at a lot though... By me, the 14 yr old, my mother, the guys at work... basically anyone who would look at my phone or try to assist with deleting them all. Again. That was a wave... I have about 2 months of pictures of willies and it was not pretty...

 

OMG that is hilarious For the life of me I cannot figure out how to delete things from Facebook messenger...and there are a lot of things I need to delete there.

 

I'd much rather have people around me who would laugh at any of this, instead my friends either feel pity or actually get angry.

[Toodaloo]

 

I'm pretty sure that makes you a perv. At least by proxy or something.

 

I am happy to admit I am a pervert but the 14 yr old was the only one who could figure out how to get rid of the wretched things... Every time I thought they were gone they would pop up somewhere else. I was too embarrassed to take it to the phone shop and request their help with deleting penises...

 

My grandmother looks at the pictures on my phone! My mother looks at the pictures on my phone (she actually saw a load and had a good laugh and couldn't delete them either, nor could my Dad, my brother, my bosses, several employees or Richard the postman)...

 

Oh the joys of being born in an era before the internet and swiping left and thumb prints and twitter and settings and mobile data and goodness knows what...

 

I long for the days of the old phones with the round dials... Mind you I did think I was the bees knees with my mobile "brick" that I had to carry in a bag. Gosh was I posh...

 

Do not ask me about facebook messenger. I have only just found some messages from 2011 on there...

[AMJ]

Oh the joys of being born in an era before the internet and swiping left and thumb prints and twitter and settings and mobile data and goodness knows what...

 

I long for the days of the old phones with the round dials... Mind you I did think I was the bees knees with my mobile "brick" that I had to carry in a bag. Gosh was I posh...

 

Do not ask me about facebook messenger. I have only just found some messages from 2011 on there...

 

Your family sounds fantastic

 

I wonder if the person who invented smartphones thought of how their groundbreaking invention would degenerate dating forever into a tit/dic pic trading scheme when they were engineering them?

[xxoo]

A guy can't help what women think. I would never lie about my intentions. Like I said, I don't even push for sex, if it happens, it happens.

 

A woman should not just have sex with a guy assuming he wants something more meaningful with her, just to get upset if he does not.

 

Of course.

 

But you said these women were ok with casual sex and hookups because of 3rd or 4th date sex. That's far from the only possibility.

[VeveCakes]

Theres a difference between not being interested after sex and telling the person and just stringing the person along while they look for something else...or not being able to be honest that they arent interested. I think it's obvious that no one is required to date someone simply because they slept with them.

 

It seems like no matter how much you ask someone what their intentions are...you have to judge them by their actions because their word means sh*t. Before the internet, people were so much more limited in their dating pool and couldn't act so dickish. Now the possibilities are endless...

[AMJ]

Theres a difference between not being interested after sex and telling the person and just stringing the person along while they look for something else...or not being able to be honest that they arent interested. I think it's obvious that no one is required to date someone simply because they slept with them.

 

It seems like no matter how much you ask someone what their intentions are...you have to judge them by their actions because their word means sh*t. Before the internet, people were so much more limited in their dating pool and couldn't act so dickish. Now the possibilities are endless...

 

This really is true. I've always been treated with more respect by guys I met in person, than I have by guys I met online. Always. It's like when something comes to them more easily, they take it for granted. That's human nature I guess.

[Imajerk17]

Well AMJ, there are a lot of weirdos on OLD period. When I had my profile up I got my share of emails from women who were "separated" with 3 kids low level of education and hardly any income who clearly were looking for a guy to support them. No thank you.

 

I'd say anyone who does OLD should expect a good 80% of the people who contact them to be completely wrong for them. So if you are asking why you are getting wet, it's because it's raining everywhere.

 

I do! I'm talking to about 20 guys online right now. Some of them are going to get tossed out because of weird things they're saying. Nate is one of them. There is another guy who says he's not interested in relationships but he hasn't straight up asked for sex yet. Most of the others seem nice. But I'm pretty sure at least a few of them will try to start sexting sometime soon, because that always happens. And then a few others will be really busy and not make much effort to meet me in person. So maybe out of this 20, I'll actually end up meeting 2-3 in person.

 

20 guys is an awful lot to talk to at once. I mean, I think the objective is to go from the site to text to phone to meeting up as quickly as possible, and that is tough to do when you have 20 guys.

 

But, out of that 20, surely there is one decent guy in there right? Maybe you can get a couple you are friends with to help you weed them down?

 

You're right, about this. But can you explain tend and befriend?

It's true I spend too much energy on people and things that don't matter. And I don't rebound well from bad dates, bad experiences. But I tend to meet a lot of jerks, so it is hard not to at least wonder why.

 

By "tend and befriend" (I heard the term somewhere once, can't remember where, maybe it is a bit of a misnomer) I mean you spend a lot of emotional energy trying to figure out the weirdos ('why did this guy do x?'). Many people who do this end up getting sucked into being involved with (befriending so to speak) said weirdos.

 

 

Most of the decent men I know personally (family members, friends, friends' husbands) never really tried at all in dating. They just let a relationship happen when one fell into their lap.

 

Likewise goes for women too though, right? It's much easier to meet someone to date when more people in our social circles are also single. However, it's no guaranteed ticket for happiness, you just have to read the misery in the "Separation/Divorce" "Other Man/Woman", or "Infidelity" subforums to see that.

 

So unless I missed something, the main takeaway is that decent men keep options open on OLD because women aren't consistent either, and don't always say what they mean or want?

 

Well actually, no.

 

We keep options open when we haven't met someone whom we'd be really excited about dating exclusively (and who feels likewise about us). Most men, even most "relationship-oriented" men, don't just say it's time to get coupled up and settle for the next decent woman they meet.

 

I believe women who do OLD approach it the same way though. I mean, they are looking for chemistry and butterflies too, and not just a decent guy. You agree with this?

[Weezy1973]

Theres a difference between not being interested after sex and telling the person and just stringing the person along while they look for something else...

 

 

These two things are quite often hard to differentiate by both sides.

[VeveCakes]

These two things are quite often hard to differentiate by both sides.

 

Not really.... I mean if you arent interested why continue to text breadcrumbs and keep the contact....but really the person is dating others and has no intention of "dating" the person they slept with- even though the person has specifically made it clear they are not looking for casual.

 

If you want to get laid and move on...fine. Do it....just don't continue to keep the lines open for back up or ego stroke. Thats what gets me, its not fair to the other party.