Robert Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Let's keep things civil, folks. We've deleted about a dozen posts from this thread that were lacking in civility and respect and added nothing to the topic. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AMJ Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 You see, there are some indications of an antiquated mindset rolled into this response: 1. that guys either want casual sex or not, as if there are only two kinds of guys and they're diametrically opposite. 2. that guys are supposed to strut like a peacock and display grand gestures, while a woman sits at home and feigns demure waiting on the phone to ring... will he or won't he call, or send flowers? Oh, the rest of my life depends on what he does next! Pfffft. Bold is a good point. For this my answer ties with what average guy wrote above, my frustration is not so much that men want sex or even casual sex, it's how they are trying to get it. For some people, like myself, sex is not something you just walk up to a person and ask for. I'm pretty sure I could get away with doing that, all the time, but I think that's tasteless and disrespectful. I don't think that sex always needs to "mean something" but even if I just want something casual, I want romance, attraction to develop, chemistry...just asking a girl for sex is like ordering a pizza. Hey, I want this, will you give it to me? I don't know how I'm coming across as needing grand gestures or men to jump through hoops. All I want is a guy to take me on a date and get to know me to see if we're mutually attracted to each other. I'd love it if he could treat me like a person with a brain, a heart, a soul, and feelings, and not ask me for boob photos or what my favorite sex position is, or send me dic pics, or ask me to have sex before I've even met him. If that is antiquated, or makes me a princess, then I am confused. Right. It sounds like you believe a guy should prove himself by attending nana's 87th b-day and engaging in other domestic activities while pretending to not be interested in sex... in other words, if he won't jump through hoops then he's not pursuing properly. Bzzzzt. For the idk 5th time- I'm interested in sex! I love sex, I love being affectionate. I love doting on someone I care about. People in my life know me to be the most generous and giving person they know, in fact I usually give way too much to others. Knowing that, it's fair to say I do need to gauge a man's interest before I give too much and wind up over invested in someone who's not as invested in me. You can call that "jumping through hoops" but I just don't see it that way. Yea, I get that. IMHO though, it seems like you have your self-image and self-worth all rolled up into this pursuit notion, which takes it out of your hands and puts into the hands of these random guys that you decide you'd like to be pursued by but who aren't interested in wearing top hats and tails and laying their cape over a mud puddle. This is your other best point. I'm still thinking about this one. How about engaging him in an interesting conversation and see if he can hold his own... or if you can hold your own with him. See if there's any intellectual or physical chemistry rather than being completely focused on the end game. No, not at all. When you run into a guy online who's only interested in a hookup just don't respond, or even better, block him and don't give it a second thought. Well these two points contradict each other, don't they. Engage in conversation with this guy but also write him off completely and move on. That guy didn't want to engage in an intellectual conversation. I actually did try, he shut it down right from the start to let me know he didn't have time for substance. Consider that I do actually search for substance in dates I go on. I honestly do. I broke up with a nice guy a few years ago because we had no substance, but he really really liked me. Our conversations never went deeper than superficial things and I got bored, and therefore was not attracted to him the way I need to be. But he did lots of grand gestures and jumped through hoops, as you say. I'm more interested in small gestures. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 And sentence in bold- are you now saying that men are capable of being attracted to women for things other than their appearance? When you've done OLD, you think- well she's pretty basic looking, but damn her interests and hobbies are HOT.Some people have a way of having their personality come across in their profile. I've had some cases in which I wasn't exactly "wowed" by her profile pictures, but her profile text peaked my interest. Believe it or not, some of us actually read the profiles and can be attracted by things other than looks. More than once in my life, I've chosen a less physically attractive women who brought something extra to the table over a more physically attractive woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Due to continued bickering on this thread, we've deleted another dozen posts and the thread will remain closed. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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