Author Kelley Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 I love this, thank you. I think you want to remind him of your existence. You want to show him that you still care. Well, he doesn't because he already showed you that when he cheated on you. A text from you will look to him this way -- "I cheated on her and she's wishing me happy birthday!" He'll probably snicker, laugh, inflate his ego and devalue you even more. Feel your moods, just don't react on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 Yes I'm keeping my pride and keeping NC, thank you Kelley you might be the lovlest lady around but please don't send a message to him he really doesn't deserve it and you, keep your pride I know its hard I've been like that many times but I grit my teeth and pushed through it, I still want to do it but I am alot more stronger now to fight it, I really wish you all the best x Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Thank you, thing is I don't need closure he has moved on and has a girlfriend (the woman he cheated on me with, but claims not to love as he still loves me (take with a lot of salt). Thinking about it, and typing the above I won't be sending anything, I'm best keeping NC for my own wellbeing and moving on. If you were the one he loved you would be on vacation with him celebrating his B-day. Don't believe that stuff. Definitely don't contact him to wish him a happy b-day, besides he's away on vacation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 We all know what you're going through. Hang in there! Even though I am further down the healing process, I have had thoughts about reaching out to my ex. It's never easy to shake off feelings. It's a process. Ride the emotional rollercoaster - some days you will feel stronger than others. One day, you will even wonder why you cared so much for someone who didn't care at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NIGHT1985 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Don't. I sent my ex a huge text for her birthday, and got nothing back on mine(20 days apart). It's just unnecessary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I don't know how everyone else is doing, but I'm tired from the sleepless nights and I still don't have my appetite back. I have lost 14 pounds in weight (I could spare it, just) and I just feel like a rung out dishcloth most days. The heartbreak diet is a nightmare, looking forward to my appetite and sleep getting back to normal! How is everyone else doing? Link to post Share on other sites
tahlullah Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 hi Kelley, I assume we are going through similiar situation. though I am sure, my relationship is pretty infantile to even qualify a breakup. However, we sisters gotta do what we need to do. I have started a thread where I will post my daily activities to claim my-self back. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/600130-self-recovery_one-day-time . Hope you can join me. And hope today is a better day, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 have you hit the gym? it really works. I wasnt convinced until I moved my ass and tried it myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I run, started yoga and walk my dog over 5 miles a day and still my sleep is rubbish! have you hit the gym? it really works. I wasnt convinced until I moved my ass and tried it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ha, the Heartbreak Diet's extremely effective. I remember back in my time I lost like 30+ lbs. (Unfortunately I didn't actually need to lose any. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Can somebody please remind me why an ex that cheated on you, chose her is in a relationship with her would keep trying to contact you? I have received an e-mail (blocked him), he turned up at my work and has hand written me two letters now. I have been NC for almost 4 weeks. I don't want the scumbag back just baffled why he keeps trying? He says he misses me, loves me but hasn't said anything about getting back together so what is the point anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Zuur Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Can somebody please remind me why an ex that cheated on you, chose her is in a relationship with her would keep trying to contact you? I have received an e-mail (blocked him), he turned up at my work and has hand written me two letters now. I have been NC for almost 4 weeks. I don't want the scumbag back just baffled why he keeps trying? He says he misses me, loves me but hasn't said anything about getting back together so what is the point anyway? He needs an egoboost, wants to see if he can get you back after the sh*t he put you through? The way you describe him he sounds like a real sleezebag though, lot's of men out there that will treat you better, not worth your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Tell him if he contacts you again you will tell his gf to make him leave you alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chief1970 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 My ex did the same thing. The grass wasn't greener. It's a way to see if you still have feelings. If he was happy with the new chick he wouldn't go out of the way to bump into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 my ex did the same thing and contacted me when things werent going well with the other girl. id say stay NC because its either that or he needs an ego boost and you are far better without all of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 He's definitely missing what he once had. In other words, he's regretting his decision/s and has finally began to realize what he's lost in the process of his preposterous actions. You're doing incredibly well to keep him and yourself at bay, so kudos to you... and I'll say to you a term of which I believe most females say to each other to promote motivation and triumph: 'You go girl' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 He realises that new girl isn't all that and that he gave up gold for copper... Leave him get on with it and carry on ignoring him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 I remember when Zahara gave me a kick up the bum when I was thinking of sending him a birthday message, when he had gone away with his new girlfriend to celebrate it! I think it was the first week NC, I was all over the place. Basically she said where is your self respect? At that time my confidence was shot, I missed him even after what he put me through! NC has allowed me to see him for what he really is! There is no way I would take him back. I remain NC and it gets better each day. Why would I take the scumbag back after he treated me like **** and she has had her hands all over him, he has had sex with her! No thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 I read a lot about people struggling with no contact. I'm almost 4 weeks in now and let me tell you, I know where you are coming from! Why the hell I wanted to contact me ex after he cheated on me and then made her his new girlfriend is now beyond me! I mean come on where was my self worth, my respect? I will tell you that first week my confidence and self respect was down the toilet. My head and heart were screaming out for their 'fix'. Just one message, go on send it. The times I wrote messages on my phone and then deleted them, e-mails and also deleted those. I stead fast, held on and didn't reach out. As the days went on, sure it was hard but I was starting to take a step back and I could finally see him for what he was! Don't go by words, texts and e-mails think about how he behaved. NC brings you peace and time to recover. It enables you to find your self worth again. When you respond to those breadcrumb texts you are disrespecting you, and staying put in the hurt. Be strong, heal and move on. NC proves how strong you are and in turn rewards you with healing. I'm feeling so much better than day 1. Still a way to go, but everyday is a step away from the hurt. Put you first and stay NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 It does work. If we use the time to heal. Regain our peace of mind. Forgive ourselves. Learn from the experience. Too often we see people trying to use NC as a gimmick to get their ex back. Spend their time moping rather than getting better. Worry about being "mean" to the ex - the person who betrayed you. If there is a time to be selfish, No Contact is it. Use NC as a time to heal and it will work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aboohoo Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Can somebody please remind me why an ex that cheated on you, chose her is in a relationship with her would keep trying to contact you? I have received an e-mail (blocked him), he turned up at my work and has hand written me two letters now. I have been NC for almost 4 weeks. I don't want the scumbag back just baffled why he keeps trying? He says he misses me, loves me but hasn't said anything about getting back together so what is the point anyway? Hi Kelley just wondering how you are doing now? Very similar situation to me, My ex of 5 years cheated on me and is now in a relationship with the girl. Did your ex still try and contact you? I can't imagine mine doing that. Are you still doing NC? Does it help? I can't go completely NC as i need to talk to him about our house we are now trying to sell. Just read through your thread now and it gives me hope that i can get to the place you now seem to be at x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 Hiya, He has now stopped contacting me, he wrote a few letters wanting me back but I didn't answer and kept NC. For me NC was a lifesaver it really helped me to move on and start healing. I'm in such a better place now no anxiety (I was having panic attacks, not sleeping) to now I sleep, I'm not anxious and no heavy heart. I worked a lot on letting my feelings out in a journal and writing e-mails I never sent. It was so hard getting over the cheating and comparing myself at the beginning to her, but it was nothing to do with me, it was down to him and his actions. He loved me at some point for me, he changed. You will get there just concentrate on you and if you can at any point go NC. Think about your life and what you want to do. I have filled mine with a lot of things I'm enjoying that I didn't have time for before. I'm happy on my own, and I will get to the point where I want to start dating again, but I'm in no rush. I do still love him and sometimes miss the guy I fell in love with, but that will fade in time. I wish you all the best x Hi Kelley just wondering how you are doing now? Very similar situation to me, My ex of 5 years cheated on me and is now in a relationship with the girl. Did your ex still try and contact you? I can't imagine mine doing that. Are you still doing NC? Does it help? I can't go completely NC as i need to talk to him about our house we are now trying to sell. Just read through your thread now and it gives me hope that i can get to the place you now seem to be at x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Thank you, thing is I don't need closure he has moved on and has a girlfriend (the woman he cheated on me with, but claims not to love as he still loves me (take with a lot of salt). Thinking about it, and typing the above I won't be sending anything, I'm best keeping NC for my own wellbeing and moving on. I'm glad you are taking that statement with a grain of salt. Does it make sense to you that he is in love with you but chose to be with her? Of course not. Don't ever speak to him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelley Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 I haven't spoken to him maintained NC and totally moved on. If you are in love with someone you don't move onto someone else that quickly. If you do it won't last, he didn't last with her and wanted me back. I just re-read my thread and I remember saying when he realises what he has lost I will have moved on, and that's exactly what happened! I'm glad you are taking that statement with a grain of salt. Does it make sense to you that he is in love with you but chose to be with her? Of course not. Don't ever speak to him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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