queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Mine hasnt come back yet...he dumped me 2.5 months ago....and yet to have regret or admit to having regret. He does resurface quite often....like if he will email me randomly from time to time... i think that once you completely fall off the face of the earth is when he start to regret, until then, if they feel they can still have you whenever they want you, i dont think they try and come back. what does everyone else think? Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by what456 TUDOR, how did you learn to love again? Still learning, I don't think you can ever know it all. I never liked being single much and have always just preferred being with a someone. As bad as I got hurt before I knew that I still wanted back in the game and would never be half the man by myself as I could with the right woman to make me rise to that next level. I ran from my girlfriend at the time because I found myself very much in love with her and I had only known that feeling one other time which lead to me getting hurt. The love I felt for her was even stronger than before so I associated the fact I could get hurt that much worse if I stayed instead of seeing the upside to it. So I ran but eventually found my way back. The short answer is I chose to let me myself enjoy her and not be afraid of her. Yes she could hurt me but she could also bring a lot more to my life and seemed like I was giving up alot of that good stuff just because there was a chance I might get hurt. It is always a gamble but with any gamble you must decide if the risks out weigh the reward or vice versa. For me the reward became greater than the risk so I gambled. You have to be willing to loose everything in order to win everything. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Question for you?? When you ran, how long were you gone for? And how long was it before you ran back to her and did you date others while you were gone etc... Also did your past or upbringing have any correlation to the way your reacted to her love. I am asking all these questions because i feel like my bf might have done the same thing... things were awesome between us, we were planning future vacations etc...then out of the blue he breaks up with me saying "somethings missign" and that was that...i was completely caught off guard.. Its been 2.5 months and we dont talk, we do work at the same company so unfortunately we run into each other quite often but honestly it sucks...i still love him more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Question for you?? When you ran, how long were you gone for? And how long was it before you ran back to her and did you date others while you were gone etc... Also did your past or upbringing have any correlation to the way your reacted to her love. I am asking all these questions because i feel like my bf might have done the same thing... things were awesome between us, we were planning future vacations etc...then out of the blue he breaks up with me saying "some things missing" and that was that...i was completely caught off guard.. Its been 2.5 months and we don't talk, we do work at the same company so unfortunately we run into each other quite often but honestly it sucks...i still love him more than anything. I "ran" for a almost 2 months. I didn't really date anyone during that time but I did have a one night stand. That is what some guys and even some women do...we go out and have meaningless sex to get over something that is meaningful in our lives. Yes I felt sh*tty about it but just being honest. My past, his past....they all play a part in who we are but you can't rely to much on that kind of thing for the purposes of predicting what you think is going on. The best thing you can do is let him come back on his own if that is what he wants. My g/f at the time imposed the NC with me so I was cut off completely. People come back for good reasons some not so good. Others don't come back at all. But to find the right one it always worth loosing on occasion until the right one stays or does come back in the end. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Thanks for the response, im just saying its been 2.5 months and there has been minimal contact and any contact was via email, not over the phone. We have talked in person one time too. Its so hard for me because seriously our relationship was awesome, we had everything in common and never fought. He has MAJOR trust issues and is insecure, very insecure, this steps from his upbringing...his father cheated on his mother and 2 other wives so hes had many people come in and out of his life. I guess the best thing for me to do is walk away...if he realizes that he cares he will come back. I dont think I should have to iniate any contact.... What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 we do work at the same company so unfortunately we run into each other quite often but honestly it sucks...i still love him more than anything. He probably still knows you are pining for him and that enables him to continue on without you. Its when you fall off the face of the earth, IE no contact that they start to wonder. You have to make them miss you before they realize what they lost, otherwise nothing changes. I am learning this the hard way unfortunately, but regardless I learned and that's whats important. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Ok so let me ask all of you this... We both usually workout at 11 everyday...i have decided as of yesterday to walk away, meaning i am falling off the face of the earth and throwing the towel in. In order to do this I have to rearrange my gym schedule etc... do you think thats the right thing to do? Also his bday is coming up on july 23rd, should i ignore that as well... Also when he emails should i just not respond?? I just dont know whats besT? Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Ok so let me ask all of you this... We both usually workout at 11 everyday...i have decided as of yesterday to walk away, meaning i am falling off the face of the earth and throwing the towel in. In order to do this I have to rearrange my gym schedule etc... do you think thats the right thing to do? Also his bday is coming up on july 23rd, should i ignore that as well... Also when he emails should i just not respond?? I just dont know whats besT? I would suggest rearranging your schedule so as to not see him, and definitely do not respond to emails and dont send anything or acknowledge his bday. Let him wonder what the heck happened to you. Emails are a sorry excuse for real conversation, if he can email you he can call. So dont email back. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 This is tricky because there is no way back in a door that has been closed. If you really want this guy to come back you have to leave the door open and the possibility for him to come back. But you can't put your life on hold and wait for him to come around either. Because the two of you work together I would think it be easier to stay civil with him. You don't' have to go out of your way to avoid him by rearranging your schedule or anything but you can make your efforts to limit your contact with him a bit more subtle. I don't know the circumstances of why you two broke up so it is hard to say what you should do. I for one don't burn too many bridges when it can be helped and remain friendly as possible with out it being awkward or hard. I would send him an email on his birthday but keep it short and to the point but that is just me. You only let certain people in a lifetime into your world and it is shame to throw them away after all that. Just know your limits and know when it is time to move on and don't let yourself sit around waiting for him to come back while life passes you by. But if you think he is worth it then give it every chance you can before moving on. Otherwise you always wonder what if. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I agree 100% I sort feel right now he is getting exactly what he wants...he can see me everyday and then email when he feels like it. He usually resurfaces after a couple weeks of no contact. We both just went on vacations that we had planned while we were dating and sure enough on the day we got back to the office i got an email from him asking how my trip to los angeles was...too funny!! He sent it at 7:45am, needeless to say i was stupid and responded...and then once he gathered all the info he wanted, he stopped responding... That was the last straw with me. Funny part is that he obviously still thinks about me seeing how he is wondering how my trip was... I think avoiding him at all costs now will help me get over him and probably make him a bit curious!! Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Well I feel like he is getting what he wants right now...he resurfaces often enough for me to not be able to move on. He isnt dating anybody right now, he offered that information up to me. He also told me that he is moving downtown into an apt, which is so shocking because when we were dating he said he didnt want to rent anymore, and planned on buying a townhouse this summer and even talked about me moving in with him...etc.... Why we broke up? Heck I dont even know... one day he is telling me good nite i love you, the next he just breaks up with me out of the blue and his reasoning was "somethings missing" Basically i think our relationship got too monotonous and routine... Maybe he got the grass is greener symdrome...all i know is he said if its meant to be we will end up back together but so far i get no random text messages from him and he NEVER calls....so to me it seems like hes moved on, all that besides the random emails from him. I would like to wish him a happy bday because i am a nice person but dont know if it will do me any good or not. For my bday he gave me a beautiful ring from tiffanys, and that was one 3 weeks before we broke up. Nothing makes sense to me thats why i just think he got scared.... he is younger than me and all of his friends are starting to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Why we broke up? Heck I dont even know... For my bday he gave me a beautiful ring from tiffanys, and that was one 3 weeks before we broke up. Nothing makes sense to me thats why i just think he got scared.... You totally answered your own question there - he gave you a ring and then disappeared..he got scared! Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Well it wasnt a "ring" ring....it was just a silver ring....he gave me the necklace from Tiffanys for xmas and the bracelet for Valentines day and then the ring for my bday!! But why the heck spend ALL that money if you dont care?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Well it wasnt a "ring" ring....it was just a silver ring....he gave me the necklace from Tiffanys for xmas and the bracelet for Valentines day and then the ring for my bday!! But why the heck spend ALL that money if you dont care?? Sweetheart, he cares for you. You can still care for another person and get scared at the same time, no? Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Me thinks he does care! Why don't you ask him why? Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I did ask him why guys.... all he could say was that "something was missing" from our relationship. Part of me believes that he thinks that "honeymoon phase" is suppose to last forever.... it doesnt. Hes only had one other serious relationship and they fought and brokeup all the time...a lot of chaos, ours had none, maybe thats what was missing. I think he wont realize all this until he tries with someone else, like maybe he will see that what we had was amazing...as i see it. After 9 months, people get into a routine in their relationship and get comfortable...it takes work. All I know is I still think about him EVERY day....i have dreams about him too and just wish he would feel the same way as i do... Its nice to know that he isnt dating anyone tho, once the summer is over, all the partying wont be as much fun. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 I did ask him why guys.... all he could say was that "something was missing" from our relationship. Part of me believes that he thinks that "honeymoon phase" is suppose to last forever.... it doesnt. Hmmm. Pushing commitment, sudden change of heart once he's got it, romantic idealism and "something missing"... sure this guy isn't Juliet's long-lost brother? Hes only had one other serious relationship and they fought and brokeup all the time...a lot of chaos, ours had none, maybe thats what was missing. Or maybe he just can't commit and finds different ways to do it each time. All I know is I still think about him EVERY day....i have dreams about him too and just wish he would feel the same way as i do... Oh sweetie Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Yeah im a sad case : ( Regardless of it all i am choosing to walk away...i have held on for the past 2.5 months and he has no regrets thus far!! He has major trust issues and is extremely insecure so this can part of the problem, otherwise its a HUGE mystery to me and im left confused with no answers... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Well a friend of mine, really a friend , had the love of her life coming into and out of her life for about 5 years. Thing is even though they weren't together anymore they would still sleep with eachother and yet he always said he couldnt commit to her yet. That he wasn't ready to have a relationship. I kept telling her why is he going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?? She was ALWAYS there and never gave him a chance to feel as if he was going to lose her. Well eventually she enforced NC on him for about 4 months. It worked and he started flipping and wanting to see her and spend time with her. But again he didnt want to commit and started playing games again so she did it again and didnt talk to him for about 3 months. He know has called her about fifty times and says he can't lose her and that he wants a relationship with her. I wouldve kicked him in the nutz and said peace by now but she loved him and she waited and finally after NC he came back full force. I don't always think NC works. its not my style but it works in some cases and it worked for her. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by EC I wouldve kicked him in the nutz and said peace by now but she loved him and she waited and finally after NC he came back full force. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Well im going to try NC for a while...i guess it cant hurt. Hes obviously not running back to me thus far. And a lot of people want what they cant have!! Link to post Share on other sites
what456 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 well, has your ex ever send it's a done deal and still has come back? Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Yeah I am curious to the answer to that too... Like have they said there is no hope and still came back after no contact for awhile??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Yeah I am curious to the answer to that too... Like have they said there is no hope and still came back after no contact for awhile??? My highschool sweetheart did that, he said aint no way in hell we can make this work. I begged for about a month, made the all-time mistake of trying to be "friends" which ended up getting me in to a "friends w/ benefits" situation and I hated it, so eventually I cut him off altogether and TADA!! about a month later, he wants to be with me again. Too bad I already moved on from that dolt. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 When I left I wasn't sure if was going to be going back or not. I told her that I was just not ready to be in this deep and needed to do my own thing for awhile. Back story....I was divorced before (not pleasant) and I saw the relationship going toward something very serious and I wasn't ready to consider marriage again, she had began to talk about it. So thinking that is were it was going I decided to just end it with the thinking you can't go backwards with progress in a relationship. So I left and I told her that I maybe down the road when the time was right we could reconnect but that she should move on with her life. But I did come back and it worked out really good. Don't know where I would be though had she not taking me back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts