Did you/ your AP discuss sex life with spouse? How did you feel about it?

[grassisorisntgreener]

The only thing I ever said was that my husband didn't want it as much as I did.

 

He made it seem like they were more brother and sister and I never asked because I knew it would make me feel disgusting.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi

This still bothers me and I wanted to ask-

Did your AP talk about sex with spouse?

Did you talk about sex with your spouse?

Did you tell the truth? Did you believe them?

 

I stupidly had sex with xMM again a while ago. He says he has not been intimate with spouse since affair started!!!!! I find it hard to believe!! But something happened to make me think he had sex with her the next night after me. And I find that so difficult. It plays on my mind!!!

 

 

Affair is over and Therefore I know in so many ways there is no point in going over this!!! But just wanted to hear others stories!

 

Thanks

 

I didn't say much about my own sex life, which was active, and xmm did not ask.

 

He volunteered a lot about his sex life, or lack of it. It had been years since she would not perform oral on him and he has ED. I even know what her vagina looks like. He said it was disfigured. Really TMI.

That part was true and confirmed by my H. Later though he said they were still celibate but it was a lie.

You really can't believe what they guys say.

He did have ED though, that was no lie. (or fun)

[rainbowsandkittens]

WTF :lmao:!?!?!?! Where do you find these dudes?

 

Just lucky, I guess. LOL.

 

He masterbated A LOT. First thing in the morning in the shower and then if we sexted. The last time we sexted he did three times in one day. So even if his partner was sleeping with him every day I think his drive is so high that it still wouldn't be enough for him. I don't fool myself that I was anything more than a conduit to making this happen. I think he'll end up finding someone else to do it but he said he's working on his relationship. I have theories about this. But then I have theories about everything when it comes to him.

[Birdies]

My MM (now divorced, um, boyfriend I guess?) and I discussed it some. There really wasn't anything we didn't talk about. We didn't complain or talk meanly about our spouses to each other, just talked honestly about the issues we both had in the sexual aspects of our marriages.

 

He and his wife hadn't been intimate for several years - she had never had much interest in it and had never once orgasmed in 20 years together!!! (And not because he doesn't know what he's doing!!) She is just very uptight and couldn't relax enough, basically. He eventually stopped initiating and had gotten to the point where he was entirely disinterested as well.

 

He knew my husband and I were still intimate occasionally, but that I was essentially putting up with it so as not to hurt / offend my husband. I had a lot of resentment towards him about not taking care of his health, and that manifested in part by utterly losing my attraction to him. I think my MM was jealous that the woman he loved was sometimes sleeping with another man, but of course he understood the situation for how it was and never would have made me feel guilty or defensive about it.

 

I had been with my husband since I was a late teenager and had always thought I just wasn't a very sexual person... amazing what a difference it can make to be with someone where there's a lot of inherent, intrinsic chemistry

Edited October 5, 2016 by Birdies

[aileD]

I know because I've seen messages that my WS was telling OW that we Hadn't had sex in years (lie), and that during the affair, we weren't having sex....when in reality, we were having it more than ever.

 

Then he told her he only had sex with me because I initiated it after an incident where I injured myself. When in reality-- he was all over me all the time.

 

They say what they need to say to fit the agenda

[malvern99]

Just lucky, I guess. LOL.

 

He masterbated A LOT. First thing in the morning in the shower and then if we sexted. The last time we sexted he did three times in one day. So even if his partner was sleeping with him every day I think his drive is so high that it still wouldn't be enough for him. I don't fool myself that I was anything more than a conduit to making this happen. I think he'll end up finding someone else to do it but he said he's working on his relationship. I have theories about this. But then I have theories about everything when it comes to him.

 

I'm not a doctor or an expert or anything, but that much self gratification seems a little ummm over the top. I mean, did he have time to do or think of anything else all day? Good on you for dodging that bullet.

[Got it]

Yes we did discuss it, we both told the other when we did have sex with our partner (at the start of the affair), decided that we were not interested in having sex with said partners again, and so we didn't.

[ladydesigner]

My WH complained to MOW about our sex life which was averaging about 3 times a week. He was never home worked late and I worked 40 hours a week and was basically sole provider to our kids. MOW felt sorry for him. So she thought we were having 'roommate sex.'

[ladydesigner]

Just lucky, I guess. LOL.

 

He masterbated A LOT. First thing in the morning in the shower and then if we sexted. The last time we sexted he did three times in one day. So even if his partner was sleeping with him every day I think his drive is so high that it still wouldn't be enough for him. I don't fool myself that I was anything more than a conduit to making this happen. I think he'll end up finding someone else to do it but he said he's working on his relationship. I have theories about this. But then I have theories about everything when it comes to him.

 

Perfectly describes my WH he's waaaaay over the top with porn, masterbating and sex. He's a wanker

[Southern Sun]

Perfectly describes my WH he's waaaaay over the top with porn, masterbating and sex. He's a wanker

 

This was my xMM. Multiple times a day and in the office too. I could hear his drawer open and shut from my office, and if his door was closed, I would think uhhh-huhhh...I know what he's up to.

[Poppy47]

xMM had been married for 45 years when we met. He was 65 years old.

 

He told me that sex with his wife had never been what he wanted. He had never found intimacy with her. However, social mores were much different to today. One didn't just divorce in a small community.

 

He said she hadn't wanted him for many years . He was no longer interested in her either. It was never going to happen with her again.

 

I am widowed and not having sex with anybody else.

 

Poppy.

[Daisy2013]

Sometimes we talked about it. He said he didn't get anything at home, that he was just a paycheck. On occasion, when he was in one of his "distant" modes, I would ask him if he was getting lucky at home and thus not needing me. He'd say no and get frustrated with me and say "We don't do that and she doesn't give me anything, I wish you would believe me." He has sworn by that the years we were together, even when they were on vacation he swore he didn't get any.

 

I was pretty much celibate at home and he knew that. I can't be intimate with two men. And by intimate, I don't mean sex.

[aileD]

This was my xMM. Multiple times a day and in the office too. I could hear his drawer open and shut from my office, and if his door was closed, I would think uhhh-huhhh...I know what he's up to.

 

Wow, I wonder if they had a sex addiction?

[ladydesigner]

Wow, I wonder if they had a sex addiction?

 

Yes I am absolutely positive my WH is a sex addict. What it takes for him to get off... and I know because he has asked me to play along It seems after he gets bored with one sex act he needs to ramp up his fetishes

[Ahurtgirl]

Grey- Mine used to masterbate in the office. We would sext during work and he would go to the bathroom and send me pictures. I truly can't understand how anyone can do that. But apparently European bathroom stalls are more private than American ones. Lol.

 

Mine did this all the time in the private bathroom at his banking office as well. He did this daily over the four years we were together. Another favorite place was in his car listening to me on his bluetooth radio. I'm laughing just thinking about it. What a sicko and what an idiot I was. The hilarious part is that close to the end of our relationship I had been following him out of the park we met at and I had the window of my car open and I could hear his phone dialing and his voice clearly when he started a conversation. Apparently his suv has poor sound protection or something is screwed up on the speakers because it was as loud as sitting in his car as I drove behind him. All those times we had phone sex and who knows who heard me moaning in fake pleasure to get him off while he sat in his car jerking off! You can't make this stuff up. Dying laughing here as I think of who all probably heard it and how I would now react to that if I heard some stranger doing this. Hope someone else can find humor in this too

[ShatteredLady]

Having had the 'pleasure' of reading much of my WH communications I found the lies almost humorous. What broke my heart, way more than the affair, were the intimacies he shared. Personal, private things that I would only share with my love.

 

His A started shortly after my serious surgery. He mocked & discussed how grossed out he was by my scars & how disfigured I am. I don't even want to wear a swimming costume let alone ever be seen naked by anyone ever again. I used to truly enjoy my sexuality. Now I know I'm a joke.

 

I will never share my intimate thoughts, fears, health worries (I have cancer. More surgeries down there) again. If I wouldn't post it on Facebook I wouldn't share it with a man.

 

Affairs are so much fun.

[Chica80]

Having had the 'pleasure' of reading much of my WH communications I found the lies almost humorous. What broke my heart, way more than the affair, were the intimacies he shared. Personal, private things that I would only share with my love.

 

His A started shortly after my serious surgery. He mocked & discussed how grossed out he was by my scars & how disfigured I am. I don't even want to wear a swimming costume let alone ever be seen naked by anyone ever again. I used to truly enjoy my sexuality. Now I know I'm a joke.

 

I will never share my intimate thoughts, fears, health worries (I have cancer. More surgeries down there) again. If I wouldn't post it on Facebook I wouldn't share it with a man.

 

Affairs are so much fun.

 

Ughhh SL this breaks my heart. What a complete total jerk!!

[Hummingbird17]

My H, used to be MM, told me they didn't have sex often. While I do think he exaggerated some on the amount, I read letters after we were married where she talked about not wanting sex and not giving him any, so there was some truth to that.

 

We were not physical at the time, but once he told her he was leaving, she started initiating. I'm sure he enjoyed that, but he was honest with her about leaving and did.

[malvern99]

Having had the 'pleasure' of reading much of my WH communications I found the lies almost humorous. What broke my heart, way more than the affair, were the intimacies he shared. Personal, private things that I would only share with my love.

 

His A started shortly after my serious surgery. He mocked & discussed how grossed out he was by my scars & how disfigured I am. I don't even want to wear a swimming costume let alone ever be seen naked by anyone ever again. I used to truly enjoy my sexuality. Now I know I'm a joke.

 

I will never share my intimate thoughts, fears, health worries (I have cancer. More surgeries down there) again. If I wouldn't post it on Facebook I wouldn't share it with a man.

 

Affairs are so much fun.

 

This is so heart wrenching. You totally deserve better SL.

[ladydesigner]

Having had the 'pleasure' of reading much of my WH communications I found the lies almost humorous. What broke my heart, way more than the affair, were the intimacies he shared. Personal, private things that I would only share with my love.

 

His A started shortly after my serious surgery. He mocked & discussed how grossed out he was by my scars & how disfigured I am. I don't even want to wear a swimming costume let alone ever be seen naked by anyone ever again. I used to truly enjoy my sexuality. Now I know I'm a joke.

 

I will never share my intimate thoughts, fears, health worries (I have cancer. More surgeries down there) again. If I wouldn't post it on Facebook I wouldn't share it with a man.

 

Affairs are so much fun.

 

No you are not a joke! Those are battle scars I have some too so I understand. Not all men are this shallow like our WS's. Even after babies our bodies change and then aging... ugh!

[Onlywhenitrains]

He claimed during all 18 or so months of the A that he wasn't intimate in any way with his wife. And, that he wasn't for few years before our A started.

 

I wanted to believe, but I never really, truly did. Just typing this and knowing I continued with the A makes me feel beyond utterly ashamed with myself.

 

It doesn't really matter what he said. For the whole world, he was sleeping with his wife. The whole world rightfully assumed so. As should have I.

[Forever broken]

Having had the 'pleasure' of reading much of my WH communications I found the lies almost humorous. What broke my heart, way more than the affair, were the intimacies he shared. Personal, private things that I would only share with my love.

 

His A started shortly after my serious surgery. He mocked & discussed how grossed out he was by my scars & how disfigured I am. I don't even want to wear a swimming costume let alone ever be seen naked by anyone ever again. I used to truly enjoy my sexuality. Now I know I'm a joke.

 

I will never share my intimate thoughts, fears, health worries (I have cancer. More surgeries down there) again. If I wouldn't post it on Facebook I wouldn't share it with a man.

 

Affairs are so much fun.

 

 

 

This broke my heart. I am so sorry but you might not believe me because I am an XOW. But truly from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for the way your spouse treated you.

[ShatteredLady]

I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,

For I am much ashamed of my exchange:

But love is blind and lovers cannot see

The pretty follies that themselves commit;

For if they could, Cupid himself would blush.

 

Shakespeare.

[ShatteredLady]

That reminds me....

 

The play Romeo & Juliet is often referred to as the greatest love story ever told. Yep! True love. Lasts months & both die whilst still teenagers.

 

 

Forever Broken - You're a woman who wanted to be loved. I'm not a big fan of reducing women to 2 letters. BS, OW, WW,

Edited October 6, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[spideywoman]

SL _ my heart broke, too. YOU ARE NOT A JOKE and shame on anyone who has made you feel that way. Buggers.