My wife messaging her ex

[Lenax3]

Hey guys! First of all I wanted to apologize if I didnt post this in the right area.

My name is Lena, im from Germany. My wife lives in Texas.

I also want to apologize for my English. Its not that perfect but I'll do my best.

 

At first I want to tell you guys a little bit of our 'story'.

In 2013 we met online while we were playing ps3. We started messaging each other and 6 Months later we fell in love.

I thought everything is good but about 2 years later she told me that she's married with a guy. But I wasnt that surprised cause I already had a hint when she told me her last name.

In September 2015 he took some of his things and left her because I came to Texas to visit her for 2 weeks (which he didnt know. He just couldn't handle the fact that she wasnt there at home).

I came back in February 2016 for 3 Months and in May she finally started the divorce process cause she wanted to start a live with me.

 

Okay, here we go with the problem.

Before I left in May 2016 we talked and I was actually begging her not to contact him while im not there because she already did that before and she promised me she wont. She said she loves me too much to **** up what we have. I believed and trusted her.

Now I came back on September 7th when a text on her phone comes up. I told her that someone texted her and she told me to check cause supposedly she has nothing to hide. I checked and I saw a text saying 'Love you goodnight' and of course it was from him.

I broke down in tears cause that text hit me very very hard. She hugged me tight instantly and told me that I have nothing to worry about. She said he would just send her stuff like that sometimes..but if it really would have been just that then why was the whole conversation before deleted? So I knew she did more than that. I told her I dont want her to text him or anything like that anymore cause shes already divorced and they have nothing to talk about. She told me that im right and that shes going to stop.

A few days later he kept calling her and I told her if he calls again im going to answer the phone and she just told me to go for it.

Of course he called again and I answered..I asked him what he wants and he said that he just wants to talk to her. But I told him no because I dont want that. And then I hung up. After that he kept texting that supposedly she loves him and that she looks for him, how it was when they were still married, that he loves her and that he misses her.

I honestly have to say that after she allowed me to answer the phone when he called, it showed me that she doesn't want him back because I dont think I would allow my gf to answer my ex's phone call if I would still want to be with him.

So after that I asked her if I can block him so he doesn't have to text or call her anymore and she said yes...so I did.

Everything was wonderful after that. Especially because I didn't have to worry about him contacting her and stuff like that.

On September 15th we got married and we both were super happy! Especially because it was spontaneous. After we got married we spent the Weekend on the beach as a little honeymoon.

Everything was good..very good! I finally felt complete with her and the trust that was kind of missing for me came back and it was the best feeling I've ever felt.

 

Until yesterday. Yesterday I was on her laptop to do the paperwork I have to do for my visa when a notification came up that there was an unknown activity detected in her email address. Of course I checked because I thought someone hacked into her account but unfortunately it was her when she was at work.

She emailed him behind my back and deleted everything hoping I wouldn't see it. She basically told him that she's sorry for hurting him, that she misses him and working out, that he will always have a part in her heart and that she will always be here and shes not going anywhere.

I read it and I literally broke down. I felt helpless, empty and scared so I sent her an email telling her that im here on her laptop doing the paperwork we have to do and then I see this. I asked her why she did that and told her how I feel and that was her response: "Im not doing anything bad...first time I do this. you know how I am and I not once told him I love him or anything. No need to be scared damn it!! I did it cause Im the type of person who ****ing cares. I care about him like a friend and I just want to be sure he is okay. Was it wrong of me...yes but Im human. The only thing I can tell you is Im sorry. I have to go..."

 

Yesterday I also tried to talk to her about it but she really didnt want to. All I got from her was basically the same thing she always says..that shes going to stop, that she doesn't want to go back with him, that she's in love with me and not with him, that we went through so much together and that she would be stupid to **** up what we have. I told her that I don't feel comfortable with the fact that shes still contacting him especially behind my back! I told her that I have trust issues now and that I don't want that..its not good for both of us.

She just told me that I have nothing to worry about and that she really doesn't wanna go back with him..she just wants to he friends with him and make sure he's okay.

I tried to understand that and was playing with the thought of letting her be friends with him but only if we meet him together first.

But then my thoughts changed. I told her that she can't be friends with him because he still loves her. And everyone knows that a friendship like that will NEVER be a real friendship and wont workout either unless you have kids which they dont have! But she doesn't seem to understand that at all.

 

This morning when she left to work I told her to please stop and dont do anything and she told me "I wont..you are important to me"

And when I had her on the phone I checked out my apps on my phone including Google+ and a suggestion with another profile of hers came up. I checked and I saw that she created another email to contact him hoping I wont find out.

I asked her what the heck that is and she told me that she did it cause I didnt want her to have her old one anymore. Of course I knew why she created this account and I told her but she played the innocent one.

 

Now shes at work and im here at home not knowing what to do to make it stop :'( I'm terrified. talking doesn't seem to help. But leaving her is definitely not an option cause I really cant be without her.

I dont know how to explain how I feel right now..I guess im scared. Everyone knows that an Ex is always a danger but she doesn't understand that:( It seems like she doesnt want to put herself in my shoes. Im about to leave my friends, Family basically everything in Germany behind me to start a life with her..but how is this supposed to workout if she keeps contacting him? Why cant she just stop doing that for us?

I really dont know what else I can or should do..we're married now and she cant be selfish in that way. I believe she needs to do whats best for us so we can make it work.

 

I hope you guys can help me and give me advice.

 

PS: I wasnt the reason why they got divorced. He wasnt treating her right and she lost herself in her previous marriage. Also because they've been together since 7 or 8 years and they didn't have anything together.

[VeveCakes]

mmm looks like you need an annulment....stat.

 

She knows it hurts you, she knows its wrong, yet she is doing everything to keep contacting him. Nothing will change this.

[NTV]

Welcome to Loveshack Lena! We're a pretty good group of folks for a bunch of internet strangers.

 

 

Other folks will probably come along shortly with better advice. My advice? You have been tricked. Bamboozled. Conned. Duped. The emotions you feel for this woman have been used against you.

 

 

With regards to her marital history? You only have part of a story. Her half. If that half was told honestly... and I very much doubt that it was. It probably made her seem to be a damsel in distress. Poor bad angry abusive husband didn't treat her right. She needed rescued.

 

 

To make my point clearer... if she's talking to another guy right now and lining him up to be her next husband... would you react well? Would you treat her like a princess if she's texting another guy pictures of her breasts? I bet you wouldn't. And then, because you didn't like that she was so 'free-spirited', she would make you out to be the bad guy.

 

 

So, you know for certain she's still talking to her ex. Who she's said all the horrible things about. That is a very valuable clue that all is not what it appears.

 

 

So what do I suggest?

 

 

I suggest that the very first thing you do is to stop believing anything she says. Don't take anything at face value anymore. She demonstrated she can't be trusted.

[MJJean]

As I said on the other thread you made on the other advice site, she is a serial cheater. When she was married to him she was saying the same things to him about you that she is saying to you about him now that she is married to you. She is not a monogamous person and your choices are to either end the marriage or learn to accept that you are married to someone who is going to be unfaithful to you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I hope you guys can help me and give me advice.

 

Lena, I wouldn't move across the street to be with this person, they've proven they simply can't be trusted. Since you're planning a transcontinental relocation, your stakes are even higher.

 

She's trying to convince 1+1=3. Käufer Vorsicht!

 

Welcome to Loveshack...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Marc878]

Cut out the crying and begging. You're worth more than that.

 

Get out of this. She's just cake eating off you.

 

She's showed you who she is now believe it and move on.

[mikeylo]

So she was in love with you whe she was married to her now ex. Now she is in love with the ex while married to you.

 

It's pretty straight. She is messed and messing with both of you.

[standtall]

Good grief...you're whole relationship started off online and based on deceit. Your marriage is DOA.

 

Move on.