It's official: Online dating is a complete joke

[StillSingle]

Btw dude, your location is NYC. As if its hard to find dates in the largest city of America. Saying you are not having trouble finding dates there is like praising Brady for tossing 6 TDs against Cleveland. Please.

[normal person]

Did you not read the part where I mention she texted as much as me?

 

Well clearly there's a disparity with this because you offering too much too soon is the reason why she stopped talking to you.

 

Oh, she also sent a selfie first so you know, thought it was OK to comply.

 

She's a woman. You're a 40 year old man. Maybe this wasn't what put her over the edge but I can't imagine it helped. Hard to tell without context. To each their own, I suppose.

 

She also texted me what she liked so I figure why not engage with the discussion.

 

I don't doubt that there's some element of truth to that but clearly there was a misstep somewhere that you won't acknowledge. The fact that this wasn't an isolated incident and you had to start a thread lamenting your continued lack of success kind of corroborates that theory. Either they're all nuts, or maybe you're doing something wrong.

 

If you're such an expert with OLD, then by all means stick to it

 

I do, and I'm not the one complaining about how futile it is.

 

and stop coming here attempting to prove everyone who has had issues wrong.

 

I don't come here to prove people wrong, I give people the advice they need, and that I assume they want. I'm one of a handful of people here with proven success giving free advice that most people aren't capable of giving. If you'd rather go buy some "pick up manual," or just "vent" and complain, be my guest. It's clearly not the thread for me.

 

And It's funny you say that, because when these threads pop up, people private message me and ask for advice. And I'm happy to help, provided they can accept reality and are willing to improve rather than just complain that everyone else, or a website, is the problem.

 

On this, you're way off pal. Chick was nuts.

 

As I suppose all the others were, and that OLD is a complete joke. Clearly there's no other possibility. Sounds like you've got it all figured out and you don't need any of my help. Best of luck.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How would that even happen though? I mean it would take a lot less than months to know whether the woman really likes you or not unless you just flat out never ask her out to begin with where you'll never know.

 

 

Easy, you'd meet as coworkers or classmates or through friends and just start hanging out.

[normal person]

Btw dude, your location is NYC. As if its hard to find dates in the largest city of America. Saying you are not having trouble finding dates there is like praising Brady for tossing 6 TDs against Cleveland. Please.

 

Yeah, exactly. You don't get it. Circumstantial things matter. It's like saying "NE only won because they have Brady, who threw 6 TDs." You complaining that you are having trouble in a place with (what I'm assuming) is a low population and density is like complaining that you can't catch any fish in a puddle. Did you just totally fail to consider that to have the best results, you need to give yourself the best odds? That living in a place without a lot of women is a real bad way to meet women? Are you going to suggest the ball was under-inflated too?

 

I've got to leave this thread before my head explodes. Best of luck.

Edited October 6, 2016 by normal person

[NJ123]

Easy, you'd meet as coworkers or classmates or through friends and just start hanging out.

 

Well, co-workers I can understand since a lot of people wouldn't want to cross that line due to if something goes wrong you'll have to see them everyday. But if you meet someone as classmates or through friends it would likely take less than months to know whether she likes you or not as more than just a friend unless you don't ask her out.

[StillSingle]

Yeah, exactly. You don't get it. Circumstantial things matter. It's like saying "NE only won because they have Brady, who threw 6 TDs." You complaining that you are having trouble in a place with (what I'm assuming) is a low population and density is like complaining that you can't catch any fish in a puddle. Did you just totally fail to consider that to have the best results, you need to give yourself the best odds? That living in a place without a lot of women is a real bad way to meet women? Are you going to suggest the ball was under-inflated too?

 

I've got to leave this thread before my head explodes. Best of luck.

 

Just get duct tape.

 

It's all good man. I hear what you're saying. I'm just in a crappy mood and that's on me.

[StillSingle]

Its like, what is acceptable? Cant talk about some basic things you like without coming off as desperate.

 

If you say nothing, then you're not interested.

 

If you wait to ask to meet, you're dicking around.

 

If you ask to meet right away, all of the sudden you want to be exclusive.

 

Online dating is bull****. Pure and simple.

[Zippy2000]

Its like, what is acceptable? Cant talk about some basic things you like without coming off as desperate.

 

If you say nothing, then you're not interested.

 

If you wait to ask to meet, you're dicking around.

 

If you ask to meet right away, all of the sudden you want to be exclusive.

 

Online dating is bull****. Pure and simple.

 

 

 

Wow! You couldnt have said more truthully than that.

 

 

I also hate time wasters who delay dates and never wanting to meet. These time wasters take up a lot of my time who initially you think have potential but turn out to be people who want ego boosts.

 

 

I call these people "pen pals".

[SoThatHappened]

Normal! You've got to give is a peek at your profiles! You have that part figured out if all of those messages are genuine.

 

And I'm not kidding

[StillSingle]

The more I thought about it, the more I see how nutty it is that this can even be an argument.

 

If a grown woman cannot handle a couple of texts that mention basic likes, then she should terminate her OLD account and not bother. What's next, regulation on how many letters to use?

 

Hey normal, I found out she has been dovorced twice with no relationship lasting more than 4 years while calling her workmate a "fat c%$t" and complaining about white people acting black. Yeah, got that text this morning before I cut her off.

 

Am I still the problem? How's your head?

Edited October 6, 2016 by StillSingle

[JuneJulySeptember]

Normal! You've got to give is a peek at your profiles! You have that part figured out if all of those messages are genuine.

 

And I'm not kidding

 

I do believe there's a certain persona/sense of humor/demeanor that appeals to the general masses of women.

 

But even if you could get someone to bottle that for you and write the perfect profile and messages for you, and get them to think your profile is hilarious, witty, etc, when you met in person, you'd crash and burn.

 

Some guys spend their whole lives working on their personality so that they can be as attractive to as many women as possible, just like some people spend their whole lives trying to craft a personality that's appealing to the most people.

 

That's not a difference you can just make up with a few tips from a dating forum...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I do believe there's a certain persona/sense of humor/demeanor that appeals to the general masses of women.

 

But even if you could get someone to bottle that for you and write the perfect profile and messages for you, and get them to think your profile is hilarious, witty, etc, when you met in person, you'd crash and burn.

 

Some guys spend their whole lives working on their personality so that they can be as attractive to as many women as possible, just like some people spend their whole lives trying to craft a personality that's appealing to the most people.

 

That's not a difference you can just make up with a few tips from a dating forum...

 

I get a kick out of how people say that someone having a "boring" profile, which is completely subjective, can turn off women.

 

However, a woman could have a very standard, but intelligible write-up, but still get tons of emails. She could have simply pictures, and get tons of contacts.

 

I contact them, and try to find out if they are engaging beyond the profile.

 

Women don't need online profile crafting tips.

[SoThatHappened]

That's not a difference you can just make up with a few tips from a dating forum...

 

Who cares if it at least gets your foot in the door?

[elaine567]

So again, this is the kind of thing online brings:

 

Just now, the last person I was talking to since tow days ago called me a nutjob. What happened?

 

Last night she sends a bunch of texts complaining about her job. We then get into how many kids, etc. I ask if she would like to meet just to see if there is chemisty. She replied sounds good. Then we talked a a little about football. I end the the night texting back some of the the things I like to do followed by a selfie of me wearing my Red Sox hat saying "I'm a fan of baseball too" because sports was in the discussion somewhere. She never texted back.

 

I have a feeling it was the selfie of you wearing your RED SOX hat - not cool, not manly and not attractive.

I guess she sent you as selfie for you to go "Wow you look great", not to get one back...

Also, not many woman want a guy who is mad keen on sports, as the assumption is that he will spend all his time at matches and games or out drinking with the guys, or watching sports on TV, and neglect her and her kids.

By showing off your Red Sox hat, you put yourself in the "obsessed by sports" category, and that is only attractive to "obsessed by sports" women and even then...

Edited October 6, 2016 by elaine567
edited long quote

[Blanco]

I have a feeling it was the selfie of you wearing your RED SOX hat - not cool, not manly and not attractive.

I guess she sent you as selfie for you to go "Wow you look great", not to get one back...

Also, not many woman want a guy who is mad keen on sports, as the assumption is that he will spend all his time at matches and games or out drinking with the guys, or watching sports on TV, and neglect her and her kids.

By showing off your Red Sox hat, you put yourself in the "obsessed by sports" category, and that is only attractive to "obsessed by sports" women and even then...

 

This seems like a reach unless the woman is a lunatic.

[StillSingle]

I have a feeling it was the selfie of you wearing your RED SOX hat - not cool, not manly and not attractive.

I guess she sent you as selfie for you to go "Wow you look great", not to get one back...

Also, not many woman want a guy who is mad keen on sports, as the assumption is that he will spend all his time at matches and games or out drinking with the guys, or watching sports on TV, and neglect her and her kids.

By showing off your Red Sox hat, you put yourself in the "obsessed by sports" category, and that is only attractive to "obsessed by sports" women and even then...

 

Every single pic of her had her wearing and Eagles shirt.

 

We were talking sports.

 

Her pic had a Phillies hat.

 

Chick was crazy. Period.

 

Look, its not like I am new to this thing. I was married for over a decade. I have had dates through online. I know how this works.

 

Some of you can make excuses for this person all you want. If I was out of line somewhere I would say "Hey, I could have done that differently." I have zero issues with that.

 

But come on. Call a spade a spade. Girl was off her rocker and overreacted. And when I find out she was divorced twice while toting the line of racism and hostility...nah. Sorry.

 

I go back to this thing about texting. If 4 texts in a row from me follows a long-winded rant from her about her job is "blowing her up" and being "desperate" (she said that), then I seriously question the maturity and sanity of some of these people. Actually, why even question it? This one put it over the top for me. I deleted all OLD apps. Dumped my accounts and I'm going outside. I'm going to meet someone like I met my ex wife or be single.

 

OLD is a colossal bucket of garbage chock full of disconnected, egotistical, picky, crazy people.

Edited October 6, 2016 by StillSingle

[JuneJulySeptember]

Who cares if it at least gets your foot in the door?

 

I would argue it depends if you're looking for a wife or for a lay.

 

If you're looking for a wife then changing your profile for 'max appeal' might drive away somebody who is a great fit.

 

However, if you're looking to get laid and have non-serious relationships, I think it's a great idea. Maximum coverage...

[Miss Peach]

OP - If OLD isn't a good medium for you then try something else. I have a friend who gets crickets on OLD but he's very funny in person so he does great at meetups. I met my last two BFs through meetup groups too. I met my XH on OLD.

 

There's a reason why so many of those people are still single, especially the ones that you still see on there after taking long breaks from it.

 

Don't know what this has to do with anything? I haven't been on OLD until recently. I was off for almost 2 years. I met someone and dated him seriously until it became apparent we had some major incompatibilities.

 

No one ever said women shouldn't care much about looks/physical attraction, the problem is that with online dating a lot of women only want the top tier guys in terms of looks as well as being on the top tier in other areas. There's going to be a lot of lonely people out there if a lot of women's criteria is the same in person as it is online.

 

I also disagree with this. I get a lot of attention online and offline. I am attracted to a wide range of men - short, tall, balding, hair, etc.

 

For me the most difficult part of OLD is figuring out who I might have chemistry with offline. I just don't have the time to meet all 50 men who message me every day. So I have t figure out which ones I have the best chance of having an enjoyable time with, seem to be the most compatible with me, and hope the chemistry is there.

Edited October 6, 2016 by Miss Peach

[NJ123]

OP - If OLD isn't a good medium for you then try something else. I have a friend who gets crickets on OLD but he's very funny in person so he does great at meetups. I met my last two BFs through meetup groups too. I met my XH on OLD.

 

 

 

Don't know what this has to do with anything? I haven't been on OLD until recently. I was off for almost 2 years. I met someone and dated him seriously until it became apparent we had some major incompatibilities.

 

 

 

I also disagree with this. I get a lot of attention online and offline. I am attracted to a wide range of men - short, tall, balding, hair, etc.

 

For me the most difficult part of OLD is figuring out who I might have chemistry with offline. I just don't have the time to meet all 50 men who message me every day. So I have t figure out which ones I have the best chance of having an enjoyable time with, seem to be the most compatible with me, and hope the chemistry is there.

 

Just curious, but if you get a lot of attention out in person, why bother with OLD to begin with? I've always wanted to know why an attractive woman would still use OLD if they have so many options in person already.

[Blanco]

OLD is a colossal bucket of garbage chock full of disconnected, egotistical, picky, crazy people.

 

OK, we get it. I think we got the point months ago when you started a thread just like this and declared you were "done" with OLD.

 

Why keep returning to something you don't like or find unhelpful to what you want from life? At this point, you're sounding like the fat person who keeps complaining they can't lose weight but won't stop throwing the packs of Chips Ahoy in their shopping cart.

[StillSingle]

OK, we get it. I think we got the point months ago when you started a thread just like this and declared you were "done" with OLD.

 

Why keep returning to something you don't like or find unhelpful to what you want from life? At this point, you're sounding like the fat person who keeps complaining they can't lose weight but won't stop throwing the packs of Chips Ahoy in their shopping cart.

 

If you don't like it, nobody is putting a gun to your head and making you post.

 

You sound like that guy who hates a topic but bumps them anyway.

 

Oh wait, you are that guy.

 

I'm starting an anti-OLD movement. Someone has to do the dirty work around here.

Edited October 6, 2016 by StillSingle

[thecrucible]

I'd say try to zone out and don't take it seriously at all. I know that's hard but you can learn that in time.

 

Also if you're contacting someone on online dating and saying "why do you need online dating?", it's pretty much insulting them for using it in the first place so it's not a good start.

 

I've not read through the whole thread so you may have already done this but I think you should post a few examples of the messages you send or maybe the kind of thing you have in your profile to get some feedback on here (you can do this with posting the profile or revealing any personal information). Maybe members will have tips for you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This seems like a reach unless the woman is a lunatic.

 

Agreed, Elaines post has to be one of the most absurd posts on here. She really got ALL of that from a baseball cap? That is quite laughable, that is of course, she was joking.

[elaine567]

Agreed, Elaines post has to be one of the most absurd posts on here. She really got ALL of that from a baseball cap? That is quite laughable, that is of course, she was joking.

 

Yes it was tongue in cheek, but not entirely without truth.

As soon as she got that selfie and some, what she considered, "over the top" texting, she stopped responding.

That is how easy it is to turn someone off on OLD (one Red Sox hat wearing selfie and a few sentences and it is all over). She put her own feelings, experiences and desires into her reaction, and she decided she didn't like it.

There is really no chance to retrieve the situation either.

 

IRL one glimpse of her [insert "bad" emotion of choice] face and you could probably have won her over again with a joke or a witty comment, but with OLD and texting, you are consigned to the rubbish heap. NO chance of recovery.

 

It is no coincidence that people who are have emotional intelligence and who are witty and charming like "normal.person" appears to be, do well on OLD.

They know what to say and when to say it, they do not invade personal spaces, they do not become irritating or annoying and if they sense resistance, they know how to smooth things over or they just cut their losses and move on swiftly. They do not stay till the bitter end, until they are essentially told to get lost in no uncertain manner.

 

For any man, who doesn't have "the gift of the gab", or who cannot "sell" himself, or who has little to offer, or who is not very in tune with what women think in general or who is not very socially aware, or who may give off a desperate or bitter vibe then OLD is definitely NOT for him. (unless he is willing to work on himself and change).

 

He needs to rely on meeting women IRL, women he can persuade over days, months, years even, that he is worth the effort to get to know.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yes it was tongue in cheek, but not entirely without truth.

As soon as she got that selfie and some, what she considered, "over the top" texting, she stopped responding.

That is how easy it is to turn someone off on OLD (one Red Sox hat wearing selfie and a few sentences and it is all over). She put her own feelings, experiences and desires into her reaction, and she decided she didn't like it.

There is really no chance to retrieve the situation either.

 

IRL one glimpse of her [insert "bad" emotion of choice] face and you could probably have won her over again with a joke or a witty comment, but with OLD and texting, you are consigned to the rubbish heap. NO chance of recovery.

 

It is no coincidence that people who are have emotional intelligence and who are witty and charming like "normal.person" appears to be, do well on OLD.

They know what to say and when to say it, they do not invade personal spaces, they do not become irritating or annoying and if they sense resistance, they know how to smooth things over or they just cut their losses and move on swiftly. They do not stay till the bitter end, until they are essentially told to get lost in no uncertain manner.

 

For any man, who doesn't have "the gift of the gab", or who cannot "sell" himself, or who has little to offer, or who is not very in tune with what women think in general or who is not very socially aware, or who may give off a desperate or bitter vibe then OLD is definitely NOT for him. (unless he is willing to work on himself and change).

 

That's a LOT of "ors" you have there, which simply demonstrates how women are just LOOKING for a reason not to give a guy a shot. This explains the silly women in my area STILL on the same POF site for YEARS. Some stick out like a sore thumb. No kids, never married, over 40 spinsters that I keep seeing.

 

Ever consider that these ladies are just unrealistic and are just LOOKING for a reason not to meet someone for 30 mins for a drink or whatever?

 

So...did the men that contact them have all these "ors" going for them?

 

This year, I've gotten 2 dates, nothing more, I guess I am "successful" for just those 2? Apparently, I'm doing something right if I'm doing the same things of getting to know the ladies and getting them to come out from their homes. lol.

 

It's kind of like playing the slots, you'll get something eventually.

 

Believe you me, I've done my share of initial emails to women outside of "Hey"' or "You're cute"

 

Funny, I see these women whining IN their profiles on how they say, "If you say 'Hi' or "hey cutie" and nothing else to add to the conversation, then I won't respond."

 

Or, they say in their opening paragraph, "Here I am, trying this again...I had no luck last time..so here we go again!"

 

I would actually contact them again after several months and open with their hiatus of taking a break and make another go-around, to see if she's more receptive...but still, she isn't.

 

And I think, "Hm, I emailed you last time, you ignored me, and you're trying this again? Why do you even bother coming back?"

 

But...hmm...I am NOT these guys that send a well crafted, articulate profile that actually SHOWS I've read her profile...still, no response."

 

Hmmmm...says a lot about them really that they aren't responding and has nothing to do with the "technique" I used to get to know them.

 

Let's just face, women and online dating has made them more shallow than ever and they remain permanent fixtures of the online dating spinster sphere as I keep seeing them after I take a break and come back. Some were active daily on these sites.

 

I am surprised that no one even considered that these ladies online are the one that may want to change their technique,lighten up on their strict criteria, and consider being open to some of these men contacting them.

Edited October 7, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst