eightytwenty Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 (edited) It's my ex husband. Here's a background.. My ex had a bunch of "issues" like blaming his parents for not staying together and giving him a real home to grow up in. He hates his mother for not making enough money so he could have things he wanted. Then he would randomly blow up, and say he wanted to kill himself, He flipped out one day coming home on vacation saying he's done, he wants to live in this town, he wants to leave me and start over from scratch, some random town. I left him there and made his mother go get him, he came crawling back. crazy crazy crazy.. Never worked after we got married, excuses always... which we did a court house marriage with no family there, I don't know why I did it. Anyways, I finally sent him on his way after he flipped out driving one night, going backwards on the highway with me. Didn't talk for a few days but a friend called and asked me to buy her horse, I did, he flipped out and acted completely crazy... Took me a week to build up enough courage to tell him to get out of MY house. I didn't want him to harm himself or me, but finally I had enough. Last talk I had with him was about the divorce, wanted him to sign a waiver, which he did, and haven't heard from him since 2 years ago. Fast forward 2 years. I have a great relationship with my boyfriend (found the ring in his underwear drawer) and have a 6 month old son together. Other than a few issues, it's been awesome. This is the issue. When I broke up with my ex, friends either stuck with me or him. I had a friend who I thought was a friend, until she took my ex to a horse show when I was 8 months pregnant, I was hanging out with friends. The girl knew I was there, and saw me, but didn't warn me at all that she invited my ex to the show with her, until he was face to face with me. I walked off and hung out with other friends, I told them, of course one of my loud mouth friends told her off, and they both left. Now I've been to 3 shows since having my son, and he keeps coming around, he never even touched a horse until he met me, so there isn't a reason to be there. Some of my friends questioned the girl, and she said he's there as her friend, it's not like he wants me anyways. Everyone knows who he is in our group, aren't exactly the nicest to him.. Some of the boyfriends of my friends ask him why he's always coming around, he said for his friend. My boyfriend fully knows that my ex comes around to these shows. My boyfriend said to ignore it, or if it becomes a real issue we'll go to the police or he'll take care of it. How would you go about getting a ex to just go away? This is my hobby since I was 6 (I'm 29). All my friends go to the same shows locally, and I can't drive 3 hours away from my son to show all day and night, because I want to avoid being around the ex. Nor would my friends go that far out of their way to avoid him, this is my friend time, this is when I hang out with friends and have fun, so going alone there wouldn't be much point of going. Do I just need to continue to ignore him? Should I get a restraining order? It's not like he tries to talk to me or even acts like I'm alive, but just watches me. Creeps me OUT. Edited October 5, 2016 by eightytwenty Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Just ignore him...shows are big enough and enough going on that you dont have to deal with anyone you dont want to! Just focus on your horse and classes and enjoy doing what you love. No man who isnt into horses or getting laid is going to keep going to long boring horse show days! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted October 5, 2016 Author Share Posted October 5, 2016 Just ignore him...shows are big enough and enough going on that you dont have to deal with anyone you dont want to! Yeah, just the girl comes around us, and he follows. Her ex trainer is my best friend, so she's always coming over trying to be in the group. I've explained it to her, and others have, she thinks we're being petty and ignores the conversations people have with her. Just focus on your horse and classes and enjoy doing what you love. No man who isnt into horses or getting laid is going to keep going to long boring horse show days! lol You would think that!! He went to one when we were together and said he would never go back, now he's there. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Just ignore her....be the bigger person. The more you can brush it off and he sees it doesnt bother you, the quicker he will move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 The description of his behaviours suggest he has issues. Being in a stressful situation [e.g. the relationship when you were both in it] can cause a person to present with symptoms that disappear when the person removes from the source of stress. That he keeps turning up at events he has no heart for would be a red flag for me. It would have me discretely looking at the laws of the region [stalking, mental health] and the potential for random behaviours, possibly harmful. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Should I get a restraining order? It's not like he tries to talk to me or even acts like I'm alive, but just watches me. Creeps me OUT. From a practical standpoint - what would be the basis of a restraining order? Doesn't sound like he's doing anything threatening or dangerous, he's just there. As VC said, ignore him... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted October 5, 2016 Author Share Posted October 5, 2016 From a practical standpoint - what would be the basis of a restraining order? Doesn't sound like he's doing anything threatening or dangerous, he's just there. Mr. Lucky Because of the way he was in our relationship. I know how crazy he is and its uncomfortable to the point where I make sure my friends are close and I don't go away from the "group". He has pulled out guns before that sort of thing, so I really want to avoid any situation where he flips out. Another thing is he's my age and she's 21, he hated her until we separated and all of a sudden they became close... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Because of the way he was in our relationship. I know how crazy he is and its uncomfortable to the point where I make sure my friends are close and I don't go away from the "group". He has pulled out guns before that sort of thing, so I really want to avoid any situation where he flips out. Here are the two most common reasons for a RO: Physical Violence The court may enter a restraining order when you can prove actual recent or threatened violence against you or your children such that you fear for your or their safety. A restraining order may prohibit your spouse or former spouse from abusing, contacting, harassing, threatening or communicating with you or your children. It may also force him to move out of your home, prevent him from owning a firearm and force him to stay away from your place of employment or your children’s school. If you or your children are in imminent danger during a volatile situation with your spouse or former spouse, you may request an emergency restraining order from an arresting officer, who may contact the court for authorization and assistance. Psychological Abuse Restraining orders may also be obtained due to psychological abuse. When an estranged spouse continuously degrades you or attempts to unreasonably control your actions, turns your children against you or threatens harm to you or your loved ones, it is considered psychological abuse. When this type of abuse is so prevalent against you that it interferes with your daily life or your ability to do your job, the court may enter a restraining order. You may request that the restraining order prevent all contact whether by mail, phone, email, gift delivery or through third parties. I'll leave it to you if his conduct falls into either category... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) Well this weekend went horrible. I went to a horse show with my friends, and her clients. He (the ex) was there watching and hanging out with that one girl and her boyfriend. I ignored the looks through the first 2 classes. I brought my main show horse instead of a schooling horse, so I was doing pretty dang good. I went and tied up my horse at my trailer, to help my friends clients get through a hard class. One of the clients after she got done went to tie up her horse at my trailer and she told me that my horse was gone. I walked out to the trailer thinking he untied himself or my friend had him for some reason. Turns out my ex took him to that girls trailer and they were standing there. I told the client to go tell my friend that I'm about to cut some people. I start walking over there, my friend is already coming with a different male client (he's about 50) to meet me halfway. The girl gave me a completely scared look and walked away. Her boyfriend said hi when I got close. Grabbed the lead rope to start walking off and the ex wouldn't let go. He said you remember this was once my horse too. I said no he was bought and paid for by me, you never put a dollar into the horses or the home, the divorce said I get all horses and horse equipment. So I said, "Stay away from me, my horses, and my life, you aren't any part of it anymore." He still wouldn't let go of the rope, my friend said "J let Ollie go!" The male client said "I'm going to ask nice to let go of her horse." The ex told them to F off. I asked what his problem was, he said he's sick of everyone defending me. Told him if that was true it still didn't require him touching any of my property. Needless to say the male client walked off and called the cops, without anyone's knowledge. After a few back and forths between us, I was crying at that point, they pull up. I explained that he took my horse from my truck and trailer, and refused to give it back, I had a copy of the divorce paperwork in the truck and showed the officer, I had to show it to my cpa for tax stuff. The other officer was talking to him, while he still had my horse in his hands. Finally the officer I was talking to went to talk to the other officer he was with, they talked and both came back to me, while they were heading to me, my ex was trying to load MY horse inside of my friends trailer, the girl was even telling him to stop. I flipped, I completely went into crying mode, the officer turned around and told him to stop and bring me the horse. The ex does, the officer tells him that I could file charges on him since this is considered theft because he refused to give me the horse and kept refusing, by the divorce papers the horses are mine. I told them to file it and asked if there was anything else I could file. Then the ex starts flipping out, calling me names, telling me he's taking me back to court, the officer had to pull him aside. I got theft and harassment charges filed on him. The officer told him to leave and if there is ever a time that I'm going to be around that he would suggest that my ex leaves me completely alone. my Officer said it might be best for me to file a restraining order on him (thank GOD). I told them I will, which I did yesterday. We all figured out, he was waiting to pull this bs when I had THAT horse there. I didn't think of that, since we were married when I did buy the horse, guess he thought he would just try to pull something. he signed the waiver on the divorce, I guess he never read it because he did look at the divorce paperwork while we were all standing there. The girl even came up to me and apologized, she didn't realize that he would do that, and Ollie wouldn't of left in her trailer. She knows I hate her but she knows how much that horse means to me. She said she's going to delete him because that scared her also. So hopefully this is the end, My horse went to a friends house to protect him, and I have the game cameras up at the entrance of the property. My bf said he will be going to these shows for now on because he was VERY pissed off about this. Edited October 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Well this weekend went horrible. Hopefully, he's done you a favor. The police are involved, RO in place and charges filed. Hope you get some resolution and peace of mind. He sounds dangerously unbalanced... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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