I never used to be insecure

[movingonmummy]

... that's the worsts thing about it.

 

To look at yourself in the mirror and feel ugly. To compare yourself to other women and feel ugly. To hate your skin, your nose, your chin. To **** your eyes and wish daily you'd win the lottery for plastic surgery. To feel hatred and jealously for other women even though you know they haven't done anything wrong to you and are probably nice kind people.

 

That's what he's done to me. And it makes me so angry. I've left him. But I lost. The hurt and the humiliation I can deal with, I know from experience that those will pass in time. That there are so many people who understand what I'm going through.

 

But the damage to me as a person... I don't think that will ever go away.

 

I'm obsessed. I see him "liking" girls(women?) photos on Facebook. Pretty girls, with make up and blonde hair and designer dresses and heels. And it kills me. You can put all the make-up and best outfit and hair extensions on me and I'll still never be beautiful like that. You can tell me all you want that beauty is skin deep or whatever but I still want to be beautiful like them... I don't know why.

 

Why go for me if he wanted those girls? Why did he do this to me? Why me? Why couldn't he have let me go instead of doing this to me? I didn't pursue him, he pursued me! I saw the warning signs but I let them go, I found out about the first cheating by shock a year ago, it didn't even really sink in then and I took him back.

 

Why punish me when I stood up for myself or got fed up of his bad behaviour and wanted a break? Then he'd move on to any girl who'd have him. Not just the beautiful ones. Why still lie to me but beg me to take him back even though he's STILL LYING. Am I not deserving of truth and respect?

 

I don't want him back, hell no. But it makes me so angry everything he's taken from me. I was fine 2 years ago before I met him, I didn't have jealously or insecurity or any of those feelings. I was confident, happy; maybe lonely but I was okay. He gets to leave this with everything he started with and I'm left to deal with what he's done on my own.

[BluesPower]

First off, it sounds to me like this guy is not worth any of the emotions that you are having. I know that this stuff hurts, I really do.

 

Second, beauty is only skin deep, I can promise you that. True beauty comes from within. I know that it is cliché, but it is also true. Any man that does not know this is not worth his salt.

 

Don't allow this guy and this breakup to make you doubt yourself. I am betting that you are very physically attractive and you are just down on yourself because of this.

 

Other peoples perceptions of us are not the measure of our self-worth.

 

Hang it there and try to move on. Good luck.

[smackie9]

Good lord stop stalking him on social media. Most people I know that go through a breakup will close down their FB and all other social media and focus on themselves /get going with life. look up from your phone, there is a whole world to explore and things to experience.

[mikeylo]

It's a fresh break up. Give yourself some time to heal. You will become more empowered with the knowledge and recognize how shallow he was. We are beautiful.

[harrybrown]

Do something for yourself.

 

Exercise. if you like to shop, go shopping.

 

be nice to yourself.

 

Do the 180. No contact with the jerk. (and get him out of your head) He was lying when he said those hurtful things.

 

Some people are jerks. (both men and women)

 

Some are nice. Take some time and get back your self-confidence.

 

You do have good qualities. Focus on those good qualities.

 

Hope you find happiness and peace.

[movingonmummy]

Thanks I'm feeling better a little.

 

I'm not that ugly, on a good day I know that. But I know that I'm less than average. I actually googled after posting this and came up with an exercise to write down 3 things you like about your looks and your personality and focus on and expand on those and accept the stuff you can't change.

 

I had to rely on ex today - in a crisis. I really need to build up a better support network.

 

I like exercising, I'm healthy-ish but as a single Mum of 2 youngsters and working 5 mornings a week I wouldn't have time (or mainly energy!!) . I have started reading again, which I haven't done for years - good novels to switch off at night and also bought a couple of self-help books.

 

I love shopping - who doesn't!?! But I really want to save money and stop wasting it - that should be a focus. I have lots of bits of DIY to finish in the house and want to focus on becoming emotionally healthier and more confident.

 

He didn't actually say any specific hurtful things, just a pattern of cheating and lying, of paying attention to other girls but never telling me I'm beautiful or worthy or priceless or irreplaceable or any of the things I ever wanted to hear. Basically I always just felt "okay" but never "great" for him and as it got worse my self-value plummeted.

 

I'm obsessing on Facebook, I will delete it, it's not real life I know that. I was thinking about that... I look at it and feel jealous of other people's looks, relationships, jobs etc. But then I look around me at the real people I meet everyday and they are the same as me.

 

I'm confident in some things - I'm a good mother, I'm good at my job (although it's boring and I bloody hate it), I'm a good friend/sister/daughter/auntie. Other things I'm not so good at.

 

I still have so much anger and hurt but I'm never going to get over it if I obsess over it everyday.

[BluesPower]

Listen...

 

Let's get past the "I am not ugly thing please", and start thinking in terms of "I am a beautiful woman." Let me explain some things to you from a mans stand point. I real man does not act or treat a woman the way the he treated you. You just did not realize that he was a bad guy before you let him hurt you.

 

I have been with a lot of women, and I would not have been with them if they were not attractive. Some were the standard beauties, some were heavy, some were shinny, some short, some tall, whatever. The point is that they were all beautiful women on the inside and the outside.

 

That is what you need to focus on is your inner beauty, focus on feeling better as a whole person and be happy with yourself.

 

Want to lose weight? OK, do it. Need to gain weight? OK, do it. Want a nose job? OK, save your money and do it. But do it for you, to make yourself happy not some jerk like the one that you were dating.

 

Figure out what you want out of life and out of a relationship. I believe that most women want to be loved unconditionally. And frankly, I like to dote on them in general, but that is me.

 

Lets face it, you now know what you don't want out of a relationship.

 

Good luck...