Did this email I sent freak him out??? He won't respond to it - advice needed!!!

[CrazyIGuess]

Ok everyone, I was starting to develop sometime of friendly relationship with a guy I work with. It felt as though there was a spark there. We talked a lot and even some personal stuff. It seemed as though he was interested in something more because of the way he would act around me and other things as well. I started to really like him. I would email him once in a while and he would ALWAYS reply back almost immediately!

 

I had told him in an email that I had a dream about him and he never replied back but asked me over the phone if I was going to explain this dream to him or not. I never told him about it and left it at that. Things were ok again then for a little while until I sorta told him how I felt. See, I am switching to a different job in August, but for the same company. We might still see each other for certain things but NOT as frequently (we see each other everyday and now it will be more like once every year). So, since I only have about 2 weeks left here, I wanted to sorta tell him how I feel. Here is the email I sent him:

 

"Hey sleepy head... did you get enough zzz's? Hopefully you did. Well, I am glad to hear that you are pursuing your master's degree! That's really great! Not that you weren't successful already. It shouldn't be too tough though. I will probably see you next week because you'll probably be gone already if I go there. So have a good weekend. Also, I am sorry if I email you all the time, I just find you to be very intriguing. So if you want me to stop just say it and I will. Bye."

 

See, he would never initiate the first email, I would, but he would reply to mostly all of them. He never told me to stop. BUT, after I sent him this one, he HASN'T replied back and now I am not sure what happened. I mean, when I told him he was intriguing did that freak him off??? The word intriguing can mean so many different things. Like he's mysterious, or good looking, or that I am just curious about him.... so do you think that he got freaked?

 

I tried to find the right word to let him know how I felt about him without making me look desperate. I guess it backfired. I haven't seen him now since I sent this and I won't see him now until next week. I will feel like a complete idiot!!!

 

So what does it mean when a guy doesn't email you back? Rejection??? I always got the impression that he was attracted to me! All he had to do was say he didn't want me to email him anymore! Ouch! Advice please???

[shygurl]

Well how many days ago did you send it?

 

Are you sending it to his work acct? hotmail acct? home acct?

 

Maybe he's on vacation?

[XNemesisX]

Is this the first email you have sent that hit on him? Were the other emails more strictly friendly?

 

Anyone reading that email would know you have something for him. It could be that he's busy...or it is possible he's ignoring you or just doesn't know what to say in return. Either way, all you can do is wait it out...but do NOT send any more emails until you get something back or you see him again. This is a tricky one, and I hope some others can chime in soon with what they think about this.

[Forever Searching]

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think it sounds kind of needy. Like you are trying to win his acceptance. Maybe it freaked him out a little because you didn't give him time to chase you since you were the one emailing first all the time.

 

Maybe just wait and see if he replies or what to you see him again but I would deffinately act like you didn't give a darn and weren't worried about it when you do see him in person again if you haven't heard from him yet.

 

I hope you hear from him!!

[CrazyIGuess]

Hi all, thanks for responding to my thread. Well, last night around 10 PM I was chatting with a friend of mine who is on his way to Iraq. When I got done I thought I'd say hello to the guy i work with since he was going to start the day at 5:30 am. It was about midnight when i was done chatting with my friend who is being deployed. So the guy i work with probably thinks now that i am obsessed since i was up late emailing him.

 

But when he punches in for work, it is on the computer so he would have seen my email right away. I beleive that he didn't respond because now I have revealed that I do like him. Before he had to just assume. But I made it obvious before this email as well, just didn't actually admit it.

 

I just hope he doesn't think that I am obesessed. I will definatley put an end to the emailing now. I just feel stupid. I did flirt with him previously by letting him know that I had a dream about him. Things weren't awkward with that though. He just didn't respond to that one either but he did show up at an event that I was at and he didn't seem bothered by it. He even asked me later on that day if I would tell him about the dream but I told him that I better not.

 

But it would be great to get a guy's point of view on this one so that I can kind of get a picture on what's going on through his head.

 

Well, I can put it this way: He didn't say to "stop" emailing him, but then again, he didn't respond so that I would know what his feelings are on the issue. He could've at least said something along the lines of:

 

"I am flattered that you find me "intriguing" however I am only interested in just being friends." or, "Thanks for the complements but I don't want to cross the line" or "Thanks for finding me intriguing. You don't have to stop emailing me. I enjoy them"

 

Anything would have done it better than "ignoring" me. He probably would feel bad to reject me but I like it when a person can be honest with me. It honestly wouldn't hurt my feelings. It's just now I feel more so confused than anything else. So that's why I need advice. Thanks!

[RecordProducer]

Well he obviously got the picture, he knows you're interested cuz you made sure you drew it for him. He might be attracted to you, but is obviously not interested for whatever reason. He didn't answer because he doesn't know what to say. You make advances to which he doesn't want to respond. Give up!

The word intriguing is fine, it means you're interested in him. However the wrong guy intrigues you.

[elijahBailey]

Originally posted by CrazyIGuess

He could've at least said something along the lines of:

 

"I am flattered that you find me "intriguing" however I am only interested in just being friends." or, "Thanks for the complements but I don't want to cross the line" or "Thanks for finding me intriguing. You don't have to stop emailing me. I enjoy them"

 

erm, no, it doesn't work this way.... at least not on the email. Most people know they need to be more reserved when it comes to responding on the email, especially with people you aren't close with. Just one click and whatever you say goes public. Right now, he's in a comfortable position, so he's not under any pressure to respond, especially he knows for sure, now, that you're into him.

 

Just from what you've written, my take is that he's not totally into you, but neither is he NOT into you. If I were to be put in his position, ignoring the email would be exactly what I would do. And.... no, it's not my way of telling the other person that I'm not interested, but a combination of things might be running in my head, like:

 

1. <big smile> so now she's admitted that she's into me, I can now bide my time for a little bit

2. I'm not gonna respond, for now, cos doing so will shift the advantage back to her. ( I know it sounds lame )

3. I don't really know what to do with the situation now, so the best thing to do, and the safest.... would be to just wait a little bit. It's clear who's on higher ground now.

 

But I gotta tell ya, if you send another email, it will make you look bad. Stop emailing, unless he responds. Let him sort things out himself. Even if he doesn't respond, the next time you see him just act normal and be funny, like.... 'hey thanks for you prompt reply to my emails, cos if you didn't, it'll make me look like an idiot' That'll loosen things up for you. good luck

[lindya]

I know you're looking for guys' responses, but meantime I'll throw my tuppence-worth in.

 

I think when you mentioned having a dream about him, you got his attention and interest as evidenced by him switching off the pc and picking up the phone to ask you about the dream. Unfortunately, instead of indulging in a bit of flirty teasing that would have been fun for both of you, you bottled out and ended the call. A shame, because that was probably a good opportunity for things between the two of you to be advanced to the next level of "more sexy and suggestive communication".

 

Best thing to do for now is probably to back off, and when he does make contact with you again (which he will) just focus on re-creating the light-hearted, flirtatious chemistry that there initially was between the two of you. No more "I find you intriguing" comments. Please!

[CrazyIGuess]

Well, you've all said exactly what I've wanted to hear! Especially to Elijah! Thanks!

 

But for the meantime, I think I might just back off and see what happens. The ball is in his court now and I guess I will just see what happens. I will pretend as if nothing happened, that is if I can pull it off, I am probably going to be so nervous around him now that I won't be able to breath.

 

You know that song that is by Liz Phair?..... "Why Can't I"

 

"Why can't I breath whenever I think about you,

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?"

 

That is the perfect song that best describes my feelings for him.

 

Also, this might throw a loop hole in the situation but I know he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. The thing is that he NEVER mentions her and he's NEVER asked me if I was with anyone. He talks about his kids but never the girlfriend. He doesn't know that I know he has a gf.

 

I think that this is just a water cooler type of romance since it is at work and I don't think it would ever go anywhere. I was just curious as to why he wouldn't respond because it is VERY apparent that he has some type of attraction towards me. I feel it, I see, I sense it. There is an obvious spark there because people have told me that they notice it as well. There is very very good chemistry between the two of us. I just thought I'd take it a step further and see what happens. But I guess it's his game now, it's in his court and I just gotta wait for the play.

 

So, if I don't hear back from him in any type of form of communication, does that mean he's won the game???

[New_Wife]

Originally posted by CrazyIGuess

Also, I am sorry if I email you all the time, I just find you to be very intriguing. So if you want me to stop just say it and I will. Bye."

 

 

 

AHHHHH! "sorry if I email you all the time"????????

 

That line was the killer.

 

NEVER apologize for being friendly, flirty, or communicative. If he had never had a seed of discontent with your emails - you just planted one.

 

Think SEXY. Think: "I AM SEXY"

 

Does a sexy woman apologize for flirting? Absolutely not. A sexy woman is hot, mysterious, friendly, unapologetic, and fun. She bats her eyes, licks her lips (now and then - lolipop sucking or finger sucking isn't sexy, it's trashy), stands tall, and swings her hips when she walks.

 

Be proud of yourself & your own unique style.

 

Think about it, if a guy said "Hey, I'm sorry I call you so much." What would you think? Maybe at first "you don't call too much" but after a bit, you'd start to think about it. And the first time he annoyed you, you'd think "this jerk calls all the time."

 

Just my 2 cents.

[katiebour]

Guys do that dumb uncommunicative thing when they don't know what to do- before I moved I got to know a guy for a few weeks. When it came close to the time for me to move, he kept offering to help me, and then bailing out at the last (and I do mean the VERY last) second. The last weekend before I moved, when I hoped to spend some time with him, he was totally incommunicado. I later got an email from him saying that he was depressed and sad that I was leaving, so he pulled down all the shades in his apartment and unplugged the phone.

 

Men and their silly caves- ah well, it's the little differences that make life interesting.

 

Are you moving? I got the sense from your description "We'll see each other about once a year" that you won't be nearby. Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with you, then see you move away?

 

Just my thoughts. Good luck on your new job!

[Mary3]

Why can't you just tell him straight out to his face that you like him ? Why emails ?

 

I think at this point it might be too late. I think he wanted you to expand on the dream via the phone. When you refused he figured you werent playful enough or werent interested enough in telling him.

 

You may have blown this one but lets work on the future now....Dont email men to tell them how you feel. Dont apologize EVER for who you are .... how sexy you are ,... how desirable you are.

 

Just be you.

 

(If you are shy and need the email thing then may I suggest Toastmasters. A group where you learn to speak publicly and effectively.)

 

This is your chance to get it right next time. This one might already be gone but we learn from our mistakes.

 

If it were me at this point ( risky but I love risk ) I would call him and say " Hey Johnny, not sure if you got my email but assuming you didnt , I know you are going to be leaving the company and we wont be seeing each other for awhile . I just wondered if you would like to come over for dinner and maybe I will tell you about that hot dream I had about you. "

 

Hey its a line. An opening. If you blew it he will balk. If he accepts , Right On !

 

But hey you tried. And for your next adventure in life hopefully you can say what you need to say when you need to say it.

 

Timing is critical