Need help with complicated relationship problem. should I keep pursuing her?

[cain]

Recently, I became closer with a girl that was in one of my classes at my college. For me, it had truly been love at first sight. But, since I

 

am kind of a shy guy, I never really said much to her, other than a quick

 

hello. However, towards the end of this past semester, we started

 

spending some time together. We got to know each other a little better

 

and talked more often. Then, one night we met to study for our final exams

 

together. However, we didn't get much studying done. We talked a lot

 

about our lives in general and we got a little more physically intimate- she

 

was caressing my arm and running her hand through my hair, etc. When the

 

night was over, we gave each other a big hug, she asked me for my phone

 

number, and we went our separate ways. A few days later, she called me and

 

asked me when I was going to be at school "studying." I told her when I was

 

going to be there and she showed up, too, of course. That night, we

 

talked even more and got a little deeper with our conversation. She

 

talked about her family with me. I learned that she was from a broken home.

 

She even revealed to me that her father had been somewhat abusive when she

 

was a child. Then, we somehow got on to the conversation of sex. I told

 

her that I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I was married. She told me that was "very noble." But, she told me that she

 

had been with "a lot" of men before. That was the same night that I

 

decided to tell her that I loved her. She told me that she felt that you had to be with someone for a long time before you could love someone, but she

 

told me that she did care about me.

 

I thought that maybe I had messed things up by telling her that I

 

loved her so soon. But, a couple of days later, she called me again and

 

asked me to go to dinner with her. After dinner, we went somewhere and just

 

talked again. From the way that she talked, I thought that she thought of us

 

as a couple. She said things like "I don't want to be cheated on." Also,

 

when I asked her what I could do to prove my feelings for her, she said

 

"longevity." That is, that she wanted me to stick around. She told me

 

that I was "perfect" and "beautiful." She also made jokes about my family,

 

saying that since my mom stays at home and my dad works, for example,

 

that I have the "Donna Reed" family. But, when I asked her what I should

 

say when my friends asked me who she was, she said "tell them that I am

 

your friend." Also, that night she was practically throwing herself at me-

 

putting her hands on me, trying to kiss me, etc. I thought it was way

 

too soon for that, so I would just pull away when she tried doing things

 

like that. Once again, we ended the night with a hug. However, after that

 

night, things seemed to change.

 

I saw her at school a few days later. She told me, "I have something

 

bad to tell you." I was really scared. I asked, "What is it?". She

 

responded: "I really don't think you should pursue me anymore." I didn't say

 

anything at first. She then said "You deserve someone better than me." I was

 

really upset. All I said was "you don't mean that."

 

Later, a female friend of mine came in the room and started talking to

 

the two of us. Soon, I had to leave. This girl stayed in the room with my

 

friend. My friend later told me that she asked this girl whether or

 

not she cared about me. The girl said "yes" but that I was really shy and

 

I probably wouldn't be around for very long because I am graduating from

 

college soon (which isn't true-I'm not planning on going anywhere any

 

time soon). My friend told her that I wasn't shy around HER and that I

 

wasn't going anywhere in the near future.

 

Despite the fact that she told me not to pursue her, this girl

 

continued to e-mail me and called me a few times, too. She even asked me to go to church with her one Sunday. After church, we went for a walk and were

 

talking. She constantly asked me "tell me again why you're not

 

perfect." I told her that I wasn't perfect and she kept asking me "why?". She jokingly said "I think I'm going to start calling you Jesus because

 

you are so perfect." But, then she seemed to get really upset that I

 

wouldn't talk about any problems that I have had in life. She kept saying

 

"you're so perfect." I told her that I wasn't. She would say things like "look at you, you have such fancy, designer clothes, etc." I told her that they were just clothes and that I didn't care about them. Also, she asked

 

me not to buy her any more gifts. I had bought her many expensive gifts,

 

but I didn't know that she would be upset by them! I told her before that

 

I wasn't trying to buy her and she told me that she believed me. But, I

 

said okay, and I haven't bought any more gifts for her. Once again, we

 

ended the day with a hug. But, after that day, things REALLY seemed to

 

change. Now, I am so confused about a lot of things.

 

I called her one day when I knew that she had been sick, just to see

 

how she was doing. We talked for a little while and she told me that she

 

needed to go. She told me that she would call me the next day.

 

However, it was late the next day and I had somewhere to go. I was very upset that she hadn't called me, so I called her again. She said "I don't remember

 

telling you that I was going to call." I was very upset and she knew

 

it. Later the next week, she e-mailed me and asked me if I was still mad

 

at her. She told me where she was going to be at a certain time, and told

 

me that if I wasn't still mad at her, then to come and say hi.

 

Unfortunately, I couldn't make it, but I did e-mail her back. I told her that I was upset not because she forgot to call me, but that she didn't seem to care that I was upset. She said that I was making too much out of it, and that she was sick and had been on medication and didn't remember anything. Somehow or another we ended up on the subject of her feelings.

 

She told me in an e-mail that she didn't think she had been

 

inconsiderate of my feelings. She said that she thought that I felt as though she had fewer feelings because she didn't talk about them. She said "I know

 

that you care about me and the feeling is mutual. I just don't like to show

 

my feelings and then get hurt." Then she brought up me saying "I love

 

you." She said, "I have heard those words before and I am only protecting

 

myself when I don't reiterate them." What I was really upset about is the

 

way in which she ended her e-mail. She said "I don't want to hurt you, but we

 

are just so different. You deserve someone who is shy and reserved and

 

witty and likes fancy clothes; I am loud and opinionated and awkward." She

 

then went on to say "I don't want to fight anymore." I was really upset by

 

this and in my disappointment, I sent her an e-mail that said "I don't want

 

to fight anymore either. just forget about me." After I sent it, I

 

realized that it wasn't really how I felt-- I don't want this girl to forget

 

about me. So, I quickly sent her another e-mail that said that I didn't mean

 

it when I told her to forget about me and that I needed her in my life. I

 

told her that we weren't that different and that I was shy around her

 

because I always get nervous when I'm with her because I want

 

everything to be perfect. She e-mailed me back a little later. She said "just forget about me???? That was harsh. Are you trying to make me cry or

 

something?" She then said... "then I read your other letter... why don't you just be yourself around me? I always feel like I make you uncomfortable. I

 

don't want perfection. I want fun and passionate and loving and silly and

 

smart. I want to know that you make mistakes, too." But, that left me

 

confused, too. You see, she told me that I shouldn't pursue her and that we were "so different." But, then she seemed to get upset when I told her to "just forget about me." Also, a day after she told me that she didn't think

 

that I should pursue her anymore, I was really upset. I asked her "should I

 

just give up on you?" She replied "I don't know, is that what you want to

 

do?" But, if she really wanted me to stop pursuing her, then why

 

didn't she just say "yes, give up on me?"

 

And that is where we are today. It is so confusing for me. She told me

 

to stop pursuing her, but seemed to get upset when I asked her if I should

 

give up on her. She told me that "we are so different" but then told

 

me that she wants "fun and passionate", etc. It seems so strange to me.

 

Also, one day, we were talking on the phone, and she actually told me that she wished I would be "more aggressive" with her. That seemed really

 

strange to me. But, to make things more precise: one day she tells me that

 

she wants longevity and then the next she tells me not to pursue her.

 

Then, she gets upset when I ask if I should give up, but then tells me that

 

we are too different and that I deserve someone better. I don't know

 

where I stand. She tells me to call her a "friend" but then tells me to be

 

more aggressive. The other day, I called her to ask her if she wanted to

 

have dinner at a friend's house. She got another call and told me that she

 

would have to call me back. She told me before that the reason why she

 

never called me anymore was because she always dialed the wrong number (an

 

obvious lie). So, this time, she wrote down my number and told me that she

 

would call me back. She never did. She knew how upset I got when she

 

didn't call back the last time and yet she did it again this time. I

 

was talking to a good friend of mine, and my friend told me that she knew

 

exactly what this girl was doing.

 

My friend said that this girl really does want me, but that she has an

 

"inferiority complex." She said that this girl feels as though she is

 

unworthy of me. That is why she always tells me that I am perfect and come

 

from the perfect family and deserve someone better, etc. This girl

 

has been very promiscuous in the past. My friend said that she is used to

 

having men use her and that is why she told me to "be more

 

aggressive." My friend said that this girl doesn't really want me to stop pursuing her, and that is why she has never actually told me to stop (she'll just say things like "i don't think you should pursue me" or "you deserve someone better.") My friend said that she feels she is unworthy of my love and all my expensive gifts and that is why she told me to stop buying them for her. My friend said that I am scaring her away, though, by always

 

telling her that I love her and care about her. She said that this girl

 

probably equates sex with love and doesn't understand why I do and say all the things that I do, but yet don't act "aggressive and passionate" with her.

 

It sounded strange to me at first, but as I listened to my friend,

 

this theory started making more sense. But, then I asked my friend why this

 

girl said she was going to call me back but didn't, even though she knew

 

that it would upset me. My friend said it was because she was trying

 

to "sabotage the relationship" because she is scared. I said I didn't

 

understand how anyone could be scared of true love, but my friend said

 

that that was only because I didn't grow up the way that this girl

 

did. But, my friend said that I should stop calling altogether (which is

 

the only form of communication we have at the moment) because I was "scaring

 

her away." She said that this girl would start calling me again if I

 

stopped because she really doesn't want me to give up on her. My

 

friend said that she really does want me. This is so confusing to me, though.

 

This girl tells me that I am her friend but yet wants me to be

 

aggressive. She told me she wanted longevity, then told me not to pursue her. This whole situation is strange to me. I'm left wondering how this girl

 

feels about me. She won't say, though, because she said "I don't like

 

talking about my feelings and then getting hurt." What should I do? I really

 

love this girl and don't want to lose her. Once, this girl told me on the phone, "if you know that I want you, then you won't want me anymore." So, by that I thought that she was just playing hard to get. But, it is so frustrating, because she'll act like she wants me to pursue her, then she'll tell me that we are "too different." But, I never know whether she is playing hard to get or just telling me the truth? The whole situation is really complicated. But, I really, really, really don't think this girl is just jerking me around, so I'm not sure what to make of the situation. How can I know whether or not she wants me to pursue her or not? My friend told me that when she really wants me to stop, then there wouldn't be any doubts because she would make it obvious. But, I don't know how to proceed now. What can I do? I really love this girl and I need all the advice I can get!!! If anyone can help me, please send me an e-mail at: "<e-mail address removed>"

 

Thank you,

 

Cain

[Manya]

This is a game of cat and mouse the two of you are playing (you are also game playing just by being on the recieving end of things) THese kinds of games can go on forever, become more complex and entagled as time progresses. You can decide whether or not you want to participate in these games or not, but you sound like you are already hooked in.

 

This woman sounds like she is a master manipulator and you are buying into her tactics, whatever they may be.

 

Try and establish boundaries for yourself, then impose them on her and see what happens.

Recently, I became closer with a girl that was in one of my classes at my college. For me, it had truly been love at first sight. But, since I am kind of a shy guy, I never really said much to her, other than a quick hello. However, towards the end of this past semester, we started spending some time together. We got to know each other a little better and talked more often. Then, one night we met to study for our final exams together. However, we didn't get much studying done. We talked a lot about our lives in general and we got a little more physically intimate- she was caressing my arm and running her hand through my hair, etc. When the night was over, we gave each other a big hug, she asked me for my phone number, and we went our separate ways. A few days later, she called me and asked me when I was going to be at school "studying." I told her when I was going to be there and she showed up, too, of course. That night, we talked even more and got a little deeper with our conversation. She talked about her family with me. I learned that she was from a broken home. She even revealed to me that her father had been somewhat abusive when she was a child. Then, we somehow got on to the conversation of sex. I told her that I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I was married. She told me that was "very noble." But, she told me that she had been with "a lot" of men before. That was the same night that I decided to tell her that I loved her. She told me that she felt that you had to be with someone for a long time before you could love someone, but she told me that she did care about me. I thought that maybe I had messed things up by telling her that I loved her so soon. But, a couple of days later, she called me again and asked me to go to dinner with her. After dinner, we went somewhere and just talked again. From the way that she talked, I thought that she thought of us as a couple. She said things like "I don't want to be cheated on." Also, when I asked her what I could do to prove my feelings for her, she said "longevity." That is, that she wanted me to stick around. She told me that I was "perfect" and "beautiful." She also made jokes about my family, saying that since my mom stays at home and my dad works, for example, that I have the "Donna Reed" family. But, when I asked her what I should say when my friends asked me who she was, she said "tell them that I am your friend." Also, that night she was practically throwing herself at me- putting her hands on me, trying to kiss me, etc. I thought it was way too soon for that, so I would just pull away when she tried doing things like that. Once again, we ended the night with a hug. However, after that night, things seemed to change. I saw her at school a few days later. She told me, "I have something bad to tell you." I was really scared. I asked, "What is it?". She responded: "I really don't think you should pursue me anymore." I didn't say anything at first. She then said "You deserve someone better than me." I was really upset. All I said was "you don't mean that." Later, a female friend of mine came in the room and started talking to the two of us. Soon, I had to leave. This girl stayed in the room with my friend. My friend later told me that she asked this girl whether or not she cared about me. The girl said "yes" but that I was really shy and I probably wouldn't be around for very long because I am graduating from college soon (which isn't true-I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon). My friend told her that I wasn't shy around HER and that I wasn't going anywhere in the near future.

 

Despite the fact that she told me not to pursue her, this girl continued to e-mail me and called me a few times, too. She even asked me to go to church with her one Sunday. After church, we went for a walk and were talking. She constantly asked me "tell me again why you're not perfect." I told her that I wasn't perfect and she kept asking me "why?". She jokingly said "I think I'm going to start calling you Jesus because you are so perfect." But, then she seemed to get really upset that I wouldn't talk about any problems that I have had in life. She kept saying "you're so perfect." I told her that I wasn't. She would say things like "look at you, you have such fancy, designer clothes, etc." I told her that they were just clothes and that I didn't care about them. Also, she asked

 

me not to buy her any more gifts. I had bought her many expensive gifts, but I didn't know that she would be upset by them! I told her before that I wasn't trying to buy her and she told me that she believed me. But, I said okay, and I haven't bought any more gifts for her. Once again, we ended the day with a hug. But, after that day, things REALLY seemed to change. Now, I am so confused about a lot of things. I called her one day when I knew that she had been sick, just to see how she was doing. We talked for a little while and she told me that she needed to go. She told me that she would call me the next day. However, it was late the next day and I had somewhere to go. I was very upset that she hadn't called me, so I called her again. She said "I don't remember telling you that I was going to call." I was very upset and she knew it. Later the next week, she e-mailed me and asked me if I was still mad at her. She told me where she was going to be at a certain time, and told me that if I wasn't still mad at her, then to come and say hi. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it, but I did e-mail her back. I told her that I was upset not because she forgot to call me, but that she didn't seem to care that I was upset. She said that I was making too much out of it, and that she was sick and had been on medication and didn't remember anything. Somehow or another we ended up on the subject of her feelings. She told me in an e-mail that she didn't think she had been inconsiderate of my feelings. She said that she thought that I felt as though she had fewer feelings because she didn't talk about them. She said "I know that you care about me and the feeling is mutual. I just don't like to show my feelings and then get hurt." Then she brought up me saying "I love you." She said, "I have heard those words before and I am only protecting myself when I don't reiterate them." What I was really upset about is the way in which she ended her e-mail. She said "I don't want to hurt you, but we are just so different. You deserve someone who is shy and reserved and witty and likes fancy clothes; I am loud and opinionated and awkward." She then went on to say "I don't want to fight anymore." I was really upset by this and in my disappointment, I sent her an e-mail that said "I don't want to fight anymore either. just forget about me." After I sent it, I realized that it wasn't really how I felt-- I don't want this girl to forget about me. So, I quickly sent her another e-mail that said that I didn't mean it when I told her to forget about me and that I needed her in my life. I told her that we weren't that different and that I was shy around her because I always get nervous when I'm with her because I want everything to be perfect. She e-mailed me back a little later. She said "just forget about me???? That was harsh. Are you trying to make me cry or something?" She then said... "then I read your other letter... why don't you just be yourself around me? I always feel like I make you uncomfortable. I don't want perfection. I want fun and passionate and loving and silly and smart. I want to know that you make mistakes, too." But, that left me confused, too. You see, she told me that I shouldn't pursue her and that we were "so different." But, then she seemed to get upset when I told her to "just forget about me." Also, a day after she told me that she didn't think that I should pursue her anymore, I was really upset. I asked her "should I just give up on you?" She replied "I don't know, is that what you want to do?" But, if she really wanted me to stop pursuing her, then why didn't she just say "yes, give up on me?" And that is where we are today. It is so confusing for me. She told me to stop pursuing her, but seemed to get upset when I asked her if I should give up on her. She told me that "we are so different" but then told me that she wants "fun and passionate", etc. It seems so strange to me. Also, one day, we were talking on the phone, and she actually told me that she wished I would be "more aggressive" with her. That seemed really strange to me. But, to make things more precise: one day she tells me that she wants longevity and then the next she tells me not to pursue her. Then, she gets upset when I ask if I should give up, but then tells me that we are too different and that I deserve someone better. I don't know where I stand. She tells me to call her a "friend" but then tells me to be more aggressive. The other day, I called her to ask her if she wanted to have dinner at a friend's house. She got another call and told me that she would have to call me back. She told me before that the reason why she never called me anymore was because she always dialed the wrong number (an obvious lie). So, this time, she wrote down my number and told me that she would call me back. She never did. She knew how upset I got when she didn't call back the last time and yet she did it again this time. I was talking to a good friend of mine, and my friend told me that she knew exactly what this girl was doing. My friend said that this girl really does want me, but that she has an "inferiority complex." She said that this girl feels as though she is unworthy of me. That is why she always tells me that I am perfect and come from the perfect family and deserve someone better, etc. This girl has been very promiscuous in the past. My friend said that she is used to having men use her and that is why she told me to "be more aggressive." My friend said that this girl doesn't really want me to stop pursuing her, and that is why she has never actually told me to stop (she'll just say things like "i don't think you should pursue me" or "you deserve someone better.") My friend said that she feels she is unworthy of my love and all my expensive gifts and that is why she told me to stop buying them for her. My friend said that I am scaring her away, though, by always

 

telling her that I love her and care about her. She said that this girl probably equates sex with love and doesn't understand why I do and say all the things that I do, but yet don't act "aggressive and passionate" with her. It sounded strange to me at first, but as I listened to my friend, this theory started making more sense. But, then I asked my friend why this girl said she was going to call me back but didn't, even though she knew that it would upset me. My friend said it was because she was trying to "sabotage the relationship" because she is scared. I said I didn't understand how anyone could be scared of true love, but my friend said that that was only because I didn't grow up the way that this girl did. But, my friend said that I should stop calling altogether (which is the only form of communication we have at the moment) because I was "scaring her away." She said that this girl would start calling me again if I stopped because she really doesn't want me to give up on her. My friend said that she really does want me. This is so confusing to me, though. This girl tells me that I am her friend but yet wants me to be aggressive. She told me she wanted longevity, then told me not to pursue her. This whole situation is strange to me. I'm left wondering how this girl feels about me. She won't say, though, because she said "I don't like talking about my feelings and then getting hurt." What should I do? I really love this girl and don't want to lose her. Once, this girl told me on the phone, "if you know that I want you, then you won't want me anymore." So, by that I thought that she was just playing hard to get. But, it is so frustrating, because she'll act like she wants me to pursue her, then she'll tell me that we are "too different." But, I never know whether she is playing hard to get or just telling me the truth? The whole situation is really complicated. But, I really, really, really don't think this girl is just jerking me around, so I'm not sure what to make of the situation. How can I know whether or not she wants me to pursue her or not? My friend told me that when she really wants me to stop, then there wouldn't be any doubts because she would make it obvious. But, I don't know how to proceed now. What can I do? I really love this girl and I need all the advice I can get!!! If anyone can help me, please send me an e-mail at: "<e-mail address removed>" Thank you, Cain

[cain]

But, this girl really doesn't seem like a manipulator. I really think it is something deeper. I know she has been in many bad relationships before. I don't know if she is scared of getting hurt or something. Sometimes I think that she wants me but is just scared of getting hurt, but at other times, I just think she doesn't want me. I mean, sometimes I will call her and it will seem as though she isn't very excited to hear from me. But, when I don't talk to her, she gets upset, too. For instance, last week we were together and I didn't say a word to her almost (I was just nervous, I guess). She was upset by this. She told me that she didn't understand how I could say that I like her, but not want to talk to her. I did want to, but I was a little nervous-but that is another story. But, I really, really, really don't think this girl is just a bad girl who is manipulating me. But, I don't know exactly what the problem is.

 

cain

[Neen]

Cain,

 

I read about your situation and I feel like I can relate with this girl.. I don't beleive she is manipuative. The advice that you mentioned your friend gave you is definately on the right track. She seems to not feel worthy of you, she has been burned in past relationships and she isn't willing to open herself up to a world of hurt again. What you both need to do is compromise. You need to try to understand her situation a little better. Ask her about her past and see if she is willing to share with you why she is so fearful of opening her heart, does she feel vulnerable by allowing herself to love someone. Ask if she feels like she could allow herself to love you given time and patience, ask if she feels like she could be loved by you. I will bet that she had a relationship or two in the past that has set her up for what your friend has appropriatley deemed an "inferiority complex". She is asking herself "How could someone so perfect want ME?" Tell her what you like about her. Possibly even family issues are affecting her as well as you mentioned that her father was abusive. Ask her how her relationship with her family is now. Abused children have problems with trust, she may not be willing to open up all this information to you. You have to build a relationship of trust with her. You have to let her know that you WANT to know her, you want to know what makes her tick, you want to know her dreams, fears, desires, you want to know her soul. If that is what you want. And then share yours with her, tell her you trust her with knowing you and you want her to really know and understand you, just as much as you want to know and understand her. By learning about her this way, you learn why she responds to situations the way she does, and even more important you build trust and show her what it is like for her to have someone that truly cares. Don't make her feel like you feel sorry for her either if she has horror stories to tell, just be there for her - don't say you understand if you can't relate. But be supportive. Furthermore, let her know that you need her too. I am sure that your life wasn't perfect, and you are not Jesus, let her know why you aren't perfect. The last thing she wants to feel is beneath you. When she says things like "You are so perfect" what she is really doing is probing for your imperfections, share them with her. They may or may not be comparable to what she has to share, but assure her that anything she shares will not change the way you feel about her (unless of course that isn't the case) Be sure of what you want from her, if you looking for a relationship with her, it may take time and patience, but it sounds to me like you think she is worth it. Open yourself up to her.

 

She needs to feel security and expensive gifts won't give her that, you can give her that with your honesty, love, compassion, and patience. Good luck.

But, this girl really doesn't seem like a manipulator. I really think it is something deeper. I know she has been in many bad relationships before. I don't know if she is scared of getting hurt or something. Sometimes I think that she wants me but is just scared of getting hurt, but at other times, I just think she doesn't want me. I mean, sometimes I will call her and it will seem as though she isn't very excited to hear from me. But, when I don't talk to her, she gets upset, too. For instance, last week we were together and I didn't say a word to her almost (I was just nervous, I guess). She was upset by this. She told me that she didn't understand how I could say that I like her, but not want to talk to her. I did want to, but I was a little nervous-but that is another story. But, I really, really, really don't think this girl is just a bad girl who is manipulating me. But, I don't know exactly what the problem is. cain

[Cain]

Since I do love this girl so much, I am willing to be patient. But, since the situation is so complicated, I never know how to act around her. My friends say "be yourself" but that doesn't mean much to me because I am always "myself." I don't know which side to show with this girl, though. Just like you don't act the same way at church as you would at a night-club- it doesn't mean you aren't "being yourself", it means you are showing a certain side of yourself. But, since I don't know exactly how this girl feels about me, then I never know which side to show. I mean, is it okay to kiss her or do I have to stick with hugs? Can I tell her how much I want her or do I have to just talk about general stuff when I'm talking to her? This girl has told me that she wishes I would talk to her more, but it is EXTREMELY difficult to do so when I never know exactly what is "safe territory" for conversation if you know what I mean. I just found out that she is going on a trip and will be gone for a while. Do I simply say "I'll miss you" or "I'm going to be thinking about you constantly and it's going to drive me crazy?" People tell me to just be patient and be her friend for now, but as I have stated it is complicated because there have been times when she has obviously wanted to be more than friends, but then there are times when she seems to just want me as a friend. So, I'm not sure where I stand and it makes communication very difficult.

[Cain]

Also-yes, I have yet another issue in this story. Some people have pointed out that while I was trying to do "the right thing" by not being physical with her, some say that may be the cause of some of the problems. I have never kissed or done anything with this girl other than hug her- but that is simply because I never knew EXACTLY where I stood-she said we were friends but then acted like more than friends and vice-versa. But, some people say that this girl probably doesn't understand how I could say that I love her, yet not be physical with her. They say that she may feel as though I am not backing up my words with action.