Re: internet junkie

[TomJ]

Sounds like there's more to it than that, there's no reason for him to be concerned with you checking e-mail from family and friends...are you talking to guys you don't know on the net? I could understand how this might make him feel a little jealous or insecure. Is the internet interfering with the time you spend with him? I ask this because it sounds like you are wondering yourself if you might be addicted to the net. Spending more than an hour at a time just surfing the net is probably a little excessive...Just some thoughts on the situation...

[Tammie]

I'm no professional, but this does not sound like an internet addiction to me. It sounds like he's not really into the internet, and may be feeling neglected.

 

Or, he may be using this as an excuse to argue, if he's stressed over your impending marriage.

 

Or he may be showing the beginnings of a controlling personality. It's disturbing that he said that you may not have a future if this continues.

 

If you weren't using the internet, but instead were on the phone to your family and friends, how would he react? Would he be unhappy still? Is it the internet, or the contact that you have with your family and friends that he doesn't like?

 

He seems a bit stubborn, especially for someone who has to have coffee in the morning.

 

If you are getting married, I hope you are going to some pre-marriage counseling beforehand. This is something that can be brought up before you get married.

 

Good luck.

[Ed]

my fiance says that i am addicted to the

internet.

No one is addicted to anything unless they admit it to themselves and to others.

i get up in the morning and check email and am on alot during the day when i'm done working. in the evenings i chat with family and friends via instant messaging.

Morning, during the day and at night. That does sound like "alot" to me, but, what is "alot" to one person is "not much" to another.

while i am doing this he seems happy and content in front of the t.v. but he gets mad at me mostly in the morning when i first get on.

He is using the t.v to pacify and possibly entertain himself while you are on the internet, but, he is getting tired of it and he knows Summer reruns are coming.

today he told me that if my addiction continues there may not be a future for us! i was floored when he said this. i told him it is the same as when he gets out of bed and heads for his coffee. that his morning coffee is his vice to get his day going and checking the email is mine. we obviously don't see eye to eye on this.

I've already told you what I think about addictions....I think he has felt this way for a long time. He has just now gotten to the point of saying something about it. Most likely, he has suppressed his feelings about this far too long, that's why he put it to you in such an abrupt way.

 

Spending time on the internet cannot be compared to drinking coffee, unless he pours a cup and then sits there and stares at the cup or carries on some interaction with it that excludes meaningful conversation with the people around him. Coffee usually doesn't require that kind of attention.

i don't think i have a problem, really, i just enjoy surfing and chatting. i'm not doing anything like cyber sex at all, so what is his problem and how can i deal with this?

IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, THEN, YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.

 

I am not about to say, you, or anybody else, has an addiction. It is not my place. But, anyone who is as defensive as you are, certainly has a strong attachment. You definately have a problem with your relationship. The problem seems to be communication, quality time and attention with your mate. The issue is not whether you spend too much time on the internet. It's that he feels he is not getting enough of the kind of interaction he wants with you.

 

In your defense, he made a poor choice of words to express his wants and/or needs to you. But, I think you are both showing a bit of immaturity regarding this matter.

 

May I suggest you come to a compromise. For instance, is it possible you could go a whole day without using the computer? Can you do that two times a week? If you can do that, I bet he would be more than happy to give up his coffee to spend it with you.