Cheating with a coworker? How does it end?

[0080]

If you are thinking about cheating with a coworker or are currently cheating with a coworker I highly recommend you keep reading.

 

I had been married for a long time and though life wasn't horrible I was just tired of the same old routines and tired of no passion in my life. I texted a coworker about a work related issues that could wait and that started a series of flirty texts and within a few weeks she was being all the things my wife wasn't. I got wrapped up in the fun side of it and became infatuated with her and her desire for me. Within a month it turned physical with us making out at work then one day she texts me telling me how much she wants to have sex with me. At this point I feel like I can still get out of this if I want so I put her off but then the nude pictures start arriving in my text and she is clearly not going to give up after my wife went out of town for a weekend I invited her over and we had amazing mind blowing sex several times throughout the weekend. Thus was my first time ever even touching another girl in the last 15 years and it was amazing. I tried to justify what I had done by saying my marriage was bad and my wife doesn't care about me. I thought this would be a one weekend thing but my new friend was all over me for the next 5 MONTHS we would meet up after work before work at lunch and hotel rooms and I was on cloud 9 as I was getting everything I had missed for so long. My new friend told me how much she loved me and could stand being without me she told me every day how much she missed me and again it made me feel awesome.

 

Then out of the blue one day it stops! No texts now meeting up no sex and she completely ignores me at work and doesn't respond to any communication I try to have with her. At this point I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest as I have no answers. I decide to leave her alone for awhile and finally I basically make her talk by cornering her at work and she says she cant continue our relationship but still does not give a reason. After a month she comes back to me and tells me she missed me and we start back up again but something was clearly off so I kept pushing her to tell me what was wrong. After another month she tells me to leave her alone and to stop talking to her. I still don't have a reason or any idea what happened. She is single and maybe she found another guy?

 

Now it has been three weeks and I now have to work with her and it is very awkward as we try to be nice to each other but there is a very strange, horrible feel in the air whenever we are in the same room together and my feeling for her are not any different but I feel almost betrayed by her. The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own (worst thing ever).

 

My advice to you if you are thinking about cheating just don't do it. I never thought it would make me this miserable. It is NOT worth it!

[Space Ritual]

The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own (worst thing ever!

 

No, the worst part of it is that you were stupid enough to do it in the first place. My guess is that your wife never even crossed your mind all the time you were having that Mind Blowing Sex? Of course not, it had nothing to do with her, it was all about you, right?

 

The fact of the matter is that you had plenty of other options...marriage counseling, establishing some form of communication, even divorce if you were so unhappy...you had many other options than to cheat.

 

But no, you just thought about poor little 0080 and what you needed, never thinking about your vows. And even with this lame excuse for a cautionary tale you still aren't thinking about anyone but yourself. Lot's of "I" statements won't get you a very sympathetic response from many here.

 

You not only put your job at risk , you put your wife's health at risk too. You never know what skeletons the girl you were banging has in her closet or her coochie.

 

You knew exactly what you were doing the entire time. You made a conscious effort to seek your own pleasure at the expense of your poor wife, and the only reason you have any regret at all is because your Unicorns and Rainbows decided to stop having sex with you.

 

And you are talking about how miserable you are? You cannot even fathom how someone who is betrayed feels.it is a million times worse than anything you can imagine. Having been on the receiving end of infidelity, I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

 

I sure hope you have a little bit of integrity left to actually inform your wife so she can have all the information as to who she is actually married to. And do it before someone else does.

 

Leave it up to your wife after you come clean to decide how the rest of your marriage goes. You lost that right the second you crossed the line.

[0080]

No, the worst part of it is that you were stupid enough to do it in the first place. My guess is that your wife never even crossed your mind all the time you were having that Mind Blowing Sex? Of course not, it had nothing to do with her, it was all about you, right?

 

The fact of the matter is that you had plenty of other options...marriage counseling, establishing some form of communication, even divorce if you were so unhappy...you had many other options than to cheat.

 

But no, you just thought about poor little 0080 and what you needed, never thinking about your vows. And even with this lame excuse for a cautionary tale you still aren't thinking about anyone but yourself. Lot's of "I" statements won't get you a very sympathetic response from many here.

 

You not only put your job at risk , you put your wife's health at risk too. You never know what skeletons the girl you were banging has in her closet or her coochie.

 

You knew exactly what you were doing the entire time. You made a conscious effort to seek your own pleasure at the expense of your poor wife, and the only reason you have any regret at all is because your Unicorns and Rainbows decided to stop having sex with you.

 

And you are talking about how miserable you are? You cannot even fathom how someone who is betrayed feels.it is a million times worse than anything you can imagine. Having been on the receiving end of infidelity, I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

 

I sure hope you have a little bit of integrity left to actually inform your wife so she can have all the information as to who she is actually married to. And do it before someone else does.

 

Leave it up to your wife after you come clean to decide how the rest of your marriage goes. You lost that right the second you crossed the line.

 

 

You obviously missed the point of why I posted this. It was not to get sympathy or advise. I am simply trying to stop someone else from making the same mistakes I did. I put the details in the post because when someone is in the middle of one of these situations they are blinded to the damage that is being done and I was simply trying to convince others that it is not worth it.

 

On a side note my wife has cheated on me twice and I do know how it feels to be on that side of it. I did not include that in the post because I did not want people to think I was justifying my actions with what my wife did. This is also the reason why I have chosen to not tell her about it because I wish I would not have found out when she did it to me. I have learned my leason.

[Gloria25]

At the workplace you spend a minimum of 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week with other people...at some point bonding happens, so don't beat up yourself.

 

My word of caution is that:

 

(1) Workplace or other place, don't do things that will lead to things. We can't stop being attracted to others, but how far we take it is what matters. So, if you get all fuzzy for a co-worker..immediately stop any water cooler talk. No lunches/after work activities. No exchange of personal info. Actually, avoid the heck out of them.

 

(2) Put your energy back at home. The OP didn't say if he let his wife know that there were problems in the marriage and/or if they even tried to work on them.

 

So, put all that energy into watering your own grass instead of the grass on the other side. Relationships take work. People get complacent and lazy in marriages. No date night, no effort into taking care of themselves. They sit around waiting for a "feeling" when it is "action" that drives the feelings. Think of when you were dating/on the "hunt" for a mate. You didn't sit around waiting for things to happen. You made plans for movies, nites out, etc. Why with marriage a fairy is supposed to come down from the sky and do it for you now?

[smackie9]

Why she stop? You are married. She knew there was no possibility that you would leave your wife...the relationship had no future...it's had no real substance, it was just infatuation.

 

Don't do it? we already warn people about dipping their pen in the company ink.

 

 

 

I'm surprised you didn't lose your job or your coworker went bat-s hit crazy and told your wife, like so many of these stories.

[Space Ritual]

On a side note my wife has cheated on me twice and I do know how it feels to be on that side of it. I did not include that in the post because I did not want people to think I was justifying my actions with what my wife did. This is also the reason why I have chosen to not tell her about it because I wish I would not have found out when she did it to me. I have learned my leason.

 

 

So you are a madhatter? That makes it exponentially worse!

 

Knowing first hand how being betrayed felt and rather than take the high road you sank to her level? I'll never understand madhatters. Their penchant for revenge flies in the face of common sense.

 

Just get a divorce. Your marriage is as toxic as it can get.

 

I feel very sorry for you.

 

Good luck

[0080]

So you are a madhatter? That makes it exponentially worse!

 

Knowing first hand how being betrayed felt and rather than take the high road you sank to her level? I'll never understand madhatters. Their penchant for revenge flies in the face of common sense.

 

Just get a divorce. Your marriage is as toxic as it can get.

 

I feel very sorry for you.

 

Good luck

 

Like I said I am not here to try and justify what I did or get people to feel sorry for me.

 

You don't know my story and unfortunately you are making a judgement about me as if you do. Nothing justifies what I did and if I could go back and do it over I would steer clear.

 

I am only trying to help others if they are in this same situation or are currently being tempted to make the same mistake I did. You seam to be very bent on trying to prove a point that has already been proven.

[Poutrew]

Like I said I am not here to try and justify what I did or get people to feel sorry for me.

 

You don't know my story and unfortunately you are making a judgement about me as if you do. Nothing justifies what I did and if I could go back and do it over I would steer clear.

 

I am only trying to help others if they are in this same situation or are currently being tempted to make the same mistake I did. You seam to be very bent on trying to prove a point that has already been proven.

 

If you want to clue us in on the worst things that can happen post-affair, then be sure to post what happens when your wife finds out. You know, the messy divorce, wife taking you to the cleaners, getting a bunch of money, the house (are there kids?), you paying alimony and most especially how it was all worth it for the mind blowing sex you had with a woman who now wont even talk to you...but at least the next affair you have wont really be one because you'll be single...

[Fair]

I don't think anyone needs to be told why this is a bad idea, but thanks.

 

Or, I should say, people know better but hormones trump brains for the majority of the population meaning work place affairs are always going to happen. You can't save anyone.

[0080]

It is amazing to me how everyone reads all of this and continues to say the same things. I get it I'm horrible and it was a bad thing for me to do. And yes divorce would be messy and yes life would be bad I am not stupid to think anything different.

I guess my desire to try and help other people not make the mistakes I did are all for not because you people are just looking to bash me (deservedly) but if you plan on saying the same stuff it really doesn't do any good.

[ExpatInItaly]

While she was fulfilling your every need and desire, you weren't fulfilling hers. Why? Because she knew she could never have you in her life as a partner.

 

Thus, the excitement and interest wore off and she probably moved on to a single guy who is available and exciting to her in a way you could never be.

 

You're right, cheating isn't worth it. Especially when you have to continue seeing your affair partner. That was a bed you made so you basically just need to suck it up now.

[Darren Steez]

You obviously missed the point of why I posted this. It was not to get sympathy or advise. I am simply trying to stop someone else from making the same mistakes I did. I put the details in the post because when someone is in the middle of one of these situations they are blinded to the damage that is being done and I was simply trying to convince others that it is not worth it.

 

On a side note my wife has cheated on me twice and I do know how it feels to be on that side of it. I did not include that in the post because I did not want people to think I was justifying my actions with what my wife did. This is also the reason why I have chosen to not tell her about it because I wish I would not have found out when she did it to me. I have learned my leason.

 

Not much of a marriage you have there sport.

[smackie9]

OP this is what happens when you admit your guilt. If your wife, your friends or family found out, this is some of the responses you are going to get, over and over. It's a first step in dealing with this. i wish you well.

[Space Ritual]

It is amazing to me how everyone reads all of this and continues to say the same things. I get it I'm horrible and it was a bad thing for me to do. And yes divorce would be messy and yes life would be bad I am not stupid to think anything different.

I guess my desire to try and help other people not make the mistakes I did are all for not because you people are just looking to bash me (deservedly) but if you plan on saying the same stuff it really doesn't do any good.

 

 

What do you expect? A Laurel and Hearty Handshake for our new..Sheriff?

 

LOL

 

 

Young man,

 

You fail to understand that you hiding this from your wife and not being honest and masking this as a cautionary tale is not being honest with yourself.

Hell you know as well as anyone that the affair is one thing, the lies and continuing to be dishonest is just as destructive, if not moreso on a marriage.

 

If you actually read your initial post on an objective basis, you would understand that your initial post is writing from a position of still being in the affair fog. Your defensiveness proves only that you are lamenting losing your side piece of ass, and nothing more.

 

You need to ask yourself if this is a revenge affair or an exit affair. Your affair could be interpreted either way

 

Your situation is not unique in any way. So rather than whine about how you are being treated, why don't you actually take some action and demonstrate some true remorse, as opposed to the regret you are demonstrating now.

 

It is difficult at best for many of us, myself included, to actually dispense unbiased advice when someone blows in here with a story right out of a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Which is how your affair sounds. On top of that, your foggy regret for the affair ending and how it affected you as opposed to just owning your actions, is not a very good example of showing any form of contrition.

 

You will probably get similar reactions in sub forums where there are not madhatters.

 

Maybe you will have better luck on the subforum for the Other Man/Other Woman. I am sure there are madhatters there who would probably help you much more than we could.

 

As difficult as it may be right now, please do not take anything I say personally. I apologize if you find me harsh, as many who come here do.I have simply found that people deserve to not have smoke blown up their dresses and bluntness seems to work better for getting my points across.

 

I do hope you will do an about face at some point and be honest with yourself and your wife, instead of just wishing this will go away. But the only person that can do that is you.

 

Best of Luck and I hope everything does work out for you and your wife in the end.

[sandylee1]

OP

 

What I get from you ... is that a workplace affair is terrible...... particularly .... when it goes wrong and you have to see and work with the person every day.

 

It all seemed fine until she ignored you and the sex stopped. Now you miss her and seem to want that feeling back.

 

That about sums it up.

 

Now if the affair was with a woman you didn't work with, it wouldn't be so hard on you having to grieve the loss of the your mistress right?

[NeotericJack]

... The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own (worst thing ever)....

 

Don't tell your wife. It will only make both of you feel bad and might lead to some bitter fighting. Just cut your losses (by letting the coworker go her own way) and move on.

 

Secondly, don't beat yourself up for the affair. You are an autonomous human being and deserve fulfillment and satisfaction. You did what you had to do to get it. You lost this time but the next time might be better.

[Redhead14]

Like I said I am not here to try and justify what I did or get people to feel sorry for me.

 

You don't know my story and unfortunately you are making a judgement about me as if you do. Nothing justifies what I did and if I could go back and do it over I would steer clear.

 

I am only trying to help others if they are in this same situation or are currently being tempted to make the same mistake I did. You seam to be very bent on trying to prove a point that has already been proven.

 

I am only trying to help others if they are in this same situation -- Everyone who cheats and sleeps with co-workers knows it's a bad idea and that the outcome has the very strong likelihood of being bad . . . even you. And, if they don't, they lack insight and the ability to use forward thinking and anticipate consequences. So this is not a newsflash . . .

 

People know cigarettes are bad and, yet, they still do it and are devastated when they have a heart attack or dealing with cancer.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

I am only trying to help others if they are in this same situation or are currently being tempted to make the same mistake I did.

 

Guess what? 99.99% of cheaters don't think that they will cheat, therefore they won't heed your advice because they will think it does not apply to them. Even if they do eventually cheat, they believe that their situation is special or different. They will find a way to justify it to themselves (exactly like you did).

 

So if you really want to help someone, help your poor wife who has been exposed to STD's and had her home defiled.

[Kkristine]

When you started talking about how sad you were that the woman you are cheating with won't talk to you, I had to stop reading.

 

Have you thought about your wife's feelings at all? And, you are miserable??

 

I'm not talking about your actions, I'm talking about the lack of remorse in everything you just typed.

[Redhead14]

When you started talking about how sad you were that the woman you are cheating with won't talk to you, I had to stop reading.

 

Have you thought about your wife's feelings at all? And, you are miserable??

 

I'm not talking about your actions, I'm talking about the lack of remorse in everything you just typed.

 

 

Yep. Selfishness is the characteristic that allows the cheater to cheat. Lack of ability to empathize . . .

 

I know about a man who cheated on his wife numerous times. She found out and cheated for revenge -- one-night stand (she's still wrong for doing that) but he discovered it and beat her -- unmitigated gaul and entitlement.

[Try]

I got wrapped up in the fun side of it and became infatuated with her and her desire for me. Within a month it turned physical with us making out at work then one day she texts me telling me how much she wants to have sex with me. At this point I feel like I can still get out of this if I want so I put her off but then the nude pictures start arriving in my text and she is clearly not going to give up after my wife went out of town for a weekend I invited her over and we had amazing mind blowing sex several times throughout the weekend. Thus was my first time ever even touching another girl in the last 15 years and it was amazing. I tried to justify what I had done by saying my marriage was bad and my wife doesn't care about me. I thought this would be a one weekend thing but my new friend was all over me for the next 5 MONTHS we would meet up after work before work at lunch and hotel rooms and I was on cloud 9 as I was getting everything I had missed for so long. My new friend told me how much she loved me and could stand being without me she told me every day how much she missed me and again it made me feel awesome.

 

Then out of the blue one day it stops! No texts now meeting up no sex and she completely ignores me at work and doesn't respond to any communication I try to have with her. At this point I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest as I have no answers. I decide to leave her alone for awhile and finally I basically make her talk by cornering her at work and she says she cant continue our relationship but still does not give a reason. After a month she comes back to me and tells me she missed me and we start back up again but something was clearly off so I kept pushing her to tell me what was wrong. After another month she tells me to leave her alone and to stop talking to her. I still don't have a reason or any idea what happened. She is single and maybe she found another guy?

 

Now it has been three weeks and I now have to work with her and it is very awkward as we try to be nice to each other but there is a very strange, horrible feel in the air whenever we are in the same room together and my feeling for her are not any different but I feel almost betrayed by her. The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own (worst thing ever).

 

My advice to you if you are thinking about cheating just don't do it. I never thought it would make me this miserable. It is NOT worth it!

You say that you "became infatuated with her", that when you were with your affair partner ("AP") you were "on cloud 9", and that she made you "feel awesome". You also said that after she broke up with you that your "feeling for her are not any different". Thus when you say that "The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own", I call bull. You are still hopping for the opportunity to resume the affair. If your AP wanted you back again, guilt would not stop you from happily jumping at the opportunity to cheat with her again. You are not telling your wife because if you wife knew about the affair, it would make it that much harder for you to resume the affair again if given the opportunity by your AP. The only reason that you are "miserable" is because you miss your AP not because of any guilt over cheating on your wife.

Edited October 12, 2016 by Try

[Osmium13]

Hang on - all I can see in the OP is that you're upset that your AP stopped putting out for you? So it's not so much a cautionary tale as a bitter realisation that you're in the same position but with added guilt over the affair.

 

I didn't want to be slating you, as I feel in a similar way about the state of my marriage (and couldn't 100% say I wouldn't do the same in that position) - but I wouldn't then take to the internet moaning about it, dressing it up as some kind of warning, if it all came to a sudden end!

 

I reckon you need to come clean with your wife and deal with whatever that brings. You made your bed...

[smackie9]

It's been a week since the OP has posted....you guys are just posting to air at this point.

[Sweetfish]

If you are thinking about cheating with a coworker or are currently cheating with a coworker I highly recommend you keep reading.

 

I had been married for a long time and though life wasn't horrible I was just tired of the same old routines and tired of no passion in my life. I texted a coworker about a work related issues that could wait and that started a series of flirty texts and within a few weeks she was being all the things my wife wasn't. I got wrapped up in the fun side of it and became infatuated with her and her desire for me. Within a month it turned physical with us making out at work then one day she texts me telling me how much she wants to have sex with me. At this point I feel like I can still get out of this if I want so I put her off but then the nude pictures start arriving in my text and she is clearly not going to give up after my wife went out of town for a weekend I invited her over and we had amazing mind blowing sex several times throughout the weekend. Thus was my first time ever even touching another girl in the last 15 years and it was amazing. I tried to justify what I had done by saying my marriage was bad and my wife doesn't care about me. I thought this would be a one weekend thing but my new friend was all over me for the next 5 MONTHS we would meet up after work before work at lunch and hotel rooms and I was on cloud 9 as I was getting everything I had missed for so long. My new friend told me how much she loved me and could stand being without me she told me every day how much she missed me and again it made me feel awesome.

 

Then out of the blue one day it stops! No texts now meeting up no sex and she completely ignores me at work and doesn't respond to any communication I try to have with her. At this point I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest as I have no answers. I decide to leave her alone for awhile and finally I basically make her talk by cornering her at work and she says she cant continue our relationship but still does not give a reason. After a month she comes back to me and tells me she missed me and we start back up again but something was clearly off so I kept pushing her to tell me what was wrong. After another month she tells me to leave her alone and to stop talking to her. I still don't have a reason or any idea what happened. She is single and maybe she found another guy?

 

Now it has been three weeks and I now have to work with her and it is very awkward as we try to be nice to each other but there is a very strange, horrible feel in the air whenever we are in the same room together and my feeling for her are not any different but I feel almost betrayed by her. The worst part is I can't bring myself to tell my wife and move past this so I have to deal with the guilt on my own (worst thing ever).

 

My advice to you if you are thinking about cheating just don't do it. I never thought it would make me this miserable. It is NOT worth it!

 

 

I feel sick to my stomach