Feeling a little strung along...

[OntarioBoy]

Well this is going to be part introduction, as it is my first post here, and a bit of a rant but hopefully I won't go to off the rails here.

 

So I kind of have to explain a bit for this all to make sense. There was a girl at work that I was kind of interested in and talked to on and off for a while. I knew she had a boyfriend so I never crossed any lines with her, always kept it clean and friendly. One day though I found out that she and her boyfriend had broken up. I didn't have any details or any timeline of events so I wasn't sure how long the break up had been or what had happened. So I decided to take a chance and ask her out.

 

Now when I asked her she said that they had broken up not to long ago and and that she needed some time to get her head straightened out. But then she also said that she was flattered and to ask again after she had some time. Now if she had said everything but the last part I probably would have just left it there and not brought it up again. But the last part kind of threw me there. So I talked to some friends and decided to give her a month or two before asking again.

 

Everything was going fine until she suddenly started acting coolly towards me, I probably should have backed off at that point but we all know how emotions can sometimes cloud our better judgement. So one day after I had finished my day at work I walked out to my car and was getting ready to leave when I saw her walk out to her car as well. So I figured what the hell and was going to go over to her to chat. In our jobs we are constantly under supervision and I thought maybe her bosses are giving her **** for talking to me or something so I figured outside, without supervisors lording over us would be okay. Now this was mid afternoon or so, as I know enough not to approach someone like that at night. I went over but saw she was on the phone and just turned around and left.

 

The next day my supervisor sits me down and tells me that she went to her supervisor and told them I was making her uncomfortable at work. Which totally caught me off guard. Worse yet I get called to see the second in command of the place, and basically get a warning. So at this point I'm feeling pretty much feeling sucker punched in the gut and wondering what the hell happened, not to mention just a "tiny bit" emotionally banged up cause at that point I realized we were probably weren't gonna be going out.

 

Now later on I found out that she had gotten back together with her ex, so that might explain the coolness. Now if I had known that she was getting back together with her ex, or that I was actually making her uncomfortable at work I would have backed off immediately. As the last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable or come across as a stalker. It's been kind of rough seeing her at work. We've had to pass by each other in the hall at work a few times now, and it's definitely been uncomfortable but I've also picked up some hints of guilt from her.

 

So naturally the past little while I have been feeling pretty low, maybe the best way to say it is feeling like some piece of cast away garbage. I am also feeling like I was falsely accused, and that this really was just some kind of misunderstanding. My question is am I justified in feeling like I was strung along a bit? As well as being hurt? I kind of feel like if she had just been honest with me about getting back with the ex or making her uncomfortable because she had gotten back with the EX this whole thing could have been avoided.

 

So there is my rant. Questions? Thoughts? Need any more details?

[JewelD]

I would say we need more details, but this is all from your perspective so I don't think it'd help. Approaching her at her car was a little weird. I think you should have entirely backed off when she said 'no' to your first offer.

 

Did you have contact with her outside of walking up to her at her car? Maybe you can't see it, but I can't imagine why she would take it up with the higher ups unless you were doing too much.

 

You weren't strung along, you just chose to read way too far into the 'ask me again later' thing. Maybe that was her odd way of letting you down easy. Getting back with her bf or not, she probably just wasn't interested.

 

I can understand why a woman would not want to tell a male coworker that he makes her uncomfortable. It's awkward and many men just can't take 'no' for an answer. Which is why you should never date your coworkers.

 

By asking her on a date, you solidified the fact that things were going to be awkward between you two unless she was also into you, you dated and eventually got married. There's nothing to do about it now but if you felt falsely accused and that you really hadn't done anything wrong, why didn't you tell this story to the higherups?

[OntarioBoy]

Thanks for your reply JewelD.

 

I'll admit maybe the car thing was ill advised. And if by contact you mean any kind of physical contact, than no. Didn't even get a chance to say hello before I walked over to her car. And when I saw her on the phone I just turned around and left.

 

I didn't think I was doing too much, and I guess that's why it stings. At work I might swing by her station once a day to say hello and chat for five minutes, which seemed okay until she turned a little cold. Didn't really have much opportunity to talk to her away from her station as she always went outside for a smoke on her breaks, and I don't smoke nor can I stand being around people when they're smoking. Also, having different schedules weeks might go by before seeing her again.

 

I completely understand your point about possibly reading to much into asking her later. And I'll admit I'm not so great at reading signals at times. I tend to be more straight up and honest, so when people don't give me straight up answers I'm kind of left a little baffled. But I'm learning.

 

I guess I just wish that she had been honest with me. Especially when this hole mess could have been avoided had I know how she felt. I would have backed off right away. I get how it could be uncomfortable, for both men and women. But at the same time the truth usually rears it's ugly head at some point and I can tell you from experience that finding out the truth later on can be a lot more painful than just being being told the truth in the first place.

 

I did mention it to one of my bosses later on, after I had sort of computed things. Even the car thing. This was all kind of informal, so there really wasn't anything to fight. It's just being accused of something from someone you thought was on your side can be hurtful.

 

And I am starting to agree with you on work not being a good place to look for love as when things go south you're stuck in a situation like mine.