Do professional men not want to date professional women?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I got into a conversation with a career minded woman, and though she works a government job and has weekends off, she said she has had a pattern of professional men expecting her to drop her career for them. Apparently, this is a common problem for a lot of men she comes across, even though these men have kids and are also professional.

 

That, he expects her to drop everything for him, that it's very one-sided in her dating experience.

 

I am guessing professional men don't want their women to be career-minded since they figure, "We have one professional in this household that makes the amount of money for 2, so I would like for you to stay home and do my laundry and cook for me."

 

(Just a theory there.)

 

Or something to that effect? I am actually surprised men do have these expectations...still?!

 

Thoughts on this one-sided set-up?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Unless you really LOVE your job or have the old school mentality of 'men provide and women cook, clean and give great blowjobs, I would think most men would want somebody to bring home some bacon.

 

Taking care of the kids is fair enough, but after they are school age ...

[GemmaUK]

I have found the same thought process with professional or non- professional men in recent years on several occasions.

They would rather I quit my job (and told me to quit it) so that I am there for them. I'm not quite sure how I was supposed to pay for my mortgage and they weren't offering - maybe they figured if I was penniless I would have to move in with them?

 

When I was younger it was all about being a team, not so much now I'm in my forties.

[hippychick3]

I didn't encounter this at all when I was dating after my divorce. All the professional men I went out with only dated professional women and were attracted by the fact that I was career-minded. They were all looking for women who were professionals and could engage in intelligent dialogue.

 

There are days where I am tired and don't want to work, though, and would love for someone to tell me I can quit my job so they'll take care of me lol

[elaine567]

I have found the same thought process with professional or non- professional men in recent years on several occasions.

They would rather I quit my job (and told me to quit it) so that I am there for them. I'm not quite sure how I was supposed to pay for my mortgage and they weren't offering - maybe they figured if I was penniless I would have to move in with them?

 

When I was younger it was all about being a team, not so much now I'm in my forties.

 

That may be because those men you dated were now used to wives who stayed at home or had a p/t job and SHE looked after all the stuff they had no time to do whilst working in a professional job.

It must be very comforting to have someone always taking care of the small stuff, whist you just need to concentrate on your job and sort out your leisure time.

I can easily why some men would not want to lose that.

[GemmaUK]

That may be because those men you dated were now used to wives who stayed at home or had a p/t job and SHE looked after all the stuff they had no time to do whilst working in a professional job.

It must be very comforting to have someone always taking care of the small stuff, whist you just need to concentrate on your job and sort out your leisure time.

I can easily why some men would not want to lose that.

 

Actually, neither of them had been married, one lived with a woman but that was around 6 years prior to me meeting him and they only lived together for a couple of years.

[xxoo]

 

Taking care of the kids is fair enough, but after they are school age ...

 

We've got school aged kids. One starts at 9 am, and the other finishes at 2 pm. Then there are practices, after school events, dr visits, conferences, tutoring....

 

There is a reality that either both partners' careers take a small hit when kids come along (this was the Sheryl Sandberg model before her husband died), or one takes a big hit while the other focuses on career. For the very successful (Sandberg level), a lot can be hired out, but that's not reality for the average parents.

 

I do think that men still expect women to take the hit while they pursue their careers. That doesn't mean quitting or staying home fulltime, but putting family before career. It is slowly changing. The Millennials have a different outlook on work/life balance, and that may affect the balance of parenting as well.

[Popsicle]

I've encountered one or two professional and non-professional men who still have this mentality, but it's not all that common. The majority of men would be fine with a woman working. Some just want her to be happy, and others appreciate the monetary help. With working women, where it starts getting complicated is with the household and child-rearing duties.

[Popsicle]

We've got school aged kids. One starts at 9 am, and the other finishes at 2 pm. Then there are practices, after school events, dr visits, conferences, tutoring....

 

There is a reality that either both partners' careers take a small hit when kids come along (this was the Sheryl Sandberg model before her husband died), or one takes a big hit while the other focuses on career. For the very successful (Sandberg level), a lot can be hired out, but that's not reality for the average parents.

 

I do think that men still expect women to take the hit while they pursue their careers. That doesn't mean quitting or staying home fulltime, but putting family before career. It is slowly changing. The Millennials have a different outlook on work/life balance, and that may affect the balance of parenting as well.

 

Very true. When I was married and had young kids my Ex-H absolutely expected me to take the hit. Once that became evident to me, I asked myself why I was putting myself through that struggle and just quit work and became a stay-at-home mom. I stayed at home for 10 years and it fit the situation at the time. Now my kids are almost grown and I work full-time and am happier working.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I do think that men still expect women to take the hit while they pursue their careers. That doesn't mean quitting or staying home fulltime, but putting family before career. It is slowly changing. The Millennials have a different outlook on work/life balance, and that may affect the balance of parenting as well.

 

My ideal (kids or not) would be to have a woman who makes the same as me or within roughly 30K of me, up or down.

 

I'd rather not have someone support my lifestyle or vice versa. It brings a certain inequity I feel.

[normal person]

The only conceivable reason I can think of that you wouldn't want a woman to be fulfilled in her own career and make as much money as possible is because he's insecure about her doing better than him, and wants to maintain some locus of control over her. Precisely the kind of guy I'd avoid if I were a woman.

[Woggle]

Not the professional men I know. They all went women who can pull their own financial weight. They don't want women with awful personalities who hide behind the men can't handle a strong woman thing but they wouldn't want an unemployed woman with an awful personality either.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have found the same thought process with professional or non- professional men in recent years on several occasions.

They would rather I quit my job (and told me to quit it) so that I am there for them. I'm not quite sure how I was supposed to pay for my mortgage and they weren't offering - maybe they figured if I was penniless I would have to move in with them?

 

When I was younger it was all about being a team, not so much now I'm in my forties.

 

Yeah, for once I have to agree with you. I personally don't care for a helpless woman, but a self-sufficient woman. I'm kind of trying to wrap my mind around why a 2016 professional male would demand this...even today?

[xxoo]

My ideal (kids or not) would be to have a woman who makes the same as me or within roughly 30K of me, up or down.

 

I'd rather not have someone support my lifestyle or vice versa. It brings a certain inequity I feel.

 

Would you be willing to change your work hours to accommodate school beginning, ending, school holidays, early release days, and after school activities?

[preraph]

Men who are not completely confident, would rather be in a higher position than their women. A friend of mine who wasn't good with women had a great job, but he once told me he likes to see women driving old junkers because he figures it will make him look more attractive because he knows they have nothing. Sad.

[xxoo]

Very true. When I was married and had young kids my Ex-H absolutely expected me to take the hit. Once that became evident to me, I asked myself why I was putting myself through that struggle and just quit work and became a stay-at-home mom. I stayed at home for 10 years and it fit the situation at the time. Now my kids are almost grown and I work full-time and am happier working.

 

I work about half time, in the same line of work as my husband.

 

I recently had a shake up and work, and considered moving to full time. H was encouraging, until I explained that he'd have to pitch in and take over x, y, and z. Then he said he'd prefer I not go full time

 

I'm comfortable with the balance I have now, but there is no doubt that my career has taken the hit for the family.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Would you be willing to change your work hours to accommodate school beginning, ending, school holidays, early release days, and after school activities?

 

In most cases, 'unwillingness to change your work schedule' means "I don't want to get fired from my job or take a more flexible lower paying job which means we have to lower our lifestyle."

 

Personally, I'd love to knock off of work at 2 pm and go watch some kids kick a ball around.

 

Very few of my friends would continue to work 50 or 60 hours a week if they would get paid the same for 20.

[carhill]

Men in general desire dating women who make them feel male and masculine and loved and appreciated. I personally don't see a woman's profession or vocation as inhibiting their ability and desire in such matters. I dated a few in decades past who were quite sincere and adept in their style of treating a man like their man.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I recently had a shake up and work, and considered moving to full time. H was encouraging, until I explained that he'd have to pitch in and take over x, y, and z. Then he said he'd prefer I not go full time

 

Yup. I'd be the opposite. I'd tell my wife to go full time and take over half the duties in a hearbeat.

 

Some men do have a provider mentality but I don't. 50/50.

[xxoo]

In most cases, 'unwillingness to change your work schedule' means "I don't want to get fired from my job or take a more flexible lower paying job which means we have to lower our lifestyle."

 

Personally, I'd love to knock off of work at 2 pm and go watch some kids kick a ball around.

 

Very few of my friends would continue to work 50 or 60 hours a week if they would get paid the same for 20.

 

Right. But we don't get paid the same for 20, do we?

 

Choices must be made.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Right. But we don't get paid the same for 20, do we?

 

Choices must be made.

 

Sure. Each couple decides what they want to contribute.

 

I believe gender no longer defines the roles. I know a number of SAHD, and I would probably be OK doing that.

 

I would definitely not be OK with my wife not working if we didnt have kids though.

[xxoo]

Sure. Each couple decides what they want to contribute.

 

I believe gender no longer defines the roles. I know a number of SAHD, and I would probably be OK doing that.

 

I know some SAHDs, and also dads who work less and take on more of the child responsibilities while the wife focuses more on career. But it's just less common than the opposite. Getting there.

[GoodOnPaper]

Conventional LS wisdom seems to be that there is a conspiracy against career-driven women. I don't buy it.

 

Men in general desire dating women who make them feel male and masculine and loved and appreciated. I personally don't see a woman's profession or vocation as inhibiting their ability and desire in such matters.

 

Bingo. If a professional woman has trouble attracting or maintaining relationships with men who she wants, it's a relationship dynamics issue, not one of her being a professional.

 

Men who are not completely confident, would rather be in a higher position than their women. A friend of mine who wasn't good with women had a great job, but he once told me he likes to see women driving old junkers because he figures it will make him look more attractive because he knows they have nothing. Sad.

 

Intentionally looking for the white-knight scenarios is kind of sad, but that aside, what man isn't going to play up what he thinks are his best attributes? We all want to feel some semblance of confidence and comfort in a relationship.

 

For me, it was quite the shock to learn in graduate school that the women who were my professional and social peers considered my male classmates and me to be very much beneath them when it came to being dating prospects. By default, I ended up with someone in a "lower position" educationally and professionally. Since then, I have always figured that a professional woman will want someone either higher up in her field or someone who's sex appeal is rooted in something totally unrelated to her profession - artist, musician, fitness trainer, tradesman, etc.

[LookAtThisPOst]

For me, it was quite the shock to learn in graduate school that the women who were my professional and social peers considered my male classmates and me to be very much beneath them when it came to being dating prospects.

 

Really? How did you come to know this? Did these ladies admit this to you, your male student peers?

[ZA Dater]

I have never come across a physically attractive single professional women, where I am they get snapped up very quickly.