SandyMoon Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Hi everyone, I will try and most likely fail to keep this short, here goes... My husband and I have been married 5 years but separated 6 months ago after I decided to walk away from the marriage. We had an intense relationship from the start and our marriage was full of passion, possibly too much, we would both get jealous easily which would spark horrible arguments between us that would turn to bitter fights. If its possible or makes any sense.. I think we loved each other too much for our marriage to ever be sane. Everyone had an opinion on our marriage at that stage and we reached the point where we felt our life would drive us insane with everyone telling us what we should/shouldn't do so we decided to live on the road for a while to calm our mind and enjoy solitude of just being together, no arguments. That didn't last long and because of that I decided it was best for us to leave, I just couldn't cope anymore. I hadn't talked or seen him since but he had tried to contact me frequently. Divorce papers were delivered to him two weeks ago and I was contacted that he refuses to sign them. This bothered me and I went to our hometown to look for him, finally I found him at the diner and begged him to sign them again he refused claiming he never agreed to the separation or divorce and he doesn't want a divorce what he wants is our marriage back. I noticed he still wears his wedding ring but looked broken. We ended up going on a walk and spent the rest of the evening just talking about everything and I have to be honest spending time with him again proved that I definitely still love him and I still get that sense of freedom being with him he has always been my best friend and I miss him but I need to do what I think is right for us both. Regardless of loving each other I don't think we are meant to be together. I was certain a divorce was the right thing to do but now I am doubting my decision.Any advice/opinions on what I should do? Thanks in advance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Jurisdiction might help as to your options if you resolve your doubts and still wish to proceed with the divorce. In my jurisdiction, the only thing regarding the lawsuit I signed were the specific filings and MSA (settlement agreement) after the original lawsuit was long served. The original service I did sign for but it didn't matter since the guy who served it was a LEO and had the power to attest to service regardless of whether I signed or not. That's pretty customary for process servers. If the respondent isn't cooperative you can proceed, in any jurisdiction I'm aware of here in the US, with your lawsuit. Here in CA, generally they get served and if they don't respond within a certain time to the court, you motion the court for default and summary judgment on the original filing and the court puts it on the docket and deals with it and enters a judgment and dissolution. If you're doubting yourself, don't blow any cash on proceeding and work through the doubts. It's normal for people to have doubts when deciding to divorce and going through a divorce. Expect it. Have you ever been married before? Have a LTR prior where you lived together? Any commonalities in what you experienced when those ended and here? Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Where I live, we have something called default divorce. What that means is that when a person does not respond to the divorce, you can ask the court to enter the divorce by default after you've waited for 6 months. So you don't need the other party to agree with it, but you do need to ask the court for the default. They will not do it automatically unless you ask for it. Maybe they have that where you live too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 He doesn't want you to be free to see other people. Ask him to go counseling to resolve your issues. It could just be that you both have different conflict resolution skills or something minor that with some counseling you could resolve. If not , go for annulment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HawkeyeDave Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Don't give up on him! If you truly love him look for a way to make it work. I'm in a similar situation. My wife and I are divorcing after 19 years and we're trying to see if there's a way to save our marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 The problems in your marriage were not caused by too much love. They were caused by things such as lack of respect, lack of boundaries, lack of trust, poor communication and poor conflict resolution. I don't think that you necessarily need to divorce. But the two of you need to do a lot of individual work learning what a respectful, loving relationship looks like. Stay separated for now, but you each MUST start working on your own issues which led to treating each other so awfully. If you can learn to respect each other, perhaps you can live a good marriage. Are there any substance abuse issues or mental illnesses at play here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Folks, looks like we have a new member posting related content from two different accounts so we closed this up pending resolving that. Thanks for your responses here. Link to post Share on other sites
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