Victim vs accomplice - married friend in an affair

[MJJean]

Its difficult these days for many people to hold themselves accountable, to feel shame, regret, disappointment in themselves. They blame others.

 

I remember her saying once to me later on ...."he used me!" to which I responded "yes - and you used him" and she just stared at me with "deer in the headlight eyes" unable to respond.

 

Not universally true. I owned my affairs at the time, did not hide them from anyone because I was not ashamed, I have no regrets, I am not disappointed in myself.

 

Also, I know I used my AP's and that they used me. Duh. That's the nature of casual sex. But wth was your wife supposed to say? Her only options were to say she used the guy, too, or that she was in love with him and wanted to leave you for him, if he'd have her. Lose-lose for her no matter what she said.

 

how many time has it been said that a ow/om can't seduce a married person? The married person cheats of their own free will.

 

If this is the case, then the reverse is true. Ow/om aren't seduced, they get involved in an affair because they want to. All the lines about "future faking" and crap like that are just that, crap. They go in knowing it's an affair.

 

The first part I absolutely agree with. I have been a WW and known plenty of WS in my time. I have never seen one cheat that wasn't doing it of their own free will.

 

The second part I disagree with. When I was married to my exH and having my affairs, it never crossed my mind an AP would get involved emotionally because it's just an affair, right? Wrong!

 

I have personally had AP's get way too emotionally involved and attached and desperately try to turn the affair into a real relationship. Apparently, knowing it's an affair AND being verbally told that this is just about sex and nothing more, some people STILL develop feelings and start thinking that maybe....

[Red123]

Great replies thank you