ashwanth Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 (edited) Hi Guys, This is my first post ever and but I would really appreciate advice about my breakup! So the background: (Be prepared its pretty long) My ex forced me to break things off two weeks ago (Her friends told me to end it) and she sort of agreed to separate. We had been together for 2 years and 7 months and we are both 21. We met at uni and we had such an amazing time being in the bubble. We did every single thing together and we built such a co-dependent relationship. By this point it was fine, and we had absolutely no obstacles or problems before. She kissed another guy once in a club when she was hammered before in the first month of our relationship but I gave her another chance and had no problem since that one hiccup. We got on so well and I pretty much moved in with her in first year. After graduation, she went to do masters to a uni that is an hour away from my house. She had only stayed at her accommodation for two weeks and her feelings had clearly changed. She had been acting really unimpressed and not excited to meet me. I initially thought she could not handle the "Distance" and it was breaking the co-dependent relationship. She said she doesn't feel the same connection we had as we did in university. She mentioned how she's in a new environment doing a masters and she's meeting lots of new people and the fact that because we used to be in the bubble we used to be compatible but now we're out of it she's having doubts about the compatibility. She also used the classic phrase "I love you, but Im not in love with you". I reckon she's met someone else but she didn't admit it when I asked. I know I should not have but I was talking to her friend on her phone and I saw my name in the conversation and I started reading the messages and it mentioned how shes got a crush. I assumed it was this crush that was affecting our relationship. Maybe she isn't mature enough to keep her feelings consistent. But I still love her so much and care for her. You know what they say though. You don't value the precious things unless you lose them. I hope she realizes that lesson, because no one could have treated her better than I did and we connected so well. We may have had slightly different interests but we got on so well. It's ironic though how she cried at the end of uni and said "you'll leave me I just know it you'll find someone else it's too good to be true" and after reassuring everything will be fine, she basically doesn't need me anymore because she's got that excitement and turns around and stabs me in the back. I genuinely thought she was my soulmate. She ruined it for the both of us. I am not sure what is the best way to deal with this. I really dont want to get my hopes up and think shes coming back because that would hurt me if she did not. My main question is: Does this sound like GIGS? And, what are the chances of someone coming back if they realise that the grass was not actually greener? I dont think I did anything wrong at all. Itll hurt to see her go around with other guys but I really want her back. I know people will say do you really want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? But I reckon it is just a phase she is going through. Im not sure. Obv its only been 2 weeks but Im going to try and do the No Contact Rule until she contacts me about getting back together and focus on myself for now. I did nothing absolutely wrong in the relationship though which is why Im angry/frustrated at her in some ways for screwing it up especially knowing we were best friends first. I know we are only human and we cannot stop emotions but to let a crush affect the relationship? Could this new guy potentially replace me? The only thing I reckon would stop her pursuing this relationship is the religion/culture/background clash. Id really appreciate a reply! :) Edited October 8, 2016 by ashwanth Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Carry on with life as if she died. Go NC and start living as a single guy! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Heartbreak is awful. However, most young relationships don't go the distance and this is probably going to be one of them. We all change so much at this age and it's normal to want to experience more of what life has to offer. The thing that the two of you had was good for her then, but it's probably not what she wants for herself now. No Contact is a method for getting over someone. Use it wisely and learn to move on without her. Allow yourself to experience new horizons too. Link to post Share on other sites
MajorOak Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Luke 15:11 The parable of the lost son. In brief. A person had everything, discontent set it, they looked for greener pastures. They partied for a while, soon they had nothing. Slowly understood just how good they had it. then came the familiar words, "please take me back" Hang in there my friend, NC is best for you, and a huge sign of strength to her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashwanth Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Heartbreak is awful. However, most young relationships don't go the distance and this is probably going to be one of them. We all change so much at this age and it's normal to want to experience more of what life has to offer. The thing that the two of you had was good for her then, but it's probably not what she wants for herself now. No Contact is a method for getting over someone. Use it wisely and learn to move on without her. Allow yourself to experience new horizons too. I literally am finding it so hard right now! I know its fresh and time heals all but I am getting really obsessive and checking her facebook and snapchat every hour. I think I may have to delete her completely till I am healed! I completely understand but Im just worried that I will never get the same connection with someone else that I did with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashwanth Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 Luke 15:11 The parable of the lost son. In brief. A person had everything, discontent set it, they looked for greener pastures. They partied for a while, soon they had nothing. Slowly understood just how good they had it. then came the familiar words, "please take me back" Hang in there my friend, NC is best for you, and a huge sign of strength to her. Good luck. Thank you so much for your kind words MajorOak! I hope everything goes smooth for me for the next couple of months to get back to reality and to stop dreaming about her! Haha Link to post Share on other sites
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