She told me that "I'll have to get back to you on it"

[kliljoy27]

Basically I met this girl at the end of January, and for some reason, I was drawn to her. Over the next few months I began to become somewhat friends with her. We hung out once for a bit before class. I haven't really tried to hang out again until summer. So, summer rolls around, and I'm meeting some friends in the city, so I see if she wants to go. Busy, out of town at Bro's graduation. (With specific town and time mentioned) But we agree to hang out at some point.

 

About a month later, I message her asking if she wants to hang out that day for a bit. This time is her sisters graduation.

 

I then accuse her of lying by saying "If you don't wanna hang out, just tell me"

No response, predictably. A month and a bit passes, I then apologize to her, she accepts and just says that she's been ridiculously busy that summer.

 

Don't talk much, until mid-September. Message her, and we end up talking for 7-8 hours about stuff.

 

About 2 weeks later or so, I message her. (I already knew of the jobs and classes when I messaged her)

 

Me- "Hey, are you free anytime soon? I would like to grab coffee and chat"

 

Her- "Hey! I'll have to get back to you on it. Taking 7 classes this semester on top of working the two jobs and getting stuck babysitting this weekend has been filling up my schedule."

 

Me - "No worries. I just figured that we should meet up soon"

 

Her - "Definitely!"

 

I guess I generally would want kinda an idea about how the situation looks? Probably not interested. But some of the wording indicated that she may wanna meet up soon.

 

EDIT: I may run into her Monday, should I really mention anything of this to her? or Just leave it be?

Edited October 9, 2016 by kliljoy27

[thefooloftheyear]

Don;t want to be a killjoy, but she's just jerking your chain...Forget it...

 

TFY

[Popsicle]

You dragged this out from day one and took too long. Now she doesn't take yiu seriously. Can't say if she ever will.

[kliljoy27]

You dragged this out from day one and took too long. Now she doesn't take yiu seriously. Can't say if she ever will.

 

Probably.

 

In person she just seemed quite shy towards me in general. So that is part of the reason I did this at a snails pace I think.

 

It's funny though, she seems to put up with what ever stupid **** I say. Don't know what to make of that

 

 

Don;t want to be a killjoy, but she's just jerking your chain...Forget it...

 

TFY

 

She does not seem like that type at all. She almost seems like she is just as socially awkward as I am at times.

[Popsicle]

Probably.

 

In person she just seemed quite shy towards me in general. So that is part of the reason I did this at a snails pace I think.

 

It's funny though, she seems to put up with what ever stupid **** I say. Don't know what to make of that

 

That's a good sign.

 

Be more assertive and don't act like a friend or chat buddy.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

 

 

She does not seem like that type at all. She almost seems like she is just as socially awkward as I am at times.

 

Obviously I have no way to know for sure just based on what little info you provided. but all I can tell you is this...

 

Women who truly desire guys don't make countless excuses not to see them...In fact, exactly the opposite is true, IME....Just think about it for a minute....Think about the things you really like to do in your life....Almost nothing will hold you back...

 

And don't you kind of feel like the Charlie Brown character, you know where he asks her to set up the football so he can kick it, she pulls it away, and he falls on his back??

 

I'd never put up with that...but that's me....Believe me, ive seen plenty of guys that do, and the outcome is almost always the same...frustration..

 

I know you would like for her to just tell you to get lost, if there is no interest...But that may not happen for a variety of reasons...She likes the attention, she may view you as a last resort or back up plan, ego boost...whatever.....

 

but none of these things are really desirable for you...unless you like that sort of thing...

 

Good luck

 

TFY

[kliljoy27]

[/b]

 

That's a good sign.

 

Be more assertive and don't act like a friend or chat buddy.

 

Yea.

 

Honestly in general I feel that she may be somewhat interested. Just her shyness is preventing it to a degree.

 

So, now what should I do if I run into her tomorrow?

[kliljoy27]

Obviously I have no way to know for sure just based on what little info you provided. but all I can tell you is this...

 

Women who truly desire guys don't make countless excuses not to see them...In fact, exactly the opposite is true, IME....Just think about it for a minute....Think about the things you really like to do in your life....Almost nothing will hold you back...

 

And don't you kind of feel like the Charlie Brown character, you know where he asks her to set up the football so he can kick it, she pulls it away, and he falls on his back??

 

I'd never put up with that...but that's me....Believe me, ive seen plenty of guys that do, and the outcome is almost always the same...frustration..

 

I know you would like for her to just tell you to get lost, if there is no interest...But that may not happen for a variety of reasons...She likes the attention, she may view you as a last resort or back up plan, ego boost...whatever.....

 

but none of these things are really desirable for you...unless you like that sort of thing...

 

Good luck

 

TFY

 

I doubt she even has a guy that I could be a back up to. She has minimal Social Media Presence, so I doubt it could be for attention.

 

 

Small bits of info I kinda forgot.

 

She would show up next to me at random.

We have locked eyes from a distance, even just recently.

When I asked for her number, she took my phone out of my hands and punched.

[Popsicle]

Yea.

 

Honestly in general I feel that she may be somewhat interested. Just her shyness is preventing it to a degree.

 

So, now what should I do if I run into her tomorrow?

 

Well, first, make sure you're looking good.

Then be happy to see her and tell her she looks good. Then ask her when you can take her <insert place of date>. If she doesn't know when right then and there, message her the next day (say hi how are you doing first) and ask her again about when you can hang out.

 

Try not to fall into the habit of over-analyzing and don't think beyond that.

[kliljoy27]

Well, first, make sure you're looking good.

Then be happy to see her and tell her she looks good. Then ask her when you can take her <insert place of date>. If she doesn't know when right then and there, message her the next day (say hi how are you doing first) and ask her again about when you can hang out.

 

Try not to fall into the habit of over-analyzing and don't think beyond that.

 

I guess... Now if there was something decent going on relatively locally

[redbaron007]

If a girl turned you down for a simple coffee request, then sorry, she is not interested. But you did well...you liked her, you took the bold step of asking her out, which is more than many guys do. She did not sound interested, which is totally okay...It's time to move on.

[Blanco]

In my experiences, if a woman is interested in you, she'll find excuses to see you. She almost certainly won't turn down chances to see you.

[kliljoy27]

If a girl turned you down for a simple coffee request, then sorry, she is not interested. But you did well...you liked her, you took the bold step of asking her out, which is more than many guys do. She did not sound interested, which is totally okay...It's time to move on.

 

Probably. Just some stuff about how she acts towards me and others indicates that the typical stuff may not be the case.

 

Even before I asked her out, she acted shy towards me. And would appear near me at random, and would lock eyes with me from a distance.

 

A few people are thinking that how she worded her response may not be that bad in reality, with the inclusion of definitely and with how detailed it was.

 

Alot were say that the busy excuse is usually left vague, without any mention of her getting back to them.

[kliljoy27]

In my experiences, if a woman is interested in you, she'll find excuses to see you. She almost certainly won't turn down chances to see you.

 

For what its worth, she would appear near me at random prior to asking her to grab coffee

[preraph]

She's not interested in you romantically. If all you want to do is talk on the phone like a girl for several hours, she's fine with that. Women who are interested do NOT turn down invitations. If they truly have something they can't cancel, if they want you, they will suggest another specific date or time. She has turned you down multiple times, trying to let you down easy with excuses. Now you told her you know it's excuses so that sort of takes the pressure off her acting like it's anything else -- and yet you're still hanging around even though she's told you no repeatedly and let her know you know she is just making excuses. As far as she's concerned, she's said no and she has no idea why you're still hanging around.

[kliljoy27]

She's not interested in you romantically. If all you want to do is talk on the phone like a girl for several hours, she's fine with that. Women who are interested do NOT turn down invitations. If they truly have something they can't cancel, if they want you, they will suggest another specific date or time. She has turned you down multiple times, trying to let you down easy with excuses. Now you told her you know it's excuses so that sort of takes the pressure off her acting like it's anything else -- and yet you're still hanging around even though she's told you no repeatedly and let her know you know she is just making excuses. As far as she's concerned, she's said no and she has no idea why you're still hanging around.

 

True. But people are saying that her saying "Definitely!" at the end is kinda indicating that she genuinely wants to, but is actually busy. (In normal conversation she already told me about the classes and 2 jobs)

[Blanco]

True. But people are saying that her saying "Definitely!" at the end is kinda indicating that she genuinely wants to, but is actually busy. (In normal conversation she already told me about the classes and 2 jobs)

 

Maybe she's busy, but almost no one is so busy with life that they can't find a way to spend time with someone they have romantic interest in. If they legitimately can't meet up at a certain time/place, they will usually suggest a specific alternative (i.e. "I have to work that day, but how about lunch on Wednesday?").

[kliljoy27]

Maybe she's busy, but almost no one is so busy with life that they can't find a way to spend time with someone they have romantic interest in. If they legitimately can't meet up at a certain time/place, they will usually suggest a specific alternative (i.e. "I have to work that day, but how about lunch on Wednesday?").

 

True, though I even remember her telling one of her friends that she needs to see when she's free. So... Yea

 

Also, I know that she either has class or is working Mon-Fri. From basically 8AM to 8PM. Sat and Sun is dependent on the week.

[Blanco]

I guess. But based on the interactions from your OP, I would say that it's obvious you want to spend time with her, and she's brushed you off each time and never made any effort to schedule alternative plans.

 

I think she's trying to be polite about not wanting to progress your relationship. You say she's kind of awkward; good chance she doesn't feel comfortable being straight up with you and hopes you just get the point on your own.

[kliljoy27]

I guess. But based on the interactions from your OP, I would say that it's obvious you want to spend time with her, and she's brushed you off each time and never made any effort to schedule alternative plans.

 

I think she's trying to be polite about not wanting to progress your relationship. You say she's kind of awkward; good chance she doesn't feel comfortable being straight up with you and hopes you just get the point on your own.

 

You do have a point. Though the first time we were able to arrange something easily.

 

And by awkward, I kinda mean she starts to seem like she's opening up, but then closes up just as quickly. I remember that in our public speaking class, she said that she was just starting to "come out of her shell"

 

And during a conversation, she specifically mentioned times she was free.

 

And the two times over summer that I tried meeting up, were on set days that couldn't change (Friend coming in from out of state, or was already hanging out with another friend at that point, and just wanted her to join us)

[Blanco]

Look at it this way: You've been laying the groundwork for more than nine months. You've put it out there a few times that you wanted to spend time with her. If you can't even get that first meeting set, how could you possibly expect to develop a relationship with her?

[kliljoy27]

Look at it this way: You've been laying the groundwork for more than nine months. You've put it out there a few times that you wanted to spend time with her. If you can't even get that first meeting set, how could you possibly expect to develop a relationship with her?

 

True. But I did get a first meeting set....She was supposed to house sit, so I offered up Monday, and that worked for her. And we hung out for like an hour and half or something

[preraph]

True. But people are saying that her saying "Definitely!" at the end is kinda indicating that she genuinely wants to, but is actually busy. (In normal conversation she already told me about the classes and 2 jobs)

 

I don't think her saying that means anything. I think she just isn't going to directly tell you she's not interested, and if she thinks you're accepting "just friends," she's happy enough to do that maybe.

[kliljoy27]

I don't think her saying that means anything. I think she just isn't going to directly tell you she's not interested, and if she thinks you're accepting "just friends," she's happy enough to do that maybe.

 

Maybe, still though. In the past when a girl or anyone tried to get out of something by saying they are busy, usually is left very vague. That's what I do aswell. And If I genuinely went to do something, but am busy, I'll say why. But won't necessarily say when i am free.

[indianapolisjones]

If you're dead set on getting this girl out, I'd recommend just doing cool things every weekend and inviting her out. Do them anyway and frame it in a way where she's just coming along with you.

 

I wouldn't ask her out on another one on one coffee date though.

 

Also, it sounds like you're in college. If that's the case, it's possible that she's just immature and can't really make up her mind (and therefore keeping you on the hook).