She told me that "I'll have to get back to you on it"

[redbaron007]

OP - I think I understand the root cause of your confusion. It is very likely you are quite young and/or have very limited dating experience. Once you ask out more women, you will meet a lot of "yea, sure" girls and a lot of "thanks but no thanks" girls. You will notice that "maybe" girls are a minority and they generally tend towards "thanks but no thanks", especially for first-date invitations. My advice again is to not be discouraged by her hesitation, and ask out every girl you fancy going out with. Whether the woman accepts or declines is immaterial, you will be happy that you were honest to express your true self.

[kliljoy27]

If you're dead set on getting this girl out, I'd recommend just doing cool things every weekend and inviting her out. Do them anyway and frame it in a way where she's just coming along with you.

 

I wouldn't ask her out on another one on one coffee date though.

 

Also, it sounds like you're in college. If that's the case, it's possible that she's just immature and can't really make up her mind (and therefore keeping you on the hook).

 

I basically did that with the few times over summer

But she was out of town once, and had family in town the other time.

 

I wasn't actually trying to frame it as a date with this one, but I wanted to talk to her about a few things in person

 

 

I kind of figured that she is unsure what she wants to do. Either due to immaturity, nervousness or what ever.

[kliljoy27]

Should I just go to message her for an update, on the off chance that she genuinely is busy, and couldn't figure an opening?

 

Some thing like "Hey, did you have a chance to figure out when you might be free?"

 

Or

 

"Hey, I'm free tomorrow if you want to meet up for a bit?"

[GemmaUK]

I then accuse her of lying by saying "If you don't wanna hang out, just tell me"

No response, predictably.

 

OP, this was the point in time where her lack of response should have told you all you needed to know.

She didn't want to be impolite and by this time you're already becoming pushy with her so her saying that no she doesn't want to see you could have provoked more pushiness or anger even from her perspective of you.

 

As it is she is keeping you at bay the easiest and least confrontational way she knows how to.

 

Please drop it and move on OP. Leave her be.

She doesn't want to date you.

[normal person]

Should I just go to message her for an update, on the off chance that she genuinely is busy, and couldn't figure an opening?

 

Some thing like "Hey, did you have a chance to figure out when you might be free?"

 

Or

 

"Hey, I'm free tomorrow if you want to meet up for a bit?"

 

No, you shouldn't.

 

Way back at the beginning of this, she said she'd get back to you. So just wait for her to get back to you, and if she doesn't, just assume she doesn't want to get back to you.

 

If someone wants to hang out with you, they'll make time for it. If she keeps giving excuses, odds are she's just trying to be nice and avoid hurting your feelings. Just let it go. Every time you reach out to this girl you're just embarrassing yourself further. The only thing you can do at this point is just leave her alone and focus on someone else.

 

Best of luck.

[Blanco]

Should I just go to message her for an update, on the off chance that she genuinely is busy, and couldn't figure an opening?

 

Some thing like "Hey, did you have a chance to figure out when you might be free?"

 

Or

 

"Hey, I'm free tomorrow if you want to meet up for a bit?"

 

I cringed reading this and imagining you actually do this. No, no, no, don't!

 

She's not interested. If she were, she wouldn't need friendly reminders about your offer to meet up.

 

You're looking for justification for her pretty obvious disinterest, but this seems like a case where it's pretty clear where she stands.

[kliljoy27]

I cringed reading this and imagining you actually do this. No, no, no, don't!

 

She's not interested. If she were, she wouldn't need friendly reminders about your offer to meet up.

 

You're looking for justification for her pretty obvious disinterest, but this seems like a case where it's pretty clear where she stands.

 

Yea. I know its a stupid thing. I am just thinking out loud a bit.

 

And really, she acts a fair bit differently than other girls I tried asking out, both before I tried and after.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Nobody here knows the answer.

 

The woman I'm dating now exchanged some very curt OLD messages with me, and then said she was busy and I wrote her off.

 

She then re-contacted me months later.

 

On top of that, a lot of dates passed before she gave me any signs of interest (physical). If I had posted my situation here, most people here would have told me to quit on her, I'm pretty sure.

 

The key is to have multiple feelers out and low investment. That last part is key. In other words, you shouldn't even be here asking if you should re-contact this woman. You should have made up your mind whether or not to do it and not given it a second thought. I mean, for FUN or to kill time, yea sure.

Edited October 10, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[kliljoy27]

Nobody here knows the answer.

 

The woman I'm dating now exchanged some very curt OLD messages with me, and then said she was busy and I wrote her off.

 

She then re-contacted me months later.

 

On top of that, a lot of dates passed before she gave me any signs of interest (physical). If I had posted my situation here, most people here would have told me to quit on her, I'm pretty sure.

 

The key is to have multiple feelers out and low investment. That last part is key. In other words, you shouldn't even be here asking if you should re-contact this woman. You should have made up your mind whether or not to do it and not given it a second thought. I mean, for FUN or to kill time, yea sure.

 

Makes sense. While what the posters here may say may be true in the vast majority of cases, there are always gonna be some that may break that mold.

I could see this one being one of those that may be an atypical situation

[normal person]

Nobody here knows the answer.

 

The woman I'm dating now exchanged some very curt OLD messages with me, and then said she was busy and I wrote her off.

 

She then re-contacted me months later.

 

On top of that, a lot of dates passed before she gave me any signs of interest (physical). If I had posted my situation here, most people here would have told me to quit on her, I'm pretty sure.

 

The key is to have multiple feelers out and low investment. That last part is key. In other words, you shouldn't even be here asking if you should re-contact this woman. You should have made up your mind whether or not to do it and not given it a second thought. I mean, for FUN or to kill time, yea sure.

 

I think, essentially the "answer" is that, regardless of why she isn't responding, it's out of OP's hands. He's tried the low key feelers and nothing's come of it yet. It's not to say that nothing will happen in future, but for now, OP has made himself pretty clear with her and hasn't yielded anything.

 

You can't force someone to want to hang out with you, it just doesn't work like that. Sure things might change, but I wouldn't hold my breath. She knows you want to hang out with her, and yet she hasn't made the time to do it. If there was someone I was interested in and they were bugging me to hang out I would make sure I found a time to do it. If she can't do that, you've just got to assume she's ambivalent. Every subsequent text you send her just makes you look worse and more oblivious, in my opinion. Why not just move on and find someone else? If this girl really does want to hang out at some point, she knows you're down and she'll get in touch. But for now, I don't see any sense in badgering her further about it.

[PinkElephants]

No response, predictably. A month and a bit passes, I then apologize to her, she accepts and just says that she's been ridiculously busy that summer.

 

There's no such thing as "too busy"; it's a matter of setting priorities.

 

For example, I'm never too busy for my boyfriend or baby.

I'm occasionally too busy for my parents or siblings because I've chosen to busy myself with the bf or baby.

I'm sometimes too busy for close friends.

I'm almost always too busy for people I don't feel motivated to invest in anymore.

 

I've prioritized people, work and activities and will make time for things I want while not bothering with things that don't matter much.

 

You are very, very low on this girl's list.

 

In JuneJulySeptember's situation SHE contacted him. No amount of his chasing was likely to change anything until she wanted to grant him some time.

 

I think you should walk away. The more you contact her the more it puts pressure on her which annoys her which lowers your value even more. If she ever wants to see you she'll reach out.