Mess after Affair

[whatshappenedtome]

Hi, I am new to this forum and would appreciate a listening ear.

 

I have been married for 14 years. I have recently had an affair, I can't quite believe I would do something like that, but I did.

 

When I first met the OM (at work), I felt something I had never felt before and it knocked me for six. I ignored the feelings but each work encounter made them grow. I was so aware of my feelings that I ignored him completely and he thought I didn't like him at all. After knowing him for just a month, he had a leaving party and went on to move somewhere else. I didn't attend his party but I did message to wish him well - and that was the start of it. All of our feelings were revealed there and then.

 

The messaging continued for months. i justified it being safe behind a phone but in reality the emotional attachment grew and it gave me time and space to make a decision on whether to act on my feelings. Sadly I did. We met up for weekends, and they were wonderful. He gave me something that I felt I lacked in such a long time.

 

At this time, I knew I had the problem and sought counselling, which didn't help me define a clear path.

 

My husband found out and was devastated. Witnessing his pain was excruciating, I will never forget the look on his face and it still brings tears to my eyes. I had turned his life upside down. He felt so secure and I pulled the rug from beneath his feet. He couldn't sleep, he lost weight. My best friend was hurting and I was the cause and couldn't make it better for him.

 

Now he needs me more than ever and I am so lost I cannot give him the support and reassurance he needs. He has never ever been 'needy' but this is showing a different side to him, a vulnerable side. He says I am blowing hot and cold but I am trying to work out my feelings and get my head around what has happened. I have tried to be honest with him and suggested some time apart but he said if that is the case then it will be over and looks incredibly hurt. I agreed to some more counselling and this is also why I am here. I need to do everything I can to sort myself out and to not make a decision I will later regret.

 

You see, I am not sure if I am 'in love' with my husband anymore. I love him dearly like a brother or a best friend and would be devastated if he wasn't in my life anymore but the romantic love has gone or deeply buried inside me. My husband was a bit of a drinker and the embarrassing stories have been endless. This has chipped away at me over the years to the point I have completely detached. The OM brought a sense of hope for the future. He doesn't drink at all and that was one of the major things I liked about him - although I am aware he has faults in other areas.

 

I feel like I am in love with the OM and if I give him up then I give up hope for the future. My feelings for him are very strong. I am trying to ascertain what is real and fake and I just feel a confused mess. I know I have to be fair and make a decision fast. I need help.

[bigman1]

Your feelings are real BUT based on fake circumstances. Its like being scared in a movie. Real feelings but fake circumstances.

 

Your marriage stagnated, you guys just went thru the motions, and you had some anger and frustration issues caused by his drinking.

 

OM shows up, he's new and different so your feelings move that way. He has problems, habits and crap too. He is not awesome, he is just different. You are being selfish and confused. Fix yourself and your marriage or divorce and go be with OM. You will regret that, not because you will feel bad for your husband; instead, you will realize that life with OM is not unicorns, rainbows, and romance. Its bills, bullshyt, boredom, and ordinary (if you're lucky).

[BuddyX]

Is the OM married? Are you in contact with him?

 

But first things first. You asking for space is code for screwing the other guy while you're "clearing your head".

 

If you don't love your husband than leave. Don't punish him. You knew about the drinking with your husband, why is it an issue now?

 

You need counciling. Also talk to family and friends. They'll provide great support.

 

The major problem in your marriage is that all it took was text messages. Which means your marriage, at its core, was weak.

[elaine567]

I think you need to separate your feelings for the two men..

 

Your husband - " I am not sure if I am 'in love' with my husband anymore. I love him dearly like a brother or a best friend and would be devastated if he wasn't in my life anymore but the romantic love has gone or deeply buried inside me. My husband was a bit of a drinker and the embarrassing stories have been endless. This has chipped away at me over the years to the point I have completely detached."

 

- well if true, it is very clear cut - there is nothing left to base a marriage on. Divorce ASAP. He will be hurt but not as hurt as he will be whilst you string him along forever and a day making up your mind about his replacement. Reconciliation is hard work after a cheating event, with no real romantic "love" involved, it may be impossible

 

Your OM - he is more of an unknown quantity and you need to be aware that just because he is NOT a drinker then that doesn't really mean he is good relationship material for you, does it?

 

Seems to me the first thing you need to do is be honest with your husband and set him free. You don't love him, there is a lot of deep seated resentment there, you cheated on him, and you are essentially wasting his time, and yours.

YOU and the OM may work out, it may not, but do not torture your husband any longer, I think you need to cut that cord and let him go find happiness elsewhere.

[whatshappenedtome]

Thank you for acknowledging my feelings. They do feel so real but I know they are based on something that is not real but I can't seem to switch them off.

 

You have identified exactly what I am going through and it was good to read. Thank you

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi, I am new to this forum and would appreciate a listening ear.

 

I have been married for 14 years. I have recently had an affair, I can't quite believe I would do something like that, but I did. <snip>

 

Here are my thoughts -

 

Saying if you give up OM, you are giving up hope for the future - that is a pretty big statement. Why are you putting so much on a guy you really don't know, or any guy for that matter? If you decide to leave your husband for this guy, that is a whole load of pressure and expectations you are bringing into a new relationship. I am also making a huge leap that this OM is single and waiting in the wings for you.

 

If you come on over to the OW board, you will see your story over and over again. Read some threads. It's not love you feel. Could it be oneday? Sure, who knows. But you can't make a huge decision based on these new feelings for someone you barely know. I say this kindly, your story is not unique and neither are your feelings. I have felt them as well so that I know what I am talking about.

 

We all feel from time to time we are not "in love" with our spouses after years and years of marriage. This is normal and it is life. Love is an action, not a feeling. In-love feelings are the new part of a relationship and if it works, they transform into sustainable love. There is nothing wrong or bad about feeling your H is your best friend. Granted, there should be physical chemistry of course, I am assuming that exists.

 

Here is the question which will help you - if this OM dumped you tomorrow, would you still want to leave your husband? If you want out of a marriage, you want OUT, trust me - I was divorced - you just know. You'd give away everything you own for your freedom. If the answer to your question is no, then be very careful. Men have their limits and trust me, another woman will grab your husband in a nanosecond and you may find yourself without anything at all.

 

I'm not trying to scare you, just be the voice of reality. If you really just want a divorce, this won't scare you.

Edited October 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[Lion Heart]

If you are in love with an OM then clearly the M is over.

IMO the M was over when you made the decision to break your vow of fidelity.

 

Just leave.

 

Your BH WILL find happiness with another woman.

Indeed you have been using your BH for something you wanted.

 

Now it's time to set HIM free.

Primarily because you cannot make your mind up.

 

My WH was all over the place in R too.

 

After 10 bs months of garbage from his mouth (including many more truths!) I KNEW definitively that I WAS DONE.

 

IDK how it is for your BH but I wasn't going to allow HIM to waste any more of my life than he already had.

 

He had GIGS too obviously. It was his FEAR of not finding an OW who would do everything I did.

 

He won't either lol. He can't even hold a gf.

 

I have been in a beautiful relationship with an OM for near a year now.

 

It's exWH who's "devastated" now but I'm simply indifferent to any emotions exWH has. I couldn't care any less for him.

 

It's your BH WHO NEEDS help here. Because you are only adding and prolonging his pain. BH needs to find his self-respect and know how much you've disrespected him.

 

Hopefully one day he'll see what you're doing (which IMO is cake-eating) and be done.

 

The grass is SO MUCH greener for exWH over here apparently now. How ridiculous. A friend of his called him a "spoilt brat" recently! Lol. Some of his family (the male members esp) have called him an idiot and a fool to let me go.

 

Just fast forward into your future. Having been a cheating wife is NOT who a decent man would want. And have a close look at OM he ain't no saint!

 

Behave more like an adult and do the decent thing. Leave.

 

Lion Heart

[Oberfeldwebel]

Quote: Now he needs me more than ever and I am so lost I cannot give him the support and reassurance he needs. He has never ever been 'needy' but this is showing a different side to him, a vulnerable side. He says I am blowing hot and cold but I am trying to work out my feelings and get my head around what has happened. I have tried to be honest with him and suggested some time apart but he said if that is the case then it will be over and looks incredibly hurt. I agreed to some more counselling and this is also why I am here. I need to do everything I can to sort myself out and to not make a decision I will later regret.

 

Response: I have to throw the BS flag on this one. You want space so you can see if you can get a commitment out of the other man. You are not being honest with your husband and possibly not even yourself. It is not fair to play your husband like this, it is just cruel. If you were being honest you would end all contact with the OM and work out issues in this relationship before moving on to another.

 

Quote: You see, I am not sure if I am 'in love' with my husband anymore. I love him dearly like a brother or a best friend and would be devastated if he wasn't in my life anymore but the romantic love has gone or deeply buried inside me.

 

Response: Now what husband wants to be treated like that? Is that the way you want someone to treat you? Like a sister?

 

Quote: My husband was a bit of a drinker and the embarrassing stories have been endless. This has chipped away at me over the years to the point I have completely detached. The OM brought a sense of hope for the future. He doesn't drink at all and that was one of the major things I liked about him - although I am aware he has faults in other areas.

 

Response: You said he was a bit of a drinker, is he still drinking? If you are tired of the behavior and he has refused to change, then fine divorce him for that reason, but be honest about the relationship. You say the OM does not drink, but cheats with married women, not exactly a pillar of the community. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you, what kind of future is that?

 

Comment: You deserve to be with a sober and equal partner, someone that you can be proud of in life. If your husband can't be that person, then end it now and move on in life. As for the other man, he is an opportunist and no bargain. There are lots of fish in the sea, don't limit yourself.

[Regretful one]

It is interesting how us WS think how great things are with the OW or OM... What we easily forget is that its our spouses who go through the crap of daily life with us. We don't talk about bills, issues with kids, issues with family, issues of our own etc.. etc.. with the OW/OM. When you are with you OM you are only focused on the fun the new the excitement. This OM is just using you as you are him for quick highs. Its easy. Its fun. But it is deceiving. The enemy Satan uses this as a way to convince you that this OM is so much better than your spouse. Forgive me if you are not a believer in God but its my opinion and what happened with me. I have always loved my wife and it took me realizing that I had the greatest gift I could ever hope for at home to stop doing what I was.

 

I have lost so much because of my terrible choices yet I am happy because I can now look at myself in the mirror after confessing to her 2 months ago. I will spend the rest of my life trying hard to repair the damage I have cause because of my selfish ways. You in my opinion are being deceived. Your husband has committed 14 years of his life to you and to your marriage. I would look inside yourself if I were you and determine if you are sincerely in love... what you are experiencing with this OM isn't really love it is an escape. Its time to look in the mirror and find what is missing inside of you not what is missing in your spouse.

[GoldenR]

Save him months if not years of pain and divorce him. Allow him the chance to find someone that will love him the way he deserves to be loved, bc you never will. This will also free you up to go live in fantasy land with OM. The thing is, the euphoric feelings you're experiencing with OM will disappear once life with OM becomes "real". But you can just move on to another OM at that point, right?

[planning4later]

With all the words and emotions of your post, what i take from it is that, in some way, you still feel like your affair was justified. Sure, your post started out SEEMING to suggest regret. Then it gradually became about your husbands shortcomings and reasons why you fell out of love with him.

 

You've made your decision. Accept the consequences. I think your husband should leave you, but it's his choice.

[whichwayisup]

Hi, I am new to this forum and would appreciate a listening ear.

 

I have been married for 14 years. I have recently had an affair, I can't quite believe I would do something like that, but I did.

 

When I first met the OM (at work), I felt something I had never felt before and it knocked me for six. I ignored the feelings but each work encounter made them grow. I was so aware of my feelings that I ignored him completely and he thought I didn't like him at all. After knowing him for just a month, he had a leaving party and went on to move somewhere else. I didn't attend his party but I did message to wish him well - and that was the start of it. All of our feelings were revealed there and then.

 

The messaging continued for months. i justified it being safe behind a phone but in reality the emotional attachment grew and it gave me time and space to make a decision on whether to act on my feelings. Sadly I did. We met up for weekends, and they were wonderful. He gave me something that I felt I lacked in such a long time.

 

At this time, I knew I had the problem and sought counselling, which didn't help me define a clear path.

 

My husband found out and was devastated. Witnessing his pain was excruciating, I will never forget the look on his face and it still brings tears to my eyes. I had turned his life upside down. He felt so secure and I pulled the rug from beneath his feet. He couldn't sleep, he lost weight. My best friend was hurting and I was the cause and couldn't make it better for him.

 

Now he needs me more than ever and I am so lost I cannot give him the support and reassurance he needs. He has never ever been 'needy' but this is showing a different side to him, a vulnerable side. He says I am blowing hot and cold but I am trying to work out my feelings and get my head around what has happened. I have tried to be honest with him and suggested some time apart but he said if that is the case then it will be over and looks incredibly hurt. I agreed to some more counselling and this is also why I am here. I need to do everything I can to sort myself out and to not make a decision I will later regret.

 

You see, I am not sure if I am 'in love' with my husband anymore. I love him dearly like a brother or a best friend and would be devastated if he wasn't in my life anymore but the romantic love has gone or deeply buried inside me. My husband was a bit of a drinker and the embarrassing stories have been endless. This has chipped away at me over the years to the point I have completely detached. The OM brought a sense of hope for the future. He doesn't drink at all and that was one of the major things I liked about him - although I am aware he has faults in other areas.

 

I feel like I am in love with the OM and if I give him up then I give up hope for the future. My feelings for him are very strong. I am trying to ascertain what is real and fake and I just feel a confused mess. I know I have to be fair and make a decision fast. I need help.

 

Take OM out the equation completely go no contact with him. If you feel your marriage and husband is worth it, then try to mend and reconnect/fix what's broken. If you feel you're better off alone and your marriage isn't worth salvaging, then divorce and set your husband free. It's unfair to stay in a marriage when you aren't in love with your spouse and have emotionally detached. He deserves a woman who will love and adore him.

 

Maybe separation would be a good place to start, and be alone and on your own, think about who you want and why. You don't "know" the OM, only in an affair setting where life is always grand and you two are hidden behind closed doors.

[Marc878]

If you have empathy for your H file and move on. He'll hurt short term but your marriage will never recover anyway. You're just wasting both of your time/life.

[aileD]

It doesnt matter if your feelings are real or not. It doesn't matter if you are still in love with your husband or not.

 

None of this matters. Why?

 

YOU. ARE. MARRIED.

 

If you love your husband and you don't like to see him hurt and he is your best friend then you owe it to him and to yourself to STOP everything outside your MARRIAGE and sort your MARRIAGE out first

 

You need counseling. H needs counseling and you both need MARRIAGE counseling. After you have put the effort into all that, you may decide with your HUSBAND that the MARRIAGE should end.

 

There should not be anyone else involved in your MARRIAGE decisions.

 

Do the decent thing, especially if you have kids. If your MARRIAGE is going to end, Wouldn't you prefer your MARRIAGE end in an amicable divorce (still be friends, work on family together, mutual respect, etc) rather then in a messy affair (hatred, resentment, kids disgusted with you, H is out of your life)????

 

 

Your feelings maybe real, but OM is not THE ONE. He doesn't respect your MARRIAGE so how can he really respect YOU?

 

You maybe clinging to him as a way out. Or a way of not dealing and confronting the issues in your MARRIAGE. He's an escape.

 

OM is going to be the person who ruins your life, not because he is a bad Larson but because his existence and the circumstances are doing to destroy your family if it's done this way.

 

DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.

[harrybrown]

You have already rewritten your marriage.

 

so turn the roles around.

 

Your H has an A with someone else.

 

How do you feel?

 

hurt, betrayed, anger?

 

I hope so.

 

So your new Mr wonderful will cheat with a married woman.

 

what a prize.

 

so D your husband. let him find someone that will keep their vows.

 

Go with Mr cheating wonderful. and guess what - you deserve each other.

 

Just wait until he is cheating on you. then you will feel how it really feels when someone cheats on you and treats you like Sh*t.

 

tough sandwich to eat. So keep thinking your OM is mister wonderful.

 

You did not know he has several OW that he plays with?

 

Hope you get tested for stds.

 

 

Wake up, give your H the divorce he deserves. But be fair in the D. you did this, he has no choice.

 

Separate and maybe you can find several OMs because what makes you think that Your wonderful OM would never lie to you? He is perfect and wonderful.

 

Guess again. You really can't believe anything he tells you, because he is a cheater and a liar.

 

good luck in your future? find out how you can drop an A bomb on your marriage, go to counseling or contact affair - recovery. You can find them online. In the future, divorce first before you have an A.

 

You made several cheating choices along the way. You do need counseling to find out how you could do this to another human being.

[BluesPower]

Lots of good advice already.

 

Your love in the affair is not real in anyway. It is closer to infatuation like any new romance. It is new, got some chemistry, good sex for a change but it is not real.

 

You let your marriage die, you did that. Your husband helped as well. You choose to cheat, and you crushed your "best friend". You think your are in love with the OM, you are hurting but that love is not based on reality it is based on the affair bubble.

 

I am a BS and a serial WS, I am here to tell you that your OM does not love you either. If you doubt it, tell him to file for divorce now and see if he does that, he won't.

 

You don't say if he is married or not. If he is not, ask if he is ready to get married, or move in together, see what he says.

 

I don't want to be harsh with you, but being on both sides of this I see what happens. I have hurt so many women because they fell in love and got hurt when it was time to break it off. Your situation is no different.

 

If you don't love your husband, then please divorce him, but don't do it for the other man because odds are that he will not feel the same when you are free.

 

If you think you do or can love your husband, then knock this crap off and fix the marriage if you still can.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting so much but affairs always end badly.

[road]

Thank you for acknowledging my feelings. They do feel so real but I know they are based on something that is not real but I can't seem to switch them off.

 

You have identified exactly what I am going through and it was good to read. Thank you

 

 

 

 

You have to go NC with the OM. Your feelings for your BH will never recover unless you have full NC with the OM.

 

 

Block all means for the OM to contact you.

Send the OM a NC letter, brief, cold, and to the point how the affair was wrong your regret the pain that you caused your BH and there is to be NC.

 

 

Being the OM was a co worker that means you must leave that job ASAP.

[road]

With all the words and emotions of your post, what i take from it is that, in some way, you still feel like your affair was justified. Sure, your post started out SEEMING to suggest regret. Then it gradually became about your husbands shortcomings and reasons why you fell out of love with him.

 

You've made your decision. Accept the consequences. I think your husband should leave you, but it's his choice.

 

Typical fog babble justifying the affair and blaming the BH.

[Cephalopod]

There is nothing noble about your OM. Who cares if he doesn't drink? He's a man who cheats with and sleeps with a married woman. He's a man who has no qualms about being an active participant in the destruction of a marriage. He's a slimeball.

[Birdies]

Hi, I am new to this forum and would appreciate a listening ear.

 

I have been married for 14 years. I have recently had an affair, I can't quite believe I would do something like that, but I did.

 

When I first met the OM (at work), I felt something I had never felt before and it knocked me for six. I ignored the feelings but each work encounter made them grow. I was so aware of my feelings that I ignored him completely and he thought I didn't like him at all. After knowing him for just a month, he had a leaving party and went on to move somewhere else. I didn't attend his party but I did message to wish him well - and that was the start of it. All of our feelings were revealed there and then.

 

The messaging continued for months. i justified it being safe behind a phone but in reality the emotional attachment grew and it gave me time and space to make a decision on whether to act on my feelings. Sadly I did. We met up for weekends, and they were wonderful. He gave me something that I felt I lacked in such a long time.

 

At this time, I knew I had the problem and sought counselling, which didn't help me define a clear path.

 

My husband found out and was devastated. Witnessing his pain was excruciating, I will never forget the look on his face and it still brings tears to my eyes. I had turned his life upside down. He felt so secure and I pulled the rug from beneath his feet. He couldn't sleep, he lost weight. My best friend was hurting and I was the cause and couldn't make it better for him.

 

Now he needs me more than ever and I am so lost I cannot give him the support and reassurance he needs. He has never ever been 'needy' but this is showing a different side to him, a vulnerable side. He says I am blowing hot and cold but I am trying to work out my feelings and get my head around what has happened. I have tried to be honest with him and suggested some time apart but he said if that is the case then it will be over and looks incredibly hurt. I agreed to some more counselling and this is also why I am here. I need to do everything I can to sort myself out and to not make a decision I will later regret.

 

You see, I am not sure if I am 'in love' with my husband anymore. I love him dearly like a brother or a best friend and would be devastated if he wasn't in my life anymore but the romantic love has gone or deeply buried inside me. My husband was a bit of a drinker and the embarrassing stories have been endless. This has chipped away at me over the years to the point I have completely detached. The OM brought a sense of hope for the future. He doesn't drink at all and that was one of the major things I liked about him - although I am aware he has faults in other areas.

 

I feel like I am in love with the OM and if I give him up then I give up hope for the future. My feelings for him are very strong. I am trying to ascertain what is real and fake and I just feel a confused mess. I know I have to be fair and make a decision fast. I need help.

 

This happened to me. I adored my husband and I couldn't imagine life without him, but I didn't think I was in love with him any longer due to a lot of built up resentment (not his drinking, but other unhealthy life patterns and his not prioritizing me). Somehow I had a prolonged affair... So selfish and cruel and weak of me. D-Day happened. He was devastated but wanted to consider working through it but I just couldn't commit to it 100%. I was /am in love with the OM and hadn't realized how far gone I was from being happy in my marriage, like you I think.

 

We ended up getting divorced. It's been horrible but I think 100% its for the best. He deserves someone who doesn't resent him, and I deserve someone who puts me first. I'm glad D-a Day happened because I don't think I ever would have left him otherwise. I detest myself for the way I hurt him, but I know we will both be eventually better off.

 

Listen to your gut, not just your sense of duty. Is there a real possibility of a future with your OM? Would your H consider AA and marriage counseling? Have you started individual counseling yet? It can be invaluable.

 

Good luck, i but know how horrible this position is, and all the more so because it's your own doing

Edited October 10, 2016 by Birdies

[Birdies]

Ps. There's an other man / woman forum on this site. You might post there too. People who have been in your shoes there.

Edited October 10, 2016 by Birdies

[Friskyone4u]

So basically you are looking for some approval to continue your affair???

Sounds like that is what you are saying.

 

Most of us will call it cake eating. You want to remain married and live comfortably with your husband, or separate so he will not be in the way of you seeing OM, so that you can then "pick" one of them.

 

The real problem here is that you are still cheating, emotionally for sure and probably physically too, and your poor husband thinks he is in some sort of reconciliation. Eventually he will catch you again and the choice will probably be taken away from you.

 

As long as men play the pick me game with women with your mind set, you will continue to cake eat. When you are presented with divorce papers, you will either get off the fence one way or the other. Until then your husband will be the clueless victim.

 

You do not love your husband anymore all of a sudden because you are still having sex with another man. Exciting illicit affair sex and your husband has no chance to compete with that.

 

Why don't you tell him you have no intention of discontinuing the cheating and give him a chance to make an informed decision. You claim you love him like a brother or something. That crap. You do not even respect him enough to be honest with him even after getting caught.

[standtall]

Jeez lady. Life's tough...grow up.

 

Do you know how many posters here have heard that I love him/her, but not in love with him/her crap? Honor your oath and contract. If you want to be in your greatest hits relationship, then by all means do so, but do the honorable thing and divorce your husband already. Be warned though...your relationship with the OM is based on lies and deceit, so don't be surprised is your the victim next time around.

[Mr. Lucky]

Most of us will call it cake eating.

 

She's not just cake eating, she's opened a bakery.

 

OP, what you're doing now is actually more hurtful than the affair, at least that was conducted in secrecy. You've put your marriage in escrow while hoping for a better offer and your BH gets to see this unfold in real time, right before his eyes.

 

I'm always surprised when people don't question happiness that comes at the price of other people's pain. Seems awfully cold...

 

Mr. Lucky

[whatshappenedtome]

Thank you for your replies and good advice.

 

Although difficult to read, it has been exactly what I needed to hear. I need tough words to enable me to make sense of the situation and my actions.

 

I think my head was in the clouds but I have certainly returned to Earth with a thud! I am lucky I still have the opportunity to work on my marriage and I am grateful for that.

 

We had an honest discussion last night. I know the affair was not down to anything other than something defective in me and I know I need help and counselling to overcome it. Reading the comments made me understand the hurt and anger my actions have caused and are causing and that is not something that sits comfortable. At all.

 

I don't think I have taken full responsibility for my actions either. I have been so wrapped up in myself that I haven't taken time to do this. I was more concerned about my own emotions and bypassed my h feelings.

 

Today, for the first time in a long time, my head feels clear - at least clearer than it was.

 

I am cutting contact with OM

 

I will work on my marriage and give it another try. (my h acknowledges his part and has given up drinking). I do believe we have something good to work on. I know I have to work on my defects to make it work too.

 

If it doesn't work out, then I will do the right thing and divorce. And if this happens, I will need to be single for some time.

 

As for cake eating - that implies some sort of treat. This affair has been the most distressing and destructive thing I have ever done to the point I don't recognise myself anymore. The bad times outweigh the good. I wouldn't call it cake eating, I would call it stupid.