DDAY happened

[sandylee1]

I'm sorry I know what that feels like. My husband broke NC about a month after dday. It hurt more than his A. Especially since it was a valentines card he gave her with the longest sweetest I'm sorry/goodbye message. I got a Valentine's Day card with a "Love you" written inside. It was heart wrenching. My husband wasn't really remorseful though. I think my exMM is. I didn't get a warning about the NC letter but the night of dday I got an email from him telling me he was going to tell the truth and let it all out. That's a sign of a remorseful wayward. Hopefully he sticks to NC.

 

 

It does sound like he's trying to fix things genuinely.

 

Regarding your husband ... have you told him you don't want the marriage anymore? Be straight with him and don't be afraid to let him know how you feel ... so he can stop being hopeful.

 

After his affairs he really should back off. I know some people think differently ... but a cheating spouse like he was can kill your love and drive you to an affair. Now he can see its not pleasant.

[Lillyp32]

It does sound like he's trying to fix things genuinely.

 

Regarding your husband ... have you told him you don't want the marriage anymore? Be straight with him and don't be afraid to let him know how you feel ... so he can stop being hopeful.

 

After his affairs he really should back off. I know some people think differently ... but a cheating spouse like he was can kill your love and drive you to an affair. Now he can see its not pleasant.

 

We've been separated since dday. I've talked to him about how I feel. I told him I'm not coming back and that I want/need to be alone. He's making me feel guilty and has told me I'm acting selfishly. He feels hurt that i had a LTA and stayed in the M and now that there was a dday, I want out. It does sound like he's wanting to make some major improvements on himself, I just feel like it's a little too late for that. I've spent over a decade dealing with his crap. I'm not sure I'll ever get the love back I used to have for him. Its been very stressful lately. I do feel a difference being on my own and out of that house. I feel lighter and happier. My husband carries around a very negative attitude/vibe that was seriously draining me. It feels good to be away from it.

[sandylee1]

We've been separated since dday. I've talked to him about how I feel. I told him I'm not coming back and that I want/need to be alone. He's making me feel guilty and has told me I'm acting selfishly. He feels hurt that i had a LTA and stayed in the M and now that there was a dday, I want out. It does sound like he's wanting to make some major improvements on himself, I just feel like it's a little too late for that. I've spent over a decade dealing with his crap. I'm not sure I'll ever get the love back I used to have for him. Its been very stressful lately. I do feel a difference being on my own and out of that house. I feel lighter and happier. My husband carries around a very negative attitude/vibe that was seriously draining me. It feels good to be away from it.

 

I think his ego is taking a hit, because probably unlike when he had affairs he had no intention of leaving you. It's taken him by surprise that you weren't begging and pleading like he may have done.

 

He hasn't been able to make any demands of you because you're done and checked out of the marriage.

 

I know what you mean about the negativity. I have a colleague who is so negative .... I've said it's like a rain cloud follows her around.

 

I'm glad you feel better away from him as well. In time you'll get over it and be in a position to find a new relationship.

[Lillyp32]

I think his ego is taking a hit, because probably unlike when he had affairs he had no intention of leaving you. It's taken him by surprise that you weren't begging and pleading like he may have done.

 

He hasn't been able to make any demands of you because you're done and checked out of the marriage.

 

I know what you mean about the negativity. I have a colleague who is so negative .... I've said it's like a rain cloud follows her around.

 

I'm glad you feel better away from him as well. In time you'll get over it and be in a position to find a new relationship.

 

It is his ego talking. He's mentioned the fact that I'm not begging and pleading for him as he did for me. I know that hurts him. I know my A hurt him. I feel terrible about both. I checked out of the M after his last A. I tried so hard to fix us. He went into R half heartedly. I'll never forget asking to go to MC and being told that we could go but we wouldn't talk about his A. That is what did it. That is what shut me down completely. I felt in that moment that I really wasn't worth it to him. It crushed me. I honestly should've left then. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought I could stay and just go through the motions. I knew I wouldn't be happy but I'd been unhappy for so long it almost felt normal. A couple years later my A was slowly taking form and I got lost in that.

 

He seems perplexed that after dday I wasn't chasing after exMM either. It's hard for him to grasp that I don't want either of them. I just want to be alone. I told him what I told exMM a couple months ago. That when I saw myself happy in the future, I didn't see either man in my life. This seemed so hard for him to understand. I think me wanting out would make more sense if I was leaving for someone else and I'm not. I'm leaving for ME. Maybe I am being selfish. I really don't know.

 

Anyways, I'm having rough day this morning. I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything in life right now. I'm feeling down on myself for the choices I've made and the hurt I've caused. My heart is hurting again too. These ups and downs are going to drive me insane.

[Birdies]

It is his ego talking. He's mentioned the fact that I'm not begging and pleading for him as he did for me. I know that hurts him. I know my A hurt him. I feel terrible about both. I checked out of the M after his last A. I tried so hard to fix us. He went into R half heartedly. I'll never forget asking to go to MC and being told that we could go but we wouldn't talk about his A. That is what did it. That is what shut me down completely. I felt in that moment that I really wasn't worth it to him. It crushed me. I honestly should've left then. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought I could stay and just go through the motions. I knew I wouldn't be happy but I'd been unhappy for so long it almost felt normal. A couple years later my A was slowly taking form and I got lost in that.

 

He seems perplexed that after dday I wasn't chasing after exMM either. It's hard for him to grasp that I don't want either of them. I just want to be alone. I told him what I told exMM a couple months ago. That when I saw myself happy in the future, I didn't see either man in my life. This seemed so hard for him to understand. I think me wanting out would make more sense if I was leaving for someone else and I'm not. I'm leaving for ME. Maybe I am being selfish. I really don't know.

 

Anyways, I'm having rough day this morning. I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything in life right now. I'm feeling down on myself for the choices I've made and the hurt I've caused. My heart is hurting again too. These ups and downs are going to drive me insane.

 

Hang in there. This too shall pass. It's not selfish to choose to leave an unhealthy situation and work on yourself!!

[sandylee1]

It is his ego talking. He's mentioned the fact that I'm not begging and pleading for him as he did for me. I know that hurts him. I know my A hurt him. I feel terrible about both. I checked out of the M after his last A. I tried so hard to fix us. He went into R half heartedly. I'll never forget asking to go to MC and being told that we could go but we wouldn't talk about his A

That was terrible of him. You know I'm sure deep down he knows he killed your love. He won't admit it, but he must be doing some deep thinking.

 

I can't blame you for checking out. By the timeof your affair, you'd checked out understandably ... What's his reason for the As?

 

 

He seems perplexed that after dday I wasn't chasing after exMM either.It's hard for him to grasp that I don't want either of them. I just want to be alone.

 

Someone gave me a different perspective on this when I said I'd rather my H left instead of cheat if he's not happy ... but the other perspective was how awful you must be for your spouse to leave you to be on their own, with no one else lined up. The view being at least if it was an OW he fell in love with they could understand.

 

Perhaps that's how your H feels. That you'd rather be on your own than with him. A huge ego dent.dc

 

Maybe I am being selfish. I really don't know.

 

.

 

I don't think you are being selfish. You're looking out for yourself.

[Lion Heart]

I've heard this from many of my friends that saw all the pain my husband has caused me over the years. I still don't believe he deserves what I did to him. I should've left. An A wasn't the answer. I knew the pain it caused and feel absolutely terrible for my part in causing others the same pain.

 

On a side note, I just posted on another thread and as I was typing my reply, I began to feel a lot of anger towards exMM. I haven't felt that until now but all of a sudden I'm just flat out angry. I'm angry that every time I tried to walk away he wouldn't just let me go. I'm angry that his NC email was so hurtful. Im angry that he knew the words he wrote would hurt me and he didn't give two *****s about that. I'm angry that he seemed to walk away so easily like I meant absolutely nothing at all. Maybe that's my ego talking. I don't know. I'm hoping this anger passes. It feels like a waste of my time.

 

Lilly it's called being "thrown under the bus".

 

That's what I vehemently HATE about exVWH. His OWs LITERALLY meant nothing to him. During the As he created a whole "fairy tale" like life with the WHEN I D etcetera. And for each OW they were very different. (Future faking it's called). Complete FAKE as an AP and H IMHO. He's a chameleon. That's all. Simply changing his outward APPEARANCE to suit the company he kept and just to get sex. And attention and admiration and SYMPATHY and their cooking lol. And I'm sure some type of monetary gain if he could.

 

No matter. In EVERY single case the OWs woke up to themselves AND HIM and dumped him. Except for the "last" OW. "She got in too deep" VWH said. "I fg HATE her for doing what she did!" I actually THANKED her! What SHE did?

Wow.

Crazy.

 

Lol. I just wish the very first OW told me. Instead I endured years of crazy behaviours and insane treatment as a BW unbeknownst to me.

 

Lilly you're worth WAY MORE than a part time bit on the side. Good for you if you can PUSH this bad habit (MM) away. If his BW is fine by being his FIXED part time bit onthe side then those are her choices.

 

ONCE YOU REALIZE YOUR OWN WORTH then you will NEVER ever allow a MM to engage you like this again.

 

Lilly!! Be strong. YOU'RE FREE NOW from these narcissistic men. Your exVWH I hope! AND the screwed up MM.

 

Let them continue to screw their own lives up.

You have your work cut out healing YOURSELF.

 

I know a BEAUTIFUL woman in every way who was a WW on another forum.

 

Be her. She ditched them both because BEING A WW just wasn't her nature at all. Now she's in a lovely relationship with a man who knows ALL ABOUT her past and loves her. Because SHE'S AMAZING!!!!

 

BE AMAZING!

 

Lift yourself UP and OUTTA that hole where scoundrels and villains exist.

It's a CONSCIOUS CHOICE you can make EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.

 

Rise up and find your angel. Gorgeous men really DO EXIST! Especially in America so I found out lol.

 

So please feel your worthiness growing.

Know WHAT you deserve.

Lilly it's WAAAAAAAAAY better than what an unremorseful Married man in an affair with you will EVER give you.

Way more than the yuck of that abusive marraige you left.

 

You deserve MORE and you WILL GET THAT but only if you know it yourself.

 

Crikeys I began to really believe the garbage coming out of VWHs mouth about me. It was ALL hogwash.

 

Sure I've been married 3 times! Eeek.

And another M proposal out of the blue this year.

 

But a beautiful future to look forward to with the man of my bestest dreams.

 

WRITE YOUR LIST of your next partner.

Number 1 item on your list: SINGLE. (Lol)

 

Then go crazy on your list. I did apparently, according to VWH lol.

 

And my man is SO MUCH BETTER than my list.

 

Up and out. Over this rubbish.

 

Praying for your healing and self worth to SOAR.

XOXO

Lion Heart

Edited October 21, 2016 by Lion Heart

[BluesPower]

You know Lilly. I know that all of this hurts a lot.

 

But it really is ok to love yourself and try to actually be happy.

 

I spent so many years doing the "right" thing and I was just so miserable. Then I spent several years doing the wrong thing because I could not abandon my wife even though I should have left her.

 

Then one day she actually sobers up and wakes up, and that really through me for a loop. I am glad that she got here, and she wants the marriage to work. I do as well, but if for some reason it does not, I am finally ok with leaving her.

 

I know that if this marriage does not work, I will never fall in love again with another woman, I just can't. I can like them, I can make love to them, and enjoy what we may have together but I just can't allow myself to fall in love. I just hurts so much.

 

I hope that you find great happiness and love in the future...

[Lillyp32]

I woke up this morning filled with anxiety. I had been doing so well I've got a knot in the pit of my stomach that won't seem to go away. I've been holding back tears all morning.

 

My husband isn't making things any better. He's still pushing me to make our M work. He keeps telling me how bad it hurts for me to have an A and then want to end the M. I know I've hurt him deeply. I regret it to my very core. I should've left before I did this to him. I really should have.

 

Just feeling really low and like scum today. These ups and downs are emotionally draining..

[Cyra]

Lilly, did your husband not cheat on you (more than once)?

 

He isnt in the position to ask for any favors. Dont let him make you feel guilty and get sucked back into something that is not good for you

 

The conflicting emotions are normal. Yesterday i spent all day sorry for myself, devastated over loss of xMM and missing him. Today, i remind myself of the bastard he was and that im better off without him

 

You are too. Remember the pleasant feeling you got when you thought of your new life alone, free of both unsuitable man. Hang on to that because its real. One day at a time x

[sandylee1]

I woke up this morning filled with anxiety. I had been doing so well I've got a knot in the pit of my stomach that won't seem to go away. I've been holding back tears all morning.

 

My husband isn't making things any better. He's still pushing me to make our M work. He keeps telling me how bad it hurts for me to have an A and then want to end the M.

 

Have you spelt out to him that you don't love him anymore and do not want to stay in the marriage? That unfortunately, the love you once had for him has gone and went before you had the A. That this will allow you both to move on.

 

I know I've hurt him deeply. I regret it to my very core. I should've left before I did this to him. I really should have.

 

 

If you got back with him, it would simply be a matter of time before he cheated on you again. He'd have to get the last one over you because of his bruised ego. That's all. He feels discarded.

[BluesPower]

You really have to get out of this, I think you will be way better off in the long run.

[Lillyp32]

I have told him that the love I had for him was gone a long time ago. In fact I've had this conversation a dozen times over the last couple of days. He says that my A was like a huge wake up call about the way he's treated me over the course of our relationship. That he feels like he pushed me to it. That if he treated me the way I deserved to be treated I wouldn't have been in such a low place that an A would even appeal to me. He's almost trying to take the blame for it. I'm not letting him take the blame for my A. That is on me completely. I had other options. I was just too big of a coward to go through with those options. Anyways, he says he's making changes. He's going to IC and has quite drinking. He is trying to become a better person for himself and thinks that I can fall in love again with the new him. I told him that I don't think I can with everything that he's put me through. He says I'll never know if I don't try. I feel like we're going in circles with this and he just won't let go. A part of me feels like it's an act. I've been down this "I'm going to change" road before. Never to this extreme but enough change to make stick around all hopeful that my marriage would work only to let things slowly but surely settle into the way they had always been. I just don't trust it.

 

I know this is hurting him more, especially after my A. It just feels like it's too late. It feels like this wake up call should've happened years ago. I have put so much of myself into my marriage and tried so hard to make it work. I tried so hard to get him to do these things for years and years before I threw in the towel and just sorta started going through the motions. I don't feel like I've got any more in me to give. I just don't. He doesn't seem to understand that. Or maybe he does and thinks that pushing me will change my mind. It's been really draining.

 

I had a bit of a break down today. I went to my car at lunch and started bawling. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I cried because I still mis exMM and I hate it. I cried because of what my marriage could've been. I cried because of all the pain I've cause other people, including myself. I cried because I spent so many years of my life with a man that mistreated me in every way. I cried because I let another man use me for 2.5 years. I cried because all of that shows how screwed up I am and how I don't have any love for myself or any self respect. I didn't realize how much I'd been holding in.

 

On a brighter note, I've got a nice vacation coming up and I finally have an IC appointment next week. 2 things to look forward to."

[BluesPower]

Listen for a second.

 

You are the one that has to decide whether you want to divorce or not. Not your husband.

 

The things that you have been through are enough to divorce, IMHO.

 

I get that you feel like you have wasted time by not divorcing sooner, I have felt the same way. I spent 26 years in a horrible marriage and was going to file myself. Then for some reason, My wife woke up, got sober and wanted to save the marriage. For now, I am happy to try, but if it does not work I am happy to divorce. And, I love my wife with all my heart, but I am willing to leave if I have to, for my happiness.

 

We make decisions based on imperfect information. And we do the best that we can at the time that we make those decisions. But they say that hindsight is 20/20 for a reason, because it is 20/20.

 

You cannot beat yourself up for the decisions that you made in the past based on the way that you felt then and the information that you had at the time. It is so hard to do that but it is reality. I had a huge amount of resentment for my wife because of the things that she had done, but when I started to think about it like I wrote above, I started to get over some of it and let myself off the hook. I did the best that I could do at the time based on the information that I had at the time, and there is no reason to go back and rethink it because it is silly.

 

You hang in there and make your decisions for you. What will make you happy because you deserve it...

[sandylee1]

Lily

 

I think you're right about him just saying those things about changing to get you back. All the time he had to make amends and he didn't. Refusing to attend MC and only agreeing if his affair wasn't discussed. All the times he had his affairs and afterwards, he cared the least in the marriage and as a result he held the power. The arrogance of a WS who says they want to reconcile, but has the impudence to dictate the terms of MC like that.

 

When you didn't leave him at that point, he had you where he wanted. Maybe he thought you loved him so much you'd have him on any terms. Maybe he thought you would never leave him. This has thrown him for a loop.

 

Now you care the least and you have the power, even though you want out. ....... that's not a situation he's comfortable in the least.

 

You can only continue saying no to him and hope he gets the message.

 

On to now ..... I get the regret that you didn't leave the marriage sooner. That you put in effort and he cheated and didn't appreciate you. You can only learn from it and move forward.

 

I'm not sure if xMM future faked you. If not then I wouldn't say he used you, he likely enjoyed you and the times you spent together, as you did. If you see it as being used it will be hard to heal. Just because he sent you the NC letter doesn't mean he used you.

 

You said it was his first affair. .... he doesn't sound like a terrible person. Just a man who liked the attention of another woman and the feeling was mutual.

 

It's all happened. It's unchangeable. .... you can only move forwards. Living in regret just keeps you sad.

 

We only get one life.

We don't know when our time will be up.

Focus on the positive things you have

 

Time is a healer and hope you have a great vacation.

[Miss Clavel]

I received the NC letter via email a couple days later. I had been expecting it. It didn't even sound like him. It was so cold and emotionless. Almost mean. It hurt. I cried. It's strange to go from "I love you so much" to the cold hearted NC letter a couple days later. I guess it hurts to know that he never really cared. After 2.5 years you would expect to mean more than what he said I did in that letter. I can't say that I blame him. My choices over the past 2.5 years show what kind of person I am and that's clearly not a good one. His wife was CC'd and of course I didn't respond. I haven't responded to anything I've received form her either. I've disappeared from their lives completely

 

anyone sends me some kind of nasty **** in the mail and you can bet the farm that i would respond.

 

what nerve!!

 

her husband dips his wick and i'm to blame, hell, i ain't married to her!!

[Lillyp32]

anyone sends me some kind of nasty **** in the mail and you can bet the farm that i would respond.

 

what nerve!!

 

her husband dips his wick and i'm to blame, hell, i ain't married to her!!

Thanks Blue and Sandylee. I know logically what you guys are saying is true. My husband is a master manipulator. He's good at making me doubt myself and my decisions. Always has been. He's making me feel selfish and making me feel as if I'm throwing away our marriage and what it could be with all these "changes" because of my selfishness. Saying that I'm not thinking about the kids when I am. They've seen enough dysfunction and I'm not willing to f them up anymore than we already have or to put them through anymore of his outbursts and verbal abuse. It's never been healthy for anyone in that house.

 

The guilt I have for the A isn't helping matters. He keeps asking me why I stayed in the marriage to cheat on him for 2.5 years only to leave once it came to light. It's been hard for me to answer. I guess it's because I was afraid to leave. I was afraid of the unknown. The A gave me some happiness I hadn't had in long time. It somehow made my crappy marriage more bearable. To be honest, had his reaction been different the night of dday I'd still be there going through the motions. Thing is, he went into a rage. He hurt me physically (which he is trying to gaslight me about), kicked me out (which is understandable) and even went as far to as to tell my kids what I did. I look back at that night and realize that the A didn't cause him to do any of those things other than kick me out. Those things are my husband. That is who he is. Granted the physical abuse is extremely rare but it's still completely unacceptable. The verbal abuse and the rages he has are him. It's what he does regardless of what sets him off or who sets him off. He's too selfish to even not say cruel things to me in front of the kids. Its just that lain selfish.

 

Once I left and was gone for a few days, I felt better, lighter and happier. He pushed me out the door and is upset I don't want to come back. I told him I'm not coming back. He's losing his control over me and I doubt he likes it.

 

As far as the exMM using me, I'm sure you're right and there wasnt any future faking. I tired of missing him. I turned that into anger my convincing myself that he used me. That clearly backfired lol. Thinking that way hurt me more than anything. I'm hoping counseling helps me through all the mixed emotions I'm feeling and helps to somehow help me stop looking at myself as an awful person. I need to see myself as a good person that did an awful thing. I guess that will take time.

 

Miss Clavel, thanks for the smile I went with the silence is golden method. The NC letter wasn't really mean. There were just some hurtful things in it that made me feel like I never mattered to him. It hurt more than anything. I had a few things I would've liked to say but in reality, they wouldn't have mattered and I interfered in their marriage enough. I didn't think giving him my 2 cents was needed or appropriate. I didn't need to give his wife anymore to be upset about.

Save

Edited October 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[BluesPower]

You sound fairly healthy and together. I think you are making the right decision to divorce.

 

Your husband is out of control and has real anger issues. No one can make that go away except him. I don't think he will change, IMHO.

 

You know, you did a horrible thing, but who hasn't? It is always wrong to have an affair but some good can come of it if it helps you move on from your husband.

 

He has had plenty of time to change and if it really matter he would have done it already.

 

I think you should just keep moving forward and start a new life for yourself.

 

Wishing you all the best...

[ladydesigner]

We've been separated since dday. I've talked to him about how I feel. I told him I'm not coming back and that I want/need to be alone. He's making me feel guilty and has told me I'm acting selfishly. He feels hurt that i had a LTA and stayed in the M and now that there was a dday, I want out. It does sound like he's wanting to make some major improvements on himself, I just feel like it's a little too late for that. I've spent over a decade dealing with his crap. I'm not sure I'll ever get the love back I used to have for him. Its been very stressful lately. I do feel a difference being on my own and out of that house. I feel lighter and happier. My husband carries around a very negative attitude/vibe that was seriously draining me. It feels good to be away from it.

 

Lillyp32 you give me hope to leave my own M. Yours sounds very similar to mine.

[Lillyp32]

So that's your reason for your affair. What was his?

 

Which one? Lol. I'd say the man has cheated on me about ever other year since we've been together....those are the ones I found out about. I wouldn't be surprised if there were others that I didn't know about. My guess for his why's? He has no respect for me or any woman for that matter. He only cares about himself and lacks any sense of empathy for others. He has a huge sense of entitlement. He views women as objects instead of human being. Luckily after his last affair I finally realized that his affairs had absolutely nothing to do with my worth. Only took 13 years of being cheated on to figure that one out.

[Lillyp32]

Lillyp32 you give me hope to leave my own M. Yours sounds very similar to mine.

 

Lady, I hope you find the strength to leave your marriage if it isn't healthy for you! It's nice to know that sharing my story and struggles has given you hope. I know what it's like to be in an awful marriage and not be able to see a way out. Hugs to you.

[malvern99]

Which one? Lol. I'd say the man has cheated on me about ever other year since we've been together....those are the ones I found out about. I wouldn't be surprised if there were others that I didn't know about. My guess for his why's? He has no respect for me or any woman for that matter. He only cares about himself and lacks any sense of empathy for others. He has a huge sense of entitlement. He views women as objects instead of human being. Luckily after his last affair I finally realized that his affairs had absolutely nothing to do with my worth. Only took 13 years of being cheated on to figure that one out.

 

So, that leads to the next natural question. If you had stood in the shoes of a betrayed spouse before and experienced how it completely messed with your world, how could you then turn around and do it to someone else (the other betrayed spouse)?

 

Your description of your BS is spot on for a cheater, but sadly, it also fits your MM. How is your MM any different? Does he respect his BW, or any woman at all? Your MM also only cares for himself and has little empathy. He has a huge sense of entitlement. He views women as objects instead of human being. In essence, they are no different. They are people willing to burn the world down to satisfy their wants without regard to who they hurt.

[Lillyp32]

So, that leads to the next natural question. If you had stood in the shoes of a betrayed spouse before and experienced how it completely messed with your world, how could you then turn around and do it to someone else (the other betrayed spouse)?

 

Your description of your BS is spot on for a cheater, but sadly, it also fits your MM. How is your MM any different? Does he respect his BW, or any woman at all? Your MM also only cares for himself and has little empathy. He has a huge sense of entitlement. He views women as objects instead of human being. In essence, they are no different. They are people willing to burn the world down to satisfy their wants without regard to who they hurt.

 

Pure selfishness. I felt guilt about that a lot during the affair. I somehow managed to push it aside and continue on. It's disgusting and one the hardest things to deal with in the after math of this. I've expressed the way I feel about myself and my actions throughout this thread. Im royally screwed up.

 

Maybe you're right about exMM. I've known him a long time though. He isn't a bad man. He made a really f'd up choice but I truly believe that unlike my husband, he will learn and grow from it. He will figure out the why's and do the work for himself and his marriage. Some wayward spouses do fix themselves and grow. I believe he will be one of them.

[Lillyp32]

I'm currently reading through the thread, and I apologize if it's been covered, but I'm just curious, how did your husband find out?

 

I don't know and I've never asked.

[BluesPower]

Wow, that is interesting...

 

But I am guessing that you were out the door as quick as you could be.

 

I think in some ways your affair was an exit affair. If there is a good type of affair, which there is not, it would be the exit affair.

 

I wonder how he did find out???