Discovered wife in an affair three months ago....now time to "discuss"

[firewalk]

Three months ago I posted that I accidently discoverd my wife of 20 years was having an affair. I decided at the time to wait on the confrontation for two reasons. 1. I wanted to gather more information about the details discreetly which I have and 2. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the same time i discovered the affair and I did not want to add to that fire at the time.

Now after a mastectomy, and near complete healing, the affair continues both emotionally and sexually and the time to discuss it has come.

 

I am not sure where this all will lead, my goal is to try and keep the marriage together, but who knows. Two kids involved, both teen agers, a ton of close family and friends who have no idea and would be shocked if we shared this outside of the two of us.

 

Any advice on approach and what to expect would be greatly appreciated.......I will being up my knowledge of the affair inthe next 24 hours..I can't keep it a secret any longer that i know

[VirginiaBob]

Plaster pictures of her having sex with this guy all over your church late a night, with the word "Adultress" written on them.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Gather up your evidence, and with as little anger as humanly possible - present it to her. Do not let her 'explain' or even have a chance to be defensive. You already know about the affair. This discussion is about ending it. Just calmly let her know that the affair needs to end: or the marriage will. If she will not agree to 'no contact' with the OM along with counseling to help you both through this - then you have a choice. Live with her having the affair, or make moves to divorce.

[New_Wife]

OUCH! You are a good man for standing beside her during this awful time. I have no advice - but I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope it works out for you and your family.