Nutz4Cords Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I've been with my BF for over 2 1/2 years. I love him to pieces and sleeping in his arms is the best feeling I've ever had... For the past month or so he's been falling asleep on the couch watching tv. I ask him to come to bed with me, he says yes, but he continues sleeping on the couch...if I insist that he comes to bed, he gets pissy with me. I'm getting very, very tired of it...I hate that he doesn't want to sleep with me(and in case anybody's wondering, I don't snor or do anything annoying in my sleep)...I hate that he doesn't care about my feelings... I love him so freaking much, but I feel that if he would love me as he says he does, he'd love going to sleep holding me in his arms... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 So does he only give affection when he wants sex? If so, I'd say this is not a good man for you or anyone else. If he only comes around for sex, he only cares about getting his needs met. Clearly he doesn't care about your need for some affection and companionship. He sounds like a louse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nutz4Cords Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 No, sometimes he's absolutely amazing and caring and sweet, but lately he doesn't seem to care to spend time with me, he doesn't seem to give a damn about my feelings...I don't know what to think anymore...I could be very sensitive because two weeks ago I found some sexy pics of another woman, regular pics of her and pics of him with her....I trusted him completely and I thought that there must be a logical explanation, I just couldn't think of it...I hated to ask him about it, but I had a pit in my stomach about it, so I asked him...he said "I don't know...What? U don't trust me?" I told him that I did trust him, that's why I asked him and didn't go snooping... The next day he didn't mention it at all...I checked the place I had stumbled into those pics and they were gone, so I knew he saw them...I couldn't figure why he hadn't given me that perfectly logical explanation...I had saved some Pinterest pics on his tablet and I went to see them, and I ran across a screenshot of a very sexual Facebook discussion between him and this woman. I confronted him and he said that he's known her for 10 years, she's 3000miles away, the pics were from 8 years ago when they met...she knew everything about me and didn't have a problem with him being with me while having an online affair with her...why should she?!? She's married and so was he until 3 years ago...He said he was sorry and broke up with her. I love him and I'm trying my very best to trust him again, because I can't have a relationship with a man I don't trust, but the fact that he's been so distant lately is making me think that he doesn't care... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) No, you're not over reacting. Either he has significant problems with the relationship or, given his track record, he's got something going on with someone else. Had the two of you been fighting much before he started pulling away? Edited October 10, 2016 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nutz4Cords Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 We really didn't fight much. We were together for a couple of years and he got cold feet. I'm the first woman he met after he got separated from his wife of 35 years and at first he wanted to start a life with me, he promised me the sun, the moon and the stars, but when we started looking to buy a home together(he was living with me and he hated my house...in his defense it's a very crappy house)...All of a sudden he put the breaks on...I kept waiting for him to figure out what he wants...I loved him so freaking much...I didn't want to pressure him...it hurt that he didn't want to start our life together, but I was willing to wait for him to be sure...I wanted him to want a life with me...I didn't want to corner him into it... He moved in his rental house and I was spending most of my time with him, but I knew, I felt that he wasn't sure about us...he would become very moody and distant...snap at me for no reason...and one day, after he was a jerk to me, I left and told him to figure out what he wants, but I wasn't gonna allow him to be disrespectful anylonger. We broke up, but continue to see each other regularly...I was crazy in love with him and he knew it...He met another woman online and fell in lust with her... Seeing him ticked pink about another woman was killing me...I tried to get over him...I tried meeting new people, but I couldn't think about anyone but him... It was 2 1/2 months of hell...They were suppose to meet and she strang him along for a while...I got nosy and found out that she had another boyfriend with whom she was planning on moving in with...I thought that they were over...one day when I went to his place to bring him some stuff, he got very affectionate, he clearly wanted me, we had sex(which alway has been fantastic)...The next day we spend the night together like old times...I thought I had the love of my life back...The following day he became distant, I tried to get him to talk to me, to tell me what's going on, i asked about her and he said that everything was good between them, that she had some family issues to take care of and then they'll meet...and he turned into the meanest, cruelest monster...I didn't want to tell him about her having a BF, cause I wanted him to find that out on his own, but after several hours of crying and desperation I became so infuriated by both of them. For the past couple months he would turn into the cruelest, worst creature imaginable, and I had finally had it...I texted him some pretty descriptive texts and in a fit of rage I messaged her... She told him about it ASAP and broke up with him telling him I was the reason. He was furious...I told him about her BF, that she's been stringing him along...I gave him proof...I apologized for saying horrible things about him and for contacting her... A few days later he came over, was very sweet to me and we got back together... He told me how much he regretted hurting me and that he'll never do it again, that now he was sure he wanted a life with me and that he'll work very hard to make it up to me...I told him that he had nothing to make up for, that I chose to put all that ugliness behind us, because I didn't want his uncertainty from the past to cloud our future... It seemed that it finally came my turn to be happy...I have had a lot of betrayal in the past and I suffered so much at the hands of the people I loved and trusted with all my heart...I never held back...I never lied to him... When I met him I was terrified of falling in love, because I had been hurt so unbelievably bad that I never thought I'd be able to pull through...but he was sooooo amazing, so caring, so loving and passionate and everything I could possibly ask for and more...so I took a chance and opened up to him, gave him my heart, my trust and I hoped that he would appreciate it and treasure it, because it wasn't easy to become vulnerable again... I accepted that he got cold feet, that he wanted to make sure he wouldn't settle for the first woman he met after his wife...I wouldn't have wanted him to always wonder what else was out there...was he missing out... We've always had a very passionate relationship...We've always flirted with each other like teenagers...I would send him sexy, naughty pics just because...but since I found out about his online affair my confidence has been shattered... I'm doing my very best to trust him and to put this crap behind us, but when he doesn't give a damn about my feelings I have a very hard time trusting that he loves me and that he wants me... I would love for my BF to want to snuggle with me...I told him how I felt a couple days ago and we had a fight, cause I'm "needy"...I would like to see that he's willing to put some effort into our relationship...and I really would like to feel that sleeping with me, kissing, having sex with me wasn't an obligation... I'm 49, but I'm still sexy and I don't want to be anybody's chore... I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this because of the recent betrayal, so that's why I decided to ask other people's opinions, because due to my feelings I can't be sure of anything...it's so much easier to give smart advise when ur heart isn't involved...I swear I'm not as stupid as I sound...My heart just took over and I can't think logically... Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 OP, My first husband was like that. I realise now that he was/is intimacy avoidant. I'm not sure how you can change that, maybe speaking to a counsellor/therapist would help? Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nutz4Cords Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 That's just it...he can be the most passionate, sweet, caring, amazing man in the world...I know that when I'm crying I'm not attractive and I'm not making him want to come snuggle with me...I try to tell myself that he just fell asleep in front of the tv, that it's not about me, but the fact that he's not willing to make an effort, knowing that I feel so hurt and rejected when he doesn't want to go to sleep with me... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts