Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hey, My ex boyfriend who I've been having an affair with for the last 18 months told me last week his wife just fond out she was pregnant. I really don't know how I'm meant to react its really upset me eve though I knew it would happen one day it still But when finding out! He is saying nothing will change even when the baby is here and that he will still want to see me but I know that wont happen I completely understand he's whole life is going to change I don't know if I should be ending it now before it gets too hard plus I know its terrible on his pregnant wife. I'm not asking for sympathy or anyone to judge me just some support please Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hey, My ex boyfriend who I've been having an affair with for the last 18 months told me last week his wife just fond out she was pregnant. I really don't know how I'm meant to react its really upset me eve though I knew it would happen one day it still But when finding out! He is saying nothing will change even when the baby is here and that he will still want to see me but I know that wont happen I completely understand he's whole life is going to change I don't know if I should be ending it now before it gets too hard plus I know its terrible on his pregnant wife. I'm not asking for sympathy or anyone to judge me just some support please No, don't worry. MM that cheat aren't that dedicated to their families and it's likely he will just vuew the new baby as irritating and "fun-killing." WS often just want someone that is fully invested in them that they don't have to invest in. So that will be your continued position. He night not call to get laid as often, but you can pretty much bet he will be around at some point. If he's just using his wife nowbabd isn't dedicated to her, the news of the pregnancy didn't change anything either, then it's unlikely he will grow a moral compass now. Yay....... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Be grateful that unlike my mm you actually know and take this opportunity to detach and move on. Do you really want to help him cheat on his pregnant wife? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 No, don't worry. MM that cheat aren't that dedicated to their families and it's likely he will just vuew the new baby as irritating and "fun-killing." WS often just want someone that is fully invested in them that they don't have to invest in. So that will be your continued position. He night not call to get laid as often, but you can pretty much bet he will be around at some point. If he's just using his wife nowbabd isn't dedicated to her, the news of the pregnancy didn't change anything either, then it's unlikely he will grow a moral compass now. Yay....... I don't know you may be right but I also think that this may change him when the baby is actually here atm I guess it hasn't sunk in! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 Be grateful that unlike my mm you actually know and take this opportunity to detach and move on. Do you really want to help him cheat on his pregnant wife? I'm not saying I want to help him cheat I'm saying it's hard for me it's hard to just detach yourself from someone you love Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Be grateful that unlike my mm you actually know and take this opportunity to detach and move on. Do you really want to help him cheat on his pregnant wife? Just curious, why does the pregnancy make a difference? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 So..he says nothing will change..meaning you will continue to be his mistress..and you're ok with this??? That's what you want..to be someone's dirty little secret? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I'm not saying I want to help him cheat I'm saying it's hard for me it's hard to just detach yourself from someone you love Sorry, I think his cheating with a pregnant wife is messed up. She is going to be fragile and I feel sorry for her. And you. You deserve better too. Now is the time to find yourself and move on to a more fulfilling relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Just curious, why does the pregnancy make a difference? Why wouldn't it make a difference?! I'm not sure whether I can take that question seriously TBH. I don't understand why anyone would even ask that And yes it is hard but imagine going through a pregnancy and not having the fathers 100% support? I'm assuming OP you don't have children? Being pregnant isn't just a physical thing it is deeply emotional. He's already robbed her of a honest marriage please do not spoil this magical time for her. Anyone can remarry - you can never go through pregnancy a second time 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 It takes a special kind of man to cheat on his pregnant wife... 11 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I don't know you may be right but I also think that this may change him when the baby is actually here atm I guess it hasn't sunk in! Nah. If anything MM like this get more stressed and feel pressured to attach to their families He might feel that way for five minutes after the baby is born, then he will go right back to messing around on his wife. Don't worry, no one is special enough to him to be dedicated to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Why wouldn't it make a difference?! I'm not sure whether I can take that question seriously TBH. I don't understand why anyone would even ask that And yes it is hard but imagine going through a pregnancy and not having the fathers 100% support? I'm assuming OP you don't have children? Being pregnant isn't just a physical thing it is deeply emotional. He's already robbed her of a honest marriage please do not spoil this magical time for her. Anyone can remarry - you can never go through pregnancy a second time Sorry but this made me laugh. I know what you meant, but if you couldn't through pregnancy more than once then everyone would be an only child. I understand purple sorrow's question. Why is cheating ok without a pregnancy but not ok with one? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Sorry, I think his cheating with a pregnant wife is messed up. She is going to be fragile and I feel sorry for her. And you. You deserve better too. Now is the time to find yourself and move on to a more fulfilling relationship. I agree 100%. That's clearly not what OP wants. I was cheated on while pregnant. It was by far the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me. To this day I have leftover trauma from it and as I wrote about on another thread, it disrupted my bonding with my daughter. But whatever, cheaters gonna cheat, liars gonna lie, innocent spouses and children gonna be traumatized. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Why wouldn't it make a difference?! I'm not sure whether I can take that question seriously TBH. I don't understand why anyone would even ask that And yes it is hard but imagine going through a pregnancy and not having the fathers 100% support? I'm assuming OP you don't have children? Being pregnant isn't just a physical thing it is deeply emotional. He's already robbed her of a honest marriage please do not spoil this magical time for her. Anyone can remarry - you can never go through pregnancy a second time Why not avoid helping him cheat at all? It shouldn't matter if she's pregnant or not to have empathy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hey, My ex boyfriend who I've been having an affair with for the last 18 months told me last week his wife just fond out she was pregnant. I really don't know how I'm meant to react its really upset me eve though I knew it would happen one day it still But when finding out! He is saying nothing will change even when the baby is here and that he will still want to see me but I know that wont happen I completely understand he's whole life is going to change I don't know if I should be ending it now before it gets too hard plus I know its terrible on his pregnant wife. I'm not asking for sympathy or anyone to judge me just some support please He's reassuring you that he'll want to continue with the affair even though she's pregnant and when the baby comes along. You say it's terrible on his pregnant wife? Why wasn't it terrible when she wasn't pregnant? What you know is that they are sexually active. He's not planning on leaving her. He wasn't planning on it before she was pregnant. If the position of mistress suits you, then why stop now? Doesn't all this tell you anything about the kind of man he is deep down though? He doesn't give a damn about his wife at all. Double dipping is a risk to an unborn child, yet it doesn't phase him. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 What? The MM was actually having sex with you and his wife? Wow, that never happens. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hey, My ex boyfriend who I've been having an affair with for the last 18 months told me last week his wife just fond out she was pregnant. I really don't know how I'm meant to react its really upset me eve though I knew it would happen one day it still But when finding out! He is saying nothing will change even when the baby is here and that he will still want to see me but I know that wont happen I completely understand he's whole life is going to change I don't know if I should be ending it now before it gets too hard plus I know its terrible on his pregnant wife. OK, we get the ex bf and you still being besotted with him but what is your plan for life here? You stick around looking in from the outside, whilst he lives his life, its that it? He dumped you for religious reasons, he then got married and now he is starting to have kids. Now he gets the best of both worlds, a devoted wife at home and besotted WOMEN to tend to his sexual needs... It seems you are not his only OW. YOU stand on the sidelines watching whilst his family grows, you watch over the baby pics, the new houses, the family holidays, the school photos the anniversaries, the happy times... Meanwhile life passes you by, you never fulfil your destiny as you are too busy "looking after" him and living in past glories. YOU cannot live your life by proxy. Let him go, it is about time now. Use his wife's pregnancy as a wake up call. What sort of a man would cheat while his wife is pregnant, do you really want to be associated with that? He is NEVER going to "choose" you, so put your big girl panties on, dump him completely and choose to live your own life - you can do it. We will all help you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
starswewillnavigate Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Sophie, if you can and of course want to, walk away now. Of course he will carry on the affair, if you are willing. If he's at all scared about impending fatherhood, he will use you to take his mind off those fears, to be a distraction. My AP had a very young baby and tbh I think his A with me (and subsequent continual use of a dating site looking for AP) was escapism from that. I also don't think he had bonded with that child either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 OK, we get the ex bf and you still being besotted with him but what is your plan for life here? You stick around looking in from the outside, whilst he lives his life, its that it? He dumped you for religious reasons, he then got married and now he is starting to have kids. Now he gets the best of both worlds, a devoted wife at home and besotted WOMEN to tend to his sexual needs... It seems you are not his only OW. YOU stand on the sidelines watching whilst his family grows, you watch over the baby pics, the new houses, the family holidays, the school photos the anniversaries, the happy times... Meanwhile life passes you by, you never fulfil your destiny as you are too busy "looking after" him and living in past glories. YOU cannot live your life by proxy. Let him go, it is about time now. Use his wife's pregnancy as a wake up call. What sort of a man would cheat while his wife is pregnant, do you really want to be associated with that? He is NEVER going to "choose" you, so put your big girl panties on, dump him completely and choose to live your own life - you can do it. We will all help you. Thank you for he offer of help I really think I will need and thank you for the message you wrote it's something I know but needed to hear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 Sophie, if you can and of course want to, walk away now. Of course he will carry on the affair, if you are willing. If he's at all scared about impending fatherhood, he will use you to take his mind off those fears, to be a distraction. My AP had a very young baby and tbh I think his A with me (and subsequent continual use of a dating site looking for AP) was escapism from that. I also don't think he had bonded with that child either. I know your probably right it's not fair on the child/wife or us to be honest 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 (edited) Sorry but this made me laugh. I know what you meant, but if you couldn't through pregnancy more than once then everyone would be an only child. I understand purple sorrow's question. Why is cheating ok without a pregnancy but not ok with one? You can only carry a child once. I can't give birth to my son multiple times. Maybe I should've worded it better lol Edited October 9, 2016 by imperfectangel 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever broken Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I know it will not be easy but is best you move on now. He never plans on leaving his wife. He will always use the child as an excuse not to get a divorce. Is best to move on now, recover and meet someone who will put you first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Share Posted October 9, 2016 I know it will not be easy but is best you move on now. He never plans on leaving his wife. He will always use the child as an excuse not to get a divorce. Is best to move on now, recover and meet someone who will put you first. Deep down I know your right and and pathetic as this will sound sometimes I do try and I go a few days and don't talk to him then he messages me saying he misses me and I give in I know that sounds so stupid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Deep down I know your right and and pathetic as this will sound sometimes I do try and I go a few days and don't talk to him then he messages me saying he misses me and I give in I know that sounds so stupid This does not sound stupid. It's exactly how I ended up in my A for 2.5 years. If I could go back, I would've stuck to NC and not given in when i got the "I miss you and I'm going crazy without you" emails. In the end, this A isn't worth the pain it will cause to everyone involved including yourself. Please walk away now and go NC. It will be hard at first but you can do it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever broken Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Deep down I know your right and and pathetic as this will sound sometimes I do try and I go a few days and don't talk to him then he messages me saying he misses me and I give in I know that sounds so stupid It doesn't sound stupid at all. I have been the other woman before so I understand how you feel. Do not worry about him and do not put him first. The same person who claims to love you will treat you badly when his wife finds out. Trust me that will hurt you even worse. Please start planning on leaving if not now but soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts