Rant on Extreme Nudity On TV

[Realgrl]

Hi,

 

I hope to keep this thread separate from my other one as this is a new topic. Is anyone bothered by graphic nudity and sex in shows and movies (ie game of thrones)? It seems as we progress through decades, sex scenes become more prevalent and revealing to the point it's like porn. I will not be surprised if one day it evolves into showing full penetration.

 

Anyways I am bothered my husband watches those scenes intently. Nothing can pull his eyes away from a girl taking off her clothes and showing breasts. After its over he goes back doing his other things or take a restroom break etc.

I just need positive words of encouragement to "numb" myself against this behavior. Honestly I'm sick and tired of feeling anger and containing my anger towards him. He thinks life is perfect and we are doing great but we are not.

I laugh at his jokes, friendly, talkative, romantic so of course he would think everything is perfect. But I have internalized my anger towards him and no longer place him first. I feel justified doing so because if he can put up a false front when I'm in the same room versus when I'm not there, Then I can also put up my false front on our relationship.

 

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I've written the below paragraphs after a few hours of reflection

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As a society I think we put too much emphasis on the fact that its "within the genetic makeup that males are visual creatures" which gives them a free pass to masturbate to porn and free reign on looking at women. Well, I say that women at a genetic level also crave an emotional connection - to satisfy our desire for attention and feeling of being wanted. If men flirt with us, we should flirt right back because according to our genetic makeup we as women can't help ourselves. Just like we give men the benefit that they can't help themselves either. i'm not talking about cheating. Just like our SO who should know the boundary between ogling and having sex, we know the boundary of flirting to having sex. If it bothers them, ask them why should it? It's within our genetic makeup just like its within their genetic makeup as visual creatures to look at other girls.

 

You know, my husband thinks life is great right now thinking there are no qualms from me about him ogling girls, etc.

 

If he's enjoying life and defining it the way he wants it (looking at naked girls), why shouldn't I enjoy my life the way I want it (look at other men and flirting back)? I define my life to becoming independent without being preoccupied with things like:

"will he like what I'm wearing?", "I don't like this venue but I will still select it because he likes it", "I should get this color because he likes it on me", etc.

 

Why do we cater ourselves to our SO when ultimately you feel like a fool as he stares at every girl that walks by. I felt like that every time and wish I had made the choices that I wanted.

 

Remember the time when you were young and you saw the world as a bright and happy place? Where you enjoy going to the beach, talking and mingling with new friends, etc. Not at all worried your SO is staring at a girl wearing a revealing bikini or ogling every attractive ones walking by. Or getting that clenched feeling when you and your SO are surrounded by attractive half naked girls?

 

Don't delude yourself, he will be enjoying that moment. The way I will handle it is to not put him first. I extract myself from that level and view him as a best friend (with benefits) and enjoy myself as I would if I was single.

 

Why do I stay with him? Well I don't think I can get anyone better in the sense that every guy will look at porn, ogle other women, etc.

 

My SO is enjoying life his own way and won't change, so I will enjoy my life my own independent way as well.

[Poutrew]

If hubby wont stop ogling naked women, the maybe you need to fight fire with fire? Even if you don't like it, start ogling all those naked men with those huge tools and make sure hubby sees you do it. Don't say anything, just make sure he sees which body part your eyes are fixed on. It might take a while, but it will get under his skin. When he makes a comment, then take that opportunity to have a 'conversation' with him about both your viewing habits and how maybe you both need to change... see, you are not attacking him, and by including yourself it shows him you are also invested in a positive outcome. Psychology, my dear, you must use psychology...it is your friend

[BettyDraper]

There's a fine line between noticing attractive members of the opposite sex and staring at them longingly. I don't have a problem with porn since I like watching it myself but my opinion would change if my husband was choosing to masturbate over making love to me. I love looking at muscular and handsome men just like many other women and that is not a threat to my marriage.

 

A closed mouth doesn't get fed. You can't stay silent about whatever upsets you and then expect it to change. Be honest with your husband about how the ogling upsets you.

[Davey L]

It's disrespectful to openly ogle the girls, he should at least try to be a bit less obvious about it. But, I find it hard not to ogle when I've not had sex for a month. Is he getting enough?

[BettyDraper]

It's disrespectful to openly ogle the girls, he should at least try to be a bit less obvious about it. But, I find it hard not to ogle when I've not had sex for a month. Is he getting enough?

 

Not getting enough sex is no excuse to be blatantly disrespectful.

I agree that anyone who is satisfied in the bedroom will feel much less attracted to others though.

[NTV]

I'd if it'll help but we men are very visual creatures. Biological hunting genetic predisposition etc. That's why way more guys are into porn than women (statistics yay!).

 

For me I do notice attractive women but it isn't a conscious thing. It's closer to "squirrel!!!!!"

 

Yeah I could take deliberate steps to control it but it's not exactly a wise use of my discipline and mental energy to do. I think by attaching some sort of emotional status to it is a futile. And let's be honest. You say it makes you feel like that but your husband doesn't control your feelings. Not saying that he couldn't or wouldn't try it for you if you asked but that I wouldn't promise my wife i could stop it because I couldn't guarantee success. It would be like promising to control blinking to absolutely 1.75 second regular blinks. Not impossible but really difficult to do with a very limited value in return.

 

Him saying that amount of sex related to it? Unless I'm sexually starving that wouldn't be the case. Although it also depends on a number of other factors like working out. When I was working out a lot my libido was a lot more active and reactions to visual queues was heightened. Diet probably impacts too but I've not modified that too much.

 

Course it depends on the guy. I might try saying that with my wife just to get laid more if she bought it. Lol. And don't anyone get smug with me on that. Reverse psychology a common one tool in the marriage toolbox for getting our needs met. That's just a different tool. Anyone who's been married knows there is a subtle game involved in it.

 

As far as the sexuality on TV goes if I'm alone with my wife and there's something like that on then my libido might kick in just in the hopes that hers does too. I think that's different.

 

Anyway sorry for rambling. Hope this helps!

[smackie9]

I have NP with it because it depicts real life. Obviously not for children to view, but we are all adults, sex and nudity is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. He looks at the hot women, I look at the hot men....we are not dead, just because we are married. BUT We don't make a point of it or make obvious what we are doing.

 

If he is acting like a dog, just give him a poke....he'll know.

[Gemma1]

You're actually mad because your husband sees naked women on Game of Thrones? Dis blows ma mind like for realz.

 

Seriously, the fantasy situation is you described (carefree, going to the beach, not worrying about my SO staring at attractive girls in bikinis) is my actual real life. It is actually possible to be secure enough in your relationship to realize that a man staring at an attractive woman is nothing to worry about. Heck, I often point out attractive women to him and we talk about which ones we like best. I pause steamy scenes on Game of Thrones so he won't miss them if he gets up to go get a snack.

 

Now if he's following cute women down the street and sniffing their butts, yeah I could see your issue. But judging from the tone of your posts, I'm guessing the problem is not all him.

[BettyDraper]

You're actually mad because your husband sees naked women on Game of Thrones? Dis blows ma mind like for realz.

 

Seriously, the fantasy situation is you described (carefree, going to the beach, not worrying about my SO staring at attractive girls in bikinis) is my actual real life. It is actually possible to be secure enough in your relationship to realize that a man staring at an attractive woman is nothing to worry about. Heck, I often point out attractive women to him and we talk about which ones we like best. I pause steamy scenes on Game of Thrones so he won't miss them if he gets up to go get a snack.

 

Now if he's following cute women down the street and sniffing their butts, yeah I could see your issue. But judging from the tone of your posts, I'm guessing the problem is not all him.

 

I agree. Sometimes I'll even point out beautiful women to my husband and he claims not to notice them. We have fun with it.

 

I don't care if my husband looks at other women. It doesn't matter where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home.

 

I also understand that not every wife is as secure her marriage so I don't judge them for that.

[GunslingerRoland]

This thread is clearly about a lot of problems in your relationship which are much deeper than the television.

 

But to stick back to the original topic, I think there is a lot of awkwardness when you are watching a primetime TV show or movie made for adults, and they have sex scenes where they go out of their to avoid nudity. It adds an unnatural feel to the whole situation. TV shows such as game of thrones may overdo the nudity at times, but overall depicting adult sexual themes with nudity makes sense.

 

And women are titillated by men too, don't movies like Magic Mike exploit men just as much?

 

I'm not sure how much of the issues, is your husband and how much of it is insecurity. I mean, being at a beach surrounded by people in swimwear is normal... is your husband going out of his way to ogle women? Can you say you never notice attractive men there? I know for myself I am visual, and it's hard for me to not notice a beautiful woman right in front of me, but I think that is just nature, it doesn't change anything about my attraction to my wife.

[BettyDraper]

This thread is clearly about a lot of problems in your relationship which are much deeper than the television.

 

But to stick back to the original topic, I think there is a lot of awkwardness when you are watching a primetime TV show or movie made for adults, and they have sex scenes where they go out of their to avoid nudity. It adds an unnatural feel to the whole situation. TV shows such as game of thrones may overdo the nudity at times, but overall depicting adult sexual themes with nudity makes sense.

 

And women are titillated by men too, don't movies like Magic Mike exploit men just as much?

 

I'm not sure how much of the issues, is your husband and how much of it is insecurity. I mean, being at a beach surrounded by people in swimwear is normal... is your husband going out of his way to ogle women? Can you say you never notice attractive men there? I know for myself I am visual, and it's hard for me to not notice a beautiful woman right in front of me, but I think that is just nature, it doesn't change anything about my attraction to my wife.

 

You've raised an excellent point about women being titillated.

 

People like to pretend that women do not ogle sexy men just as much as men look at hot women.

[Gemma1]

I think if you read through the OP's other posts, the situation will come more into light. She's extremely jealous, doesn't like for him to look at porn, and is very passive aggressive. He has become secretive of his phone, tries to downplay his social media use, and is shutting her out of his life in the sense that he no longer confides in her the way he once did.

 

Now, he could be cheating. But even if he's not, he's totally checked out of this relationship. Assuming he's not cheating, he's obviously just been worn down to the point that he doesn't care that much anymore. He's threatening divorce. His reaction to all this hasn't been the best. I think he's probably going out of his way to check out other women in front of her at this point. It's an immature response for sure, but the reason for it is probably because she overreacted to very minor infractions in earlier stages of the relationship and so he lost respect for her, and now is just doing as he pleases because what does it matter? He's going to take sh*t for it anyway so he might as well just do what he wants.

 

OP - get thyself into counseling. Your husband isn't a saint either, but you would turn even the most perfect man against you with this level of insecurity.

[Hobart_Carboys]

Hi,

 

Your problem seems to be you and your husband don't enjoy each other anymore. Let me tell you something. Let him ogle YOU as much as he wants, deny him nothing, and even come up with some arousing ideas of your own to experience with him. After doing this, if he doesn't respond, THEN get angry. I'm saying a sex life must be shared, and all too frequently one or the other partner is inhibiting the relationship from growing, and reading your message and listening to you talk about "anger," dear, I think the problem is not him and his pictures, but you and your anger.

[Hobart_Carboys]

If hubby wont stop ogling naked women, the maybe you need to fight fire with fire? Even if you don't like it, start ogling all those naked men with those huge tools and make sure hubby sees you do it. Don't say anything, just make sure he sees which body part your eyes are fixed on.

 

Better yet, Realgrl, have your husband sit next to you while you ogle and talk about those pictures of men and their big tools? Let him move the cursor and start and stop the clips while your hands move to other places. Shouldn't conjugal love sometimes be strange, exciting, and fun?

[SJS]

OP have you gotten yourself a therapist yet? There is so much wrong in your post that I'm just going to back out of it...you're beyond what LS can offer.