winterkeep Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Yay! Another significant and empowering step Ignore the panic that tells you to unblock if it creeps in, remind yourself that you're a strong, decicive woman who is regaining her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Poppy what do you think is different this time? I think you said once you were NC for a year once I like what you said.....he can see in to your private life. But you could never truly see into his....... (I've thought this.....sorry just reread that. My interpretation) Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Stay strong Poppy! One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Today I blocked XMM from my FB . We could never be friends but he always looked. Gradually I have come to feel uncomfortable knowing that he is able to see what I am doing. Why should he be free to look at my private life when he didn't really want to share it with me? Well, now can't!!! That's something I never thought I would do. Progress to moving on. Poppy. Good for you! I blocked mine as well awhile ago and deleted him as a fitbit friend (side note, he puts his lack of exercise on me now). Yesterday I blocked him from my email. Technically it is gmail so you really can't block someone but I said, "After I hit send, I am blocking you. Please leave me alone. Goodbye" So he would think he is blocked and not email me. He is not too IT savvy. It felt good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Way to go, Poppy. Today I deleted the text thread from my xMM that I had held on to for all this time as "proof." Not sure what I thought I needed to prove. But I deleted it today. Poof! Feels good, doesn't it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
malvern99 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Today I blocked XMM from my FB . We could never be friends but he always looked. Gradually I have come to feel uncomfortable knowing that he is able to see what I am doing. Why should he be free to look at my private life when he didn't really want to share it with me? Well, now can't!!! That's something I never thought I would do. Progress to moving on. Poppy. How do you know he always looked at your FB page? Was he always leaving comments or likes? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Good for you! I blocked mine as well awhile ago and deleted him as a fitbit friend (side note, he puts his lack of exercise on me now). Yesterday I blocked him from my email. Technically it is gmail so you really can't block someone but I said, "After I hit send, I am blocking you. Please leave me alone. Goodbye" So he would think he is blocked and not email me. He is not too IT savvy. It felt good. Sorry but this just made me snort water up my nose. What a wuss! Link to post Share on other sites
Forever broken Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Good job Poppy. That was a bold step which I know wasn't easy. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Sorry but this just made me snort water up my nose. What a wuss! In 2015 his health was his wife's fault. In 2016, it is mine. Loser. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 In 2015 his health was his wife's fault. In 2016, it is mine. Loser. Sounds like my loser WH. He blames EVERYONE but himself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 How do you know he always looked at your FB page? Was he always leaving comments or likes? I have not been looking at his FB and we were never friends on FB. He said he would never stop looking and I believe it. He sent me an email recently, which indicates he is still sending smoke signals, TOTALLY UNSOLICITED by me. I have been completely NC now for 7 months. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Poppy what do you think is different this time? I think you said once you were NC for a year once I like what you said.....he can see in to your private life. But you could never truly see into his....... (I've thought this.....sorry just reread that. My interpretation) Hi Sunshine, You are correct.LOL I could never truly see into his private life. xMM and I made a promise never to block each other anywhere. It was a frivolous promise and somehow has held me back all this time from just blocking him from my FB. We were never friends on FB. Yesterday I felt resentful that he could see my private life ... not that there is much going on in it. It suddenly felt creepy . NC has given me distance and therefore perspective. When I think about xMM now, it's somehow like remembering a character in a movie. It is becoming difficult to recall all those overwhelming emotions. I DO think it's different this time. I hit 7 months NC on Monday. Yes it was a year before and an emotional event sent my running back. Live and learn. Hope you are getting there Sunshine. Poppy.x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Thanks Poppy.... I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen to want to leave, not that all the steps along the way aren't enough right? I just don't think I've hit the bottom maybe? I have no delusions he will leave or we will be together. It seems almost like we've moved to a different stage? Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Do you know what else I think Poppy....I think you've moved forward. I think you stabilized his life. He had his home life duties etc. But you were "romance" love emotional attachment. You made his life better.....while you can move on and are free, he is still in the same place except without you.... Just my thoughts (I might be wrong) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Thanks Poppy.... I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen to want to leave, not that all the steps along the way aren't enough right? I just don't think I've hit the bottom maybe? I have no delusions he will leave or we will be together. It seems almost like we've moved to a different stage? Don't wait too long Sunshine. You don't have to hit the bottom to move on. You can wait forever for something to happen and it will always be the same. It's scary to let go but I have faith that you will. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Do you know what else I think Poppy....I think you've moved forward. I think you stabilized his life. He had his home life duties etc. But you were "romance" love emotional attachment. You made his life better.....while you can move on and are free, he is still in the same place except without you.... Just my thoughts (I might be wrong) Hey there Sunshine, I had a few really lost moments after I blocked his FB page. It seemed like the last link between us had been cut. We used to say we were bound by golden threads woven by silkworms on steroids.... romantic stuff for two senior citizens,eh? Yes I agree with your perception of the A. He said he was expected to be the upright senior citizen in his real life. I didn't care what he was. He could be a four year old if he liked. He will be getting along with life as per normal and missing his fantasy escape. I have a lot of questions in my mind about xMM. I met him when he was 65. What was he like as a husband all those years before? No man suddenly decides to pursue an A at that age without past form. HA.. I will never know. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) I'm reading this thread and in my head I'm hearing: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go, Poppy! It's your birthday! We're going to party like it's your birthday! We're going to sip Bacardi like it's your birthday! :bunny: Edited October 27, 2016 by MidKnightDreams 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 I'm reading this thread and in my head I'm hearing: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go, Poppy! It's your birthday! We're going to party like it's your birthday! We're going to sip Bacardi like it's your birthday! :bunny: I love the song. Yes, let's party!!!!! I cut those ties. PoppyXXXX 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Hey there Sunshine, I had a few really lost moments after I blocked his FB page. It seemed like the last link between us had been cut. We used to say we were bound by golden threads woven by silkworms on steroids.... romantic stuff for two senior citizens,eh? Yes I agree with your perception of the A. He said he was expected to be the upright senior citizen in his real life. I didn't care what he was. He could be a four year old if he liked. He will be getting along with life as per normal and missing his fantasy escape. I have a lot of questions in my mind about xMM. I met him when he was 65. What was he like as a husband all those years before? No man suddenly decides to pursue an A at that age without past form. HA.. I will never know. Poppy. Thank You (for the above post) Hmmmm that's an interesting point about him 65..... I think in my situation I left my M. Am living on my own. I'm making new friendships going out (not ready for dating) I'm back in school. Enjoying my kids so much more... my life is different. And even though our A is much more EA than PA... I provide him something. So I have the freedom I can leave but he will still be in the same place. Except without me. We started A before he was married. (Not proud or happy about that). I wonder about this, he has it all all his needs met his life stabilized. But we myself and his W. We get parts.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I forgot to add......about the upright citizen..... this is MM. He's ambitous, and def a leader. He's first born (in his family and tradition big deal) His W and he dated for years and got engaged when she moved in. I remember him making this comment (we were not in A) right after they got engaged. "My sis joked I only got engaged so she could move in" My point is his goal is not love. His career his reputation is what drives him....he wants to be the best at what he does. And although I think he does love his wife she's someone who compliments his life, like the next step. I don't think he really wanted to get married. But you can't move up (in society's eyes) which in turn affects career. So maybe your xMM was truthful. For 65 yrs he was an upstanding citizen, good husband good father and one day said ***k it I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my life....now I want romance passion......because I did what I was supposed to do for everyone else and now I want it to be about me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 I forgot to add......about the upright citizen..... this is MM. He's ambitous, and def a leader. He's first born (in his family and tradition big deal) His W and he dated for years and got engaged when she moved in. I remember him making this comment (we were not in A) right after they got engaged. "My sis joked I only got engaged so she could move in" My point is his goal is not love. His career his reputation is what drives him....he wants to be the best at what he does. And although I think he does love his wife she's someone who compliments his life, like the next step. I don't think he really wanted to get married. But you can't move up (in society's eyes) which in turn affects career. So maybe your xMM was truthful. For 65 yrs he was an upstanding citizen, good husband good father and one day said ***k it I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my life....now I want romance passion......because I did what I was supposed to do for everyone else and now I want it to be about me..... Hi Sunshine, MMs sound similar. xMM got his wife pregnant when they were both 20. Way back then, you either married the girl, or you left town. Different society. In those days, getting married and having kids was definitely the next step in adult life. I won't ever know if he was lying or truthing. No point in surmising. HOpe you don't waste much more of you happiness Sunshine. A friend of mine always says, you should never let anybody take your happiness away from you. She also says men are like buses... if you wait a little while there will be another one along...LOL. I love that. Have a great weekend, go out and have fun. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Hi Sunshine, MMs sound similar. xMM got his wife pregnant when they were both 20. Way back then, you either married the girl, or you left town. Different society. In those days, getting married and having kids was definitely the next step in adult life. I won't ever know if he was lying or truthing. No point in surmising. HOpe you don't waste much more of you happiness Sunshine. A friend of mine always says, you should never let anybody take your happiness away from you. She also says men are like buses... if you wait a little while there will be another one along...LOL. I love that. Have a great weekend, go out and have fun. Poppy. Haha!! I like the quote. Thanks Poppy You too. Have a good weekend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted November 19, 2016 Author Share Posted November 19, 2016 Hello Everyone, The time has come for me to bid farewell to you the board and all you lovely, supportive people. Visiting here gave me comfort when there is nobody else to talk to. Being in an A is an isolating experience and the loneliest place the OW will ever be. After 30 weeks NC , reading and posting here seems to be dragging me back to the past where I do not wish to go. I am done with xMM so do not need any reminders of him. NC has been a long hard road and it would be stupid of me to think I am at the end. There are still times I miss him badly . He was, sadly, a huge part of my world for 8 years. Realising my part in his world was miniscule, helped me keep my resolve. Go NC , keep NC and never look back to that dark time when you allowed yourself to become something less than you really are. There is NO other way. Warmest wishes Poppy. 33 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Part of true healing and learning means eventually having no need for these message boards as they are, like you said, painful reminders of our pasts. It sounds like as an emotionally healthy person you are moving forward to the next stage. I wish you all the best and thank you for your posts here over the few months I've been here. (((Poppy))) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FlemishSwanSong Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Thank you for posting this Poppy47. I find your words truly inspirational. I am just at the start of the process. I wish you a very happy future. Link to post Share on other sites
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