Drinks at my place! [update: Holiday Season]

[Adoraxx]

My analysis:

 

 

 

Not true. I haven't picked up my favorite books in years.

 

 

 

This is true.

 

 

 

Sheer speculation. He actually has no idea what would have happened if ---. None of us does. And what's with the dramatic flair? He sounds like a bad actor in a poorly-directed film.

 

But most important - he's comparing you to a book - something that he can put down and pick up at will? PLEASE. You are not an inanimate object that exists for him to ... absorb at his pleasure.

 

You are a sentient and valuable human being who has loved and lost, like most of us. Learning how to love, and learning how to let go.

 

Wishing you Teflon resilience. Just let this one keep on floating under the bridge and down the river.

 

So true!! Great post!

[Chica80]

Oh.....poppy!!!!!

A part of you must feel good or validated. I would. Maybe his words are true. Maybe not manipulation.

 

BUT ultimately it doesn't matter. He won't leave it won't change anything. You said you don't want to be waiting around, on the side. For him to "pick up" when convenient.

Your strong and have come such a long way.

Don't give in Poppy.

[imsosad]

Oh, Poppy.

Im sure you are feeling quite shaken.

What is he really saying though?

If you really loved him you wouldnt leave?

How about if he really loved you he would have made the changes in his life in order to give you the relationship you deserve?

Pretty words tgat boil down to:

I miss my cake eating days. Come back and be my second best, meet me on my terms and my schedule, I will have both worlds and you will be so caught up with me that you will not do all the things you want to do.

How are you feeling,Poppy? Speak to us.

[spideywoman]

STAY STRONG poppy. how are you feeling? the words are beautiful, but shouldn't matter.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Poppy- you knew he would contact you at some point. I am sure you thought by 20 weeks NC he wouldn't but deep down you knew he would and maybe you wanted him too ( I totally get this by the way). So it happened - he broke - he does think about you- not enough to divorce his wife but enough to try and suck you back in- to get some fix to the high he needs to continue his day to day life. Now the question my dear is what will Poppy do?

 

I went back and read some of your posts some dating back to 2014 - Poppy you have a choice to make do you want to be back here in 2018 posting another NC staying strong string of threads? Or do you want to keep walking- keep your head high and forget the past and move forward?! Do you want to come back in 2018 talking about how amazing life is living it for yourself?

 

Thinking of you and really hoping you stay strong - do it for yourself this time! And maybe do it for all of us struggling with NC who want to see someone be successful and let us know we can move forward and live normal lives.

[BTDT2012]

"If you truly love a book, you never put it down.

Every word and line becomes part of your heart and soul forever.

When the covers are unexpectedly slammed shut, you miss the best part of your forever love story".

 

Poppy.

 

First, you are not an inanimate object to be picked up and dropped down at will. Second, I have had different favorite books at different points in my life. And I have put books down before reaching the end and never gone back finish reading to them. Let him be an unfinished book that you have no desire to complete.

 

All you will get from him is same ****, different day. Be strong.

[Cyra]

Poppy, reading his email a couple of red flags strike me instantly.

1. it is non-specific and vague - he is not telling you, i have realized i love you and dont want to live my life without you, I left my wife, moved out and was hoping if you were willing to talk. THAT would be a concrete message from a man who knows what he wants and that is you.

2. it is selfish - he sends you a sob story like that, because he is probably having a weak moment, crap time with his wife and he is missing you. He does not care about how receiving such an email is going to affect you and that it is going to mess with your mind and emotions. He only cares about making himself feel better.

3. it is manipulative - he is testing the waters, hoping he can get through to you with some quasi-romantic words and that you will come running and he will have you where he wants again.

I would ignore it completely. It does not mean anything. If he really wanted you he would send you a clear and specific message, none of this babble.

Stay strong.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Poppy, reading his email a couple of red flags strike me instantly.

1. it is non-specific and vague - he is not telling you, i have realized i love you and dont want to live my life without you, I left my wife, moved out and was hoping if you were willing to talk. THAT would be a concrete message from a man who knows what he wants and that is you.

2. it is selfish - he sends you a sob story like that, because he is probably having a weak moment, crap time with his wife and he is missing you. He does not care about how receiving such an email is going to affect you and that it is going to mess with your mind and emotions. He only cares about making himself feel better.

3. it is manipulative - he is testing the waters, hoping he can get through to you with some quasi-romantic words and that you will come running and he will have you where he wants again.

I would ignore it completely. It does not mean anything. If he really wanted you he would send you a clear and specific message, none of this babble.

Stay strong.

 

Agreed on all counts! Poppy, YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN ANYTHING THIS GUY COULD EVER PRETEND TO GIVE YOU! You are more valuable than all the stars in the sky! Keep walking! Head held high! Do it for yourself and do it for those of us following your example. Stay strong!!!

[Grapesofwrath]

Poppy: I imagine you are full of all kinds of feelings after receiving this. What do you plan to do?

 

Please remember that these are just words. Pay attention to his actions. Actions > words. Every. Single. Time.

 

It must be the time of year, because xMM emailed me, too. It's what they do. The level of entitlement and selfishness is staggering. If he really loved you, he would leave you alone and let you heal so you can find someone else. That email was designed only to serve his own purposes.

[Poppy47]

Thank you everyone for all your very supportive messages.

 

The email was sent on the anniversary of a trip we did together 6 years ago, with a photo attached.

 

Initially I got so bloody cranky I went into his Face Book for the first time since we broke up ,to see what else he had been up to.

 

He has posted about the anniversary of my dog's death, how depressed he was feeling on his birthday, also many posts about places I visited overseas.

Yesterday he posted a photo of a walk we did exactly one year ago. Many other posts relating to jokes we shared and things we did together.

 

How do I feel? Amused, objective. He is a master manipulator. He manipulated me and his wife and the rest of his family for 8 years. He no longer has the power to tug at my emotions.

 

What will I do? NADA, ZILCH, NICHTS, NOTHING. Silence is the best message to send him. However, I will go into my email and make sure any further contacts are sent to Trash folder. He has never contacted me before when we were NC.

 

It was but a hiccup in the scheme of things. I have no doubt he misses his good times.He might have genuinely loved me. Who knows???

 

One would think at 74 years of age, he would know better.

 

So onward and upward everyone...

 

Many thanks again.

 

Poppy.

[Onlywhenitrains]

Thank you everyone for all your very supportive messages.

 

The email was sent on the anniversary of a trip we did together 6 years ago, with a photo attached.

 

Initially I got so bloody cranky I went into his Face Book for the first time since we broke up ,to see what else he had been up to.

 

He has posted about the anniversary of my dog's death, how depressed he was feeling on his birthday, also many posts about places I visited overseas.

Yesterday he posted a photo of a walk we did exactly one year ago. Many other posts relating to jokes we shared and things we did together.

 

How do I feel? Amused, objective. He is a master manipulator. He manipulated me and his wife and the rest of his family for 8 years. He no longer has the power to tug at my emotions.

 

What will I do? NADA, ZILCH, NICHTS, NOTHING. Silence is the best message to send him. However, I will go into my email and make sure any further contacts are sent to Trash folder. He has never contacted me before when we were NC.

 

It was but a hiccup in the scheme of things. I have no doubt he misses his good times.He might have genuinely loved me. Who knows???

 

One would think at 74 years of age, he would know better.

 

So onward and upward everyone...

 

Many thanks again.

 

Poppy.

 

Kudos to you, Poppy!

 

Stay strong, and keep walking with your head high!!!

[Forever broken]

Yes Poppy, you are absolutely right that he may genuinely love you. Think about a quote a friend sent to me:

 

"He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn't know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn't what matters. What matters is what he's doing about it, and what he's doing about it is nothing".

 

"And if he's doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life".

 

 

The above may hurt a little, but somehow deep down it has truth in it.

[BuddyX]

Everything about that man screams Pu$$y. Wha wha wha. In a sense he's reminding you of all the lies.

 

Glad you moved on. Stay strong.

Edited October 14, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar

[aileD]

So proud of you Poppy!

[Poppy47]

Everything about that man screams Pu$$y. Wha wha wha. In a sense he's reminding you of all the lies.

 

Glad you moved on. Stay strong.

 

His email to me is about him. How I took away the best part of his forever love story. AWww. He seems to have forgotten his marriage at this point.

 

Poppy.

[Onlywhenitrains]

His email to me is about him. How I took away the best part of his forever love story. AWww. He seems to have forgotten his marriage at this point.

 

Poppy.

 

Poppy,

 

I was told a similar thing a month or so ago...something along the lines of "you were the the one who walked away from us...". At the moment when I read it, it hurt for a moment, but I realized it was just one of those manipulative tactics to lure me back into the A again.

 

Just words. Just words.

 

I didn't walk away from anything. He did. Just like most of them, if not all, always do.

 

It does t matter if he cared about me, or loved me. It really doesn't.

 

I know what I felt. That's enough.

 

I hope you stay strong, and move on! I've followed your posts around here, and you are truly a real inspiration!! Stay strong!!!

 

All the best!

[Grey Cloud]

He is making it sound like it is all some unfinished romantic love story when in in actual fact he is a coward of a man that cheats and lies to his wife. He had it GREAT for 8 years with two women to give him attention and sex.

 

He just can't deal with the reality that his cake has now disappeared. Boo hoo.

 

I bet it is driving him nuts that with all his smoke signals on Facebook and this latest email that all he hears from you is screaming silence.

 

Meanwhile you retain your dignity and your life.

[norudder]

Thanks for being an inspiration of what strength and moving on looks like !

[Southern Sun]

I get the sense Poppy that xMMs like yours DID love you...he spent 8 years with you! But it was a selfish love. He loved you for what you did for him, how you made him feel. There was little sacrifice or compromise on his part. He got to have his marriage and image and home life AND he got to have you. Pretty sweet deal.

 

But really...that isn't THE love. He wouldn't stand up for you, claim you, protect you, make you his. So that email...it's still all about him. So what, if he feels sad or lonely? What about all those years when he could have actually done something honorable? Why did he think he could have his marriage and you too? How about being a real man and choosing a lane?

 

I'm glad you are strong Poppy.

[Cloudcuckoo]

I get the sense Poppy that xMMs like yours DID love you...he spent 8 years with you! But it was a selfish love. He loved you for what you did for him, how you made him feel. There was little sacrifice or compromise on his part. He got to have his marriage and image and home life AND he got to have you. Pretty sweet deal.

 

But really...that isn't THE love. He wouldn't stand up for you, claim you, protect you, make you his. So that email...it's still all about him. So what, if he feels sad or lonely? What about all those years when he could have actually done something honorable? Why did he think he could have his marriage and you too? How about being a real man and choosing a lane?

 

I'm glad you are strong Poppy.

 

 

The point being he DID choose a lane Southern...his own...

 

Poppy, that email must have made your stomach turn over. I think you and I are of similar age, and at this time in our lives some things just don't deserve the effort it takes to be concerned don't you think?

 

You've maintained your silence, your dignity and self respect. I don't know what you think, but I would be wondering Just what possessed me to get involved with someone capable of such horse manure.

 

What a jackass.

 

Wishing you better days once again lovely.

 

Cuckoo.

[Poppy47]

Poppy,

 

I was told a similar thing a month or so ago...something along the lines of "you were the the one who walked away from us...". At the moment when I read it, it hurt for a moment, but I realized it was just one of those manipulative tactics to lure me back into the A again.

 

Just words. Just words.

 

I didn't walk away from anything. He did. Just like most of them, if not all, always do.

 

It does t matter if he cared about me, or loved me. It really doesn't.

 

I know what I felt. That's enough.

 

 

 

I hope you stay strong, and move on! I've followed your posts around here, and you are truly a real inspiration!! Stay strong!!!

 

All the best!

 

Hello Rains,

 

I did walk away from him because he told me dramatically that he will be married until his last breath leaves his body. Can't get clearer than that or more melodramatic. LOL.

 

He can only be regarded as a very dangerous joke.

 

Poppy.

[Poppy47]

He is making it sound like it is all some unfinished romantic love story when in in actual fact he is a coward of a man that cheats and lies to his wife. He had it GREAT for 8 years with two women to give him attention and sex.

 

He just can't deal with the reality that his cake has now disappeared. Boo hoo.

 

I bet it is driving him nuts that with all his smoke signals on Facebook and this latest email that all he hears from you is screaming silence.

 

Meanwhile you retain your dignity and your life.

 

If I were a malicious vindictive person, I would be gloating at this point. xMM gets extremely anxious and upset when a situation doesn't work according to plan. OCD or just SELF ENTITLED/ Dunno.

[Poppy47]

The point being he DID choose a lane Southern...his own...

 

Poppy, that email must have made your stomach turn over. I think you and I are of similar age, and at this time in our lives some things just don't deserve the effort it takes to be concerned don't you think?

 

You've maintained your silence, your dignity and self respect. I don't know what you think, but I would be wondering Just what possessed me to get involved with someone capable of such horse manure.

 

What a jackass.

 

Wishing you better days once again lovely.

 

Cuckoo.

Hello Cuckoo,

 

I didn't think anyone was as old as I am.LOL.

 

Anyway, I do understand why I got involved with somebody like him.

 

It was THE most vulnerable time of my life. Unfortunately, there was no support system for me at the time I needed it most after my husband died. In the 7 years I cared for my husband, there was little contact with the outside world. I was walking blind and stumbled.

 

He was great company in the beginning and I found it impossible to break away from him as time went on. He was a great manipulator. Yes I was complicit in his cheating and it took me 8 years to get my feet back on the ground again.

 

I feel I have turned a corner. The email he sent just seems pathetic now. I feel no compulsion to acknowledge it in any way. He seems pathetic.

 

Read and learn ladies.... a cad is a cad no matter what he writes on the computer screen. If you don't know that old fashioned term means, Google it!!!

 

Cheers,

 

Poppy.

[Poppy47]

Today I blocked XMM from my FB . We could never be friends but he always looked.

 

Gradually I have come to feel uncomfortable knowing that he is able to see what I am doing.

 

Why should he be free to look at my private life when he didn't really want to share it with me? Well, now can't!!!

 

That's something I never thought I would do. Progress to moving on.

 

Poppy.

[Miss Clavel]

:bunny::bunny::bunny: