If he's not texting you back....

[JewelD]

So when we talk about relationships and dating, it's pretty standard that if someone isn't returning texts/calls, they simply don't want to talk to you.

 

How does this apply to friends? One of my close friends is a strange texter in general. She treats it like a phone call and will ask why you haven't texted back if it's been five minutes or tell you explicity why she can't text you back at that exact moment.

 

It's changed a little bit since she got into a relationship about a year ago. She doesn't date a lot so I wasn't surprised that she's obsessed with this guy. We still talk, but there are times when I text her and she'll say "sorry, I'll have to get back to you later, its date night". But she never actually gets back to me. The last time she did it was last sunday and I waited for to text back, it's Sunday again, still nothing.

 

 

Someone told me I should just tell her but maybe I'm just a proud person. If you can't return a call or text within a week, then you don't really want to talk to me and I certainly don't want to talk to you.

 

I guess I'm just realizing at this point in my life that I haven't been so good at picking quality friends. I'm so tired of dealing with it, sometimes I think it'd be much easier to be my own best friend.

[basil67]

Text conversations are time consuming and annoying. One of my closest friends is big at messaging and to be honest, I've gotten very tired of this clunky method of communication. I'd much rather dedicate myself to a proper conversation. However this does not mean that I don't care for the person. I just don't care for the communication method.

 

Perhaps she's the type of person who'd rather catch up every now and then for a drink or dinner and actual conversation?

[BettyDraper]

Good for you for realizing that you need quality friends.

 

Reciprocity is the lifeblood of any friendship. I just ended one because she only wanted to see me or text me when her husband was out of town. I felt used.

 

A grown woman should know to return a friend's texts. It's just common courtesy.

[JewelD]

Text conversations are time consuming and annoying. One of my closest friends is big at messaging and to be honest, I've gotten very tired of this clunky method of communication. I'd much rather dedicate myself to a proper conversation. However this does not mean that I don't care for the person. I just don't care for the communication method.

 

Perhaps she's the type of person who'd rather catch up every now and then for a drink or dinner and actual conversation?

 

We've been friends since college and this is how we normally would communicate. We can't go out because I'm 2hrs away at school. I did see her a couple months ago but that was the first time in a couple years.

[JewelD]

Good for you for realizing that you need quality friends.

 

Reciprocity is the lifeblood of any friendship. I just ended one because she only wanted to see me or text me when her husband was out of town. I felt used.

 

A grown woman should know to return a friend's texts. It's just common courtesy.

 

Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'd rather be in a relationship just because I know I could have a friendship with that person. I feel like because I'm single, I'll have better luck being friends with other single women. But they don't stay single forever so I'm not sure what the best solution is.

 

It sucks because I feel so alone that I sometimes consider reaching out to past flames. But I haven't actually done it because I know that road leads to nowhere.

 

I talk to my mom and sister sometimes but there's certain things you can't tell family members. Other than that, all I've really got is my journal and my dog. Doesn't feel healthy at all.

[basil67]

We've been friends since college and this is how we normally would communicate. We can't go out because I'm 2hrs away at school. I did see her a couple months ago but that was the first time in a couple years.

 

In that case, I've got nothing. I'd say you're right about wanting to move forward without her.

[preraph]

Text conversations are time consuming and annoying. One of my closest friends is big at messaging and to be honest, I've gotten very tired of this clunky method of communication. I'd much rather dedicate myself to a proper conversation. However this does not mean that I don't care for the person. I just don't care for the communication method.

 

Perhaps she's the type of person who'd rather catch up every now and then for a drink or dinner and actual conversation?

 

This is me. But I have one friend who only wants to text or be in person. But she has been better about emailing lately, but she's doing it via text. If I only have a couple of words to say to someone, I'm not really needing to communicate. Texting is a terrible way to try to maintain a relationship of any kind.

[preraph]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'd rather be in a relationship just because I know I could have a friendship with that person. I feel like because I'm single, I'll have better luck being friends with other single women. But they don't stay single forever so I'm not sure what the best solution is.

 

It sucks because I feel so alone that I sometimes consider reaching out to past flames. But I haven't actually done it because I know that road leads to nowhere.

 

I talk to my mom and sister sometimes but there's certain things you can't tell family members. Other than that, all I've really got is my journal and my dog. Doesn't feel healthy at all.

 

I agree you need to make and hold onto some friends when you're young because the older you get the harder it is to find them.

 

Not that it's in your obvious control, but you need to pick women friends who won't just trade their friends all in for a boyfriend. When I've seen that happen, it hasn't even been because they don't want you anymore, but it's been because their boyfriend or husband gives them a hard time and it causes fights if they have other friends -- and that's isolating them and they're allowing it, which is abuse. So try to pick stronger friends who won't let some man steamroll them. But be prepared because when they have kids, that is when they really disappear on you, although if you are willing to go over there and just sit with them while they babysit, then you can maintain that type of relationship. I'm not up for much of that. I like to get out of the house, not hole up in someone else's house with their baby, although I don't mind doing a small amount of it, which you have to do when their kids are an age where it's too much trouble to take them anywhere.

 

When you have kids, if you have kids, you will end up with some mom friends you otherwise have nothing in common with, taking turns telling baby stories. My best friend had those when the kids were young, but she admits they're not "real" friends, but they're still good to have, and you never know, you might stumble onto one you had something else in common with.

 

Dogs are pretty good company. I just mostly want my girlfriends to go out to eat with and stuff like that, which I do alone a lot.

 

That friend of yours telling you it's a bad time and she'll text you back and then doesn't, that's unacceptable.

[BettyDraper]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'd rather be in a relationship just because I know I could have a friendship with that person. I feel like because I'm single, I'll have better luck being friends with other single women. But they don't stay single forever so I'm not sure what the best solution is.

 

It sucks because I feel so alone that I sometimes consider reaching out to past flames. But I haven't actually done it because I know that road leads to nowhere.

 

I talk to my mom and sister sometimes but there's certain things you can't tell family members. Other than that, all I've really got is my journal and my dog. Doesn't feel healthy at all.

 

Nothing wrong with being your own best friend. Remember that we all come into this world alone and die alone. I have kept a journal for over 20 years and it's fun to go back and reread entries from earlier periods in my life.

 

Unfortunately, most women define themselves by their romantic and familial relationships. Friends are usually put on the back burner once a romantic relationship begins.

 

While I believe that it's stupid to make friends based on whether or not they are dating someone, the sad reality is that many women tend to choose friends based on commonalities such as relationship status or whether or not they have children. Have you tried Meetup? You also mentioned being in school so maybe joining some clubs could help.

 

I would rather have a few loyal pals than a bunch of acquaintances who come in and out of my life based purely on their needs.

[JewelD]

Nothing wrong with being your own best friend. Remember that we all come into this world alone and die alone. I have kept a journal for over 20 years and it's fun to go back and reread entries from earlier periods in my life.

 

Unfortunately, most women define themselves by their romantic and familial relationships. Friends are usually put on the back burner once a romantic relationship begins.

 

While I believe that it's stupid to make friends based on whether or not they are dating someone, the sad reality is that many women tend to choose friends based on commonalities such as relationship status or whether or not they have children. Have you tried Meetup? You also mentioned being in school so maybe joining some clubs could help.

 

I would rather have a few loyal pals than a bunch of acquaintances who come in and out of my life based purely on their needs.

 

I'm in my last year of grad school. Most of the clubs/events are geared towards undergrads and the grad students here are alright, but you can't really tell anyone any of your business unless you want the entire department to know. Most of them are also in relationships/married/having kids.

 

It might be easier to connect with new people once I move back home and start working, but May feels really far away sometimes.

[BettyDraper]

I'm in my last year of grad school. Most of the clubs/events are geared towards undergrads and the grad students here are alright, but you can't really tell anyone any of your business unless you want the entire department to know. Most of them are also in relationships/married/having kids.

 

It might be easier to connect with new people once I move back home and start working, but May feels really far away sometimes.

 

It's nearly a year away so I can see why May feels far.

 

Look at Meetup. You can find a group based on your interests.

[JewelD]

I agree you need to make and hold onto some friends when you're young because the older you get the harder it is to find them.

 

Not that it's in your obvious control, but you need to pick women friends who won't just trade their friends all in for a boyfriend. When I've seen that happen, it hasn't even been because they don't want you anymore, but it's been because their boyfriend or husband gives them a hard time and it causes fights if they have other friends -- and that's isolating them and they're allowing it, which is abuse. So try to pick stronger friends who won't let some man steamroll them. But be prepared because when they have kids, that is when they really disappear on you, although if you are willing to go over there and just sit with them while they babysit, then you can maintain that type of relationship. I'm not up for much of that. I like to get out of the house, not hole up in someone else's house with their baby, although I don't mind doing a small amount of it, which you have to do when their kids are an age where it's too much trouble to take them anywhere.

 

When you have kids, if you have kids, you will end up with some mom friends you otherwise have nothing in common with, taking turns telling baby stories. My best friend had those when the kids were young, but she admits they're not "real" friends, but they're still good to have, and you never know, you might stumble onto one you had something else in common with.

 

Dogs are pretty good company. I just mostly want my girlfriends to go out to eat with and stuff like that, which I do alone a lot.

 

That friend of yours telling you it's a bad time and she'll text you back and then doesn't, that's unacceptable.

 

Yeah. My one other best friend and I stopped speaking a couple of months ago bc of her looney tune bf. In that situation, I knew he had some insecurity issues and throughout our entire friendship, she was always aware of the fact that she couldn't be alone and was desperate for a family. We were good for years throughout 2 different relationships she had. Then this dude offers her a ring after barely a year and she just lost her damn self respect and her mind. I was glad to see her go, honestly.

 

But this friend is actually a decent friend for the most part. She's very kind and just a good person overall. Her one flaw is her low self esteem. She's always really wanted to be in a relationship. To the point where she was asking out almost everyone she came into contact with when we were in school. and she would come onto guys so strong, guys who never gave any indication of interest in her. So I guess I can't be too surprised that she has put all of her eggs in one basket with this guy. I really don't think there's anything he or any man really, could do that would make her break up with him. Plus I'm sure she'll be pregnant soon. She said she doesn't want to have a baby right now but refuses to use BC or condoms so it's only a matter of time.

 

Idk, maybe I became friends with them because I used to really love the idea of being in a relationship, too. And then I had a terrible one and I just realized that I don't like being so obsessed with a person that I forget about everything else in my life. and I'm okay with ending a relationship and being single. I suppose I just thought they would eventually mature and they never really did.

 

I definitely need to find some friends with a similar mindset. I don't want to be married or have kids really before I'm 30. I've been in school almost my entire life and I really just want to experience life outside of school before I settle down.

[JewelD]

It's nearly a year away so I can see why May feels far.

 

Look at Meetup. You can find a group based on your interests.

 

I took a look at it just now. There wasn't a lot for the area. Mostly singles over 40 and Skiiers and such.

[preraph]

Yeah. My one other best friend and I stopped speaking a couple of months ago bc of her looney tune bf. In that situation, I knew he had some insecurity issues and throughout our entire friendship, she was always aware of the fact that she couldn't be alone and was desperate for a family. We were good for years throughout 2 different relationships she had. Then this dude offers her a ring after barely a year and she just lost her damn self respect and her mind. I was glad to see her go, honestly.

 

But this friend is actually a decent friend for the most part. She's very kind and just a good person overall. Her one flaw is her low self esteem. She's always really wanted to be in a relationship. To the point where she was asking out almost everyone she came into contact with when we were in school. and she would come onto guys so strong, guys who never gave any indication of interest in her. So I guess I can't be too surprised that she has put all of her eggs in one basket with this guy. I really don't think there's anything he or any man really, could do that would make her break up with him. Plus I'm sure she'll be pregnant soon. She said she doesn't want to have a baby right now but refuses to use BC or condoms so it's only a matter of time.

 

Idk, maybe I became friends with them because I used to really love the idea of being in a relationship, too. And then I had a terrible one and I just realized that I don't like being so obsessed with a person that I forget about everything else in my life. and I'm okay with ending a relationship and being single. I suppose I just thought they would eventually mature and they never really did.

 

I definitely need to find some friends with a similar mindset. I don't want to be married or have kids really before I'm 30. I've been in school almost my entire life and I really just want to experience life outside of school before I settle down.

 

Yes, you really have a lot of exploring to do in the real world before you have kids. Otherwise, it always haunts you. I can see why you'd be lonely just being away from home and in an environment where you can't really make good friends without risk. When I went to college, I didn't take it seriously, so about all I did was party and socialize with friends. Not saying that was necessarily a good thing....and I'm not friends with any of them anymore. I was for some time, though. One betrayed me and one dropped out because her man was loco and then she had kids and couldn't be bothered.

 

I made some of my friends I still have at a record store I worked at in my 20s. The common music bond held us together to some degree. It's good to try to do what you enjoy so you meet other people who enjoy the same thing. Not always possible though.

 

Why don't you approach someone there on campus but who is NOT in your grad program and just go talk to some female who looks interesting to you and who isn't already surrounded with what looks like a close-knit group. That's how I met one of my college friends. I liked she wore cowboy boots and we became instant friends because I told her I liked her boots.

 

Sit down by someone out on the campus or wherever you eat. Most women would be glad to make a new friend. But someone has to make the first move. My best friend now was quite a bit younger than me and I was leery of her because of that. We worked opposite shifts at the same place so I didn't really know her at all when she came up to me out at a music gig at a bar and just told me point-blank she wanted to be friends with me. I was leery at first, but she's been my friend now through marriage and kids and everything for decades.

 

Don't be afraid to just go talk to someone. That's usually all it takes at your age to make a new female friend. No, they won't all click, but some will. You seem so nice and level-headed and smart. I would think anyone would be lucky to have you as their friend. Good luck.

[JewelD]

Yes, you really have a lot of exploring to do in the real world before you have kids. Otherwise, it always haunts you. I can see why you'd be lonely just being away from home and in an environment where you can't really make good friends without risk. When I went to college, I didn't take it seriously, so about all I did was party and socialize with friends. Not saying that was necessarily a good thing....and I'm not friends with any of them anymore. I was for some time, though. One betrayed me and one dropped out because her man was loco and then she had kids and couldn't be bothered.

 

I made some of my friends I still have at a record store I worked at in my 20s. The common music bond held us together to some degree. It's good to try to do what you enjoy so you meet other people who enjoy the same thing. Not always possible though.

 

Why don't you approach someone there on campus but who is NOT in your grad program and just go talk to some female who looks interesting to you and who isn't already surrounded with what looks like a close-knit group. That's how I met one of my college friends. I liked she wore cowboy boots and we became instant friends because I told her I liked her boots.

 

Sit down by someone out on the campus or wherever you eat. Most women would be glad to make a new friend. But someone has to make the first move. My best friend now was quite a bit younger than me and I was leery of her because of that. We worked opposite shifts at the same place so I didn't really know her at all when she came up to me out at a music gig at a bar and just told me point-blank she wanted to be friends with me. I was leery at first, but she's been my friend now through marriage and kids and everything for decades.

 

Don't be afraid to just go talk to someone. That's usually all it takes at your age to make a new female friend. No, they won't all click, but some will. You seem so nice and level-headed and smart. I would think anyone would be lucky to have you as their friend. Good luck.

 

Yeah, I'm just a really shy person. That's probably why I've held onto such garbage friendships for so long. I was afraid of having to make new ones. But my bs tolerance level has dwindled over the past couple of years and I'm just ready to wipe the slate clean of these wack ass people and start fresh with some new people.

[JewelD]

So I got a few texts from my friend and I never responded. Then she finally asked if I was mad at her.

 

I debated on whether I was going to say anything and figured, maybe I'm being too harsh, I can at least tell her what she did since she's apparently unaware.

 

So I told her that I hadn't heard from her for 2 weeks after she said she was going to text me back later. Then she said, but we talked on the phone after that. and I was like, no we didn't. and she said, yes, we did, I was crying and at the movies.

 

That conversation was a different day before the text messaging. I'm not stupid, if we had talked on the phone, I wouldn't have been waiting for a response that entire time. So I didn't respond to her text because I don't care enough for the back and forth. But then she texts again and asks how I'm doing. Like we're just going to skate over this incident and it's NBD.

 

Ugh, people are impossible.

[Popsicle]

I think the most healthy and fulfilling way to handle this is to both have a husband/boyfriend and also same-sex friends (single and married) that you talk to and spend time with. When one disappears, and trust me, they all will at various times since they have other interests/lives, you have other relationships to that you have been nurturing and there won't be so much pressure on just the one.