Altra Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Hey guys. Just need somewhere to vent/be sad. I hope this is the correct place for this... It's been a little over 15 months since my boyfriend of four years left me for someone else. I've done pretty well with no contact (going on 7 months since I last exchanged brief words with him), but we have mutual friends and I have recently discovered that he's getting married next summer. It hit me really hard. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me -- and maybe there is, I don't know. I've been in a couple long term relationships (4+ years each) and both times, the men made up every excuse under the sun as to why they didn't want to get engaged/married (only to get engaged in their next relationship after the one ended with me). I really thought this last relationship was going to work. I was planning to get married, have kids, everything. I'm not young anymore (31). I really feel like I'm getting to the point where if I don't settle down and have kids soon, it's going to be too late to ever have a family. I recently made profiles on a few different online dating websites, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and disheartened by the entire process. I don't want to start over again. I'm trying to go into this with an open mind, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm beginning to think I'm just meant to be alone forever. Sometimes I'm okay being by myself, but other times I just get so lonely for companionship... I don't know. I just feel unmotivated to meet new people in general. But there's always that clock, ticking away in the back of my mind.... Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Altra, we all get down at times, otherwise we wouldn't visit the site. I wish I was 31 again lol. You are young my friend and have lots to offer someone, don't get dishearten with it all. It just wasn't to be with the other men but don't loose focus on you and try not to think to much of the outcome in life (family, kids, white picket fence) , this will only put stress on you. What will be will be! All you can do I've learn't is be the best you can be, love you for you. I'm lonely, yes I wish i had someone to talk too and cuddle at night, but at moment thats not the case, I accept it, but don't believe it will be forever and Im a lot older than you. I've been married, had long relationships but they didn't work. But only you can rescue you I've learn't. I keep putting myself out there and so should you, who knows what will happen tomorrow, the next day, next week, even a year from now. Stay strong, look after yourself, enjoy yourself! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 The best thing that I can say is that I know what you're feeling. Like you, I hope these feelings about starting over subside. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stemac Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I can really relate to your post, about starting all over again, I've had dates and seen a few ladies but I just wasn't into it and as for the dating sites I didn't like it at all so I deleted myself, if you feel this way I wouldn't be on them if I were you, it really isn't going to make you feel any good, as for feeling lonely yes I know and its not nice feeling at all, I miss very very much companionship but am not going to have someone just to have someone, its clearly he was not the one for you there nothing wrong with you what so ever so don't think that, I've said the same to myself I've been a very good boyfriend but people these days don't think twice about walking away, nobody wants to try anymore and work at a relationship, wish you all the best, it will get better it has too x Link to post Share on other sites
VienneseCoffee Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I know how you feel. I'm a lot older than you are (48) and divorced so I don't feel the pressure to have kids but I thought it might be nice to get re-married or be in a serious relationship someday. I've had two LTRs that lasted almost 4 years each. After this last one ended I am just really questioning the point of it all and if I have the stamina to keep trying. I've been seeing a therapist and he says for now just work on making myself happy as a single person and then I'll be happy whether anyone comes along or not. I know it's difficult though having a dream, it just gets so frustrating. I deleted myself from the dating sites too as I figure I'm probably giving off this "meh" vibe to everyone I meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I'm happy being alone. 10 months ago I was dumped. Never again. I don't want that to happen to me anymore and I honestly don't have the energy and desire to start over either. Meet people, talk, go out, meet the friends, family, set up dates etc. I'm done. Guess what? I'm happy. I still get angry. Not sad. Angry. But overall I'm happy. Do what is right and how you feel. Don't put a time line. Let it happen naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Stay strong. It might a sound like a cliche but 31 is still young. You know what you want from life and it sounds like you're very confident with who you are - not many young people can honestly say that. Another cliche but it's true - there's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't met someone who shares the same values and goals that you do. But you will. It might take a while, but it will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
reckoner Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Never forget that life can turn around really quickly. I have friends who completely changed things up in a few years time.. Don't focus on it too much. 31 is young Link to post Share on other sites
starswewillnavigate Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Hey guys. Just need somewhere to vent/be sad. I hope this is the correct place for this... It's been a little over 15 months since my boyfriend of four years left me for someone else. I've done pretty well with no contact (going on 7 months since I last exchanged brief words with him), but we have mutual friends and I have recently discovered that he's getting married next summer. It hit me really hard. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me -- and maybe there is, I don't know. I've been in a couple long term relationships (4+ years each) and both times, the men made up every excuse under the sun as to why they didn't want to get engaged/married (only to get engaged in their next relationship after the one ended with me). I really thought this last relationship was going to work. I was planning to get married, have kids, everything. I'm not young anymore (31). I really feel like I'm getting to the point where if I don't settle down and have kids soon, it's going to be too late to ever have a family. I recently made profiles on a few different online dating websites, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and disheartened by the entire process. I don't want to start over again. I'm trying to go into this with an open mind, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm beginning to think I'm just meant to be alone forever. Sometimes I'm okay being by myself, but other times I just get so lonely for companionship... I don't know. I just feel unmotivated to meet new people in general. But there's always that clock, ticking away in the back of my mind.... Don't settle and don't rush into anything. They obviously weren't right for you, but you will find someone who is right and it will probably be when you least expect it. Don't listen to that clock ticking, you're so young at 31, so so young. Give yourself time to make the right choices for you x Link to post Share on other sites
Trinity_84 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 That's funny, the one part I look forward to after a bad break-up is to start over again. I look forward to meeting someone new that piques my interest, to get to know someone and have them get to know how great I am, to feel the butterflies, to start the honeymoon phase... it's the best part of a relationship for me. The fun, careless, happy new beginnings are what make breaking up a little bit easier. Maybe if you think about it from that perspective it won't seem so daunting. It's a tired old cliche, but life *is* a journey, not a destination. Try not to focus on the end goal of a relationship when you're in them (marriage, kids, what have you), instead focusing on what you do have and the present moment, and maybe things will play out more naturally and favorably for you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) Hey guys. Just need somewhere to vent/be sad. I hope this is the correct place for this... It's been a little over 15 months since my boyfriend of four years left me for someone else. I've done pretty well with no contact (going on 7 months since I last exchanged brief words with him), but we have mutual friends and I have recently discovered that he's getting married next summer. It hit me really hard. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me -- and maybe there is, I don't know. I've been in a couple long term relationships (4+ years each) and both times, the men made up every excuse under the sun as to why they didn't want to get engaged/married (only to get engaged in their next relationship after the one ended with me). I really thought this last relationship was going to work. I was planning to get married, have kids, everything. I'm not young anymore (31). I really feel like I'm getting to the point where if I don't settle down and have kids soon, it's going to be too late to ever have a family. I recently made profiles on a few different online dating websites, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and disheartened by the entire process. I don't want to start over again. I'm trying to go into this with an open mind, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm beginning to think I'm just meant to be alone forever. Sometimes I'm okay being by myself, but other times I just get so lonely for companionship... I don't know. I just feel unmotivated to meet new people in general. But there's always that clock, ticking away in the back of my mind.... You're a practice wife. I'd be willing to bet that you're perfectly nice, have some really nice qualities as a person, you're great in the sack, loving, kind and you treat your men well. So well, in fact, that they learn something from you about how to love a person, and while you think you're building a relationship, what you're really doing is preparing them for marriage. The next thing you know, they meet someone out of the blue, you're out, the other one is in, and they fall madly in love. What you probably don't realize is that these women think they've found this perfect guy who has been like this all his life, but really, they have also fallen in love with you, the part of you that you put into them to make them marriage material. They leave you much better than when you found them, and you're a catch that doesn't seem to get caught. I have no doubt about this. Next time, don't take on a project. Find someone where all the hard prep work has already been done. Edited October 17, 2016 by LargoLagg Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts