A case of the 7 year itch?

[Wanderer J]

Hello, my name is James and I'm seeking some assistance/advice on what to do about my current situation. I have been in a marriage for under two years (in fact the 2 year anniversary is in two days as of this message).

 

As a bit of background, my wife and I met online and have been together since May of 2010, with a one month split sometime in December of 2012 where she moved back to the state of Florida after having moved from her family to live with me in Texas August of 2010. We spent around a year and a half apart while she schooled and I continued to work. I left my job and moved to Florida to be with her in June 2014. We finally married in October of 2014.

 

The first year of marriage was great, though I did go over a year without sex from my partner, I didn't speak up and she just didn't need it. Once I made mention of it about a month or two ago we began to work on our sex life again, only the problem is, sex is painful for her during intercourse, we've tried to do enough foreplay to warm up but I am not sure if it has been working.

 

One of the other issues we're having is her questioning the marriage now. Around a month ago my wife began an emotional affair with some other gentleman, she liked the feeling of being desired and exchanged numbers with a patient at her dental office which she works, it does not appear they have been in contact since my confronting her about it a week ago.

 

My wife in a nutshell is an introvert, suffers from slight "daddy issues" and has a low self-esteem, she's also self-destructive during moments of stress, she engages in coping mechanisms such as vomiting and has only been wanting to eat health food as of late instead of indulging every now and then like she used to, she also has a family history of depression and anxiety, she's seen therapists before and even was on antidepressants but hasn't been on any in quite some time now.

 

I fear for my marriage, and my wife's wellness. According to her the past year something about us has felt off. She's not sure what she wants, the other guy, me and our marriage, or just to be single because she feels she spent just about all of her twenties with me (she'll be 28 in December). Work for her is highly stressful in addition to school and this contributes to how she's been feeling. Despite this, we still engage in our daily routines, such as watching Netflix, attempting to make love and engage in intimacy, sometimes playfully teasing each other, but at the same sentiment she's been ever more distant despite my wanting to strengthen our bonds by spending more quality time with one another. She likes to just lay in bed, either streaming music, or watches one of her favorite shows on Netflix, typically preferring to be alone at times.

 

I know I can't force her into anything, and I know that this is a huge mess... But I suppose I need an unbiased opinion or assistance outside looking in. Sorry for the lengthy post.

[Just a Guy]

Hi James, I feel sorry for you after having read your post. The fact is that I am surprised that it has'nt dawned on you in all this time that your marriage is not working and that it was probably still born. A marriage which was the result of an on line infatuation is itself a big red flag to my mind. At any rate your wife flew out to be with you since late 2010 and you finally married her four years later. In all the time that you spent with her prior to getting married do you mean to say that none of the problems especially the sexual problems, did not crop up to give you a warning that things were not alright?

 

The fact is that if you have had your eyes closed for all this while to the problems that were probably hitting you in the face then you can hardly complain about them now. You and your wife are incompatible and in less than two Yeats she HSS already had an EA. She is complaining for the last one year of your two year marriage that something is off about your relationship. If you want some blunt advice then it would be to cut your losses and move on. Let your wife, who seems to have a baggage load on her back, sort out her problems and herself without dragging you along with her(in the mud kicking and screaming) because most of this baggage is something she had with her before she even saw you in her dreams. At the same time I think that you yourself have some issues which probably led you to make a series of bad decisions about your relationship, that you need to iron out by attending IC. Your best bet would be to get yourself back to Texas, get your old job back, divorce your wife as of yesterday, get IC and then after getting back on an even keel, get yourself a level headed girl with little or no baggage, marry her and settle down to a 'Happily ever after' marriage. Your current wife will only drag you to hell. Warm wishes.

[Popsicle]

OP, may I ask how old you are?

[PegNosePete]

I fear for my marriage

... what marriage?? At this point it seems you don't even have one. You have a roommate. And your roommate has a boyfriend.

 

Have some self respect man. Tell her you'll be filing for divorce tomorrow.

[oldshirt]

There is so much wrong here I don't even know where to begin.

 

For starters you have been very naïve and have had your head in the sand to a degree that is downright irresponsible.

 

You are a newly wed and went a year with no sex????

 

And then you find out she is involved with another man and you do nothing???

 

This is an unacceptable level of neglect and inaction on your part.

 

She is questioning the marriage because she is involved with another man and you have been passive shown no initiative or leadership. She has lost respect for you and women cannot desire men they do not respect.

 

You have allowed this marriage to become a roommate arrangement. I don't know if it can be turned around or not, but if it is to be turned around it is going to take a lot of hard work and heavy lifting.

[Just a Guy]

I guess James has fled the scene as he did not like the plain talk that posters here gave him. I don't think he seriously wants to sort out his situation or he would have done so a long time ago. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know something is seriously wrong with your marriage. Sad.

[Just a Guy]

I guess James has fled the scene as he did not like the plain talk that posters here gave him. I don't think he seriously wants to sort out his situation or he would have done so a long time ago. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know something is seriously wrong with your marriage. Sad.