Should I have to pay?

[lucy_in_disguise]

It sounds like you're scared to speak up because you fear he may call your bluff and proceed with the divorce. The thing is, given how unfair your arrangement is currently, divorce is not the scariest option. Remaining in this relationship without something changing drastically should be more frightening to you. You are being taken advantage of and the longer you put up with it, the harder it will be for anything to change.

 

He may talk like it out of anger, but chances are, he will not want a divorce once he considers the consequences. I think he was using divorce as a tactic to scare you into submission. He has it made right now- a wife at home taking care of his kids, doing his laundry, and paying almost half the bills while he socks away his higher paycheck. A divorce would mean child support payments, possible alimony payments, losing his live-in maid, limited ability to see the kids, and childcare arrangement headaches in the case of joint custody. Do you think a guy who plays xbox for hours every day wants these hassles? I doubt it.

[Cherry05]

OP, could you please describe here what your childcare arrangements are with your husband re: your children? Who is taking care of your children and how much is he doing in the home and with the children? I know you mentioned it in your previous thread, but apparently we are not allowed to discuss it unless you talk about it here. It might also help stave off presumptuous posts like the below:

 

Sure. =) I run an in home daycare, so that is where my children are during the day. I have 4 kids under the age of 7. I wake them up, get them dressed and take them to school, and do homework/activities with them. I care for an additional 4-5 kids a day for 50 to 60 hours a week.

 

When he gets home from work, he gets on the video game. He's usually on 4 hours +. I'll sometimes come in and try to talk to him, but he's all into the mic and doesn't listen much. So not much interaction. We go do something as a family every now and then, like movies and indoor jumps, but that's about as much interaction there is other than the occasional here and there talk with them.

 

I do everything. Cook, clean, laundry, etc...and yes he still calls me lazy. =/

[Cherry05]

That is so ridiculously cheap. Here full time day care is up to $2000/month. Out of school care, minimum $600.

 

Also here you have to pay a deposit up front, basically like with renting so you have to give a months notice.

 

Also it's the opposite here, no one looks for care for infants, because there is a year of maternity leave, but everyone is looking for out of school care for kids. At the rates you charge, I'll pay for you to fly up here, to look after my kids out of school.

 

Yes, I've learned to start taking deposits after I got stiffed. Wow. I wish I could charge that much! I'd be good to go! Haha! That'd be a way to get away. Lol.

[Cherry05]

It sounds like you're scared to speak up because you fear he may call your bluff and proceed with the divorce. The thing is, given how unfair your arrangement is currently, divorce is not the scariest option. Remaining in this relationship without something changing drastically should be more frightening to you. You are being taken advantage of and the longer you put up with it, the harder it will be for anything to change.

 

He may talk like it out of anger, but chances are, he will not want a divorce once he considers the consequences. I think he was using divorce as a tactic to scare you into submission. He has it made right now- a wife at home taking care of his kids, doing his laundry, and paying almost half the bills while he socks away his higher paycheck. A divorce would mean child support payments, possible alimony payments, losing his live-in maid, limited ability to see the kids, and childcare arrangement headaches in the case of joint custody. Do you think a guy who plays xbox for hours every day wants these hassles? I doubt it.

 

I do have a lot of trouble speaking up. When ever I do speak up about something, it almost always gets turned around on me. And then I feel like crap and whatever my issue was is never solved. I've actually come a lot farther with speaking up then I used to be and I think it's bothering him.

[BettyDraper]

I do have a lot of trouble speaking up. When ever I do speak up about something, it almost always gets turned around on me. And then I feel like crap and whatever my issue was is never solved. I've actually come a lot farther with speaking up then I used to be and I think it's bothering him.

 

He turns it around on you to avoid taking responsibility.

I'm glad that you've come farther but you need to take your assertiveness to the highest level and start setting some firm boundaries.

Nothing will change as a result.

[sandylee1]

I understand your situation. My husband and I have seperate finances. There are advantages and disadvantages to it. However, when it's gone on for so long, it's almost impossible to change.

 

I much favour the idea of each person making a percentage contribution towards household bills and having some of their own money to spend, but there are a lot of stingy men out there, who don't see their income as family income.

 

Perhaps show him a budget of your income and expenditure so he can see there is not enough left to pay what he's asking. He'd be much worse of than £167 a month if you were divorced.

[salparadise]

Ummm...Well I work a full-time job also. I work anywhere from 50 to 60 hours a week PLUS take care of OUR domestic responsibilities. More leisure time? Lol. Let's start with ANY leisure time.

 

The reality of it is, I pay for almost half the bills and don't make nearly as much as him. I sometimes struggle to get a bill paid and when I tell he says he won't help, even though he has the money. That's the reality.

 

Yea, jumping to divorce without knowing everything else that goes in is a little harsh, but it's not like there's no effort in my side.

 

 

Apparently there's another thread that I haven't seen where a lot of this is enumerated. So let's start based on the assumption that he is playing video games four hours a day, pays 55 percent of the living expenses, and has lots of extra money that you have no access to. We'll also acknowledge that he is disrespectful, dismissive and uncaring.

 

So, is he good for anything beyond the 55 percent share of expenses? Are you interested in improving/salvaging the home and marriage, or do you just want out? I think you need to decide on this and be firm in that decision because how you conduct your affairs will be different, depending. Of course you could try the former first, then switch to the latter if he won't cooperate.

 

Divorce is hard, expensive, and both usually end up worse economically... but it's so worth it to get out of a bad marriage and make a new life. If that's the route you choose then I think you'd benefit greatly to have a friend or relative who can support you emotionally and help you to stay organized.

 

I would start by getting as much information as possible about the family finances into a spreadsheet––the comprehensive budget. Make sure you have copies of important documents including his pay stubs, tax returns, etc.

 

One thing that might work for you would be to expand your in-home daycare to a fully licensed daycare business. If you're charging too little and just scraping by, you might be able to quadruple your income by scaling up and charging what it's actually worth. Where I live there are several large, legitimate daycare businesses and that's where the wealthier families prefer to place their kids. These are pretty lucrative businesses in towns where there is a good economy. If you don't live in such a town, consider moving it to a larger town.

 

Bottom line is, you have to be willing to take some risk and have a vision. The future is you. If your husband feels like an anchor around your neck and only makes you miserable, the chances of turning him into Mr. Wonderful are slim to none. Ditching the old life and starting a new one is not a comfortable thing to think about, but that's the alternative.

[Cherry05]

So I tried to sit down and have a serious talk with my husband last night about why we are so distant and having trouble communicating. My goal was to address this and everything else. I calmly asked him what he thought was the issue.

 

He said, "Well, you're selfish. You think the world revolves around you."

 

I asked how was that?

 

And he said I don't know when something is wrong with him and don't ask questions. He went on as a example that his dad who has health issues hasn't been talking to him.

 

I spoke with him about it and he told me how he felt and I told him what I thought about it. I then said, "So me not asking you what's wrong is the only thing that you feel has us like this?"

 

He said yes and that everything would be okay then.

 

I told him it wouldn't because that doesn't resolve what's bothering me.

 

He took a deep sigh and asked what's bothering me.

 

I started to tell him and then he switched it up again. "See! You don't even care what I just said!" I said, " Well just spoke about your dad and we can talk about it more, but that's not what this conversation is about. It's about what's going on with us and you're turning around. "

 

Again, he brought up that I'm selfish and don't know when something is wrong with him. I got frustrated and said "you have mood swings constantly, like a pregnant woman. When I ask you what's wrong, there's nothing wrong and you look at meach crazy. When I don't ask what's wrong, I'm a bad person. I'm not a mind reader!"

 

Well he went completely off. I hadn't heard him say that many cuss words, like ever. He started yelling about how I wasn't raised like him and his dad was in and out his life and I didn't live like him and struggle. (Mind you, I was raised by my dad and first met my mom 5 years ago). He did all this and walked away.

 

I later apologized for my pregnant comment. This is how MANY of our discussions end. He ends talking about his life and how he grew up. It has nothing to do with what the issue is and it never gets resolved.

 

Am I in the wrong here? I know this super long, but I'm at a loss.

Edited October 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added paragraphs ~6

[salparadise]

No, I don't think you are wrong. You're doing the right thing by trying to communicate. But if all he does is deflect and evade any attempt at an open, honest conversation, refuses to hear and consider what you say, then your chances of making progress are slim to none.

 

I think you should become more strategic in how you engage with him. You have to get him to hear you without triggering his defensiveness. Tell him what you feel without accusing him of being the problem. Use "I" statements and refrain from saying you do this or you do that. Ask him to hear you out before responding. Make a short bullet list of the items you want to discuss and stick to it. Gently guide the talk back on topic if he tries to take it in a different direction.

 

I wish there was something we could tell you to ensure some success, but if you can't establish effective communication then you're stuck where you are. Give it another try. Do you think he'd go to counseling with you? Having a moderator/facilitator might get it started if he'll agree.

[S_A]

If my fiance brought debt in to our marriage, I'd give whatever I had to pay it off. She would do the same for me. Sorry Cherry, but your situation sounds pretty crappy.

 

If he really wanted to be fair about splitting the money and if he really cared about not being selfish, then he would be paying a greater portion of the bills to make up for being the man in the relationship.

Edited October 14, 2016 by S_A

[sandylee1]

I believe that we should be able to share our money. I've actually had to pay bills with my credit cards because I don't have enough, leaving me with high credit usage. =( I'm constantly playing catch up and he's over here asking to pay half a cell phone bill. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm better of divorced. I mean we split everything already.

 

 

I think you would be better off divorced, especially considering that you've said this isn't the only problem. He can't tell you not to get another job overnight .... and expect you to pay health care from nothing.

 

The one major issue I've had with my H in the past, is finances. I seriously thought about divorce because of this many years ago and I can fully empathise with some things you've said here, because I was right in that situation.

 

In fact it's why I refused to have anymore children. I felt very poor and he was buoyant. Many of your words about really hit a chord with me.

 

 

My H pays the mortgage, gas/electric, phone, cable, home insurance, all utilities in the home to be fair.

 

I pay for the groceries, all the kids clothes, everything the kids need (gifts for friends birthdays), school books, uniform, childcare etc

 

We each pay for our own cell phones, vehicle insurance and vehicle maintenance and vacations are 50/50.

 

We live in the UK and have national health care ... if I couldn't afford health insurance and lived in the US, then I'd really feel there wasn't that basic love in the marriage if my H didn't pay it and I'd leave very quickly. Does he pay for the children's health care?

 

I go back to the wedding vows. What part of promising to love and cherish you is he stepping up to?

[salparadise]

If he really wanted to be fair about splitting the money and if he really cared about not being selfish, then he would be paying a greater portion of the bills to make up for being the man in the relationship.

 

Ah, this is absolutely precious!

 

Thank you for lending us your superior power of rationality and providing clarity to so many of the attitudes previously expressed.

[salparadise]

I think you would be better off divorced, especially considering that you've said this isn't the only problem. He can't tell you not to get another job overnight and expect you to pay health care from nothing. The one major issue I've had with my H in the past, is finances. I seriously thought about divorce because of this many years ago and I can fully empathise with some things you've said here, because I was right in that situation. In fact it's why I refused to have anymore children. I felt very poor and he was buoyant. Many of your words about really hit a chord with me. My H pays the mortgage, gas/electric, phone, cable, home insurance, all utilities in the home to be fair. I pay for the groceries, all the kids clothes, everything the kids need (gifts for friends birthdays), school books, uniform, childcare etc We each pay for our own cell phones, vehicle insurance and vehicle maintenance and vacations are 50/50. We live in the UK and have national health care ... if I couldn't afford health insurance and lived in the US, then I'd really feel there wasn't that basic love in the marriage if my H didn't pay it and I'd leave very quickly. Does he pay for the children's health care? I go back to the wedding vows. What part of promising to love and cherish you is he stepping up to?

 

Bucks are bucks. It doesn't matter who pays for what as long as it's equitable. I don't know why people go on and on about what else he should be paying for when we don't have a clue as to the overall financial picture.

 

All we know is that she ain't happy that he asked her to pay half of the health care cost. Then everybody jumps on and says what an awful person he is. We don't know that she's carrying a larger portion of the weight on a percentage basis. Everyone is just assuming that he's sitting on a suitcase of cash. The fact is that if money is not well managed things will probably get tight.

 

I had a similar arrangement when I was married. I paid the large bills and things that were not regular monthly such as vacations, house maintenance, car payments & repairs, car insurance, etc. She paid for electric and groceries.

 

Why? Because her checkbook balance was ALWAYS going to be zero or less before the next pay day no matter how much she started with, and I was the opposite––I could put a dollar away and enjoy knowing that I wasn't broke. It drove her crazy that I kept cash that she couldn't get to... to spend... on stuff we "needed." Funny how having a couple of bucks in her hand would create need.

 

We couldn't share a checking account because she'd write checks and not enter them, as if they never happened. But the bank still debited the money from the account and then we'd end up short for the month with an avalanche of bounced checks. We couldn't talk about money because it became too emotional for her and she'd end up with a splitting episode.

 

To make it even more complicated, I ran a business and she worked a salaried job. So my income was variable, and I needed to keep operating capitol on hand. She'd spend all of her money and then write herself a check out of my business account to get her through (without telling me, and without recording it).

 

She ran her credit cards up to the point she couldn't keep up the interest and then expected me to bail her out. Which I did three times to the tune of about $10k each time. The fourth time I said no. We divorced a couple years after.

 

Managing money is a two-person, cooperative endeavor. If you can't cooperate then the only alternative is to try and manage separately. It's not ideal but it's better than having closets full of useless ***** and no cash in reserve. Somebody has to take the lead and it should be the person who is more restrained.

 

Cherry05, I think you have to give the guy credit for taking care of the larger expenses. I understand that you don't feel you can afford the cost of health insurance, but why do you automatically think it's no big deal to him... as if he ca just make money appear out of thin air.

 

My guess is that he's not making all that much money... why? Because of the fact that you all are having to buy your own health insurance rather than it being provided by his employer.

 

Pull the numbers together and assess the overall situation and deal with it rationally. No, not S_A rationally... rationally. It might be that expenses are close to or exceeding your combined incomes. Being pissed at him won't fix that.

[sandylee1]

Sale

 

Not sure what your point was with quoting my post above TBH.

 

Bottom line is, this guy would be paying a lot more than the health care payment in a divorce. So if he had any sense he'd cough up now or regret it.

 

Seeing your wife struggle when you're well balanced isn't good at all. It's not a sign of love IMO. Child support for 4 kids and alimony figures will let him knowhe's being a real tight was.

 

A stingy mean man is awful.

[BettyDraper]

Sale

 

Not sure what your point was with quoting my post above TBH.

 

Bottom line is, this guy would be paying a lot more than the health care payment in a divorce. So if he had any sense he'd cough up now or regret it.

 

Seeing your wife struggle when you're well balanced isn't good at all. It's not a sign of love IMO. Child support for 4 kids and alimony figures will let him knowhe's being a real tight was.

 

A stingy mean man is awful.

 

It's common for MGTOW devotees to see all women as terrible money grubbers due to their bad experiences. They become stingy because they chose financially irresponsible and selfish women in the past.

 

Good husbands to provide for their families because of the primal protective instincts that males often have. My husband grew up seeing men taking care of their wives and children even when the women worked outside the home.

[Shining One]

There's way too much emotion involved in what comes down to a mathematical problem. I think Mrin has the right idea. You two need to calculate your total costs and figure out who pays what. Each person should be paying proportional to their disposable income (if I'm understanding your original agreement correctly).

 

Two other things stand out: Domestic chores and childcare. You are taking your kids to childcare. The fact that you're running the childcare business is not relevant. You're still doing the work. That is a cost he should be contributing to. The same applies to all of the housework that you do. Determine a cost for that and add it to the total costs.

 

I don't understand why so many people are bringing gender into this. It should not be a factor.

[salparadise]

Sale

 

Not sure what your point was with quoting my post above TBH.

 

Bottom line is, this guy would be paying a lot more than the health care payment in a divorce. So if he had any sense he'd cough up now or regret it.

 

Seeing your wife struggle when you're well balanced isn't good at all. It's not a sign of love IMO. Child support for 4 kids and alimony figures will let him knowhe's being a real tight was.

 

A stingy mean man is awful.

 

Because you go on at length about who pays which bills, then conclude with "... if I couldn't afford health insurance and lived in the US, then I'd really feel there wasn't that basic love in the marriage if my H didn't pay it and I'd leave very quickly." As if that preamble was somehow relevant... all you're saying is if I feel I can't afford something, then it's his problem.

 

Well, what if he can't afford it either?

 

Then you say, "A stingy mean man is awful." An entitled, demanding, irresponsible woman is awful too. I am not directing that at OP, just generally. Someone needs to do the math and figure out what is equitable. Odds are she still won't have as much money as she'd like. That's life.

 

It's like Shining One said, it's just a simple arithmetic problem. Do the math, make the adjustments, quit making it a gender issue, live happily ever after.

 

Stop with the husband is a bad person because he's a man and she wishes she had more money. Hell, everybody wishes they had more money.

Edited October 15, 2016 by salparadise

[Cherry05]

Bucks are bucks. It doesn't matter who pays for what as long as it's equitable. I don't know why people go on and on about what else he should be paying for when we don't have a clue as to the overall financial picture.

 

All we know is that she ain't happy that he asked her to pay half of the health care cost. Then everybody jumps on and says what an awful person he is. We don't know that she's carrying a larger portion of the weight on a percentage basis. Everyone is just assuming that he's sitting on a suitcase of cash. The fact is that if money is not well managed things will probably get tight.

 

I had a similar arrangement when I was married. I paid the large bills and things that were not regular monthly such as vacations, house maintenance, car payments & repairs, car insurance, etc. She paid for electric and groceries.

 

Why? Because her checkbook balance was ALWAYS going to be zero or less before the next pay day no matter how much she started with, and I was the opposite––I could put a dollar away and enjoy knowing that I wasn't broke. It drove her crazy that I kept cash that she couldn't get to... to spend... on stuff we "needed." Funny how having a couple of bucks in her hand would create need.

 

We couldn't share a checking account because she'd write checks and not enter them, as if they never happened. But the bank still debited the money from the account and then we'd end up short for the month with an avalanche of bounced checks. We couldn't talk about money because it became too emotional for her and she'd end up with a splitting episode.

 

To make it even more complicated, I ran a business and she worked a salaried job. So my income was variable, and I needed to keep operating capitol on hand. She'd spend all of her money and then write herself a check out of my business account to get her through (without telling me, and without recording it).

 

She ran her credit cards up to the point she couldn't keep up the interest and then expected me to bail her out. Which I did three times to the tune of about $10k each time. The fourth time I said no. We divorced a couple years after.

 

Managing money is a two-person, cooperative endeavor. If you can't cooperate then the only alternative is to try and manage separately. It's not ideal but it's better than having closets full of useless ***** and no cash in reserve. Somebody has to take the lead and it should be the person who is more restrained.

 

Cherry05, I think you have to give the guy credit for taking care of the larger expenses. I understand that you don't feel you can afford the cost of health insurance, but why do you automatically think it's no big deal to him... as if he ca just make money appear out of thin air.

 

My guess is that he's not making all that much money... why? Because of the fact that you all are having to buy your own health insurance rather than it being provided by his employer.

 

Pull the numbers together and assess the overall situation and deal with it rationally. No, not S_A rationally... rationally. It might be that expenses are close to or exceeding your combined incomes. Being pissed at him won't fix that.

 

I don't waste money. I rarely buy luxuries for myself, so there's that. I also said the percentage of what is paid earlier in this thread. I know there's money left over from what he pays, so there are no assumptions there. Lol. He doesn't make much money because he has to pay for it? No, he's not a millionaire, but he makes decent money.

 

Pulling numbers. I've tried that, so what's next?

[Shining One]

Pulling numbers. I've tried that, so what's next?

Can you elaborate on this? Are you saying you've tried sitting down with him and recalculating everything? If he's refusing to be cooperative in that endeavor, then I'd say it's ultimatum time. He should have no reason to refuse an audit if he believes things are fair.

 

Out of curiosity, what was the exact nature of your original financial agreement? I know you said you pay certain bills and he pays certain bills. That agreement seems unusual to me due to the volatile nature of certain bills and the stability of others.

[Cherry05]

Can you elaborate on this? Are you saying you've tried sitting down with him and recalculating everything? If he's refusing to be cooperative in that endeavor, then I'd say it's ultimatum time. He should have no reason to refuse an audit if he believes things are fair.

 

Out of curiosity, what was the exact nature of your original financial agreement? I know you said you pay certain bills and he pays certain bills. That agreement seems unusual to me due to the volatile nature of certain bills and the stability of others.

 

Yes, I've tried of number of times. He'll just keep saying do you want to pay the mortgage? But is never willing to sit down and break down everything we pay.

 

I used to give him a certain amount every paycheck for bills. It would be the same amount everytime. That'd be for all the bills, except for cell phones, since we were with different companies. I would also pay the groceries. Now, I don't have steady income, like my previous job and it would've been so much easier just to pay the expected amount each month.

[salparadise]

I don't waste money. I rarely buy luxuries for myself, so there's that. I also said the percentage of what is paid earlier in this thread. I know there's money left over from what he pays, so there are no assumptions there. Lol. He doesn't make much money because he has to pay for it? No, he's not a millionaire, but he makes decent money.

 

Pulling numbers. I've tried that, so what's next?

 

I am not implying that you waste money or are irresponsible. I was just relating my own experience to show that it's often complicated and can't automatically be reduced to "he should" or "she should" without seeing the larger picture.

 

Should is such a loaded word, but here are a few shoulds that I think are relevant. If there is extra money after the bills are paid and an appropriate amounts invested in both 401k's, then you SHOULD have some discretionary funds to spend (or save) as you see fit. If he is controlling all of the discretionary funds and leaving you with none, or very little comparatively, then you should insist that adjustments be made.

 

When you're married, the total income belongs to both... as in yours + his divided by two. It's not unreasonable for one person to take the lead in managing as long as equitable, but it should also be transparent. If you believe it's not equitable then you have the right to audit the finances and determine what the situation is.

 

If he has substantial money left after the bills are paid and refuses to give you access, or to even see the overall financial picture then you're going to have to rock the boat.

 

Divorce is your trump card, however, don't use it as an empty threat. If you brandish the D-word and he still blows you off, you will have to call his bluff or you lose. The best solution is to negotiate in good faith.

 

If it's actually that bad already, refusal to negotiate, and the relationship is otherwise not good (as you've suggested), then why not go ahead and have him served? If he's denying you health insurance based on trying to extract money that you don't have, while he has plenty... I'd say that's where you're at.

 

The third option––make finances equitable, plus love-honor-cherish––may not be possible. If not, what would you do––remain in a miserable situation or nuke it? If you divorce and keep the kids I guarantee you'll get half... more like two-thirds.

[clia]

Yes, I've tried of number of times. He'll just keep saying do you want to pay the mortgage? But is never willing to sit down and break down everything we pay.

 

I used to give him a certain amount every paycheck for bills. It would be the same amount everytime. That'd be for all the bills, except for cell phones, since we were with different companies. I would also pay the groceries. Now, I don't have steady income, like my previous job and it would've been so much easier just to pay the expected amount each month.

 

Why did you change the way you were doing things?

 

Why don't you break down everything on your own in a spreadsheet and put it in front of him? That way you can both see the totals and how much each of you are paying and start the negotiation from there.

[LargoLagg]

I don't really understand the proportionate share thing at all. In a business partnership, the partners don't split up the bills and one pays for phone and the other for the lights. They deposit all of their money into a single account, the partnership pays what needs to be paid, invests what needs to be invested, and the partners then take their proportionate share of what's left over. The money belongs to the partnership, not the partners, no matter who earns how much.

 

So, really, there should be a single household account (the family), all of the income is deposited there, all the common bills are paid from the commingled money, and then, each spouse gets an allowance to spend as they will after the family has saved whatever money they wish to save. That money goes into one or more separate accounts.

 

Should one spouse get more because he earns more? Maybe, but that's up to them.

 

To me, this would be like designating that H owns the living room, dining room, garage and all the basements, and W owns the hallways and the bathrooms. It's ludicrous. I pay this and you pay that is an arrangement that lays the groundwork for endless dissatisfaction, disagreement and renegotiation.

 

I also agree that this arrangement has to be symbolic of other things going on in this marriage.

[Cherry05]

I could try and do it myself, but I doubt he'll listen. The deadline has passed and since I said I don't think I could pay the amount every month because my income is unpredictable, he didn't sign me up for the insurance.

 

This type of agreement started when we first moved in together. I never had a problem with it then, because we didn't have kids and he was giving ALOT of money to his mom. I would've been pissed knowing my money was being given to her. Someone who could work just like me, but that's another story. I really don't know how it changed. He suggested it, but it isn't working anymore. My job has changed in the meantime.

[joseb]

At this point, I can't really say a lot, except that he loves his kids. I like when we got along every now and then, but that's really becoming rare. I feel like I'm mainly just in it for the kids.

 

Even putting the whole money thing aside, this reply tells me you need to divorce.