Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 It's a habit like any other but I am with you. Moving to self employment and working at home has been a huge adjustment. I am trying to create a schedule but it is tough. It basically revolves around the kids schedule. My diet is eh and the gym, eh. To give credit where credit is due, my H cooks for me. I think he is making me a bowl of vegetable for dinner tonight. Otherwise, I'd eat crap all the time. LS is an addiction as well. I actually bought a TV to play while I work. It helps keep me off the internet. Meds definitely make you fat. I hated being on them. I've become like a man in that regard as well, it happened when I hit 42 and changed my diet. We gave up flour and sugar, they kill the libido. It's also why I knew it would not work with xmm. Who could go 3 years without it? I can barely go 3 days. HAHAHA I hear you.....The longest I had ever gone before all this madness separation and A. Was 2 weeks and I was dying. Now three months. As I said in a different post, AP and I "everything but actual sex "....So up until a couple months ago the last time we had actual sex was a year ago....It temporarily alleviates, but it's not enough.........ugh another reason on top of many why I should get out of A!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I bought a lot of clothes too, dresses - and flats since he is short (haha). After it ended, I bought all these 4 inch heeled boots and shoes. I'm 5'10. You should see me in 4 inch heels. LOL I'll step on ya. Maybe it's too much wine but I am literally LOL here!! Since we are on the topic I am tall too and have done some modeling at 33 I still am sporting the looks .. xmm is going bald and not cute. He has a personality that draws you but when my friend met him she literally smacked me. Talk about affair goggles Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Oh hcbm! We actually went shopping for underwear which she would 'model' later........ How much more of a clichéd affair situation could you get!!! I shudder with embarrassment and shame now.... It just seemed like such good fun at the time! Ugh I did so mAny things for him. Not anymore !!!! I am doing things for my family and for me now. I sent some very sexy pics to my husband last night. It felt good Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Maybe it's too much wine but I am literally LOL here!! Since we are on the topic I am tall too and have done some modeling at 33 I still am sporting the looks .. xmm is going bald and not cute. He has a personality that draws you but when my friend met him she literally smacked me. Talk about affair goggles Totally. I have two male friends who know both of us and they told me they really questioned my judgement. One got it though, ugly fat short guys, they lay it on thick with lonely women. They have nothing else so they try really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 HAHAHA I hear you.....The longest I had ever gone before all this madness separation and A. Was 2 weeks and I was dying. Now three months. As I said in a different post, AP and I "everything but actual sex "....So up until a couple months ago the last time we had actual sex was a year ago....It temporarily alleviates, but it's not enough.........ugh another reason on top of many why I should get out of A!!!! Sunshine, you are separated right? Why are you not out there dating and doing whatever and whoever you want? And what are we 15? Who wants everything but the actual sex. Pul-lease. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I don't know if it was an addiction or not. I loved the excitement and the sex with different woman for sure. I never had the deep emotions that a lot of people had, but I loved the excitement. I will say that I am more relaxed and calmer since I started running around, just not as much stress, which is good for me. I am actually excited about my wife and I falling in love again as corny as it sounds, and our sex was always great when the marriage was good. So for me it is just a win win situation for me to be done with all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 Sunshine, you are separated right? Why are you not out there dating and doing whatever and whoever you want? And what are we 15? Who wants everything but the actual sex. Pul-lease. OMG. MB. U are killing me tonight.....haha right? I swear in this "relationship" it is like I'm 15 again.... I can't I'm just not ready. I don't want to be in a actual relationship right now. Somebody in another post (I can't remember which one) Said something about well maybe she OW was using MM as well. That's how I feel. I'm seperated and although papers filed not actually divorced yet. Like I mentioned I have my kids work and school. That takes up my time alot. MM, provides emotional support encouragement, distraction I need. And yes although it's not everything....he always leaves me satisfied....many times over if you know what I mean. I've always relied on a man for everything. I'd like not to. Im extracting myself slowly, snail pase but slowly. Two steps forward and one back. I'm not healthy, mentally emotionally so being in a relationship not a good idea. And as much as I love sex and enjoy it. I can't just hook up for the sake of hooking up. It does not satisfy. Like eating jack n the box when you really want steak. I'm also trying to work more on myself. At the core my issues, intimacy issues and abandonment self worth. Sounds counter productive right....but that's where I am. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) The thing is I believe most not all but most relationships are a reflection of ourselves (esp romantic relationships) we pick partners: AP or spouses based on this. We are trying to subconsciously heal or reinforce past hurts, past damages. It's why children of alcoholics marry alcoholics. Abusers and Co dependents. Women w daddy issues who marry or date much older men. On and on. But unless you actually deal w those things and know what the problems are you will continue to repeat the same patterns. Healthy or unhealthy. Case in point.....stbxh very much unhealthy patterns and behaviors of my mom. MM very very much representation of my dad (not the sexual the rest) It's alot of psycho babble, but it's helping me to work on the inner stuff I need to work on. Edited October 11, 2016 by Sunshinechica Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 I don't know, I've always thought in many cases, ones like yours that the women are punishing themselves by constantly seeking a man they know will mistreat and use them. So in that sense I think one could view it as self harm. I mean honestly, who actually believe the cock and bull that most of this men spew forward? I've rarely encountered a dull MW/OW on this site, all have been sharp, intelligent and insightful....except for.... Was this a jab at me? If it was intended as that, all I can say is you don't really know me or anything about me. Other than what I post here on this forum. It does not however encompass all of me. Or give a whole picture of who I am. Only a partial view... I do however agree with this...... I've always thought in many cases, ones like yours that the women are punishing themselves by constantly seeking a man they know will mistreat and use them. . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Was this a jab at me? If it was intended as that, all I can say is you don't really know me or anything about me. Other than what I post here on this forum. It does not however encompass all of me. Or give a whole picture of who I am. Only a partial view... I do however agree with this...... I've always thought in many cases, ones like yours that the women are punishing themselves by constantly seeking a man they know will mistreat and use them. . No jab, ive never attacked anyone personally. I was saying except for the affair Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 No jab, ive never attacked anyone personally. I was saying except for the affair Oh...ic...I understand....sorry lack of sleep, fight w ex this am and intense therapy session has me in defensive/fight mode today. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 So where are you with everything? You talked a lot about different things but where are you overall? Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 OMG. MB. U are killing me tonight.....haha right? I swear in this "relationship" it is like I'm 15 again.... I can't I'm just not ready. I don't want to be in a actual relationship right now. Somebody in another post (I can't remember which one) Said something about well maybe she OW was using MM as well. That's how I feel. I'm seperated and although papers filed not actually divorced yet. Like I mentioned I have my kids work and school. That takes up my time alot. MM, provides emotional support encouragement, distraction I need. And yes although it's not everything....he always leaves me satisfied....many times over if you know what I mean. Well, no. 5 months with mm and he barely touched me. It was all about him and his sexual needs. I guess I am relating the two and they are nothing like each other. However my H is like that, so yes, I do understand. I would still just try and meet other people. I could throw a rock and hit 5 guys who would sleep with me (not being egoistical, just saying). I'd rather a bunch of f*ck buddies who did not upset me emotionally than to have a sexual relationship with mm (assuming it worked) Wouldn't it be better to just meet someone new? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 So where are you with everything? You talked a lot about different things but where are you overall? Can I say that I don't really know? Is that a valid answer? I'm very very tired, physically, emotionally, mentally.... I'm trying to distance myself from MM as much as I can. I'm not ready to let fully go that is the honest truth. The more I think about things the more I see I'm "alot" like the MM I and many OW complain about. I'm a mess, truly a mess....all the things, pains, fears, issues that I have tried to suppress for so long are coming to the surface. So kids, work, school, therapy....it's where I am... Does that answer your question? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 Well, no. 5 months with mm and he barely touched me. It was all about him and his sexual needs. I guess I am relating the two and they are nothing like each other. However my H is like that, so yes, I do understand. I would still just try and meet other people. I could throw a rock and hit 5 guys who would sleep with me (not being egoistical, just saying). I'd rather a bunch of f*ck buddies who did not upset me emotionally than to have a sexual relationship with mm (assuming it worked) Wouldn't it be better to just meet someone new? Ya...maybe. my friends want me to date. Set me up online etc.. Guys at wrk constantly tease me I just need to get out there "get the first one out of the way" in ref to me being seperated. People have always suspected something between MM and I. But nothing confirmed. Women more so than men. The truth is better the monster you know than the one you dont.....you know? Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Can I say that I don't really know? Is that a valid answer? I'm very very tired, physically, emotionally, mentally.... I'm trying to distance myself from MM as much as I can. I'm not ready to let fully go that is the honest truth. The more I think about things the more I see I'm "alot" like the MM I and many OW complain about. I'm a mess, truly a mess....all the things, pains, fears, issues that I have tried to suppress for so long are coming to the surface. So kids, work, school, therapy....it's where I am... Does that answer your question? I understand you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 Want to add... MM always makes sure I am "taken care of sexually" even if he is not... exH would turn me down. Standing in front of him naked coming onto him (it was his way to punish me, emotionally) I don't think he always did it consciously but he admitted as much in MC I've always had low self esteem, but by other people's standards. I'm attractive. I see the way men look at me the way they were attracted to me....but to be rejected over and over at your most vulnerable.....its really hard to make sense of things. And get over that. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Want to add... MM always makes sure I am "taken care of sexually" even if he is not... exH would turn me down. Standing in front of him naked coming onto him (it was his way to punish me, emotionally) I don't think he always did it consciously but he admitted as much in MC I've always had low self esteem, but by other people's standards. I'm attractive. I see the way men look at me the way they were attracted to me....but to be rejected over and over at your most vulnerable.....its really hard to make sense of things. And get over that. We all have low self esteem. That is why we are on an affair board. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your ex, mine was gross and weird, put me down too, but there are other options out there. There are not alot of prince charmings but there are definitely guys who will be a decent lover and at least be single. I promise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 We all have low self esteem. That is why we are on an affair board. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your ex, mine was gross and weird, put me down too, but there are other options out there. There are not alot of prince charmings but there are definitely guys who will be a decent lover and at least be single. I promise you. Yes... thank you. Something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
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