WifeofaSingleguy Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Long and short.My husband is Muslim and I am American and 11 years older than him.We live in a society where children are considered both an automatic result of marriage and proof of a mans virility.After 8 years of trying to concieve and his constant assurance that he loved me and would never part with me I agreed to him having a second wife.Turns out the joke was on him and his beloved was also married.He waited for her to divorce for a year before realizing it wasnt going to happen.They now have pretty much a sex only affair.In some craziness he got involved with another married woman.He doesnt keep much from me but my consent was conditional on marriage and for the sake of him being a father.He has now pretty much become a human sex doll.Whenever one of these women calls off he goes to provide their needs to the point of having little or no energy for me.Yet he says he loves me and cant live without me.I love him and have sacrificed a great deal for him but this id not what i signed up for.With the complication of polygyny being acceptable in his country he has gone beyond its boundaries of fairness and decency.These relationships cannot result in children as they are both married.I have been shredded emotionally for a year trying to accept another wife.Now I find myself in a whole other situation.Im hurting on so many levels. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I have been shredded emotionally for a year trying to accept another wife.Now I find myself in a whole other situation.Im hurting on so many levels. Why haven't you left him? What are you getting out of the arrangement? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Ofcourse he says he loves you and can't live without you. You're the only wife he has. By the looks of things, if you divorced him, he'd have no wife. And his aim of having MANY WIVES is falling back to zero. Obviously this could be a cultural difference but he's still being a cheating husband AND an AFFAIR partner to married women. Wow. Not a prize! Find ways to get home. Leave and divorce is the only way you'll get any self respect back. Best wishes and I'm very sorry you're here, Lion Heart Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Why would he pick a married woman if this additional woman is to provide a child? Why not a younger single woman? Why did you agree to this arrangement? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 I've spoken to many women over the years form cultures where a man is permitted to have more than one wife. I have never heard from one of them that they found the arrangement to be a happy one for them, or even benign. In every case, they hated in, but felt trapped by the norm. Just because a culture views something as acceptable doesn't make it okay. Based on what you say, your husband isn't sleeping with other women to have a child, he's just using that as an excuse to have extramarital sex, and since he knows they are married, he knows he will never have a child this way ( unless he gets one of them pregnant, and in that case, they will probably just pass off the baby as their husband's). He's using his "culture" as an excuse to treat you badly. Just as you accepted his norms when you married him, so he accepted yours, and if one of them is not having him be the town bicycle, then he needs to either stop what he's doing or divorce so he can sleep around as much as he likes. btw, if his rationale for seeing other women is so he can have a child, then by that logic, shouldn't you be able to sleep with other men so you can have a child? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) divorce him Edited October 11, 2016 by road 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Ummmm..you agreed to him finding a second wife, not sleeping with a married woman. This is just cheating. Why are you putting up with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Guildford Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 OP - have both you and your husband been tested to see who is blocking the conception of a child? Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 In cultures where polygamy is acceptable, it is generally not also acceptable to sleep with another man's wife. He is playing both ends against the middle. To use LS language, he is a cake-eater. What options exist for you in terms of divorce? I'd say, in this case, you are better off back in the States as a divorced woman than to be subjected to this kind of pain and humiliation in your current situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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