The_Onceler Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Perhaps you're right. But you know what my 5 year old son said to me last night? "_____ (his name) is better than you daddy". Broke my heart. I have to echo what KB said. Your son is 5. When your son says "So-and-so is better than you, daddy", what does that really mean? (1) Perhaps your son means that the other guy was more fun than you, at that moment in time. That could be true without saying anything negative about you. Sometime I am the fun one in our family, sometimes it is their mother. That changes all the time. (2) Perhaps your son likes having a male and female adult at home, because it reminds him of the times before the split. So, he is not saying that the other guy is better than you, but that he likes a family situation better than a single-parent situation. That makes sense. But most likely, what they would most like is if you and their mother were together and happy. That is the dream of every child of divorce, nearly. (3) Perhaps he heard your mother say this, or something like it, to the new guy. I can think of a thousand reasons why a woman in her position might say this to the new man. Whether it would be appropriate for her to say is another question. But if she were to say, "<new guy>, I am so much happier now with you in my life" - your child might well parrot that back to you saying "<new guy> is better than you." Regardless, kids will say many hurtful things to you, intentionally and otherwise. I know that I said hurtful things to my parents when I was a teen. As a parent, you just have to realize that, underneath it all, your children almost certainly love you, totally and completely, no matter what their words might say. Just keep on being their dad, and try to be the best dad you can! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 All true. But for the OTHER party, they don't always think that way. YOU may be the mature one who doesn't engage in pissing contests, but THEY will still piss all over you. Sure they will, isn't that part of the issues that led you to divorce in the first place? It was for me. I'm only in charge of me so I'm going to worry about applying my standards to my life. That's the behavior I want to model for my kids and I'll let the chips fall from there... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 Perhaps you're right. But you know what my 5 year old son said to me last night? "_____ (his name) is better than you daddy". Broke my heart. Is it possible Radarsat that your attention and emotions are diverted elsewhere when you're with your kids? When married, I was a lousy Dad in this sense (and perhaps an equally lousy husband), put a lot of focus on things that in hindsight weren't so important. Ironic that it took divorce to teach me to really be "there" with my son, enjoying his company and our time together. When I got remarried and had more kids, got tremendous enjoyment from turning off the TV, phone and computer and just playing with them. Didn't want to make the same mistake twice... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Radarsat Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 Thanks for all the support. I will try to forget the pain and focus on the children. They do tell me they love me still, but I wonder if it's just something they say because I tell them I love them. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts