Thebob Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Why on weekends and such I get super depressed and it's been closer to three months when I've been the one doing the no contact? I literally haven't reached out or responded once to her 5 attempts. but I feel like I'm going backwards and every date I judge the crap out of girls that I go on. I still sleep with them but it just makes me depressed after. Any advice would be nice. I made a rule though that if she goes and reaches out one more time I will say something cause I can't ignore someone permanently especially if no cheating or awful breakup occurred especially after dating for 3 years and living together for 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 What did she write in those 5 attempts when she reached out? What were the circumstances surrounding the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted October 10, 2016 Author Share Posted October 10, 2016 1. Was when she was movin all her stuff and I moved it from the couch to the front door so she got mad at me for doin that. I was letting her use part of my closet as space cause NY apartments are so small and I took some stuff back that I didn't feel were hers that she included. 2. She wrote a love letter when she first was movin out hoping I find someone else and sorry that she couldnt be who I wanted and that she'll always love me crap. (But I kno she saw a used condom in the bedroom trash can so she probably wrote it cause she was sad about that) 3. For security deposit and within the message hoped we could talk for closure and such. 4. On her bday when some mutual friends didn't show up cause it was a Monday night and regular people have to work so she blamed me that I turned them against her. (I never did) 5. Chelsea bombings and checked in to see if I was there and hoped I was ok. ( probably the weakest attempt at a convo starter since I never go to Chelsea) that was 3 weeks ago and haven't heard from her since. 6. Someone changed my match.com profile completely to things she didn't like about me so I am pretty sure it was her. And we broke up because I work 60-70 hrs a week and after work I'm too exhausted to go to concerts and such that end at 12-2. I get up at 6:30 everyday so sleepin 3-4 hrs I just can't do. So overtime she felt I was unappreciative and had a lot of anxiety problems. Wanted more date nights than the 1-2 we did every other week/week. She felt she was trying harder even though we moved here for her music career in which she never really pursued and it irritated me on why we came to NYC then in the first place. It was a ton of nit picking little things like cleaning, doing chores over the weekend (the same ones), going to same places near house. She doesn't work as much as me and I always told her that I'm saving up for us and our future if we ever have kids so we are financially stable, but she didnt really get that cause she is more of a in the moment kind of girl. All these reasons sound so lame and can be fixed which I tried but wasn't ever good enough. And I also hated how she got when she was Drunk. She became unsensitive towards my feelings about when guys would chat her up and she simply couldn't walk away cause she is way too friendly and hates hurting people's feelings, so we fought a lot about that. Anyways all of this made me pull the straw when we broke up over FaceTime and have avoided her since but I'm starting to feel super bad now. Idk why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) maybe it's just an emotional hump thatll go away. Edited October 11, 2016 by Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 Why is it getting harder to do NC The farther you go in the breakup? She has contacted me 5 times, but I refused to contact her back. Everyday though I constantly stop myself from not doing it even though I am sleepin with other girls. Doesnt make any sense, It should be the reverse effects right? The breakup wasn't cheating/ lying or anything of that sorts, just a bunch of little things adding up over the 2 years of living together. Any suggestions would be gladly accepted. Should i contact her back? Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Im around 70 days NC. Look, generally most say that the 2 - 3 month stage is the peak of the pain. Why, its quite simple. The first month or so isn't as bad because your surviving off the temporary fix you got from the last contact. At 3 months, your well into the grieving cycle and haven't had a fix (i.e. contact) for quite long so you are totally cold turkey right now. the 30 day NC rule (on other sites) is pretty silly because most people haven't advanced very far in the grieving cycle in 30 days. The first 30 days is a mixture of denial and living off the fix of the last contact. Its totally normal. Give it another month and I think you will see things turn around in your favour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 My question is why haven't you blocked her email or phone number or even better, change your phone number. What's holding you back from fully cutting the cord? It takes time to get over a relationship. It's doubly hard when you're allowing any contact from the ex. Again, BLOCK her, change your number, etc. You don't need to be tempted. And no, don't have any further contact w/her. You'll only rip the scab off your healing wounds and start all over again. Keep dating and enjoying you life. Time passing w/no contact heals the wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 You need to block. It's great you've not responding, but by leaving the door open for her texts to reach you, you've effectively been the person on the diet who's got cookies still stashed in the cupboard. Don't count the days, either. Doing so for the first 30 days or whatever is fine, but after that, you really risk making your life all about how long it's been since you contacted them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thebob Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 I did snapchat/instagram/facebook/ facebook group/ Deleted her friends and family/ had my friends and family delete her/ untagged every picture but one/ Threw away everything that reminds me of her/ even bought new pillows so they don't smell like her and comforter/ i tried phone but i have her number memorized so that doesnt matter. I feel like what Im doin though is extreme for the kind of breakup this is. No one did anything worth exiling someone from our life. But i guess in general if this is the best way to get over someone it has to be done. Also it isn't like she bugs me on the phone its just check ins i feel like and the love letter was complete unexpected, but i guess i just have to keep waiting till this pulse of emotions goes away because they come back so randomally. Some weeks im amazin and others they suck. Link to post Share on other sites
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