Back togther. Trust issues and unclear

[Ash_cad]

So just a quick background of my relashionship with my ex

 

* Together for 4 years

* We moved together over seas

* Happy lots of good memories

* no cheating during the relationship

* went to visit her family and we broke up while she was back home over mutliple small issues ( white dumb lies on her end, Commitment issues on my side as I was married and divorced, She felt the need to improve herself and she things she was never enough for me I come from a wealthy family and got my **** together at really young age owning multiple companies all self built, Educated and traveled the world, She always felt insecure in a way around me although never gave her that feeling

* im 31 she is 24 now

* we had bunch of fights and on and off talking from April till mid august

now we are back together talking and we are planning for her to come back after Xmas

* we planned to meet in Vegas for her Birthday but she kept giving excuses or what it sounded like excuses to me then her Grandmother died closer to her bday date so she had a ligit reason to call it off.

 

 

here is my issue, During the break up came to my attention she was out partying, Flirting and talked to couple of guys although she swears she didn't have any sexual flings was just trying to fill a void but the stories dont add up at all something is missing I feel. So I decided to let the past in the past and try to start fresh. we back lovey dovy both invested some days are good some days are ok. But Im questioning all her moves some them are sketchy such us phone turned off alot lately always out of charge. we lived together so i know her patrons of sleeping she never slept at 9 PM and her phone either she doesn't answer or its switched off mind you she never turned it off during our 4 years. always the excuses is out of charge. I understand she is going through rough time with her grandmother thing and the fact she is getting things sorted out to move back across seas to be with me. I know all the above not easy Im having alot of doubts and trust issues, We often fight and always she pulls that card I cant do this relationship its too stressful and all the bs. I leave her alone for few hours she calls crying and apologizing telling me I always push her to limits and she wants nothing from this world just to be with me and I have to trust her. after getting back i feel im kind of hidden and to be exact on her social media ( its petty but its a red flag) no mention of her have a bf she wants nothing to do with me in public kind of thing saying its not the time for it with all whats going on .. she use to post us everyday pics from around the world and tags me on pics and things like that

 

I love her, I have no doubt she loved me but I see a changed person she is holding back too much and gets very aggressive when I try to question her.

mostly she talks about how we will get married kids, and how we should redesign my villa that I currently have and shows me pictures of rings. like I dont see our old reshipping feels more she just want to get married and thats it plus I feel she is hiding something

 

 

too much thinking, I might be over thinking but my guts feeling tells me something is wrong but I have no proves or evidences

 

Im so lost

[BluesPower]

First off she is 24? That is kind of young but we will just go with it.

 

So you come from money and have quite a bit yourself? OK. When did all the intelligence that you used to make all that money go out the window? Did you spend your youth just working like and dog and you have not had any real relationships with a woman?

 

There are a ton of women that want to be married to a rich man and want to live the lifestyle with him but have several "bad boy lovers" on the side. I am not saying that is for sure the case here, but it does not look good.

 

There are also, wonderful women out there that are together and not gold diggers. I think you need to look for one of those.

 

There are a lot of red flags with here a lot.

 

If you want to know, charge her phone and check her texts and see what is up. Don't have the password? That's a problem.

 

I am not going to give any absolutes here, but I think you are playing the fool.

 

You really need to dump her and find a woman that you can trust...

[Ash_cad]

First off she is 24? That is kind of young but we will just go with it.

 

So you come from money and have quite a bit yourself? OK. When did all the intelligence that you used to make all that money go out the window? Did you spend your youth just working like and dog and you have not had any real relationships with a woman?

 

There are a ton of women that want to be married to a rich man and want to live the lifestyle with him but have several "bad boy lovers" on the side. I am not saying that is for sure the case here, but it does not look good.

 

There are also, wonderful women out there that are together and not gold diggers. I think you need to look for one of those.

 

There are a lot of red flags with here a lot.

 

If you want to know, charge her phone and check her texts and see what is up. Don't have the password? That's a problem.

 

I am not going to give any absolutes here, but I think you are playing the fool.

 

You really need to dump her and find a woman that you can trust...

 

 

Here is some answers that will spin you around for a bit.

 

Yes I worked hard during my youth but I partied lot harder more like a rock star.. she knocked of my feet some how!

 

I cant have her phone she is back home in a different country.. when we were together we had no passwords phone always there Facebook and all was open. When we get a flirt message we always laughed off and answer it together. More me than her

 

Everyone thinks she is a gold digger but here is a twist. 2 years ago My business crashed due to some bad calls on my behalf then a Tax issue and gambling issue added to that. left me broke and over 1.2 millions in debt. everyone walked away on me including my family and best friends. guess who stayed on my side while I was feeling **** about myself and almost killed myself ? she did not only that she pushed me back on my feet worked hard with me to look in to papers and find away out. a year after I was back better than before using some old connections and re-structuring all my companies and came back 10 times better than before. if she was a gold digger she wouldve walked away! no one can fake that much loyalty or fake love for 4 years! always been loyal never had red flags.

 

So wanting a bad boy lover shouldn't be the issue I don't sound full of myself but Im good looking still young educated and I have pretty decent personality and that was part of her insecurity issues because she knows I can find any girl I want in 2 mins but always made it clear that I want her and only her.

 

another twist. Her original and her biggest reason of her saying she wants to break up is my life style ( lots of dinning, Parties, traveling, social appearances etc) we are never home basically. and when we are home she doesnt do anything as we have a maid, so she comes from a country side background kind of thing ..shes used to do things her self, used to lot simpler life, she felt she is under pressure all the time that she has to look her best dressed up and dolled up every night, She enjoyed the traveling at the start then she said she never gets a break just to stay home and relax and my life style puts too much pressure on her.

another thing because all of the above she was really feeling down that she is not bringing anything to the table because she cant work due to all the traveling and felt worthless without a job and it didnt feel right that Im taking care of everything. right after we broke up she got a job in a factory in the middle of no where just to prove a point and she still work there. and told me she been feeling good ever since she worked and earned her own money.

 

 

SOOOOO far from being a gold digger... Thats why Im lost between the past her and the present her and I Wanna know if Im only over thinking or there is something wrong

Edited October 12, 2016 by Ash_cad

[BluesPower]

Maybe you are right. Then why post if you are "Sure" about her.

 

I guess you should get married and see what happens.

 

It may work out great. Just be careful.

 

Also, helping a race horse get better so he can will more money is not always a bad bet.

 

Good luck though...

[Ash_cad]

Maybe you are right. Then why post if you are "Sure" about her.

 

I guess you should get married and see what happens.

 

It may work out great. Just be careful.

 

Also, helping a race horse get better so he can will more money is not always a bad bet.

 

Good luck though...

 

 

I was sure about her back then. Not sure about her now the break-up put a dent to the relationship and I dont want to regret getting back together the first break up was harsh on both sides. Thats why im seeking advice and In-put from someone mutual

[lolablue17]

Your guts tell you something is wrong. You feel the red flags. When someone tells me "you have to trust me" i'm starting to have trust issues immediately.

 

When she comes back, if you can dismiss it as "it's the past" then do it. If it was me, I couldn't have done that. I would have risked my relationship with her, trying to find what's really going on, Telling her I know she crossed the line, I don't trust her and because she wasn't honest, than it's a good bye. and observing her reactions. But I don't say my way is the better way. I just know myself and there are things I can't let go of.

 

Do your thinking, and figure out according to your personality. You should realize, that her inferiority feelings and insecurity is not a small issue. My long experience tells me that many cheating stories are because of that reason, when the cheaters use it as an excuse.

 

She should feel comfortable with her status after all those years, and if she's not, well, you have a problem.

[basil67]

She is also having grave concerns about you. The "card" you mention that she pulls...the "I can't do this relationship etc". It's not a card. It's not BS. She's truly at breaking point but doesn't have the courage or self worth to leave you. If the two of you are fighting as much as you say, of course she'd be having second thoughts about the relationship. She'd be a fool to not have reservations.

 

She's got one foot out the door.

[Ash_cad]

Your guts tell you something is wrong. You feel the red flags. When someone tells me "you have to trust me" i'm starting to have trust issues immediately.

 

When she comes back, if you can dismiss it as "it's the past" then do it. If it was me, I couldn't have done that. I would have risked my relationship with her, trying to find what's really going on, Telling her I know she crossed the line, I don't trust her and because she wasn't honest, than it's a good bye. and observing her reactions. But I don't say my way is the better way. I just know myself and there are things I can't let go of.

 

Do your thinking, and figure out according to your personality. You should realize, that her inferiority feelings and insecurity is not a small issue. My long experience tells me that many cheating stories are because of that reason, when the cheaters use it as an excuse.

 

She should feel comfortable with her status after all those years, and if she's not, well, you have a problem.

 

 

Well said. Im doing my thinking. we had another conversation yesterday. She said she will try harder to feel comfortable with life style and be more understandable of the status. And she loves me, Nothing will stand in our way blah blah.. And nothing happened during the break up and she is really sad that I keep bringing it up and that I dont believe her after all these years. she offered to hand over all her passwords and have an app to forward all her texts. I refused and said thats not me I dont do control freak ****, If a person welling to have something deemed as cheating or disrespecting then they shouldn't be in my life and I will not force it.

She was shocked that I turned down the offer. rest was just her reassuring me that this will never happen again she just had replace of judgment and she needed a break to sort out her emotions and feelings since she never experienced such a real and deep relationship/ life style

[Ash_cad]

She is also having grave concerns about you. The "card" you mention that she pulls...the "I can't do this relationship etc". It's not a card. It's not BS. She's truly at breaking point but doesn't have the courage or self worth to leave you. If the two of you are fighting as much as you say, of course she'd be having second thoughts about the relationship. She'd be a fool to not have reservations.

 

She's got one foot out the door.

 

 

While I agree that she has a foot out the door

yesterday she assured she never means it when she say it and she always come back and apologize and she always say it out of frustration

and it will never happen again

 

 

But man I still feel she is hiding something from me that happened during those 6 months. and its killing me

[NTV]

I think you probably have more options than she does and she doesn't know how to face that.

[basil67]

While I agree that she has a foot out the door

yesterday she assured she never means it when she say it and she always come back and apologize and she always say it out of frustration

and it will never happen again

 

 

But man I still feel she is hiding something from me that happened during those 6 months. and its killing me

 

I reckon she means it at the time of saying it. She changes her mind because she doesn't have the courage to stick with what her gut feeling is telling her.

[Ash_cad]

I think you probably have more options than she does and she doesn't know how to face that.

 

 

Thats been established from day one! however she knows I want her not interested in other options

[Ash_cad]

I reckon she means it at the time of saying it. She changes her mind because she doesn't have the courage to stick with what her gut feeling is telling her.

 

Still confusing. So her gut feelings telling her she needs to walk away ?