Not quite

[TooRational]

I always felt "in between" in my life. Like I don't belong anywhere. It seems to be a recurring theme. Some example.

 

Not quite a geek. Love The Matrix, mythbusters, tech, etc. But not mangas, comic books, cosplay, etc.

Not quite a nerd. 4.0/4.33 GPA in engineering but not into Star Trek. Very good with computers but no super nerdy passions.

Not quite introvert nor extrovert. I'm an ambivert.

Not quite generation X nor a millenial. Born in 78, basically between these two generations.

Not quite intellectual. I have an intellectual job but I love doing stuff with my hands on weekends (e.g. renovations).

Not quite smart enough. IQ above average but probably not enough for Mensa.

Not quite top tier in sports. Never got picked last in a team. Typically in the top 25% but never among the bests.

Not quite sociable enough. Usually at ease with lots of (familiar) people but not comfortable making the first move to talk to strangers.

Not quite sure in which social circle I fit in. I have nerdy friends but I'm not nearly nerdy enough for them. I have "cool" friends but I'm not quite cool enough for them. Bottom line: I don't have many good friends.

Not quite good with girls (yet). LTR of 18 years so I have very little dating experience.

Not quite francophone nor anglophone. My native tongue is French but I married an anglophone and I now feel more at ease talking/thinking in English about emotional/personal stuff (like this).

Not quite good enough for my ex-wife. Good enough for 18 years but not more.

Not quite "secure" enough. I had a good 6 months run with my recent ex but she left me because of my insecurities in the relationship (my attachment style is anxious).

Not quite "chill" enough. Some people find me calm and patient, yet my recent ex said that I'm the most stressed person she has known.

Not quite shared kids custody. In theory 50/50 but in practice, my ex is suicidal and often can't take care of the kids as planned. Lots of last minute changes. Not easy to date in these circumstances.

 

Not sure what my point is. I think that I'm missing a tribe. I need to belong to a group. I'm jealous of people that have a close-knit group of old friends that get together on a regular basis. I miss that from high school (I'm 38!)

 

Will I ever fit in? On one hand I enjoy being able to relate to lots of people because I have diverse interests. On the other, it's getting depressing to feel like I never belong.

 

Thanks for reading my rant.

[basil67]

You may feel like you're not good enough, but this list reads like a humble brag.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be grateful for all that you're good at. Many would give much to have the skills you have

[TooRational]

Yes, i should have left out a few things. I feel bad about it now, I wish I could edit it. I didn't mean to brag but wanted to be honest with what I felt. Two separations in one year is really taking a toll and I miss having a good social circle.

 

I'm hopeful for the future but I'm having a rough patch.

Edited October 12, 2016 by TooRational

[basil67]

Yes, i should have left out a few things. I feel bad about it now, I wish I could edit it. I didn't mean to brag but wanted to be honest with what I felt. Two separations in one year is really taking a toll and I miss having a good social circle.

 

I'm hopeful for the future but I'm having a rough patch.

 

So focus on all those things you are good at and use them to ground yourself.

 

Truth be told, very few of us are elite at anything in life. If you can only see success in being elite, you'll always be up for failure. Take pride in what you do well but be kind to yourself. Nobody is perfect.