In need of help

[Angie]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we've known each other about three years. We started off great and then when we finally made our relationship "official" things went a bit down hill. Lately we've been fighting and hes just become the type of person "its going to be my way or its over". I've been in two bad relationships over the past years and this one has a lot of hope but I don't know what to do about all the fighting. We fight about stupid things, and its all mainly a heavy trust issue. I've been messed over in my last two relationships so bad I haven't been able to fully gain trust back for another person. Its becoming hard because he doesn't seem to be there helping and supporting me through this anymore. I can't do this by myself and I don't know where to start. And lately hes been making me feel as though he wants to leave me and like he has someone else in mind (maybe I'm just paranoid). I also have been getting upset lately because just recently for the first time since we've gotten serious hes wanting to go to parties and raves without me. I don't know if i'm getting upset for the wrong reasons. I just don't feel its right to go to parties and raves where there are going to be other females after him. Hes an extremly attractive guy. I guess I'm worried about him cheating on me so much because thats all that ever happened in my other two relationships. I can't get over that and I keep comparing the guy I'm with to the X's. I also worry a lot about where he is and what hes doing and with who hes doing it with. There is too much that upsets me to list but thats the main part of it. Can someone help? Anyone have some trust advice? I feel a bit dumb posting this message but maybe someone can help.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Angie

 

You should talk to this guy and if he doesn't change leave him.

 

He sounds like a disrespectful jerk who just wants to fly around and doesn't give a stuff about you. Maybe he just wants some pretty model type to show off..well let him!..he doesn't deserve you

 

(1) He wants to party without you

 

(2) He has changed since you went official

 

(3) You fight over trivial things implying poor communication

 

(4) He acts like he wants to leave

 

It sounds like you are feeling a little needy too and are afraid of losing him and determined to make this work. Save yourself the heartache and make lots of new friends until the right man comes along. Don't worry, not all are like him.

[Ed]

Your boyfriend's "my way or the highway" attitude stinks! He needs to come off of it real quick. Long term relationships are built upon the ability by both individuals to settle their differences in a mutually agreed manner. That means sometimes each of you will have to give in. Insisting on having ones way all the time will not work.

 

Your problems with trust are not helping things any. Your boyfriend is not responsible for what has happened to you in past relationships and he is not your therapist or counselor. Don't try to make him responsible for helping you get over your past.

 

You say your guy is "extremely attractive". That's good! Be glad that he is attractive and take comfort in the fact that he is your boyfriend. If you can't do that then you need to get a less attractive boyfriend.

 

You cannot stop him or any other guy from cheating on you, if that is what they are inclined to do. All you can do is be the best girlfriend you can be. Keeping a short leash will not do a bit of good. If anything, it will only foster your insecurities and drive him further away.

 

You should not feel dumb for feeling insecure. Disappointed, disgusted, fed up - maybe. But, they are your feelings. Don't blame him for your feelings. He does not give them to you or take them away from you. You own them and you can get rid of them.