Sweetgirl28 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 So, this is the second time in 1.5 years that I get dumped out of the blue in a seemingly good relationship. I met this guy online. We hit it off almost immediately. He had some issues with the divorce of his parents growing up but I tried to be warm and loving towards him. We went on trips together, we hung out, we had great sex, long and meaningful conversations, etc etc. Then all of a sudden he sent me a break up text yesterday because I hadn't sent him a message yet and it was already 2 pm... I tried to call him twice. No response. He called later on last night saying "he doesn't know". The conversation progressed into "I don't allow myself to have feelings for you" and "you freaked me out the other day on our one trip so I don't know" (I honestly hadn't done anything, just given him a comment on his driving and not in a bad way at all) He promised he would give me my stuff back and call me again tonight (don't know why???) This completely blindsided me as all was perfectly well the day before. I don't understand this sudden change of mind. This is the second time it is happening to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 This completely blindsided me as all was perfectly well the day before. I don't understand this sudden change of mind. This is the second time it is happening to me. Don't make it a third. Cut all contact with him and change his number in your phone to Tosser so it reminds you not to pick up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Don't make it a third. Cut all contact with him and change his number in your phone to Tosser so it reminds you not to pick up. It's difficult to do but at the same time, he hasn't texted me as he usually does. I guess this is really over and I don't know why. I keep hearing excuses, not reasons. It makes me wonder if I will ever find a good partner. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 It's difficult to do but at the same time, he hasn't texted me as he usually does. I guess this is really over and I don't know why. I keep hearing excuses, not reasons. It makes me wonder if I will ever find a good partner. When the OP (or the 'dumper' as most people would refer to them as), brings out a variety of excuses rather than actual, genuine reasons, I feel it's because they are either hiding something or there is a more deeper meaning to their decision. I feel regardless, especially if the B/U was so sudden, you're definitely entitled to atleast have some sort of knowledge as to why their actions were how they were. Otherwise it just leaves us lost, confused and hurt. Like you are obviously feeling. But do no despair, you will of course find a good partner, in time. 'We go through the worst to get to the best' - that's a phrase I hear quite commonly and I feel this definitely suits under your situation. It'll take time, effort and in a lot of cases unnecessary love and affection, but when you eventually find it, you will keep it and it will be perpetual to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 It's difficult to do but at the same time, he hasn't texted me as he usually does. I guess this is really over and I don't know why. I keep hearing excuses, not reasons. It makes me wonder if I will ever find a good partner. You and me both but does it really matter? Far better to be single and be able to go out and look than be stuck with a guy that keeps ditching you for no apparent reason. Sod that! Who cares if he phones or texts. There is nothing more for him to say. He is unreliable, flakey, confused and not for you. Go find someone who does love you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dave54321 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 The replies on this thread pretty much exemplify this forum. It's full of bitter, twisted individuals whose sole interest is making you feel the same misery they're feeling. Hope things work out OP but, if I were you, seek advice well away from these kind of places. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 The replies on this thread pretty much exemplify this forum. It's full of bitter, twisted individuals whose sole interest is making you feel the same misery they're feeling. Hope things work out OP but, if I were you, seek advice well away from these kind of places. Enlighten me in my comment above and anyone else's comment that justifies what you've just said? Don't be a hypocrite. You took the liberty yourself to make an account on here and post a thread in the B/U section about your OWN situation. As evident as it shows, what was said there is what anyone, outside in reality or on an online forum would say to you. Just because you're in-denial yourself and can't admit certain things in relation to your own situation, doesn't mean that other people won't. The main point of this entire forum is for people to express their own experiences and give advice when suitable and necessary to a certain post or thread. This is a forum that helps and guides people, not to ridicule and neglect. Don't like what we say? wallow in self-pity then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 I'm not sure what to think. How is it possible to be lovey dovey one minute and completely ignoring the other person, not wanting anything to do with them the next?? For no reason at all! I would somehow understand if there had been a big fight or we found out we are too different to get along but this was out of nowhere! Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I'm not sure what to think. How is it possible to be lovey dovey one minute and completely ignoring the other person, not wanting anything to do with them the next?? For no reason at all! I would somehow understand if there had been a big fight or we found out we are too different to get along but this was out of nowhere! There's many reasons. Loss of affection, unrequited love, another woman/man, 'finding themselves'... there's an endless amount of stories which may suit your current situation. The main thing is, when this often occurs, you must understand if it is one of the above, there is nothing you can do to make them feel how you feel for them. They'll need to figure that out for themselves. Not often I enjoy saying 'give up' and 'move on' because it's so cliche, but it's beneficial in the end. Because you'll have two outcomes: 1) he'll potentially return, you'll both be ready 2) he does not, but you are able to be dependent without him and find someone else in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 When the OP (or the 'dumper' as most people would refer to them as), brings out a variety of excuses rather than actual, genuine reasons, I feel it's because they are either hiding something or there is a more deeper meaning to their decision. I feel regardless, especially if the B/U was so sudden, you're definitely entitled to atleast have some sort of knowledge as to why their actions were how they were. Otherwise it just leaves us lost, confused and hurt. Like you are obviously feeling. But do no despair, you will of course find a good partner, in time. 'We go through the worst to get to the best' - that's a phrase I hear quite commonly and I feel this definitely suits under your situation. It'll take time, effort and in a lot of cases unnecessary love and affection, but when you eventually find it, you will keep it and it will be perpetual to you. Actually this is the second time in a little over a year that this has happened. The exact same scenario! Everything is well. They plan on taking the relationship to the next level, and then all of a sudden a break up follows without an explanation. Just some excuses like "I don't have feelings for you anymore" or "my career is a bigger priority right now" or "I thought I was ready to commit but I'm not". It is slowly pushing me into a depression though. I already stayed home from work today since I didn't sleep all night and I feel sick in my stomach. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 This completely blindsided me as all was perfectly well the day before. I don't understand this sudden change of mind. This is the second time it is happening to me. It's not a sudden change on mind. Dumpers often are contemplating an ending long before the ending actually happens. So he didn't just wake up one morning choosing to end it. He's likely been thinking, planning, pondering about it months ago and finally came to a point of conclusion. And while they are thinking about it, they're still going through the motions and pretending as if everything is okay. They have to play the part while they decide what they need to do. This is why you feel blindsided. I think he's given you a bunch of excuses, pinning it on you to shift it off him and place accountability on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 The replies on this thread pretty much exemplify this forum. It's full of bitter, twisted individuals whose sole interest is making you feel the same misery they're feeling. Hope things work out OP but, if I were you, seek advice well away from these kind of places. How exactly is empathising and encouraging someone to find a better quality of man who will not keep dumping her and causing all this hurt and anguish negative exactly? I'm not sure what to think. How is it possible to be lovey dovey one minute and completely ignoring the other person, not wanting anything to do with them the next?? For no reason at all! I would somehow understand if there had been a big fight or we found out we are too different to get along but this was out of nowhere! Sweetgirl. Some people (men and women) are just like this. They go all out for short periods of time (read anything up to a year as short) then like a magician they disappear off or dump their partners for no reason at all other than they fancied a change. They probably know its not what they want so they fake it for a bit then boom, they drop it on you from no where. As horrible as it is that is how it is and quite frankly after he has treated you so badly he should not be on your list of priorities right now. You should be your top priority. He has done it twice, if you let him back he will do it again. Time to rip that plaster off and get on with it so you can have a better chance of finding someone better for you. Listen to what has been said. He actually means it. You are not on his list of priorities you are a mere distraction when he has time. Do not give any time or head space to men who treat you as though you are disposable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Sweetgirl. Some people (men and women) are just like this. They go all out for short periods of time (read anything up to a year as short) then like a magician they disappear off or dump their partners for no reason at all other than they fancied a change. They probably know its not what they want so they fake it for a bit then boom, they drop it on you from no where. As horrible as it is that is how it is and quite frankly after he has treated you so badly he should not be on your list of priorities right now. You should be your top priority. He has done it twice, if you let him back he will do it again. Time to rip that plaster off and get on with it so you can have a better chance of finding someone better for you. Listen to what has been said. He actually means it. You are not on his list of priorities you are a mere distraction when he has time. Do not give any time or head space to men who treat you as though you are disposable. Actually, this is the first time he has dumped me. The other time was another guy whom I was even engaged to. This relationship has only lasted about 6 months. I don't understand the excuses he has given me though. "The relationship is not progressing" (we have only been exclusive for 3-4 months so not sure what progress here means) "I am not allowing myself to have feelings for you" "I thought I was ready for a commitment, but I'm not" and the list goes on! It just hurts me so much because I know for a fact I haven't done anything wrong here. Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I don't understand the excuses he has given me though. "The relationship is not progressing" (we have only been exclusive for 3-4 months so not sure what progress here means) "I am not allowing myself to have feelings for you" "I thought I was ready for a commitment, but I'm not" and the list goes on! It just hurts me so much because I know for a fact I haven't done anything wrong here. They are just excuses. The fact is he doesn't want to continue with you. If it's any consolation, at least it didn't drag out for years like some unfortunate folks here. Not that you did anything wrong, but if you notice a pattern, perhaps try to find the similarities with these men? Were they rebounding? Are they all "damaged" victims of some trauma? Maybe give yourself some clues as to the true availability of these men you dated and see if you can't pick something a bit different next time! I hope you feel better soon! Link to post Share on other sites
malebroken Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 In my experience always out the blue. My ex last dumped me 4weeks before our wedding day , the day after we paid it all off. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I'm not sure what to think. How is it possible to be lovey dovey one minute and completely ignoring the other person, not wanting anything to do with them the next?? For no reason at all! I would somehow understand if there had been a big fight or we found out we are too different to get along but this was out of nowhere! That's because his feelings were fake. If he were in love with you this wouldn't be happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Actually, this is the first time he has dumped me. The other time was another guy whom I was even engaged to. This relationship has only lasted about 6 months. I don't understand the excuses he has given me though. "The relationship is not progressing" (we have only been exclusive for 3-4 months so not sure what progress here means) "I am not allowing myself to have feelings for you" "I thought I was ready for a commitment, but I'm not" and the list goes on! It just hurts me so much because I know for a fact I haven't done anything wrong here. TBH with you all of the above is code for: I'm seeing someone else or I've met someone else I want to date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 My guess is that after getting to know you over the past couple of months he has seen some sort of incompatibility so ended it. Simple as. I have done it, men have done it to me. Its not a major issue. Its life. Fact is he is not all that into you so no point getting stressed about it. It is not written in stone that all men must want to marry us. Concentrate on you. Concentrate on getting yourself into a confident and emotionally secure state. Link to post Share on other sites
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