Was it all just an unwritten book

[JamJam2016]

I know I have become the other women the bad person the out cast the one everyone judges, hates, talks bad about.. I never seen this coming but I am completely and totally head over heels in love with someone else's husband?!?! I don't know what is wrong with me? Obviously this is wrong in so many ways so why can't I just stop it why can't I just stop caring about him and constantly wishing things were different?

 

Why can't I stop answering the phone when he calls? Why do we fit together so perfectly? It's not fair he is seriously my missing piece.. He keeps saying he is getting divorced but I honestly feel like he is lying about it and over the past two weeks he has spent less and less time with me and hasn't been spending as many nights here either. He says it's bc he has a lot going on and he is trying to move all of his stuff or convince her to move and she is constantly threatening him (telling him she will burn down the house if he doesn't come home or she will knock over his motorcycle or something it's always something)..

 

I am sad bc I hate seeing him go through all of this and I want to make everything better for him but I can't and it's killing me! I want to be close to him I want to spend more time with him and I hate it when he goes home which is so wrong of me.well tonight we got in an argument bc he keeps asking me to come to his house instead but I feel like that is a bad idea. He actually got mad enough at me to tell me he is out. I am guessing that is his way of ending things with me.. so now I am sitting here crying over someone else's husband!?!?! I feel lost and completely alone no one understands me and like I just lost my best friend in the world!

 

Is it really over was I really just living a fantasy life.? Was it all a dream? I mean I believed him when he said he loved me and when he talked about our plans and about living together and how our kids would handle it.. was it all just made up stories? Just an unwritten book?

 

Why am I so hurt by him ending something that should have never started???

Edited October 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[l8estnews]

Because no matter how horrible affair is, how horrible of a person you are in the eyes of society, you are just a person who fell in love. Yes, your mistake is accepting and letting yourself in this mess but after all has been said and done, you are in love with this man and you are hurting.

 

NOW: Since we are human beings (Animals who have capacity to think, rationalize, and ponder) will you let yourself be moved based on your emotions alone? Or are you going to follow what you KNOW is right and basically choose to endure the pain towards healing?

[Forever broken]

I will post a short version of my story.

 

I fell in love with my coworker who claimed he was so unhappy and was getting a divorce. Not only did he throw me under the bus to save himself, but he put all the blame on me. The same person who was so in love with me, cried when going home because he wanted to stay in my arms forever, planned lunch dates and oh yeah met my mom.

 

That same person walks pass me everytime at work like we are strangers. He's never met me before according to history he rewrote. I was fortunate to have my parents, my friends and even 2 previous ex boyfriends to lean on. Even with that I still couldn't cope.

 

 

Is best to stay away from him now. He's gonna string you along and discard you like a used tissue. Take time and read through the forum. Most of the stories are similar. I wish you all the best.

 

Sorry that wasn't short.

[NTV]

You could always tell his wife the truth....

[Midwestmissy]

People who are unhappy in their marriages leave every day. No one can make a person stay in a marriage. He's staying married because HE wants to. Sounds like he's playing games with your emotions. That's not how a best friend behaves.

 

I'm the bw. The other woman believed everything my wh told her about me, the marriage, his finances. You can't have a passionate affair with someone who doesn't believe your stories. My wh told me that the 2 things he liked about the mow were that she'd sleep with him and she believed everything he told her. It's all he required. And guess what? He believed what she told him too. It was a hot mess. And their love didn't conquer all. Because it wasn't love, it was a chess game involving a lot of unknowing people - and kids. No winners.

 

If you're in this much pain, it's not a good relationship. How long has this been going on? You need to love yourself more than you love your illusion of him. He's no prince, he's playing 2 women against each other. Do you think he will stand up and have your back when he's doing this to the mother of his children? This isn't about you being a bad person - this is about his lousy character and your attraction to it. Please see him for what he is and run away.

[aileD]

You don't have to let go forever.

 

Just until the divorce is final.

 

A few chapters from know you'll know if it was all a lie.

 

Sadly, most of the time these books have the same ending and it's usually in favor of the marriage.

 

Actions are important (actions like leaving, not like finding more ways to sneak around, not like fighting). Words mean nothing.

[BluesPower]

First off you need to lighten up on yourself.

 

You fell in love, it was kind of stupid. If it make you feel better, and it man not, He was not in love with you even though it felt like he was. But like Allie said, if he gets a D and comes back to you, he may be in love, but it is highly unlikely.

 

But, you don't want to be the rebound girl. And now you know not to get involved with a married man, because most will lie like dogs to get laid.

 

You will heal over time. Just take this as learning experience and move on.

 

You will find a single guy that will actually love you, and that is where you want to be.

 

Just breath and heal, you will be fine.

[sandylee1]

True love isn't meant to hurt like this. When it does, you have a problem.

 

Her alleged threats of arson ought to be taken to the police, especially as they have children. I wouldn't stay in a marriage where my spouse made such threats.

 

He's there because he wants to be.

[ladydesigner]

I know I have become the other women the bad person the out cast the one everyone judges, hates, talks bad about.. I never seen this coming but I am completely and totally head over heels in love with someone else's husband?!?! I don't know what is wrong with me? Obviously this is wrong in so many ways so why can't I just stop it why can't I just stop caring about him and constantly wishing things were different?

 

Why can't I stop answering the phone when he calls? Why do we fit together so perfectly? It's not fair he is seriously my missing piece.. He keeps saying he is getting divorced but I honestly feel like he is lying about it and over the past two weeks he has spent less and less time with me and hasn't been spending as many nights here either. He says it's bc he has a lot going on and he is trying to move all of his stuff or convince her to move and she is constantly threatening him (telling him she will burn down the house if he doesn't come home or she will knock over his motorcycle or something it's always something)..

 

I am sad bc I hate seeing him go through all of this and I want to make everything better for him but I can't and it's killing me! I want to be close to him I want to spend more time with him and I hate it when he goes home which is so wrong of me.well tonight we got in an argument bc he keeps asking me to come to his house instead but I feel like that is a bad idea. He actually got mad enough at me to tell me he is out. I am guessing that is his way of ending things with me.. so now I am sitting here crying over someone else's husband!?!?! I feel lost and completely alone no one understands me and like I just lost my best friend in the world!

 

Is it really over was I really just living a fantasy life.? Was it all a dream? I mean I believed him when he said he loved me and when he talked about our plans and about living together and how our kids would handle it.. was it all just made up stories? Just an unwritten book?

 

Why am I so hurt by him ending something that should have never started???

 

Oh I believe it, when my WH was misbehaving I broke all kinds of his glass breakables (worth up to $5,000) when I discovered he was having an A. I don't blame her one bit and if she doesn't know I'm sure her gut is screaming at her. You don't act this way for no reason!

[Ahurtgirl]

I wish you wouldn't be going through this. I have felt the same pain and sorrow. I still do. Know you are not alone. My xMM even proposed to me and gave me a diamond ring. I wasn't ready at the time he did and then when I was ready he had decided he wanted to stay in his marriage but then I had fallen in love with him. 4.5 years later (we saw each other many times a week and talk/texted non stop pretty much the entire time but had a few outs that only lasted a few days) and he dropped me the day his wife found out. For a guy who once proposed to me and promised to find a way for us to be happy together to drop me like I had never meant anything to him goes to show thar if they are married, all it ends with is heartbreak and pain. If you can, save yourself future pain and if he comes back, walk away. Married men rarely leave their wife!!!

[ladydesigner]

I wish you wouldn't be going through this. I have felt the same pain and sorrow. I still do. Know you are not alone. My xMM even proposed to me and gave me a diamond ring. I wasn't ready at the time he did and then when I was ready he had decided he wanted to stay in his marriage but then I had fallen in love with him. 4.5 years later (we saw each other many times a week and talk/texted non stop pretty much the entire time but had a few outs that only lasted a few days) and he dropped me the day his wife found out. For a guy who once proposed to me and promised to find a way for us to be happy together to drop me like I had never meant anything to him goes to show thar if they are married, all it ends with is heartbreak and pain. If you can, save yourself future pain and if he comes back, walk away. Married men rarely leave their wife!!!

 

I'm sorry for the pain all around but do you realize how silly it is for a MM to be proposing?

[JamJam2016]

What if his wife already knows? She has seen all of our texts and pictures and has full proof of what he is doing? Does that make me even worse? I mean I am glad she knows bc I would want to know if it was the other way around but yet it has to be killing her inside the way it is me right?? I am going to be completely honest here and hope I can't get into trouble for posting this part online but there is another factor in my tangled up tragic story and that is we have all been dealing with an addiction (why/how we met) to meth. I know it's terrible but it's true and I have heard a lot of people do cheat when they are on drugs which I never knew and never thought of doing but I have looked it up online and it seems to be true. My mm is also my "dude" so it makes this even messier! I have lost every single one of my friends over it and everyone is calling me names behind my back which I can accept bc well I can't deny what they are saying but it still hurts.. my mms and I both want to get clean and he says he is going to and that he is getting divorced either way bc he want to get his son back and the only way he can is to be away from her (they have a long story). I want to get clean and go live a happy life again bc trust me this is not a happy life at all but I am terrified and I am all alone now. No support no friends nothing and no one except him.. I of course have my kids but I can't lean on them to get through this and I don't even want to put them through me going through all of this (if that makes sense). With that all being said I do always put my kids first they are not suffering or doing without at all.. I feel like a horrible person and a horrible mom bc of all of this and I honestly don't know how to make things right again. I feel lost and alone and broken.. like the whole world hates and wants to pull me down, my whole family judges me and I don't even feel comfortable at home anymore.. I just wish it would all end..

[1111volcano]

Well go get your self clean and maybe you will have your family back in your life. And your children doesn't need a mom thats hooked on meth. You need to worry about children services on your ass that they don't find out, they would take them in a second!! It seems that your not worried about them your worried about YOURSELF and YOUR needs. If your MM goes back to his wife then so be it, you have responsibilities at your own place. Time to put your kids before yourself not MM before your kids!!

[aileD]

Honey.

Please see that in order for you to get healthy and kick this addiction: you can't be with him. You can't be with ANYONE.

 

You need to be with YOU and you only. You need to focus on your recovery and that's it. Nothing else. You will only get clean for yourself.

 

Even if he gets clean too, he's still a threat to sobriety. You have a habit with him. You need to break away from him and your habits and form new habits that rely on no one but YOU

 

Only when you are healthy can you decide to be in a love relationship. And if you are healthy you will chose a healthy relationship. You are not healthy now and thus your decisions are also unhealthy.

 

Do this for you. Please. Meth is awful. You are so much better than that

[winterkeep]

Hi JamJam

 

I think you've received some excellent advice here and I'm so sorry you're going through this pain as well as the pain of your addiction.

 

What do you want for your life? A healthy, addiction free life? A happy, supportive and healthy relationship? Because all of those things are well with in your reach with some work. At the moment you have two separate but compounding issues, each makes the other worse so you need to separate them and deal with one at a time.

 

If I were you (and I acknowledge that I'm not and your priorities may be different ) health and addiction recovery would be foremost. I've seen so much of the devastation caused by meth in my profession and my heart goes out to you and all those who love you. I don't want to 'lecture' you on your addiction, it's not why you reached out; but I can't imagine how you will be able to make healthy relationship decisions whilst under the influence of this cruelly horrific drug.

 

It doesn't sound as though MM is consistent in his treatment of you, take his pulling away as a blessing. I don't believe that affairs of any time are emotionally healthy but in your case the damage is amplified by your shared addiction.

 

Please seek help JamJam, it is out there.